Dating coach and matchmaking expert Blaine Anderson discusses the psychology behind successful dating for men in today's complex landscape. The conversation explores why instant "sparks" are often misleading indicators of relationship potential, with Anderson revealing how chemistry can develop over time rather than appearing at first sight. She explains why many men find themselves trapped in the friendzone and offers counterintuitive strategies for escaping it—including the critical step of genuinely moving on.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

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LINKS:

Dating by Blaine: https://clients.datingbyblaine.com/hi

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FOLLOW ON X:

Blaine - @datingbyblaine

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

• 00:00:00 Intro and Preview
• 00:02:26 Being a Woman Dating Coach for Men
• 00:03:45 Why Focus on Coaching Men
• 00:04:41 "Serial Killer Vibes" in Dating Profiles
• 00:05:08 Core Dating Advice Philosophy
• 00:07:13 What Dating Coaching Looks Like
• 00:08:33 Blaine's Dating Courses Overview
• 00:10:21 Common Client Types and Their Challenges
• 00:12:04 Matchmaking Process and Mindsets
• 00:13:59 Questioning Dating Criteria
• 00:16:22 Sponsor: Relationship Hero
• 00:17:15 Age Preferences and Dating Flexibility
• 00:19:09 Career vs. Traditional Roles in Relationships
• 00:21:00 How Matchmaking Works
• 00:23:41 How Matchmakers Find Potential Partners
• 00:24:45 Marketing vs. Product in Dating
• 00:26:26 Post-Breakup Dating Advice
• 00:27:52 Evaluating Potential Relationships
• 00:29:17 The Myth of "Instant Chemistry"
• 00:30:19 Escaping the Friend Zone
• 00:32:21 Advice for Men Who "Simp" Too Hard
• 00:33:00 Where Coaching Ends and Therapy Begins
• 00:34:46 Women's Dating Coaching
• 00:36:34 The Future of Dating
• 00:38:31 The Stigma of Dating Coaching
• 00:40:43 Dating Apps vs. Self-Development
• 00:41:55 Dating Rules: When to Have Sex
• 00:44:24 Transition to Long-Term Relationships
• 00:46:28 Blaine's Personal Dating Evolution
• 00:49:00 Matchmaking Confidence and Success Metrics
• 00:51:42 Blind Dates vs. Pre-qualification
• 00:52:39 How Matchmaking Services Are Structured
• 00:53:24 Wrap

Best-selling author, Air Force veteran, and psychologist Rob K. Henderson joins Erik Torenberg to explore the complex dynamics and evolutionary psychology in modern dating.

The conversation examines how evolutionary psychology explains attraction patterns, particularly women's occasional interest in men with dark triad personality traits. Henderson unpacks the phenomenon through the lens of the Luigi Mangione case, discussing how violence and aggression can paradoxically enhance male appeal due to evolutionary adaptations.

They explore dark triad attraction, pickup artist culture, partner selection research, and practical advice for men navigating relationships in the age of dating apps and challenging social dynamics.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

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LINKS:

Rob’s Newsletter: https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/Rob-Henderson/177690581

Rob’s Best-selling book Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class:

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Troubled/Rob-Henderson/9781982168544

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FOLLOW ON X:

Rob - @robkhenderson

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

• 00:00:00 Intro and Preview
• 00:01:41 Evolutionary psychology in relationships
• 00:04:17 Dark triad attraction case study: Luigi Mangione
• 00:10:56 Why women respond to violent men
• 00:14:04 Sponsor: Relationship Hero
• 00:15:54 Pickup artist culture evolution
• 00:20:40 Reconciling evolutionary psychology with being a good person
• 00:24:14 Partner selection research findings
• 00:29:49 Dark triad assortative mating patterns
• 00:31:13 High-leverage ways men can improve dating value
• 00:37:44 Age gap relationships
• 00:42:15 Black pill ideology and incel communities
• 00:49:41 Jordan Peterson vs. Andrew Tate as male influences
• 00:55:09 Vulnerability's role in male attraction
• 00:57:44 Closing thoughts on modern dating challenges
• 01:01:18 Wrap

Carl Narcisse, a partner on the talent team at Andreessen Horowitz, and Whitnie Narcisse, formerly an operating partner at First Round Capital who just launched a matchmaking company, talk to Erik Torenberg about their relationship.

The couple discuss their decade-long marriage that began at a baseball game, balancing tech careers with raising three children, and applying "people ops" principles to their partnership—like maintaining a #relationshipgoals spreadsheet to track their goals. They share insights on navigating cultural differences, dating 360s, and why relationships require both spiritual alignment and a growth mindset.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

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LINKS:

Whitnie’s website: Whitnie.com

a16z.com: https://a16z.com/

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FOLLOW ON X:

Carl - @cnarcisse

Whitnie - @WhitnieLow

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

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TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Intro

(01:34) How Whitnie and Carl Met

(03:49) Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting

(07:22) Recognizing the Right Partner

(09:57) Early Relationship Challenges

(14:00) Cultural Differences

(15:50) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(17:25) Handling Temperament Differences

(19:00) Balancing Energy Levels

(21:28) Wanting a Partner Who Leads

(23:40) Whitnie’s Evolution from Avoidant to Secure

(27:09) Applying People Ops to Marriage

(31:47) Building a Support System

(33:52) Relationship Goals and Communication

(38:26) Whitnie’s Dating Concierge Business

(44:23) The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating

(47:04) Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match

(53:34) Dating Process Advice

(56:04) Marriage and Commitment

(1:00:18) Navigating Challenges in Marriage

(1:02:09) Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking

(1:04:30) Wrap

• 00:00:00 Intro
• 00:01:34 How Whitnie and Carl Met
• 00:03:49 Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting
• 00:07:22 Recognizing the Right Partner
• 00:09:57 Early Relationship Challenges
• 00:14:00 Cultural Differences
• 00:15:50 Sponsor: Relationship Hero
• 00:17:25 Handling Temperament Differences
• 00:19:00 Balancing Energy Levels
• 00:21:28 Wanting a Partner Who Leads
• 00:23:40 Whitnie's Evolution from Avoidant to Secure
• 00:27:09 Applying People Ops to Marriage
• 00:31:47 Building a Support System
• 00:33:52 Relationship Goals and Communication
• 00:38:26 Whitnie's Dating Concierge Business
• 00:44:23 The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating
• 00:47:04 Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match
• 00:53:34 Dating Process Advice
• 00:56:04 Marriage and Commitment
• 01:00:18 Navigating Challenges in Marriage
• 01:02:09 Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking
• 01:04:30 Wrap

OpenAI Chief Product Officer Kevin Weil and Scribble Ventures' Founder & Partner Elizabeth Weil share how they've navigated demanding tech careers over 20 years while raising three children—from their whirlwind marathon meetup to building parallel paths in Silicon Valley.

They discuss how they've navigated their career decisions while raising three children, why they believe in letting kids develop natural resilience, and their theory that "life's too short not to be with someone who brings out all the good things."

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

LINKS:

Scribble Ventures: https://www.scribble.vc/

OpenAI: https://openai.com/

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FOLLOW ON X:

Kevin - @kevinweil

Elizabeth - @elizabeth

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

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TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Preview and Intro

(02:04) Meeting Story: Marathon Connection

(05:33) Moving Fast: From Dating to Engagement

(08:02) Partner Expectations: Finding Each Other

(10:38) Life's Too Short: Relationship Philosophy

(11:38) Relationship Chapters: Pre and Post Kids

(13:00) Career and Motherhood Balance

(16:31) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(18:05) Elizabeth's Work Philosophy

(21:00) Kevin's Career Journey

(23:15) Growing Up Together in Tech

(26:21) Division of Labor & Parenting

(30:37) Delegation and Help at Home

(34:53) Parenting Philosophy: Raising Grounded Kids

(37:25) Safety vs. Independence

(40:05) Approach to Academic Achievement

(42:38) Education in an AI World

(46:09) Core Values for Children

(48:47) Maintaining Marriage After Kids

(50:55) Couples They Admire

(53:05) Balancing Everything: Lowering the Bar

(54:45) Final Thoughts: In It Together

(56:14) Wrap

Curious Humans podcast host Jonny Miller and creative coach Kelly Wilde Miller sit down with Erik Torenberg and share their framework for "shortening the half-life of reactivity" of conflicts, their sacred Sunday check-in practice, and why they view marriage as "an arena for surfacing our own stuff."

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

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RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:

FOLLOW ON X:

Jonny - @jonnym1ller

Kelly - @kellycwilde

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

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TIMESTAMPS:

(01:07) Intro

(01:50) Finding Your Partner

(04:24) Transitioning from Friendship to Relationship

(07:06) Engagement Story

(14:13) Working Through Relationship Challenges

(18:36) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(20:11) Marriage as an Arena for Growth

(26:22) Conflict Resolution Techniques

(30:49) Communication Frameworks

(45:18) Nervous System Regulation

(52:44) Sunday Partnership Check-ins

(1:00:15) Children and Community

(1:07:30) Thoughts on Polyamory

(1:10:05) Final Reflections

(1:14:00) Closing

Philosophers Agnes Callard and Arnold Brooks bring their intellectual rigor to marriage and relationships. They sit down with Erik Torenberg to discuss their relationship's beginnings (when Agnes was Arnold's professor), their Platonic versus Aristotelian disagreements about whether marriage is something to transcend or achieve, and why relationships must "escape their beginnings" to thrive. Agnes explains why "marriage is a preparation for divorce," while Arnold argues the healthiest foundation for partnership isn't reciprocal support but simply appreciating how your partner lives—what he calls "bearing witness.".

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

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RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:

* New Yorker article on Agnes and Arnold, by Rachel Aviv: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/03/13/agnes-callard-profile-marriage-philosophy

* Arnold Brooks: http://philosophy.uchicago.edu/arnold-brooks

* Pre-order Agnes Callard's new book Open Socrates: https://wwnorton.com/books/open-socrates

* Agnes Callard on Upstream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JotaCsaG3Y

FOLLOW ON X:

Agnes - @agnescallard

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

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TIMESTAMPS:

(01:49) Intro

(02:08) Agnes' and Arnold's relationship background

(08:13) Marriage and philosophy connection

(16:38) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(18:13) Discussion about divorce

(26:37) Relationships haunted by their beginnings

(30:18) Maintaining friendship with an ex-partner

(34:00) Advice on choosing a partner

(43:34) Conflict about ambition and contentment

(49:35) Arnold's advice to overthink marriage together

(59:42) Parenting philosophy and making children interesting

(1:04:12) Reflections

(1:08:17) Wrap

Sasha Chapin and Cate Hall have been together for three years. Sasha is a writer and co-founder of a perfume company, while Cate is a former pro poker player and CEO of a foundation. They talk about radical honesty in relationships, why the Enneagram can help bridge extreme personalities, and commitment over connection.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero 

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

FOLLOW ON X:

Sasha - @sashachapin

Cate - @catehall

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Preview and Intro

(02:26) How They Met

(05:15) Initial Incompatibility vs Sense of Inevitability

(11:41) Complementary Extremes

(14:37) The Reverse Honeymoon Period

(15:05) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(17:57) Reversed Gender Roles

(24:51) Radical Honesty

(29:02) Levels of Woo

(29:38) Spiritual Alignment

(31:41) The Enneagram as Relationship Tool

(45:02) Relationship Advice: Marriage Timing and Commitment

(51:47) Puzzle Difficulty vs Slush Difficulty

(57:58) Commitment Before Connection

(1:00:12) Reverse Catfishing

(1:02:00) Wrap

Adam Gries and Rie Yano are both startup founders now building in the longevity space (Vitalism). They discuss their approach to partnership, from their serendipitous first meeting (started as a misunderstanding) to building a 50/50 marriage while running companies and raising children. They examine why great relationships shouldn't require constant work, how they maintain true equal responsibilities, and why finding the right partner parallels finding an exceptional co-founder.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero 

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

FOLLOW ON X:

Rie - @rieglobe

Adam - @adamgries

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

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TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Intro and Preview

(01:50) "The One": Their Unique Meeting Story

(08:25) "Co-locating": Their Innovative Long-Distance Approach

(19:39) "Work is for Fools": Their Anti-Work Philosophy

(23:05) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(24:40) The One Hard Thing - What Relationships Are Able to Handle

(30:21) Highest Tension Moments: Working Together & Lemonade Incident

(37:23) The True 50-50 Partnership

(40:56) Systems for Success

(45:05) Practical Hacks: Google Calendars & "Airing of Grievances"

(47:19) Life board of directors meetings

(52:16) On Men Doing More

(57:13) Full Stack Parents

(59:10) Monogamy: Intentional Choice or Default?

(1:00:38) Chasing Longevity: Supporting a Partner with Unconventional Goals

(1:03:26) Money & Career Dynamics

(1:08:32) Modern Parenting Approach

(1:11:18) If You Knew Then? Tolerating Pain & Cutting Losses

(1:14:20) The Illusion of Difficulty: How to Find a Great Match

(1:17:49) Finding Your "Three Sigma" Match

(1:21:21) Closing Thoughts & Final Advice

Tara Viswanathan (founder who recently sold her startup) and Alex Modon (startup founder) share their journey from a 15-minute Bumble date to marriage. They discuss Tara's systematic approach to dating (including analyzing 60 first dates), building a relationship while running startups, and their thoughts on balancing ambitious careers with starting a family. A rare glimpse into two founders making partnership work.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero 

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

FOLLOW ON X:

Tara - @TaraViswanathan

Alex - @alexmodon

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:

Books

The Defining Decade by Meg Jay: https://www.amazon.com/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter/dp/0446561754

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

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TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Intro and Preview

(01:41) Tara's Unconventional Quest for "The One"

(05:19) Alex's Journey to Finding Love Unintentionally

(07:53) Tara's "Crazy" Playbook: Love Hacks and Radical Self-Improvement

(12:59) Lessons Learned from Countless "I Dos" (and "I Don'ts")

(14:14) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(15:49) A Dynamic Approach to Partnership

(18:24) Considering Age Rate and Stage of Life

(19:35) Reclaiming Authentic Power in Love and Life

(23:36) Decoding Each Other's Communication Styles

(28:41) Integrating Family and Work Adventures

(32:50) A Shared Vision for Family and Career

(36:26) Future Family Plans: Adoption

(50:39) Hot Takes on Dating

(51:26) The Core of the Decision: Ask "What Feels Right"

(55:05) Protecting Your Relationship

(59:19) The Dream: An Integrated Life

(1:03:14) Wrap

Aike Ho (Partner, ACME Capital) and Camilla Hermann (entrepreneur) discuss "relationship yoga" - viewing intimate relationships as paths to growth through how we trigger each other. They explore how relationship patterns reveal unresolved aspects of ourselves and why finding a partner who's willing to evolve together matters more than matching a checklist of ideal traits.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero 

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

FOLLOW ON X:

Aike - @aikeho

Camilla - @CamillaFHermann

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

LINKS

TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Intro and Preview

(01:33) What is Relationship Yoga?

(02:22) Relationship as a Canvas for Wholeness

(04:54) Triggers and the Opportunity for Healing

(08:40) Observing and Processing Triggers

(09:38) The Role of Past Experiences

(10:51) Holding Space & Interlocking Patterns

(11:32) Using the Enneagram

(12:56) Example of Reactivity and Softness

(14:00) Reparenting & the Little Ones

(15:39) Interlocking Triggers & Internal Family Systems (IFS)

(16:39) Working with Internal Parts

(20:07) Free Will & Running Patterns

(21:00) Growth, Ego Death & Commitment in Relationships

(23:11) Seeing With Fresh Eyes

(23:16) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(24:59) The Art of Loving & Unconditional Acceptance

(28:30) Reflections on Being Single

(34:50) Challenges & Bouncing Back

(39:44) Patterns Want to be Liberated

(42:34) Causes of Struggle in Relationships

(55:57) Tension of Triggers and Attraction

(1:00:04) Advice For Making It Fantastic

(1:02:04) Connection: Spark, Attraction, Intimacy

(1:05:23) Wrap