Straight Talk for a Curvy World®

* This podcast is a conversation between adults, please be aware of who may be listening in with you.

My friends Charlie, Felicia and Leigh are joining me once again to share intimate details about their sexual preferences and experiences. Today's honest conversation includes a follow up from last episodes at-home frosting assignment, answering listener questions and finally, we ponder whether or not the bush will actually come back in style.

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Claire lives in New York, is newly single, and starting to date again after being married for 22 years. She asks our group what we think about men calling us sluts or whores while we are having sex with them.

Group response:

We all agree that communication is the key to this working out and most of us don't mind it if it is in the moment. Leigh, however, would give the mouthy bastard a black eye and promptly leave.

Shelly is 43 and lives in Nashville, Tennessee. She requests that we discuss orgasms.

Group response:

One member of our group was the lucky winner, boasting about her 3 different types of orgasms. She has innies, outies and squirties. You'll just have to listen to find out who it was.

And as far as masturbation goes…we all do it and we like it, very much. Devices that vibrate seem to be the most popular tools, while the "Mr. Spouty" showerhead and the armchair lean-back hand technique are close seconds.

What About Down There?

When it comes to oral sex most of us can't get our minds to shut up long enough for us to enjoy receiving it. Common worries include hygiene, lack of control and vulnerability. Intercourse wins over oral any day.

The hair or bare question was mostly about personal preference and what spouses liked better. There was mention of a personal shaver which comes with special holiday designs for those looking for that special gift for their significant other.

Send Me Your Questions

I will soon be putting together a panel of men and I hope to ask them intimate questions similar to the questions we discussed today. I need you, the female members of my audience, to send in the questions you really want to have answered. No subject is off limits. You can share them with me on social media @Iamannpeck or send me a private email at [email protected]. Visit Annpeck.com to hear all of my previous podcasts, blog posts and videos.

Past podcasts you may want to check out are:

• #20 Monica Tarr - Aging, Hormones and Sex
• #25 Dr. Theo Tsaousides - Self-Worth and Self-Love
• #3 Jordan Harbinger - How Men Deal with Grief

As many of you know, I have been planning my book launch, birthday party, and a spectacular Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live event. I decided that on my 50th birthday, I would celebrate the beginning of the second half of my life by sharing the first part of my life in a series of stories and lessons.

In preparation for making my book the best book it could be, I sent my manuscript to a group of beta readers. This was a little bit scary. I had read my book over and over, and because I was so close to it, I needed to get feedback from others so I would know if there was anything missing.

In this episode, I share the feedback I received from the beta readers and my carefully reconsidered future plans.

I believe with my whole heart that my book should benefit and serve those who trust me enough to read it. I refuse to put out anything that is less than what you deserve. Much like this podcast, my listeners and future readers deserve the best of me.

I want to thank all of you for sharing your stories with me and for your love and support. Together we are better. We are here to love each other through our challenges so that we all come out enriched when we reach the next step of our journeys.

As Always

If your story needs a compassionate and empathetic place for being shared, you can reach out to me @Iamannpeck on social media or send me a private email to [email protected]. And, Annpeck.com is where I share all of my previous podcasts, blog posts and videos. I hope to meet you there.

Past podcasts which focus on self-love are #46 with Sheree Angela Matthews and #44 with Nicole Fende. I know you will enjoy sharing these with someone who may need to hear them.

In 2015, on a street in London, Sheree Angela Matthews was listening to a podcast. The podcast just happened to be my conversation with Shannon Crotty, founder of Polka Dot Powerhouse. Sheree started crying while listening and decided to reach out. I am so pleased she did. Her journey, which she shares with us today, is personal, touching and transformational.

Those Who Can't Do, Teach?

Sheree has been writing since she was 6 years old. Her father would give her a notebook and a pencil and tell her to amuse herself. She used to make stories of a little mouse who was always the hero and who always saved the day. During her educational years, there was never any talk of being able to have a career in writing. Students were guided towards more traditional work, like police women or teachers. So, Sheree became a teacher but she was secretly writing the entire time. She now has a Ph.D. in Creative Writing from Newcastle University, two full-length collections of published poetry, she is an expert in Black, British Women's Poetry, and she is working on her new book. Once she started to take herself seriously as a writer, others did too.

A Need to Be Needed

Sheree knows she has a deep need to be needed by others. Patterns of finding broken people with hopes of mending them started back when she would try anything to get attention from her father. She says she felt she was forever a disappointment to him and she never felt his love.

Socially Challenged

Sheree has had a trying time the last couple of years. She experienced something which caused deep wounds in her soul. People she thought were her friends were saying awful things about her. They called her a liar, a cheat and a thief on Facebook. She lost herself in her own guilt, shame and self-hatred.

She has since risen up from the abyss and has used her intense feelings to write her book, Rubedo: one woman's search for her authentic voice. It is a gift she shares with her readers and listeners of this podcast to let them know they are not alone. Sheree acknowledges her fear that there will be vultures swirling around her new book, lying in wait for even the tiniest of mistakes, but that's OK with her. She doesn't need their approval.

I recommend Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers, a great resource for those of you who may be afraid to step out into your triumph. You can also find my conversation with Shannon Crotty here, Straight Talk for a Curvy World Episode #7.

Come Forth and Meet Your Sisterhood

If you would like to read my story of overcoming fear, guilt and shame, I Am More Than Enough - Secrets, Sex, Shame and the Search for Self-love, you will have to wait until September. I wrote this book to honor the journey I took during the first half of my life and to celebrate entering the second half of my life, because I am no longer hiding.

On September 20th and 21st, you are invited to be a part of my book launch, my 50th birthday party and a gathering of world-class speakers for a VIP dinner and all-day life changing events in the lovely Minneapolis, Minnesota USA. To register for this inspirational, first annual live event visit Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live. If you would like to be a part of my book launch team, sign up at I am more than enough.

If your story needs a compassionate and empathetic place to share and you cannot make it to Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live, you can reach out to me @Iamannpeck on social media or send me a private email to [email protected].

Share This Episode on Twitter

"People can only take you seriously as a writer when you have taken yourself seriously as a writer."

"I actively looked for broken men because I had a subconscious need to heal them. It was my personal crusade."

"My mother died suddenly of a stroke so all my plans were thrown into disarray. I started writing for my life."

As the date of my book launch gets closer, I find myself going through a lot of emotions. I've put myself and my stories out there for everyone to see. It makes me appreciate my guests who have come on this podcast and shared their very personal stories with us, even more so. I didn't think that was possible. But through all of the emotions, I truly believe that this is important. This release, this freedom, this place of life-changing sharing is beneficial for all of us. This podcast includes a glimpse of one of my stories I share in my book, I Am More Than Enough - Secrets, Sex, Shame and the Search for Self-love.

Saving Face

Almost 33 years ago, I was raped in a small town, by small town boys. The "Mandatory Reporters" I talked to about it offered no help to an 18-year-old whose confidence had just been exterminated. Self-destructive behaviors began to take the place of self-love and joy turned into worthlessness. My parents and the school faculty acted in the manner which they believed was best for the community.

Women and men who go through this don't need to be judged. They are judging themselves enough already. Just listen. Listen to this podcast and share it with someone you know needs to hear it.

Come Forth and Meet Your Sisterhood

My latest book, I Am More Than Enough - Secrets, Sex, Shame and the Search for Self-love is coming out in September. I wrote this book to honor the journey I took during the first half of my life and to celebrate entering the second half of my life because I am no longer hiding.

On September 20th and 21st, you are invited to be a part of my book launch, my 50th birthday party, and a gathering of world-class speakers for a VIP dinner and all-day life changing event in the lovely Minneapolis, Minnesota USA. To register for this inspirational, first annual live event visit Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live.

If you would like to be a part of my book launch team sign up at I am more than enough.

Find Freedom, Joy, and Love for Yourself

Remember, freedom is what we receive when we release the stories, the secrets, and the shame. If you are looking to regain your self-worth and to love who you are, join me at my live event and share your story with me.

If your story needs a compassionate and empathetic place to share and you cannot make it to Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live, you can reach out to me @Iamannpeck on social media or send me a private email to [email protected].

Today, I graciously hand the controls and my microphone over to my dear friend Nicole Fende. Nicole has promised to be gentle with me and since she has started her own podcast I decided to sit underneath her verbal microscope and field some questions about my new book and live event.

A Book Baby

It was exactly 3:22 in the p.m. on the 4th of July, 2016 that Ann hand delivered the very last word on the very last page of her new book, I Am More Than Enough. It was very emotional for her. It took her exactly 9-months to write it from start to finish but the stories she shares took a lifetime to create. Ann describes the book as, not a memoir but an inspirational, transformational self-help book. Ann is exceptionally gifted in:

1. Helping people to feel comfortable enough to tell their own stories
2. She gives people permission to have their own similar feelings
3. She gifts others with the tools to move forward. Specifically, the I AM habits.

So naturally, each of her chapters is followed up by a reflection on what lessons she learned from each incident. Her goal is to have women see themselves in the pages and see themselves walking through the darkness into the light. The concepts of loss of identity, loss of self-worth and lack of self-love are all tackled. She wants women to know they are not the only ones going through these things and they are not crazy either.

Resisting Joy

Ann hired a coach to outline the arc of the book and to define the goal but each word of the book is from her own hand and contains her own blood, sweat and tears. She says she picked the easiest stories to write first and saved the most difficult ones for later. But when later came Ann found herself spending hours cleaning out the garage, going through old purses and weeding the lawn well after most people go to bed. She was actively resisting writing the stories that were hard for her to tell. She may have unconsciously been delaying the fact that once she was finished writing her book, she would have to share it with the world.

Now that the book is finished and it has been shared with those she loves, Ann can pass her stories on to others so they can feel free, know they are not their past and that they are allowed to finally give themselves the compassion they deserve.

*Nicole, thank you so much for the interview!

The Prosperity Dimension

Nicole Fende's new podcast, The Prosperity Dimension, is launching on July 19th. Nicole, by way of her character Captain Brenna Rain, started her podcast so that small business owners can connect with other small business owners through interviews and expert advice. Her website, ScifiBiz, sits at the intersection of business and science fiction. Get a free chapter of her multi-faceted book just by visiting her site. Nicole's work was highlighted on an earlier episode of this podcast, Putting the Pieces Together for Profit, Without Ignoring Who You Are.

I Am More Than Enough Book Launch and Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live – An Affair With Joy Event

If you want to know more about my book, I Am More Than Enough – Secrets, Sex, Shame and the Search for Self-love which is coming out on September 20th, you are invited to my book launch, my 50th birthday party and my VIP dinner. The entire next day, on September 21st, there will be a gathering of world-class speakers' dinner and all-day live event in the lovely Minneapolis, Minnesota USA.

To register for this inspirational, first annual live event visit Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live - An Affair With Joy. If you attend both the VIP birthday party dinner and the all-day event, use the promo code FREEDOM when you sign up to receive a $30 savings. And, the first 20 people who sign up will receive wonderful surprises and a free copy of my book, I Am More Than Enough – Secrets, Sex, Shame and the Search for Self-love.

If you would like to be a part of my book launch team sign up at I am more than enough.

The Freedom to Share

Remember, freedom is what we receive when we release the stories, the secrets and the shame. Freedom is on the other side of secrets. If you are looking to live a life of self-worth and to love who you are, join me at the live event.

If you enjoy the Straight Talk for a Curvy World podcast please share it with your friends or if you have a story you would like to share with our sisterhood reach out to me @Iamannpeck on social media or send me a private email to [email protected].

This is a place for women to share their secrets, share their stories, and share their shame completely free of judgment. In this safe place, you will be embraced only with love, acceptance, and validation.

A Sisterhood of Sharing

Remembering my Grandmother, Elsie, on the day of her birth reminds me of the stories she would tell me of her own Sisterhood of Sharing. She and a group of supportive friends would meet in church basements, dining rooms or wherever they could find a moment together to talk about their lives. They would share stories of their children, new babies, love, money troubles, men and even share a good cry when they needed some freedom and release. Having a sisterhood does make a difference.

My Vision

My vision was to create a place of support for women who needed it. A sisterhood which is supported and encouraged by the men in our lives. A sisterhood where we would be heard and validated, where we would be loved and no longer silent. A place where women would feel safe to share their stories and secrets, free of judgment. A place where each of us knows we are more than enough. My vision is realized in this podcast and in the upcoming Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live event.

I Am More Than Enough and You Are Too

My latest book, I Am More Than Enough - Secrets, Sex, Shame and the Search for Self-love is coming out in September. I wrote this book to honor the journey I took during the first half of my life and to celebrate entering the second half of my life, because I am no longer hiding.

On September 20th and 21st, you are invited to be a part of my book launch, my 50th birthday party, and gathering of world-class speakers for a VIP dinner and all-day live event in the lovely Minneapolis, Minnesota USA. To register for this inspirational, first annual live event visit Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live. If you attend both the VIP birthday party dinner and the all-day event, use the promo code FREEDOM when you sign up to get a $30 savings. And, the first 20 people who sign up will receive wonderful surprises and a free copy of my book, I Am More Than Enough - Secrets, Sex, Shame and the Search for Self-love.

If you would like to be a part of my book launch team sign up at I am more than enough.

Freedom to Share

Remember, freedom is what we receive when we release the stories, the secrets, and the shame. Freedom is on the other side of secrets. If you are looking to live a life of self-worth and to love who you are, join me at the live event.

If you enjoy the Straight Talk for a Curvy World podcast, please share it with your friends. They may enjoy one of these past episodes:

Episode #35 with Monica Tarr talking about hormones, aging and sex.

Episode #25 with Dr. Theo Tsaousides discussing self-love and self-respect.

Episode #42 with Girlfriends exploring blow jobs.

If you have a story you would like to share with this sisterhood, reach out to me @Iamannpeck on social media or send me a private email to [email protected].

*This is an adult conversation so please be aware of who may be listening in with you.

Recording this episode was so much fun. My guests are three of my closest friends, Felicia, Charlie, and Leigh. We sat down in my living room, the day after the summer solstice, to discuss blowjobs while enjoying a bottle (or 2) of wine. Everyone agreed to be open, frank and honest with the hopes that those of you who may not have a friend to discuss this topic with can feel like you are sitting at the far end of the couch with us.

Where, When and How?

Several important revelations came from this portion of our conversation. We discovered that a Native American palate is better equipped than a Caucasian palate for natural blowjob selection, that rakers need to watch more porn, older women have the highest STD rates and that you're not supposed to blow. It is also apparent that when you are younger intercourse almost always follows.

Does Semen Really Come in Pineapple Flavor?

This group of ladies was split when it came to swallowing. However, we wholeheartedly decided that a "free shot of protein" is just a ploy to get him on your tongue. Things to take into consideration are a possible gag reflex, the amount of food in your stomach and how quickly you want to get to sleep afterward.

Several tools of the trade were mentioned which may enhance her pleasure, they include:

Altoids

Mint Jelly

Peanut Butter

Whip Cream

And the new Straight Talk for a Curvy World Whipped White Can Frosting You Can Squirt

Listener Questions

J asks - Q. Is it about duty or pleasure? A. The longer you are together it becomes dutiful. However, BJ's can be used as maintenance sex when somebody has the sleepies.

Curious asks - Q. What if he doesn't come? Have I satisfied him? And, how do I know if I am doing it wrong? A. There is no way you can do it wrong. Depending on the man's age they are probably more worried about performing than you need to be.

Anonymous asks - Q. If a woman enjoys giving a blowjob and is good at it, do men think she is slutty? A. Who cares what that kind of man thinks? If he treats you poorly get rid of him. You should always, 100% enjoy whatever it is you are doing.

Dirty Talk

Communication really IS all it's cracked up to be, inside the bedroom and out. I surveyed the ladies to see: Would You Feel Comfortable Saying These Things to Your Sex Partner?

Your cock feels so hot on my cunt. - Ladies say NO.

Please give me more of your fat rod. - Ladies say NO.

Put me on my knees and bang me 'til I cum all over your dick. - Ladies say NO.

I want you to put your dick right here between my tits. - Ladies say YES.

You Are Not the Only One and You Are Not Crazy Either

I am planning more of this type of episode so I really want to know how this one worked out for you. Share this podcast by tweeting your thoughts to me at @iamannpeck, leaving me a Facebook message in the Curvyworld private Facebook group or by leaving a review on iTunes. I'm always here. If you are shy or have a specific subject you would love to hear discussed on this podcast email me at [email protected]. This email is confidential so you can feel secure in knowing that your information is safe with me. The more we share the better our community will be.

Reminder - We are planning a big event for September! The new Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live - An Affair with Joy. We will be working on self-love and loving our business from the inside out. There will be a private VIP dinner to celebrate my 50th birthday and the release of my new book. Everybody who attends will go home with a copy. Special early bird pricing is available, so sign up now!

*This is an adult conversation so please be aware of who may be listening with you.

My guest Barbara, who will soon be turning 50, is a mother with five kids at home and is currently going through her second divorce. She and her ex-husband have just finished the paperwork after going through the mediation process. She says that anyone who wants to create continuity for the children during this emotional undertaking should consider mediation as a way to save money, time and tears.

This powerful conversation with Barbara addresses a subject which is very rarely discussed. That is when sexual relations occur between children in the same family. Barbara exhibits great courage in sharing her story with us today and says that if just one person is helped or one misconception is clarified, then it is worth it for her to share.

"In the darkest moments, in the darkest of days, when it seems there is no hope when everything is going against you, HOLD ON. The light will come, the light will come, don't give up. And when it comes it brings peace, love and compassion." - Barbara G.

Putting Yourself First

Barbara realized that through much of her life she had the martyr mentality. She always put spending time with her kids and husband in front of doing things she wanted to do. She realized if she wanted to be the best mother and wife she could possibly be, she needed to take some time for herself. She started by taking 15 minutes to read a book she wanted to read and then little by little she took more time to practice self-care.

When the Darkness Came

While Barbara was pregnant with her sixth child, she and her husband were given the news that the baby had the rare, genetic disorder of Trisomy 13. Her child, who was born 9 weeks early, died after only 2 weeks of life. This trauma affected the entire family, and much more than Barbara realized at the time. Shortly after moving to Minnesota and in a fit of tears, Barbara's 10-year-old daughter told her mother she was having sex with her 13-year-old brother. Barbara was devastated and her whole world went black. She felt like she fell down a black hole into hell. She immediately told her husband. She says it was a miracle that her son was away at camp because she truly believes her husband may have killed him.

Family Services advised that they seek out a counselor and the counselor recommended a trip to the police station. The police wanted to charge the 13-year-old with felony abuse, which would have marked him as a sexual predator for the rest of his life.

The Poison of Pornography

In addition to the family trauma surrounding the death of the baby, pornography was introduced into the household by neighborhood kids. Barbara believes pornography is the objectification of the human body, which causes a distortion of normal behavior and normal exploration. Her research led her to the understanding that chemical stabilization in the brains of children doesn't set into its normal state until age 25. She adds that when children view pornography they are stimulated in ways their developing brains shouldn't be exposed to. She says her son will struggle with not falling back into predatory behaviors for the rest of his life.

A State of Adjudication

Her son was not convicted of felony abuse because he was in the range of being rehabilitatable. The judge considered the psychological evaluations, the family's input, and the intense counseling when he decided to not give Barbara's son with permanent label. Three different psychologists told the courts that even if the same events happened again it would not trigger him.

The recent divorce is cause for concern as it may bring up emotional challenges for both Barbara's daughter and son. Barbara monitors her son's behavior for possible red flags and triggers and says "We have more fear of him turning to self-abuse rather than becoming a sexual predator. He is not a predator, he was a little boy looking for comfort after a traumatic situation."

Barbara's Healthy Living Business

Barbara is a dealer of the SaladMaster products, a 70-year-old company which offers free dinner presentations for those interested in preparing more nutritious and flavorful food for their families. She can be found online at Midwest Healthy Living and she recently opened her own store in her community of Maple Grove, Minnesota. She believes that how people prepare their food is just as important as what they are cooking. The cookware you use can enhance the flavor and nutrition of your food or destroy and detract from it. 99% of the world cooks in cookware that is old and inferior.

You are Not the Only One and You Are Not Crazy Either

If you found value in this podcast please share it with one other person. You never know who may need to hear it. If you need someone to talk safely and privately with email me at [email protected]. This email is confidential so you can feel secure in knowing that your truth is safe with me. The more support we all have and can give, the better our community will be. If you just want to connect socially you can join the private Curvyworld Facebook group or on social media @iamannpeck.

Reminder - We are planning a big event for September! The new Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live - An Affair with Joy. We will be working on self-love and loving our business from the inside out. There will be a private VIP dinner to celebrate my 50th birthday and the release of my new book. Everybody who attends will go home with a copy. Special early bird pricing is available, so sign up now!

*This is an adult conversation so please be aware of who may be listening with you.

A Special Passage for Lisa

"I am worthy. You were born worthy. You don't have to do anything to make yourself worthy. You are a superhero born into this world and being you is all you need to do. Express yourself and don't believe the hype that says you need to be anything more than your amazing self. I used to believe I wasn't deserving of great things but when I began declaring my worth my life changed for the better." - from the soon to be best-seller I AM...: A Girl's Guide to Harnessing SuperPowers

The "I AM" Initiative

Even though we live in the same area, the universe wanted Lisa Van Ahn and I to meet in Florida. We both have made it our mission to propagate the "I AM" habits. As a listener of my podcast, you are aware of how I broadcast the message. Lisa chooses to spread the message by empowering 3rd to 8th grade girls with superpowers and the 3 rules of self-defense. She teaches them that the right action is the action you take when you love yourself, you trust who you are, and you trust what you feel.

Lisa often encounters young girls who are bombarded with "this is who you are" and "this is who you need to be" directives. In her workshops and retreats, girls discover they can freely say "No. I know who I am."

Lisa's Journey

The common thread that is woven through Lisa's past life is one of feeling unworthy. She succumbed to playing the part of the victim until a final "push" made her reconsider her part in her own life. She says "Your path and your journey begin with what you believe about yourself and that moves into creating your experiences. I truly do believe anything is possible. If you set yourself on the course you want to be on you will get there with the consistent behaviors of self-love, self-care, self-responsibility, and self-compassion. When you bring these things into your life anything is possible." Lisa loves sharing these experiences because it gives her bright light a chance to shine.

"The truth is, in order to heal, we all need to tell our stories and have them witnessed." from The Dance of the Dissident Daughter - Sue Monk Kidd

Lisa knew she needed to pay forward the kindness she received from the two owners of the kickboxing studio she went to every day after she started living her life with love, forgiveness and gratitude. She made the decision to share, with young girls, the encouragement she so desperately needed when she was young and couldn't calculate her own value.

So, Lisa is Perfect Now, Right?

Even though she adds practices to her life in order to reach a state of mindfulness, Lisa admits she has much farther to go. It's not like you make one decision and everything is instantly easy. A tendency towards self-sabotage is a fierce dragon which is hard to slay. The ego lives and so do collective expectations of success. Lisa says that when a self-defeating thought takes over, she thinks about things that she loves, things that need to be forgiven and things she is grateful for, so it becomes easier to cope with the trap of "I'll love myself when".

The Shadow Dance

There is light and dark in all of us. The dark will come and there is no avoiding it. Accepting yourself exactly as you are allows you to release the craving for what you desire. It is the craving of making something last which creates suffering. If you release your desire before the thing you want arrives, you are given the joy of having. No one thing is easy or hard for people to release. It's based on the individual and for Lisa, it's her business. She says "it's a crunchy I can't get rid of."

Her advice to those of us stuck in our cravings, whether it is to be in a relationship or to find forgiveness for those who may have hurt us is to take a deep breath and then go out and do something today that is going to feel good. It will bring completeness, wholeness, and happiness.

Learn How to Get SuperPowers of Your Own

To stay in touch with Lisa and get weekly updates about her new book, her "I AM" initiative and her confidence coaching, enlist at Lisavanahn.com. Her new book I AM...: A Girl's Guide to Harnessing SuperPowers and accompanying cards will be available very, very soon.

You are Not the Only One and You Are Not Crazy Either

If you found value in this podcast please share it. If you need someone to talk safely and privately with, email me at [email protected]. This email is confidential so you can feel secure in knowing that your truth is safe with me. The more support we all have and can give, the better our community will be. If you just want to connect socially you can join the private Curvyworld Facebook group or on social media @iamannpeck.

Reminder - We are planning a big event for September! The new Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live - An Affair with Joy. We will be working on self-love and loving our business from the inside out. There will be a private VIP dinner to celebrate my 50th birthday and the release of my new book. Everybody who attends will go home with a copy. Special early bird pricing is available, so sign up now!

My guest, Theresa Vigarino is a transformational certified life coach, a spiritual teacher, author and professional speaker. Theresa's work includes changing thought patterns through neuroscience. She is truly the epitome of joy, as you can hear by our conversation today. Her coaching programs are designed to assist women who are ready to live life to the fullest. She says "Just because life has been a certain way in the past doesn't mean it has to be that way in the future."

When I met Theresa at Tropical Think Tank in the Philippines, 2016, I knew we were kindred spirits right from the start. We were like magnets drawn to each other. I meet the most amazing people at these events.

Repeating the Same Disappointing Cycles

Our subconscious mind is powerful. It is responsible for 80% of our daily decisions and behaviors. She says that if you really want to make a long lasting change or to transform a behavior you must hit it from every direction. The brain is diligent about keeping us stuck in patterns because old patterns are considered safe to this part of the brain. People do things over and over again because we have loops in our unconscious minds. Familiarity is safe.

Our mind can trick us but its sole purpose is to keep us safe. Theresa describes it as our subconscious mind being an outdated computer system and sometimes needing an upgrade. When we transform, we break through the firewall and update our core system.

Failed past relationships are not your conscious mind's fault. During the initial stages of dating, our subconscious minds are looking for reference points in our past experiences. It's rummaging through old files and movies and expects this situation to be like the last. It's a massive projection. Sometimes we manifest our past again because we know we can handle that type of situation. We did it once, we can do it again. And then sometimes, we sabotage a relationship because we recognize certain triggers and because we don't want to live through something again.

How Can Women Grow Into Their Spirituality?

Women should spend some time alone because women are prone to losing their identities in relationships. There is a difference in younger generations. They are a bit savvier but there is still a noticeable change during the start of relationships. It may be a natural way of being, but we are able to adjust. We should trust our internal compass, our guidance system that says "Hey wait a minute my spirituality is important to me and I'm not going to give it up for anybody". It's important for us to remember we are examples to our family members, to people we meet, and to everyone around us. Spirituality often means different things to different people. Good places to start your spiritual journey are by reading A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson and A Course in Miracles by Dr. Helen Schucman. If our souls are in alignment, we are better prepared for entering relationships.

How do we overcome our past beliefs which no longer serve us?

Trust issues can be overcome but it's a real challenge to quiet the voice of fear. We need to understand there is a battle going on between our intuition and our mind patterns. When past triggers are pounding our conscious minds with thoughts and ideas which make us feel insecure, we have to choose new beliefs. There are exercises which deliberately create new brain patterns. You need to establish new patterns because if not you will revert back. Step out of the emotional response and observe your thoughts.

Both men and women go through the same experience of our conscious mind, relying on the filing system which is our subconscious mind to tell us how to act or respond. There are techniques which allow us to access our filing system. We can change, distort, add new and even delete these files. If you are an imaginative person you can create new files. If you do it in HD, you can implant memories in your brain and the brain cannot tell the difference.

Communication is the Key to Everything

There is something about loving another. Sharing love with another human being is a profound experience. We humans are vessels of love for the divine. The best gauge for your own development is in relation to someone else. Relationships cause us to grow.

Acknowledging our vulnerability, being open and practicing trust allow our relationships to grow deeper. A great relationship resource is the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It's about open loving communication.

But What About When a Storm Hits?

Some of us, through no fault of our own, grow up in violence along with verbal and physical abuse. Unless we make a shift, those traumatic experiences will enter our adult lives and possibly the lives of our children. In Theresa's case, she attracted abuse to her, but her faith in God and her dedication to working through the situation got her to where she is today. She reminds us that the great sages of the world celebrate the hard times because it is through the storms that we find understanding.

You are Not the Only One and You Are Not Crazy Either

If you know of someone who needs to hear this podcast please share it. If you need someone to talk safely and privately with, email me at [email protected]. No one else has access to this account. The more support we all have and can give, the better our community will be. If you just want to connect socially you can join the private Curvyworld Facebook group.

Big Announcement - We are planning a big event for September! The new Straight Talk for a Curvy World Live - An Affair with Joy. We will be working on self-love and loving our business from the inside out. There will be a private VIP dinner to celebrate my 50th birthday and the release of my new book. And, everybody who attends will go home with a copy. There is special early bird pricing right now, so sign up now.