Stardate: Supplemental

When the Pakled ship Mondor rolls into the neighborhood, most spacefarers laugh, taking the husky-bodied, child-faced, simple-speaking Pakleds to be fools. And when it comes to words and reading behavior in others, the Pakleds definitely come up short. But Captain Grebnedlog is the fastest draw west of Qo'noS, catching Klingons and Romulans off-guard and stealing their better tech for themselves. Can Volkov get the better of Grebnedlog? Do Klingons find New Orleans boils to be proper warrior banquets? Why does Sisko only have camp stoves? Raise shields, Pakleds are coming!

System J-25 is Nowheresville, which is why one particularly unusually mellow Borg cube was sent to assimilate anything found there. Lucky for them, who comes along but the USS Enterprise. Now they could show the Collective their real potential! That is, after they manage to get rid of that loser Larry of Five. What's with Riker's dramatic wall poses? Could the Hood survive a cube? Exactly how did Bones end up with Q having a crush on him? Red alert, the Borg are coming!

Like any other Romulan vessel, the Haakona is all business up front and party in the back. Sub-commander Taris just wants to get through another day violating the Neutral Zone with square shoulder pads, but the Federation just won't give her a break. Meanwhile, the Haakona's engineering team are running a speakeasy in the ship's superstructure to deal with the stress of being randomly displaced through time literally all the time. Kyle's collecting toy starships, and Conrad wants to know what the gagh is like in Klingon farmers markets. Brace for impact, it's a Romulan first!

Being the proud owner of the largest mustache in Starfleet isn't enough to prevent Captain Donald Varley from getting the USS Yamato destroyed in the Neutral Zone a mere 10 days after assuming command due to an obsession with amateur space archaeology. Did we mention it was the Enterprise's sister ship and one of the most expensive vessels in the fleet? Way to go, Donny boy. Is Klingon Etsy a good Etsy or the best Etsy? How many dress models are acceptable for Romulans to choose from? Why do the O'Briens argue over dinner when they could replicate separate dishes? Find the escape pods, because Donald's dragging us all to Sto-vo-kor.

Starfleet needed a new starbase now that the Romulan Neutral Zone is heating up, and Big Carpet has continued to keep their fingers deeply hooked in the requisition process, so what do we get? Starbase 173, with some of the worst-carpeted hallway cafes in Starfleet. But at least it's got racist science officers and an emotionally distant vice admiral. The station's only saving grace might be Phillipa Louisa, J to the P's old flame and ex-prosecutor. Yikes! She's fierce and in charge, with business hair and party lipstick. What's with all these mono-biome planets? How hot is a Vulcan's nutsack? Hold on because we're doing some Dane McMurphy deep cuts!

Riker is taking an internship on the IKS Pagh to make up for some missing Academy credits and he's a bit overeager to improve Klingon/Human "relations". He'd better hope he's been keeping his bones strong, because Vekma the "Klingon lady Riker" of the Pagh has polished her headridge and is ready to show the ship's newest guest a damn good time. Meanwhile, the Brothers Weems want to know if it's a cold open or a soft open, and talk about fans of the show Bob & Kevin of the Bob & Kevin Show. Is Mendon merely an annoying ensign or the most annoying ensign? Can time-travelling actor turned officer Viggo keep up with Klingon keg-stands? Prep your gag reflex because there's a whole pile of live gagh coming your way.

The Darwin Genetic Research Station is hell-bent on making Kahn 3.0 wearing a neon onesie. Is it the clashing colors that are distracting Starfleet from catching on? Doc Kingsley and her fellow ultra-racist eugenics BFFs are all now aging rapidly as their eerie adult-looking kids kill them with weird immune systems and intense eye contact. If that wasn't bad enough, the Brothers Weems have so many uncomfortable questions about holodecks and insertion. It's the episode with a record-breaking use of the word 'cheesesteak'. Check it out!

After over 70 years of running supply missions, the Miranda-class cruiser USS Lantree might consider having its crew dying from "geriatric symptoms" and being blown up as a merciful death. It's not easy being in the second-worst class of starships in Starfleet. Do Miranda captains trade cocktail recipes to dull the pain? How racey do Vulcan soap operas get, and what's up with Riker's dancing hologram girls? Watch out, Captain Volkov is back with the IKV Targh for some space drug mischief!

The Erstwhile might be a class 9 sublight cargo freighter using the same studio model as half the freighters in the Star Trek universe with a lonely crew of one, but when that crew member is none other than the outrageous Okona, you know you're in for a good time. Do Klingons ever have man buns? Does bad boy Jake have what it takes to be an acting ensign? Can the USS Hood handle Lt. Robinson's non-nonsense attitude and highly reflective lip gloss? Watch out! It's an episode we kept under 80 minutes!

Captain Taggert of the USS Repulse should be overjoyed when Doc Pulaski high-tails it for the Enterprise, but he's already wrapping a bow on a shuttlecraft to get her back. Is it Stockholm syndrome? Do the Excelsior-class ship captains have their own mailing list? What happens when Admiral "Old As Balls" Bones takes over as the Hood's CMO? And Kalas is pregnant? Buckle up, it's going to get crusty and awkward.