This week, Erik talks to dating coach and former Stripe engineer Joyce Zhang and reveals her strategic dating frameworks and explains why people's standards are too low (not high). She introduces her controversial "hardball" filtering technique, and argues that dating apps work excellently with proper strategy—but self-love remains the biggest bottleneck.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

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LINKS:

Joyce Zhang Substack:
https://thejoycezhang.substack.com/

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FOLLOW ON X:

Joyce - @thejoycezhang

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

Chapters

• 00:00:00 Intro and Preview
• 00:02:30 Journey to Becoming a Dating Coach
• 00:03:32 What is Dating Strategy?
• 00:04:09 Why Dating Apps Actually Work
• 00:05:34 The "Inbox Zero for Hinge" Method
• 00:07:02 Common Profile Mistakes
• 00:09:21 Strong Magnet vs. Weak Magnet Theory
• 00:11:00 Why People's Standards Are Too Low
• 00:12:56 Communication Strategy After Matching
• 00:14:36 Sponsor - Relationship Hero
• 00:16:11 Live Swiping Sessions with Clients
• 00:21:00 Three Core Dating Problems
• 00:23:04 North Star Feelings Framework
• 00:29:35 Limiting Beliefs in Dating
• 00:35:53 Feeling Like a "Commodity" on Apps
• 00:39:00 The Stable Marriage Problem
• 00:47:00 Attachment Theory as a Crutch
• 00:49:05 Joyce's 5-Step Coaching Framework
• 00:56:03 MECE Compatibility Framework
• 01:00:54 Building a Dating Academy
• 01:02:51 Biggest Bottleneck: Mindset vs. Tactics
• 01:0:42 The Needle in a Haystack Problem
• 01:07:01 Wrap