Straight Talk for a Curvy World®

*This is an adult conversation feel free to share but only after listening to it first, please.

You Have Got to Be Kidney'n Me

Katrina Clayton has had a variety of different jobs, and while it seems natural for a native Southern Californian to have actress and waitress listed on her bio, she also has some 'not so common' positions like working for Mattel as the Honorary Brunette, Glitter Beach Barbie and Organ Model for an ultrasound company. Her job as a kidney model was the easiest and best-paying job she has had to date. Though she has great veins, she's not vain.

Katrina is currently the co-host of Bouncing Back Radio, a podcast she does with her partner Bonnie and describes as an eclectic mix of healthy living and being mindful without holding anything back. Her favorite episode is The Power to Forgive and Reconcile. Forgiveness is a process that goes much deeper than many people think.

Carrying the Secret Becomes Destructive

The story Katrina shares with us today isn't a story she has told anyone outside of her group of trusted friends. She has agreed to talk about it with us because she believes this platform is something she would have benefited from as she was going through her journey of living with molestation.

When she was a child Katrina spent a lot of time at her Grandmother's house. This time was marred by the fact that her uncle had been molesting her since as far back as she can remember. In order to protect her from the pain, her brain blocked the molestation from her consciousness until frightening flashbacks started surfacing at the age of 12 or 13. As she started to remember the trauma, she was continually sorrowful and would spend her school lunches crying in her mother's arms. When she finally confided in one of her best friends she started an emotional ball rolling, which could not be stopped. Her friend told her mother, her mother then told her mentally ill father who already knew, but you must listen to Katrina tell her own story in the podcast.

Betrayal

Katrina realizes now that there is no handbook for a mother dealing with this type of situation but her mother's reaction at the time - "you should have told me" - felt sneaky and condemning to a teenager who was trying to deal with this at the tender age of 15.

Eventually, a social worker was brought in. There was a lot of hurt.

It Haunted Me for a Long Time

"I let the molestation own me for a very long time. It haunted me and it followed me into relationships. Like a ghost that was always there." Katrina says.

Even though she carried the weight, Katrina never wanted a pity party. She never wanted people to think of her as "that poor girl". She chose toxic people to have relationships with and felt unworthy and unprotected because of the low self-esteem brought on by the traumatic experience.

The Big Revelation

Katrina realized that everyone is broken and damaged in some way and that she was needlessly isolating herself. At 30, after countless therapists tried to help her to let go, the answer she needed finally came from within her. She chose to regain her life. She says she still mourns for her lost innocence but she is able to box up that period of her life and only open it up when SHE needs to revisit it.

Her advice to women who are feeling lonely or depressed is "Don't isolate yourself, just get your bootay out the door". Try the Meetup app for your phone and if you are in California get in touch with Girls with Goals. She says "No matter what has gone on in your life you are going to be OK. It may not feel like it right now but you will be OK."

You are Not the Only One and You Are Not Crazy Either

Molestation is rampant with both males and females. It is an incurable mental sickness. If you know of someone who needs to hear this podcast, please share it. If you need to talk to someone safely and privately, email me at [email protected]. No one else has access to this account. The more support we all have and can give the better our community will be. If you just want to connect socially you can join the private Curvyworld Facebook group.

Lowry Olafson is a multi-faceted human being. He is a songwriter, a performer, a husband, a lover, a father, a friend, an inspiration and a professional speaker who incorporates his music into his keynotes. During today's podcast, he shares his music, his message, and his secrets.

His Songs and Their Stories

Lowry uses songs to connect with others. All of his 9 albums have a different theme which represents the feelings he was having during those periods of his life. He says a songwriter uses a powerful melody to reach a deeper place in people.

If Not You Then Who? - This very personal song was written with his friend John Cowell. John and Lowry started writing this song shortly before John died of cancer. Lowry performed this song at John's Celebration of Life. It stands as a legacy to John's life. The title came from Lowry's wife's high school teacher.

Bread & Honey - From the album titled Days that Disappear Too Soon, Lowry wrote this song for his mother who died when he was 13. It was such a shock that he disconnected his heart and put her death out of his mind until he was 25, at a therapy session. He says his mother channeled this piano song to him and when he plays them for an audience it reconnects him to his emotions.

Borderland - This song came to Lowry in a dream while he was sleeping in a cheap motel room. Most of the song wrote itself and then as he was leaving town, he passed a sign that read "You are now leaving the borderlands" and it completed the song perfectly. One of his favorite lines is in this song, which is "My head's so full of dreams I could not hear my heart".

Three Quarter Time - This song was inspired by Lowry's daughter. He was in a particularly morose mood when she innocently asked him to skip with her. He reluctantly joined in and the act of skipping transformed his mood instantly.

Blanket in the Cold - This is Lowry's favorite song that he has ever written. It is from his Back Again album. During a campfire song circle at Kerrville Folk Festival in Texas, every time it came around and was Lowry's turn to play another song he decided to play this one over and over.

His album Solid Ground was influenced by him becoming a father.

Is There Really Safety in Silence?

Lowry shares one of his truths in this episode. He shares his truth because he knows other people may be going through the same thing. And, hearing someone else's truth may help them to deal with unnecessary feelings of shame. Lowry first knew he was attracted to guys in high school but because of where he grew up, in Canada, he kept this information to himself and never told anybody. He wasn't comfortable hiding the fact that he was clearly attracted to men and women and it made him feel like he was rejecting part of who he is. But a bisexual is not who Lowry is, Lowry is a warm-hearted, creative human being who just happens to be bisexual.

To find out more about Lowry's full body of work and an opportunity to join one of his workshops you can find him here at LowryOlafson.com

A Special Passage for Karen

"My life is not perfect, nor is it close to being perfect. I am not perfect. I am, in fact, a bundle of imperfections. I wish - sometimes I wish with all my heart - that I could correct these imperfections; that I knew what causes my behaviors, what sets up my downfalls, what keeps getting in my way. That's why I've come to You, I guess. I haven't been able to find the answers on my own.

I am glad you came. I have always been here to help you. I am here now. You don't have to find the answers on your own. You never had to." - From Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch

A Prozac Induced Mania

Most of us believe medicines will heal our illnesses. We do not expect a drug to exacerbate our problems, so when one actually does, it's difficult to know that it is at the root of the problem. Karen Gray shares how Prozac caused a mania which led her down the dark hallways of depression, suicidal thoughts and the disintegration of her marriage to a good man. She says "depression is more than being down. Depression is when your brain gets really messed up."

Everything was Perfect Until It Wasn't

Karen's manic side bubbled up and everything seemed perfect. She and her husband were able to quit marriage counseling and her life had never been better. A short while later her scale tipped the opposite direction. Her husband tricked her into moving out of their house under the guise of helping her to heal. In what felt like an instant, he shattered the framework of her life. To their credit, both Karen and her husband continued to keep their daughter's well-being a priority.

The Value of Continuing on with This Life

Despair led Karen to a distorted suicidal place. She had thoughts of how it might benefit her daughter to know that life is hard. She also considered it might be better for her to grow up without a mother than to grow up with a crazy one. It wasn't until Karen spoke with a deceased woman's older daughter at a funeral that she thought there is no point when a daughter has had enough time with her mother.

Remembering the Muse

Karen's spiritual practice is really important to her. When she considers the way of God in the world, she feels at home and safe.

Karen recommends Harriet Emilie Cady's Lessons in Truth and Emmet Fox's books.

Work Directly with Me

If you would like to work directly with me visit my website, Annpeck.com or email me directly at [email protected] and share with me the impact you have gotten from these stories. If you would like to share your thoughts and ideas with me you can connect on twitter with #curvyworldpodcast and/or @iamannpeck. On Facebook, you can join the private Curvyworld group. If you would like a copy of my "I Am Habits" simply text Iamhabits (all one word) to 44222. Let me know how you found out about Straight Talk, I love collecting the stories.

*Consider who may be listening with you this episode contains fun stuff that only adults should hear.

A Special Passage for Monica

From The Call - Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper. Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency, but it always says, "Wake up my love. You are walking asleep, there's no safety in that."

Now Where Did I Put That?

Aging can be fun if we think about it as a never-ending game of hide-and-seek. The physical aspects of getting older are easier for us to deal with, than the mental and emotional changes taking place within our bodies. We understand a tire with a nail in it isn't fit to be on the road, but if the same tire just doesn't feel like going out for a Sunday drive because it may or may not feel flat, we have a hard time accepting that.

And it's not just us. There is a lot of judgement going on between people who see another person being emotional as a weakness. Most of us can remember a time when we have commented negatively about a person who allows their mental state to overwhelm them and take over their life. We may be sorry we said it later, but we have already passed judgement.

Our Ever Changing Hormones

If having a five o'clock shadow wasn't enough, we get to read our prescription bottle for our female dryness medication with our "readers" - If you don't know, it's the cool new way to say bifocals. And older sisters, if you are lucky enough to have one, were given to us as gifts from God as town criers to alert us of our next genetic mutation.

Realizing that science and chemistry are behind what we are feeling is a great tool for reconnecting with ourselves and to finding balance in our lives by way of proper nutrition. If we fail to pay attention to our bodies, like Monica did, we may find ourselves gasping for breath, thinking today might be our last day. We, women, have the propensity to suffer silently.

It's Best to Switch to Vodka now

Monica shares her darkness, her light and her compassion in today's call. We also ponder these questions...Does a glass of red wine trigger hot flashes during the night? Are meditations and exercise black magic for curing memory lapses?

Monica Tarr of Loveyourcustomers.com, it is our pleasure to engage in this very public, private conversation with you. If any of you listening are interested in building customer or employee loyalty in your business, Monica has a just the program to get you there.

Work Directly with Me

If you would like to work directly with me visit my website, Annpeck.com or email me directly at [email protected] and share with me the impact you have gotten from these stories. If you would like to share your thoughts and ideas with me you can connect on twitter with #curvyworldpodcast and/or @iamannpeck. On Facebook, you can join the private Curvyworld group. If you would like a copy of my "I Am Habits" simply text Iamhabits (all one word) to 44222. Let me know how you found out about Straight Talk, I love collecting the stories.

A Special Passage

"To discover who she is, a woman must descend into her own depths. She must leave the safe role of remaining a faithful daughter of the collectives around her and descend to her individual feeling values. It will be her task to experience her pain. The pain of her own unique feeling values calling to her, pressing to emerge. To discover who she is, a woman must trust the places of darkness where she can meet her own deepest nature and give it voice. Weaving threads of her life into a fabric to be named and given. Sharing it with the women around her as she comes to a true and certain sense of herself." - from Circle of Stones: Woman's Journey to Herself by Judith Duerk

About Cas

My guest today, Cas McCullough is an author, a small business owner twice over, a podcaster, a mother thrice over and is a person with undiagnosed Asperger's. I met Caz in the Philippines at Chris Ducker's Tropical Think Tank. Cas shares that her personal growth has been amazing this year and offers up this advice, saying "We are all human beings and we all struggle. Don't get in your own way."

But It Wasn't the End of the World

As part of Cas's religious upbringing, she attended a religious college. She accompanied other intensely creative students and a professor on an archeological dig in Israel. Everything was going well. She met distant cousins and traveled around but then she had an altercation with another female student. She was hotheaded and walked off without anyone knowing where she was going. When she returned to the bus, the Professor attacked her with words as he reacted to the situation in an unprofessional and downright rude manner. He wanted to send her home. This situation tugged at Cas for years as his destructive, hurtful response to her seemingly innocent trek played over in her mind. Her entire approach to people changed after that day.

Anxiety, There's an App for That

Ok, so it's cliché but women DO get a little wacky when they exhibit their God given right to menses. Beyond that, there is this pesky little thing called anxiety which makes us worry about screwing up or saying the wrong things, even if it is all in our heads.

A Kahuna massage can be magic, no matter who administers the medicine. It allows you to get out of your brain much like doing the dishes does. Repetitive actions reduce anxiety levels and release oxytocin a hormone that can be shared by others around you once it is released into the atmosphere.

As women, we tend to be uncomfortable when we are observed, exposed or placed in a vulnerable situation. Cas recognizes this from her work as a supporter of women who are in labor. Women who are dealing with an exorbitant amount of pain don't need to be disturbed, yet doctors walk in and out of patient rooms unannounced when what the expectant mothers really need is someone to be quiet and hold their hand.

We are so out of tune with our primal brains we forget to take a step back and consider what is really happening here.

Cas's Brilliant Un-Career

Cas has an abundance of resources aimed at making you as brilliant as you can be. Her content marketing website, CasMcCullough.com, helps connect you to your audience through powerful content. Her Your Brilliant Un-Career site and podcast offers up insightful blog posts and the revealing 31 days to Biztopia Challenge where she focuses on small, meaningful changes you can make each day, for 31 days. Keep in contact with her important stuff on her Your Brilliant Un-career Facebook page. She is the author of Your Brilliant Un-Career: Women, Entrepreneurship and Making the Leap and 31 Days to Mumatopia, which will be released in late 2016.

Work Directly with Me

If you would like to work directly with me visit my website, Annpeck.com or email me directly at [email protected] and share with me the impact you have gotten from these stories. If you would like to share your thoughts and ideas with me you can connect on twitter with #curvyworldpodcast and/or @iamannpeck. On Facebook, you can join the private Curvyworld group. If you would like a copy of my "I Am Habits" simply text Iamhabits (all one word) to 44222. Let me know how you found out about Straight Talk, I love collecting the stories.

*This conversation may include opinions of family law but it should not be considered legal advice.

Special Passages

"Happiness comes more from loving than being loved, and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and to be hurt often, and to love again — this is the brave and happy life." - by J.E. Buckrose

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." - from The Fear of Flying by Erica Jong

Crossing Relationship Borders

Kim Bell has crossed many borders in her life. She is an Australian who is married to an American she met while in the Philippines and who currently lives in Canada. Both of her husbands, previous and current, had children before she married them. She doesn't have any offspring. This in combination with her being a Senior Attorney gives her a unique perspective when discussing love, marriage, divorce, the law and more love.

There is a history and a dynamic that exists between a parent and a child, which affects a parent's new relationship with someone else. Four months after Kim started dating PJ, she made it clear to his daughter that she didn't intend to take the place of her mother but she would be there for her whenever she needed to talk and she also made it clear to the mother that she would never try to replace her. This allowed for a free and open relationship to grow amongst them all.

The Good Thing about Getting Older

It takes time for women to figure out who they are, what is important to them and most importantly what they decide they will no longer accept in their lives. Once we are well into our 40's we know ourselves better and we are finally settling into being happy with who we are. In Kim's own words, "It's beneficial to learn lessons the hard way because that way we don't have to learn the same lesson twice" and "This is another precious day in your life you will never get back again. Love yourself and love the people around you. Life is a gift."

It's important to take time between relationships to figure things out. If you spend some time alone to get the rest of your life in order, it really helps you to love someone because you love them not because you need them.

It's Called Legalese But Ain't Legal Easy

Want to know what's a hard thing to do? Talking with your fiancé about individual assets before you even get married, but it needs to be done. It needs to be out in the open a few months before you tie the knot. It doesn't have to be a prenuptial agreement but you should at least have a will in place in case of an emergency. Wills are described as living documents because they can be changed when life changes. Legal documents offer protection for spouses and children alike. Dividing up assets does not have to be confrontational.

Money should be the last reason you stay in a marriage you are not happy in. It's a recipe for being miserable.

I met Kim in the Philippines at Chris Ducker's Tropical Think Tank. We met fellow creatives and lifelong friends there.

Work Directly with Me

If you would like to work directly with me visit my website, Annpeck.com or email me directly at [email protected] and share with me the impact you have gotten from these stories. If you would like to share your thoughts and ideas with me you can connect on twitter with #curvyworldpodcast and/or @iamannpeck. On Facebook, you can join the private Curvyworld group. If you would like a copy of my "I Am Habits", simply text Iamhabits (all one word) to 44222. Let me know how you found out about Straight Talk, I love collecting the stories.

*This conversation includes adult language so be aware of who might be listening in with you.

A Special Passage for Nicole

Art is a spiritual transaction. Artists are visionaries. We routinely practice a form of faith, seeing clearly and moving toward a creative goal that shimmers in the distance – often visible to us, but invisible to those around us. Difficult as it is to remember, it is our work that creates the market, not the market that creates our work. Art is an act of faith, and we practice practicing it. Sometimes we are called on pilgrimages on its behalf and like many pilgrims, we doubt the call even as we answer it but answer it we do. - From the 10th Anniversary Edition of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

Finding Enlightenment from a Bad Experience

Nicole had the unfortunate experience of having her car windows busted out by vandals while she was in San Francisco. She had to drive on the expressway to her art therapy classes for students with autism and Alzheimer’s. As the wind ripped through the car, she found herself angry and disappointed with humanity. Then as the sun was setting during golden hour, she noticed the broken glass sparkling in the back seat of her car. She felt driven to make the glass whole again so she created art with it, spirit art.

Compassion is Not Always There When You Need It

Nicole met Mark, the Musician, in Miami. He plugged her in and sparked her creativity. She joined him in Los Angeles and started sharing his fast-paced life. Nicole loved the vibe in LA, she felt valued for her artistry and innovation. They spent four creatively productive years together.

Then in an instant, Mark passed away. He was only 39 years old. Nicole felt anguish, guilt, depression and anger before going through the entire cycle of grief as her life suddenly changed. She felt shunned by Mark’s family and mutual friends started falling away. She believes that people fall away because they don’t know what to do and when they see you, you remind them of what they have lost. When his family started coming to the house to collect Mark’s things, Nicole experienced the ugly side of loss. Everything she did became a sad event.

Then she met Terri. Terri had recently lost her boyfriend and she was experiencing her own grief. Nicole and Terri validated each other’s pain and eventually became soul sisters.

The Epic Wellness Academy

In addition to Nicole’s fabulous website, Nicole Keating Art and her The Art of Epic Wellness Podcast, Nicole is designing The Epic Wellness Academy, which is for entrepreneurs who want to create sustainable business habits and rituals along with a vibrant life. The Epic Wellness Academy includes rich experiences which are enhanced with group coaching and facilitated learning. Use the code #CurvyWorld to get a special rate.

I met Nicole in the Philippines at Chris Ducker’s Tropical Think Tank. We met fellow creatives and lifelong friends there.

Work Directly with Me

If you would like to work directly with me visit my website, Annpeck.com or email me directly at [email protected] and share with me the impact you have gotten from these stories. If you would like to share your thoughts and ideas with me you can connect on twitter with #curvyworldpodcast and/or @iamannpeck. On Facebook, you can join the private Curvyworld group. If you would like a copy of my “I Am Habits”, simply text Iamhabits (all one word) to 44222. Let me know how you found out about Straight Talk, I love collecting the stories.

This episode gets raw and honest, so be aware of who might be listening in with you.

A Special Quote for Jennifer

“Don't lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don't have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don't know what it is yet.” - From Brave Enough by Cheryl Strayed

Running Away from a Bad Country Song

In 2013, Jennifer Buchholz wanted to get numb. Her relationship of 10-years was ending, she was caring for her sick father, two of her cats died and she had just turned 40. She, like most of us, thought running away would make her problems disappear.

Even though she felt guilty about planning her trip while her father was bedridden, she realized she really could just pick up and take off on her own. She was now single. She didn’t have any children and she could work remotely. So she called a travel agent with her two prerequisites, warm and all-inclusive.

An Unlikely Pick-me-Up

Jamaica was fun but during her flight home, Jennifer was confronted by the thought of returning to an empty house. She was embarrassed to find someone staring at her while her uncontrollable tears were thinning the cheese sauce of her airport nachos. The scruffy man asked her if there was something he could help her with and she tenderly replied to him “Can you make me laugh?”

Making Choices

In 2014, Jennifer felt lucky to be chosen for a study abroad program in New Zealand. She used her time alone to read books on how to process grief and ponder about what her future might look like. She wrote down what she was feeling and the writing helped her to get unstuck. She found that writing cleared her mind and gave her a freedom she desperately needed.

Feeling Like a Fraud

Transitioning from being a “rules girl” to an entrepreneur didn’t feel natural to Jennifer. She found the path of the entrepreneur scary, messy and unclear. She was faced with trying to define who she was and who she wasn’t (I Am Habits #1). Still, she kept writing with the intention of sharing her experiences with others.

Women Aren’t Supposed To

Jennifer’s physical needs didn’t subside just because she was no longer in a relationship. She found herself wanting sex with a variety of people in a variety of ways. She didn’t know what sex was supposed to be like after 40 or what it took to release her own pleasure. She DID know she wanted men to want her and her body. She craved validation and she found it through sexual encounters. She was able to let go of her body image insecurities, to let go and enjoy.

Go Solo! A Savvy Woman’s Guide to Transformation and Self-Discovery Through Travel

Jennifer’s new book is available now, so grab a copy. If you are interested in self-discovery solo travel, following your passions and living a life with purpose, then Jennifer’s life coach sessions may be just what you need. Contact Jennifer via her Transform via Travel website or find out more about her from her LinkedIn profile.

Work Directly with Me

If you would like to work directly with me visit my website, Annpeck.com or email me directly at [email protected] and share with me the impact you have gotten from these stories. If you would like to share your thoughts and ideas with me you can connect on twitter with #curvyworldpodcast and/or @iamannpeck. On Facebook, you can join the private Curvyworld group. If you would like a copy of my “I Am Habits” simply text Iamhabits (all one word) to 44222. Let me know how you found out about Straight Talk, I love collecting the stories.

This episode contains inspiration and proof of how we can all get to our fulfilled place. Believing we are not destined to live the script someone else wrote for us, is empowering.

A Special Quote for Cathy

When the pressure is on and you are all alone take a little ride into the Danger Zone. When the moon is up and the skies are clear just show me a sign and we’ll be outta here. Take me up on a wing and a prayer if you need a friend you know I’ll be there. Your time has come, you can stand or you can run but don’t keep it all inside ‘cause you gotta understand that there ain’t no second chance. No one gets out of here alive only the strong survive. - “Only the Strong Survive” by Bryan Adams

Goodbye Old Life, I Am Going on an Adventure

Cathy Plotnick mistakenly got married instead of pursuing something she wanted to pursue. She always thought she would go to Japan to teach English but then she found herself married to the wrong guy. It turns out he had anger issues and Cathy was compelled to secretly open a private bank account, and then to make her escape.

She quit her sheltered government job and rented a storage unit for her belongings. She left very shortly after for Korea where, without intending to, she lived for four years and where she met her husband in an expat watering hole.

Jewelry, Candles and Tea

Although Cathy wanted to work, she couldn’t legally do so until after she received her US green card because she is a Canadian. It was only after a move to Minnesota that she started looking at direct selling opportunities. It started with a jewelry party invitation and then she found her next career experiment in selling candles and then finally she fell in love with selling tea - not just any tea, Steeped Tea.

Surround Yourself with People who are Supportive

To move past the script her family had written for her when she was younger, she needed to bring positive people into her life. She joined the Polka Dot Powerhouse Community, an all-female business networking sisterhood. She enlisted a coach to help her recognize her inherent qualities and to push her beyond her pre-existing business knowledge. One important thing she uncovered was that it pays to pay attention to the numbers.

As Soon as I Learned I was #2, I Wanted to Become #1

When Cathy started achieving sales and accolades she thought “What can I accomplish if I were to work intentionally towards a goal?” She was doing so well that the Founder of Steeped Tea brought her on stage to announce that she was #2 in the US in sales and recruitment. Cathy immediately went after the #1 position, which she attained; and she has since become a Senior Group Leader in the organization. Cathy believes negativity is poison and having positive people in your life is the key to obtaining your dreams.

A Shout Out to Ken

Cathy’s father, Ken wore a giant belt buckle with his name on it and for that we salute him!

Work Directly with Me

If you would like to work directly with me visit my website, Annpeck.com or email me directly at [email protected]. If you would like to share your thoughts and ideas with me you can connect on twitter with #curvyworldpodcast and/or @iamannpeck. On Facebook, you can join the private Curvyworld group. If you would like a copy of my “I Am Habits” simply text Iamhabits (all one word) to 44222. Let me know how you found out about Straight Talk, I love collecting the stories.

Polka Dot What?

Check out Straight Talk for a Curvy World Episode #7 for an amazing conversation with Shannon Crotty the Founder of Polka Dot Powerhouse, a “women’s only” connection company.

A Special Quote for Theresa

Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our boundaries. Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We’ll set a limit when we’re ready, and not a moment before. So will others. There’s something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we’re controlling others, but because we’ve changed. - From Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go

The People Pleasing Human Pretzel

Is the admiration that accompanies mothering everybody in our lives, worth the giant gaping void we get from not taking care of ourselves? More than likely not, but many women don’t seem to change their sacrificial behavior until they feel like they have lost themselves or some even take it to the edge of dying inside. They twist and bend like a pretzel to make everyone else happy, simply because they are able to. So, how do we step out of codependency and save ourselves? By reprogramming ourselves to follow the IAMHABIT #2: having compassion for ourselves first and then sharing ourselves with others.

Newly Single but Not Ready to Mingle

Theresa Nutt was divorced for 7 years before she considered dating again. She used the time to rediscover herself while working with coaches and counselors. She figured out who she was, as an adult. She praises the book, Solemate by Lauren Mackler, which she says gave her guidance and confidence as she transitioned and transformed. When she was finally ready to meet men again, she turned to an internet dating site.

Do Women Really Respond to This?

Online dating can be overwhelming for the new female user. As soon as she posts her profile, hundreds of responses from “supposedly” eligible bachelors appear in her inbox. It can take days to sort through the half-dressed or sometimes full-frontal photos. Messages with subjects like “How do you feel about friends with benefits?” and “I feel like an axe murdered today” could be comical if they weren’t such a waste of time. As you know, a woman looking for a life partner is serious business.

Things are Not Always What They Seem

Researching someone on the internet seems easy enough but it’s difficult to verify anything. It’s extremely important for women to know who they are dealing with when they communicate using an online dating site. If a recent contact tells you he is going golfing with the guys or a new connection tells you he is a soldier in Syria, you have to believe him or the conversation ends. Police say women are generally trusting of other people and, therefore, must be extra cautious. If you are wondering why the police got involved, listen to Theresa share her very personal story of being deceived online by a man for months to the point of being overwhelmed with all he was asking of her. She opens up about how he tricked her into falling for him and into sending him money.

Thanks to

A big Curvy World thank you to Theresa Nutt. It took courage to share your story with us. You just might save another woman from wasted time and disappointment. Listeners, if you would like to know more about Theresa and her coaching services, visit her website Closeted Creatives.

If you are in the midst of an online relationship and it is starting to make you uncomfortable or you notice a red flag you can contact Scamwarners to see if your prospective mate is a prospective fake.

Share Your Thoughts

If you would like to share your thoughts and ideas with me you can connect on twitter with #curvyworldpodcast and/or @iamannpeck. On Facebook, you can join the private Curvyworld group and you have direct, private access through my email: [email protected] and be sure to check out my website, Annpeck.com. If you would like a copy of my “I Am Habits”, simply text Iamhabits (all one word) to 44222. Let me know how you found out about Straight Talk – I love collecting the stories.