Sam just can't resist giving computer access to any rando that wants it. At least Teal'c is there holding the Big Gun with his big guns for protection. Meanwhile, Jack's off having dreams about two Sams.

Fun Fact: This episode is the winner of Canada's prestigious Most Dramatic MALP and Satellite Deployment Scenes That Fill Time award.

Earth people: Like us, even though we woke up all your deadliest enemies and bring guns to peaceful negotiations!

Everyone: No.

Earth people: How could you betray us like this?

Everyone: Because you woke up all our deadliest enemies and bring guns to peaceful negotiations.

PWalter's caught getting coffee when sh*t goes down in the gate room. Siler manages to avoid injury for once. Daniel is very bad at stealthy rescue missions, but fortunately Teal'c's got it covered. No thanks to Jack who hesitates to act if it jeopardizes SG1, even though action could have saved millions of lives...

FRTS finds a not-at-all-silent-but-deadly gas that can power the gate enough to bring the crew home. But if there is anything wrong, surely our buddy, Shep, will figure it out.

We discuss the logistics of keeping horses 26 stories underground. How many horses can you fit down there? Do they get to go to the surface to graze? How well do they fit on the elevators? How smelly is it? Also there's some lovers' spats but those are less interesting than the horses.

There's negotiations and trade and surprises and betrayal, but most importantly there's Chief Miles Edward O'Brian! Nice!

A billionaire builds an Asgard! Thor is actually available for once! Mary is cool with being a Borg if it improves her marathon time!

We spend more time talking about dip, Steves, and montages than is probably reasonable. There's some Stargate stuff in there too.

What catches more attention than a gold forehead tattoo? Being a giant man dressed like you just stepped out of the 70s and taking down a bunch of thugs with a large audience of bystanders. In other news, Pete used his stalking skills for good this time.

We're gonna go out on a limb here, but we're pretty anti-suicide and anti-child-labor. Thankfully the SG Atlantis team is too.