You think you can take me? Well go ahead on and watch this stinker from Greydon Clark.

"Final Justice" (1984) is a film that occupies a peculiar space in the action genre, and how much you'll enjoy it hinges heavily on your tolerance for low-budget absurdity. At the center of this bizarre movie is Joe Don Baker's portrayal of Thomas Jefferson Geronimo, a tough-as-nails Texas cop who, unfortunately, ends up being more laughable than intimidating. Baker’s Geronimo feels like a caricature of every 1980s action hero, but without the charisma or the compelling edge needed to pull it off. Instead, we're left with a character that stumbles through the movie with more groans than grins.

The action sequences, intended to be thrilling, often border on the ridiculous, with character decisions that are so baffling they verge on parody. Whether it's Geronimo's relentless pursuit of criminals across Europe or the frequent and illogical shootouts, the film constantly challenges the suspension of disbelief. And yet, these moments might be where some viewers find their entertainment—if you're into movies that are so bad they’re good, this could be your thing.

Unfortunately, much of the film is bogged down by long stretches of tedium, where plot elements are repeated to the point of exhaustion. What might have been intended as humorous instead feels like a never-ending loop of dullness. The narrative itself is a mess, a baffling mix of cop clichés and bizarre plot twists that don't seem to lead anywhere meaningful.

In the end, "Final Justice" is a movie that might appeal to a niche audience who enjoys dissecting and mocking bad cinema. But for most, it’s likely to be an exercise in patience. If you have a taste for the absurdly bad and can appreciate it for its sheer ridiculousness, there might be something here for you. Otherwise, you may find yourself wishing for a more competent action flick.

A great movie if you're part of the "under the sweater/over the bra" crowd, but even they won't remember that they saw it.

Tarot (2024) is an absolute masterclass in how not to make a horror movie unless you are just providing background noise for teenagers to make out. If you ever wondered what happens when you throw every horror cliché, plot hole, and half-baked character motivation into a blender, this is it. The result is a film so dumb and poorly thought out that it almost circles back around to being entertaining—for all the wrong reasons.

From the get-go, Tarot feels like a checklist of horror tropes. Creepy old woman? Check. Spooky house? Check. Jump scares every five minutes? Double check. It’s as if the writers Googled "horror clichés" and decided to use every single one, especially stealing from Evil Dead and Final Destination. But that’s not even the worst of it. The plot is an incoherent mess, with gaping holes large enough to drive a truck through. Characters make baffling decisions with motivations that seem to change depending on the scene—or, more likely, on the whims of whoever was holding the pen that day.

The acting? Let’s just say that calling it appalling might be too kind. Every line is delivered with the enthusiasm of someone who just realized they left the oven on at home. The humor, if you can call it that, is cringeworthy at best. It feels like the movie is trying desperately to be self-aware, but instead, it comes off as painfully awkward.

And yet... there’s something about Tarot that makes it oddly watchable, at least for certain audiences. If you’re a fan of bad movies, you’ll probably find some enjoyment in how ridiculous it all is. It’s also the perfect flick for teenagers looking for an excuse to make out in the back row of the theater while pretending to watch the screen.

In short, Tarot is a trainwreck of a horror film, but if you enjoy watching a disaster unfold, you might just find yourself entertained—for all the wrong reasons.

The Lucio Fulci movie that more people should be talking about may just be so weird its good?

"Conquest" is one of those bizarre gems that defies logic, reason, and possibly all known laws of filmmaking. From the opening frame, you're catapulted into a world where absolutely nothing makes sense—and that's the beauty of it. The plot (if you can call it that) revolves around two warriors, Mace and Ilias, who embark on a quest to stop an evil, topless sorceress who wears a metal mask and is clearly compensating for something. Why? Who knows! The movie doesn't bother to explain, and honestly, it doesn't matter.

The action scenes are a special kind of weird. Imagine slow-motion combat sequences where everyone moves like they're underwater, yet somehow, limbs are still getting chopped off left and right. The gore is gratuitous, and I mean gratuity with a capital G. There's blood spraying everywhere, heads getting smashed for no reason, and enough fake entrails to make you wonder if they bought out an entire Halloween store. The nudity? Oh, it's there—just about every 10 minutes, the film throws in a random naked person for no discernible reason other than, well, why not? If you're looking for plot relevance, you're in the wrong movie.

The special effects and costumes are so corny and cheesy that you almost feel like you're watching a live-action cartoon—except way more violent. The monsters look like they were assembled out of leftover Muppets, and the villain’s henchmen wear masks that make them look like rejected extras from a bad '70s sci-fi show. And the music? Imagine a synth-heavy score that somehow makes everything feel both epic and hilariously out of place, like if someone played a disco track during a gladiator battle. It's that level of weirdness.

In the end, "Conquest" is like a fever dream wrapped in a bad acid trip dipped in melted cheese. It's one of those rare films where everything is so bizarrely wrong that it becomes impossibly right. If you love movies that make you question your life choices, while also making you laugh at how absurdly terrible they are, "Conquest" is your golden ticket. Enjoy the ride—you'll never forget it, no matter how hard you try.

Stick around or don't move, but Reb Brown is gonna give you the laughs.

"Robowar" (1988) is a cinematic masterpiece of unintentional hilarity. This unapologetic rip-off of "Predator" is an absolute must-watch for fans of 'so bad it's good' cinema. From the moment Reb Brown graces the screen with his over-the-top action antics and unintentionally comedic acting, you'll be hooked. Brown's performance is a perfect blend of earnestness and absurdity, making every scene he's in a joy to watch.

The plot, if you can call it that, is a shameless copy of "Predator." However, instead of being an edge-of-your-seat thriller, "Robowar" delivers non-stop laughs. The antagonist, "The Hunter," is a laughably awful attempt at creating a menacing villain. With a costume that looks like it was thrown together from spare parts and a performance that can only be described as cartoonish, "The Hunter" is more likely to make you chuckle than cower in fear.

Let's not forget the music. Oh, the music! It's so fantastically bad that it deserves its own standing ovation. The soundtrack seems to be perpetually stuck in the 80s, complete with synth-heavy tracks that feel out of place and add an extra layer of comedy to the film's already ridiculous scenes.

Every moment of "Robowar" is filled with something that will make you laugh out loud, whether it's the wooden dialogue, the nonsensical plot twists, or the sheer audacity of its "Predator" mimicry. This is a movie that fully embraces its B-movie status and offers a viewing experience that's as entertaining as it is unintentionally funny.

If you're in the mood for a film that's so bad it's good, "Robowar" is the perfect choice. Grab some popcorn, gather your friends, and get ready for a night of side-splitting laughter at this gloriously awful gem.

Just because it doesn't have a story or characters or any basis in reality doesn't mean its bad, right?

"Twisters" (2024) is a whirlwind of nostalgic fun that takes you back to the golden era of 90's blockbusters. While it may lack a compelling story, character depth, and a meaningful journey, it's a film that embraces its cheesy charm with gusto. From the first gust of wind to the last dramatic tornado scene, "Twisters" is an exhilarating ride that doesn't take itself too seriously.

The visual effects are stunning, with the twisters themselves serving as the true stars of the show. Each tornado scene is more breathtaking than the last, making you feel like you're right in the middle of the storm. The action sequences are over-the-top in the best possible way, providing plenty of edge-of-your-seat moments that are perfect for popcorn munching.

The film's cast does a commendable job with what they're given, adding to the overall campy appeal. Their performances, coupled with the tongue-in-cheek dialogue, keep the film light and entertaining. It's clear that "Twisters" is meant to be enjoyed for its sheer spectacle and fun factor rather than for any deep, thought-provoking narrative.

In a world where many blockbusters strive for gritty realism and complex plots, "Twisters" is a refreshing throwback to simpler times. It's a love letter to the disaster movies of the 90's, delivering pure cinematic escapism that fans of the genre will adore. If you're looking for a film that's all about high-octane action and nostalgic thrills, "Twisters" is the perfect storm.

"High Concept" apparently means "really stupid and poorly thought out".

Junior (1994) is a film that desperately tries to blend comedy, science fiction, and social commentary but ends up being a tedious and unenjoyable mess. Despite the star power of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, and Emma Thompson, this movie falls flat in nearly every aspect, leaving the audience bored and disappointed.

First and foremost, Junior is painfully boring. The premise of a man becoming pregnant, while initially intriguing, quickly loses its novelty. The plot drags on without any real momentum or excitement. Scenes that are meant to be humorous or touching instead feel forced and uninspired. The pacing is sluggish, and the film fails to maintain any level of engagement, making it a chore to sit through.

Moreover, Junior manages to be offensively tone-deaf to the concept of motherhood. The film's portrayal of pregnancy and childbirth is shallow and insensitive, reducing these profound experiences to mere comedic fodder. The idea of a man experiencing pregnancy could have been an opportunity to explore gender roles and the challenges of motherhood with depth and respect. Instead, the film resorts to cheap jokes and superficial scenarios, trivializing the real struggles and emotions associated with pregnancy.

The supposed comedy in Junior is another significant letdown. The humor is stale and predictable, relying heavily on tired stereotypes and physical gags. Schwarzenegger's attempts at delivering comedic lines are awkward and unconvincing, and even the usually reliable Danny DeVito seems to be going through the motions. Emma Thompson's character, while charming, cannot salvage the weak script and poorly executed jokes. The film fails to elicit genuine laughter, leaving viewers cringing rather than amused.

In conclusion, Junior is a misguided attempt at comedy that misses the mark on multiple levels. It is boring, offensive to the concept of motherhood, and ultimately unfunny. Despite the talented cast, the film's lackluster execution and poor writing make it a forgettable and regrettable viewing experience. Save yourself the time and disappointment and give this movie a pass.

For an 80's boobie movie, this sure does feel wholesome somehow.

"State Park," the 1988 comedy that has quietly garnered a dedicated cult following over the years, stands out as a delightful anomaly in the landscape of 80s teen comedies. This movie, often described as a summer version of the era's quintessential skiing flicks, turns all the expected tropes on their head with a refreshing blend of humor and heart.

What truly sets "State Park" apart is its light and inoffensive approach to comedy. At a time when many of its contemporaries leaned heavily on raunchy and often cringe-inducing jokes, "State Park" opts for a more wholesome brand of humor. The jokes are clever and endearing, making it a perfect watch for those who appreciate a good laugh without the discomfort that often accompanies 80s comedies. This restraint in humor has aged remarkably well, allowing "State Park" to retain its charm and appeal to new generations of viewers.

Set in a picturesque summer camp, the movie channels the energy and antics typically reserved for winter resorts. The camp setting offers a sunny, vibrant backdrop that is both nostalgic and inviting. The film's playful spirit captures the essence of summer fun, making it an ideal escapist flick for those longing for simpler, carefree times.

The plot of "State Park" revolves around a group of teenagers who arrive at the camp looking for a summer of fun, only to find themselves embroiled in a battle to save the park from a greedy developer. The protagonist, Eve, is a determined and resourceful young woman who quickly takes charge of the situation. Alongside her, we have a colorful cast of characters including the charming slacker Lewis, the bumbling park ranger Smite, and the scheming antagonist, Rancwell. Their interactions and misadventures are the heart of the film, as they navigate various comedic obstacles to protect their beloved park.

"State Park" also cleverly subverts many of the 80s staples. The characters, while initially appearing to be the usual stereotypes, reveal surprising depth and development as the story unfolds. The typical jock, nerd, and rebel archetypes are given fresh twists, making them feel more relatable and human. For example, Eve, the strong female lead, breaks away from the usual damsel-in-distress trope by leading the charge against the developer. Rancewell, shows unexpected bravery and cunning when it matters most. The plot, while seemingly predictable, is peppered with unexpected turns and delightful surprises that keep the audience engaged from start to finish.

In addition to its subversive humor and engaging characters, "State Park" boasts a soundtrack that perfectly encapsulates the upbeat, carefree vibe of the 80s. The music, which manages to rip off the song "Oh Yeah" by Yello, adds a playful layer of irony to the film. Moreover, the cheesy appearance by Ted Nugent is a memorable highlight that adds to the film's quirky charm. The music, combined with the vibrant cinematography, creates an immersive experience that transports viewers back to a time of neon colors and big hair.

So this entire movie is just being recounted during a police interrogation? Face it, R.O.T.O.R. is one of the best bad movies there is.

"R.O.T.O.R." is a cinematic gem that defies all conventional standards of quality to deliver an experience so bad it's absolutely good. This 1980s sci-fi action flick is a masterclass in unintentional comedy and bewildering plot choices, making it a must-watch for fans of hilariously awful movies.

From the very first frame, "R.O.T.O.R." sets the tone with its laughably earnest attempt at a futuristic police thriller. The plot, centered around a rogue robotic cop named R.O.T.O.R., is as absurd as it sounds. The storyline is riddled with nonsensical twists and turns, leading to moments of pure, unadulterated confusion that are nothing short of entertaining.

The acting is delightfully wooden, with performances that feel like they were plucked straight out of a high school drama club. Each line delivery is a treasure trove of over-the-top seriousness, adding layers of unintended humor to even the most mundane dialogue. Special mention must go to the film's protagonist, who tackles his role with a level of gravitas that is as impressive as it is misplaced.

Visually, "R.O.T.O.R." is a feast for the eyes in all the wrong ways. The special effects are gloriously dated, with budget constraints clearly evident in every explosion and laser shot. The titular robot itself is a marvel of low-budget ingenuity, with a design that is both comically menacing and endearingly clunky.

The film's soundtrack is the perfect cherry on top of this absurd sundae. Synth-heavy and wildly dramatic, the music sets the perfect tone for every ridiculous action sequence and emotional beat, ensuring that each moment is imbued with a sense of grandeur that the script itself never quite achieves.

In the end, "R.O.T.O.R." is a film that transcends its flaws to become a thoroughly enjoyable experience. It's a testament to the idea that sometimes, the best entertainment comes from the most unexpected places. So gather your friends, grab some popcorn, and prepare for a rollercoaster ride of so-bad-it's-good cinema that you'll be quoting for years to come.

I'm sorry, I already forgot everything about this movie. And so will you.

"A Family Affair" (2024) is a film that struggles to rise above mediocrity in almost every aspect. From its trite and mundane script to its overall tone and feel, which screams Hallmark Original, this movie is a disappointment on multiple levels.

The plot is as predictable as it gets, with clichéd dialogue and uninspired story arcs that fail to engage or surprise the audience. It feels like the writers took every tired trope they could find and stitched them together into a barely coherent narrative. There is no depth, no innovation, and certainly no spark to elevate the story from the realm of the forgettable.

Adding to the film's woes is the atrocious makeup, which somehow manages to make its lead actors look weirdly unnatural. Instead of enhancing their features, the makeup seems to have been applied with a heavy hand, creating an off-putting appearance that distracts from their performances.

The music is another glaring issue. With a score that sounds like it was produced on a Casio keyboard, the soundtrack lacks the sophistication and emotional resonance that a good film score should provide. It does little to support the scenes and often feels more like an afterthought than an integral part of the movie.

In summary, "A Family Affair" is as remarkable as shaving—a mundane and routine task that leaves no lasting impression. Save your time and look elsewhere for entertainment, as this film offers little more than a regrettable waste of an evening.

Don't go running in the park at night! It's not smart!

If you ever find yourself yearning for a film that epitomizes the phrase "so bad it's good," look no further than the 1984 classic Alley Cat. This cinematic gem stars Karin Mani as Billie, a karate black belt street justice fighter whose commitment to poor decision-making is nothing short of legendary.

Alley Cat’s plot is a tangled mess of incoherence and absurdity. Billie, our fearless heroine, seems to have an inexplicable obsession with venturing into the park at night. You’d think that after the first few attacks and a trespassing arrest, she might reconsider her nocturnal strolls. But no! Billie’s dedication to wandering into danger is rivaled only by her proficiency in delivering high kicks to hapless thugs.

Watching Billie’s nightly park excursions is like watching a moth repeatedly fly into a flame. Each visit is an invitation for trouble, and trouble eagerly RSVP's every time. It's almost as if Billie is playing a demented game of tag with the local hoodlums, with predictably disastrous results. You’ll be left wondering if her karate training included a special course on how to make the worst possible life choices.

And then there's the nudity. Oh, the nudity. Alley Cat revels in its gratuitous display of skin in the most bafflingly unnecessary ways. It's as if the filmmakers were contractually obligated to include a certain amount of nudity and were determined to meet their quota no matter how nonsensical the context. Shower scenes, changing scenes, random scenes – no opportunity is too absurd for a sudden disrobing.

The dialogue in Alley Cat is peppered with one-liners so laughable, they deserve a place in the Bad Movie Hall of Fame. Billie’s attempts at badassery through quips and retorts are a masterclass in unintentional comedy. Gems like, "Don't mess with girls in the park; that's not nice!" (its a little worse than that, Billie) are sure to leave you in stitches.

For fans of riffing, Alley Cat is a veritable treasure trove. The sheer absurdity of the plot, combined with the wooden acting and ludicrous dialogue, provides endless fodder for mockery. Gather your friends, pop some popcorn, and prepare for a night of hilarity as you and your crew take on this cinematic disasterpiece.

Alley Cat is a film that transcends its awfulness to become something good, not great but good. It's a perfect storm of terrible decisions, laughable dialogue, and gratuitous nudity, all wrapped up in a plot that makes you question the very nature of storytelling. In short, it's so bad, it's a good time. Don’t miss this opportunity to revel in the glory of a terrible and terribly fun film.