"Modern Relationships"

Best-selling author, Air Force veteran, and psychologist Rob K. Henderson joins Erik Torenberg to explore the complex dynamics and evolutionary psychology in modern dating.

The conversation examines how evolutionary psychology explains attraction patterns, particularly women's occasional interest in men with dark triad personality traits. Henderson unpacks the phenomenon through the lens of the Luigi Mangione case, discussing how violence and aggression can paradoxically enhance male appeal due to evolutionary adaptations.

They explore dark triad attraction, pickup artist culture, partner selection research, and practical advice for men navigating relationships in the age of dating apps and challenging social dynamics.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

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LINKS:

Rob’s Newsletter: https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/Rob-Henderson/177690581

Rob’s Best-selling book Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class:

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Troubled/Rob-Henderson/9781982168544

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FOLLOW ON X:

Rob - @robkhenderson

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

Carl Narcisse, a partner on the talent team at Andreessen Horowitz, and Whitnie Narcisse, formerly an operating partner at First Round Capital who just launched a matchmaking company, talk to Erik Torenberg about their relationship.

The couple discuss their decade-long marriage that began at a baseball game, balancing tech careers with raising three children, and applying "people ops" principles to their partnership—like maintaining a #relationshipgoals spreadsheet to track their goals. They share insights on navigating cultural differences, dating 360s, and why relationships require both spiritual alignment and a growth mindset.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

LINKS:

Whitnie’s website: Whitnie.com

a16z.com: https://a16z.com/

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FOLLOW ON X:

Carl - @cnarcisse

Whitnie - @WhitnieLow

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

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TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Intro

(01:34) How Whitnie and Carl Met

(03:49) Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting

(07:22) Recognizing the Right Partner

(09:57) Early Relationship Challenges

(14:00) Cultural Differences

(15:50) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(17:25) Handling Temperament Differences

(19:00) Balancing Energy Levels

(21:28) Wanting a Partner Who Leads

(23:40) Whitnie’s Evolution from Avoidant to Secure

(27:09) Applying People Ops to Marriage

(31:47) Building a Support System

(33:52) Relationship Goals and Communication

(38:26) Whitnie’s Dating Concierge Business

(44:23) The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating

(47:04) Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match

(53:34) Dating Process Advice

(56:04) Marriage and Commitment

(1:00:18) Navigating Challenges in Marriage

(1:02:09) Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking

(1:04:30) Wrap

Carl Narcisse, a partner on the talent team at Andreessen Horowitz, and Whitnie Narcisse, formerly an operating partner at First Round Capital who just launched a matchmaking company, talk to Erik Torenberg about their relationship.

The couple discuss their decade-long marriage that began at a baseball game, balancing tech careers with raising three children, and applying "people ops" principles to their partnership—like maintaining a #relationshipgoals spreadsheet to track their goals. They share insights on navigating cultural differences, dating 360s, and why relationships require both spiritual alignment and a growth mindset.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

LINKS:

Whitnie’s website: Whitnie.com

a16z.com: https://a16z.com/

--

FOLLOW ON X:

Carl - @cnarcisse

Whitnie - @WhitnieLow

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Intro

(01:34) How Whitnie and Carl Met

(03:49) Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting

(07:22) Recognizing the Right Partner

(09:57) Early Relationship Challenges

(14:00) Cultural Differences

(15:50) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(17:25) Handling Temperament Differences

(19:00) Balancing Energy Levels

(21:28) Wanting a Partner Who Leads

(23:40) Whitnie’s Evolution from Avoidant to Secure

(27:09) Applying People Ops to Marriage

(31:47) Building a Support System

(33:52) Relationship Goals and Communication

(38:26) Whitnie’s Dating Concierge Business

(44:23) The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating

(47:04) Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match

(53:34) Dating Process Advice

(56:04) Marriage and Commitment

(1:00:18) Navigating Challenges in Marriage

(1:02:09) Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking

(1:04:30) Wrap

Carl Narcisse, a partner on the talent team at Andreessen Horowitz, and Whitnie Narcisse, formerly an operating partner at First Round Capital who just launched a matchmaking company, talk to Erik Torenberg about their relationship.

The couple discuss their decade-long marriage that began at a baseball game, balancing tech careers with raising three children, and applying "people ops" principles to their partnership—like maintaining a #relationshipgoals spreadsheet to track their goals. They share insights on navigating cultural differences, dating 360s, and why relationships require both spiritual alignment and a growth mindset.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

LINKS:

Whitnie’s website: Whitnie.com

a16z.com: https://a16z.com/

--

FOLLOW ON X:

Carl - @cnarcisse

Whitnie - @WhitnieLow

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Intro

(01:34) How Whitnie and Carl Met

(03:49) Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting

(07:22) Recognizing the Right Partner

(09:57) Early Relationship Challenges

(14:00) Cultural Differences

(15:50) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(17:25) Handling Temperament Differences

(19:00) Balancing Energy Levels

(21:28) Wanting a Partner Who Leads

(23:40) Whitnie’s Evolution from Avoidant to Secure

(27:09) Applying People Ops to Marriage

(31:47) Building a Support System

(33:52) Relationship Goals and Communication

(38:26) Whitnie’s Dating Concierge Business

(44:23) The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating

(47:04) Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match

(53:34) Dating Process Advice

(56:04) Marriage and Commitment

(1:00:18) Navigating Challenges in Marriage

(1:02:09) Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking

(1:04:30) Wrap

OpenAI Chief Product Officer Kevin Weil and Scribble Ventures' Founder & Partner Elizabeth Weil share how they've navigated demanding tech careers over 20 years while raising three children—from their whirlwind marathon meetup to building parallel paths in Silicon Valley.

They discuss how they've navigated their career decisions while raising three children, why they believe in letting kids develop natural resilience, and their theory that "life's too short not to be with someone who brings out all the good things."

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

LINKS:

Scribble Ventures: https://www.scribble.vc/

OpenAI: https://openai.com/

--

FOLLOW ON X:

Kevin - @kevinweil

Elizabeth - @elizabeth

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Preview and Intro

(02:04) Meeting Story: Marathon Connection

(05:33) Moving Fast: From Dating to Engagement

(08:02) Partner Expectations: Finding Each Other

(10:38) Life's Too Short: Relationship Philosophy

(11:38) Relationship Chapters: Pre and Post Kids

(13:00) Career and Motherhood Balance

(16:31) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(18:05) Elizabeth's Work Philosophy

(21:00) Kevin's Career Journey

(23:15) Growing Up Together in Tech

(26:21) Division of Labor & Parenting

(30:37) Delegation and Help at Home

(34:53) Parenting Philosophy: Raising Grounded Kids

(37:25) Safety vs. Independence

(40:05) Approach to Academic Achievement

(42:38) Education in an AI World

(46:09) Core Values for Children

(48:47) Maintaining Marriage After Kids

(50:55) Couples They Admire

(53:05) Balancing Everything: Lowering the Bar

(54:45) Final Thoughts: In It Together

(56:14) Wrap

OpenAI Chief Product Officer Kevin Weil and Scribble Ventures' Founder & Partner Elizabeth Weil share how they've navigated demanding tech careers over 20 years while raising three children—from their whirlwind marathon meetup to building parallel paths in Silicon Valley.

They discuss how they've navigated their career decisions while raising three children, why they believe in letting kids develop natural resilience, and their theory that "life's too short not to be with someone who brings out all the good things."

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

LINKS:

Scribble Ventures: https://www.scribble.vc/

OpenAI: https://openai.com/

--

FOLLOW ON X:

Kevin - @kevinweil

Elizabeth - @elizabeth

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Preview and Intro

(02:04) Meeting Story: Marathon Connection

(05:33) Moving Fast: From Dating to Engagement

(08:02) Partner Expectations: Finding Each Other

(10:38) Life's Too Short: Relationship Philosophy

(11:38) Relationship Chapters: Pre and Post Kids

(13:00) Career and Motherhood Balance

(16:31) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(18:05) Elizabeth's Work Philosophy

(21:00) Kevin's Career Journey

(23:15) Growing Up Together in Tech

(26:21) Division of Labor & Parenting

(30:37) Delegation and Help at Home

(34:53) Parenting Philosophy: Raising Grounded Kids

(37:25) Safety vs. Independence

(40:05) Approach to Academic Achievement

(42:38) Education in an AI World

(46:09) Core Values for Children

(48:47) Maintaining Marriage After Kids

(50:55) Couples They Admire

(53:05) Balancing Everything: Lowering the Bar

(54:45) Final Thoughts: In It Together

(56:14) Wrap

OpenAI Chief Product Officer Kevin Weil and Scribble Ventures' Founder & Partner Elizabeth Weil share how they've navigated demanding tech careers over 20 years while raising three children—from their whirlwind marathon meetup to building parallel paths in Silicon Valley.

They discuss how they've navigated their career decisions while raising three children, why they believe in letting kids develop natural resilience, and their theory that "life's too short not to be with someone who brings out all the good things."

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

LINKS:

Scribble Ventures: https://www.scribble.vc/

OpenAI: https://openai.com/

--

FOLLOW ON X:

Kevin - @kevinweil

Elizabeth - @elizabeth

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Preview and Intro

(02:04) Meeting Story: Marathon Connection

(05:33) Moving Fast: From Dating to Engagement

(08:02) Partner Expectations: Finding Each Other

(10:38) Life's Too Short: Relationship Philosophy

(11:38) Relationship Chapters: Pre and Post Kids

(13:00) Career and Motherhood Balance

(16:31) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(18:05) Elizabeth's Work Philosophy

(21:00) Kevin's Career Journey

(23:15) Growing Up Together in Tech

(26:21) Division of Labor & Parenting

(30:37) Delegation and Help at Home

(34:53) Parenting Philosophy: Raising Grounded Kids

(37:25) Safety vs. Independence

(40:05) Approach to Academic Achievement

(42:38) Education in an AI World

(46:09) Core Values for Children

(48:47) Maintaining Marriage After Kids

(50:55) Couples They Admire

(53:05) Balancing Everything: Lowering the Bar

(54:45) Final Thoughts: In It Together

(56:14) Wrap

Curious Humans podcast host Jonny Miller and creative coach Kelly Wilde Miller sit down with Erik Torenberg and share their framework for "shortening the half-life of reactivity" of conflicts, their sacred Sunday check-in practice, and why they view marriage as "an arena for surfacing our own stuff."

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:

FOLLOW ON X:

Jonny - @jonnym1ller

Kelly - @kellycwilde

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

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TIMESTAMPS:

(01:07) Intro

(01:50) Finding Your Partner

(04:24) Transitioning from Friendship to Relationship

(07:06) Engagement Story

(14:13) Working Through Relationship Challenges

(18:36) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(20:11) Marriage as an Arena for Growth

(26:22) Conflict Resolution Techniques

(30:49) Communication Frameworks

(45:18) Nervous System Regulation

(52:44) Sunday Partnership Check-ins

(1:00:15) Children and Community

(1:07:30) Thoughts on Polyamory

(1:10:05) Final Reflections

(1:14:00) Closing

Curious Humans podcast host Jonny Miller and creative coach Kelly Wilde Miller sit down with Erik Torenberg and share their framework for "shortening the half-life of reactivity" of conflicts, their sacred Sunday check-in practice, and why they view marriage as "an arena for surfacing our own stuff."

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:

FOLLOW ON X:

Jonny - @jonnym1ller

Kelly - @kellycwilde

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

TIMESTAMPS:

(01:07) Intro

(01:50) Finding Your Partner

(04:24) Transitioning from Friendship to Relationship

(07:06) Engagement Story

(14:13) Working Through Relationship Challenges

(18:36) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(20:11) Marriage as an Arena for Growth

(26:22) Conflict Resolution Techniques

(30:49) Communication Frameworks

(45:18) Nervous System Regulation

(52:44) Sunday Partnership Check-ins

(1:00:15) Children and Community

(1:07:30) Thoughts on Polyamory

(1:10:05) Final Reflections

(1:14:00) Closing

Curious Humans podcast host Jonny Miller and creative coach Kelly Wilde Miller sit down with Erik Torenberg and share their framework for "shortening the half-life of reactivity" of conflicts, their sacred Sunday check-in practice, and why they view marriage as "an arena for surfacing our own stuff."

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

SPONSOR: Relationship Hero

It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.

--

RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:

FOLLOW ON X:

Jonny - @jonnym1ller

Kelly - @kellycwilde

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

TIMESTAMPS:

(01:07) Intro

(01:50) Finding Your Partner

(04:24) Transitioning from Friendship to Relationship

(07:06) Engagement Story

(14:13) Working Through Relationship Challenges

(18:36) Sponsor: Relationship Hero

(20:11) Marriage as an Arena for Growth

(26:22) Conflict Resolution Techniques

(30:49) Communication Frameworks

(45:18) Nervous System Regulation

(52:44) Sunday Partnership Check-ins

(1:00:15) Children and Community

(1:07:30) Thoughts on Polyamory

(1:10:05) Final Reflections

(1:14:00) Closing