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"Modern Relationships"
"Modern Relationships" episodes
- E8: Marriage is a Preparation for Divorce | Agnes Callard & Arnold Brooks
Philosophers Agnes Callard and Arnold Brooks bring their intellectual rigor to marriage and relationships. They sit down with Erik Torenberg to discuss their relationship's beginnings (when Agnes was Arnold's professor), their Platonic versus Aristotelian disagreements about whether marriage is something to transcend or achieve, and why relationships must "escape their beginnings" to thrive. Agnes explains why "marriage is a preparation for divorce," while Arnold argues the healthiest foundation for partnership isn't reciprocal support but simply appreciating how your partner lives—what he calls "bearing witness.".
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
--
SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
--
RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:
* New Yorker article on Agnes and Arnold, by Rachel Aviv: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/03/13/agnes-callard-profile-marriage-philosophy
* Arnold Brooks: http://philosophy.uchicago.edu/arnold-brooks
* Pre-order Agnes Callard's new book Open Socrates: https://wwnorton.com/books/open-socrates
* Agnes Callard on Upstream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JotaCsaG3Y
FOLLOW ON X:
Agnes - @agnescallard
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
--
TIMESTAMPS:
(01:49) Intro
(02:08) Agnes' and Arnold's relationship background
(08:13) Marriage and philosophy connection
(16:38) Sponsor: Relationship Hero
(18:13) Discussion about divorce
(26:37) Relationships haunted by their beginnings
(30:18) Maintaining friendship with an ex-partner
(34:00) Advice on choosing a partner
(43:34) Conflict about ambition and contentment
(49:35) Arnold's advice to overthink marriage together
(59:42) Parenting philosophy and making children interesting
(1:04:12) Reflections
(1:08:17) Wrap
1 hr 10 min - E8: Marriage is a Preparation for Divorce | Agnes Callard & Arnold Brooks
Philosophers Agnes Callard and Arnold Brooks bring their intellectual rigor to marriage and relationships. They sit down with Erik Torenberg to discuss their relationship's beginnings (when Agnes was Arnold's professor), their Platonic versus Aristotelian disagreements about whether marriage is something to transcend or achieve, and why relationships must "escape their beginnings" to thrive. Agnes explains why "marriage is a preparation for divorce," while Arnold argues the healthiest foundation for partnership isn't reciprocal support but simply appreciating how your partner lives—what he calls "bearing witness.".
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
--
SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
--
RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:
* New Yorker article on Agnes and Arnold, by Rachel Aviv: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/03/13/agnes-callard-profile-marriage-philosophy
* Arnold Brooks: http://philosophy.uchicago.edu/arnold-brooks
* Pre-order Agnes Callard's new book Open Socrates: https://wwnorton.com/books/open-socrates
* Agnes Callard on Upstream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JotaCsaG3Y
FOLLOW ON X:
Agnes - @agnescallard
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
--
TIMESTAMPS:
(01:49) Intro
(02:08) Agnes' and Arnold's relationship background
(08:13) Marriage and philosophy connection
(16:38) Sponsor: Relationship Hero
(18:13) Discussion about divorce
(26:37) Relationships haunted by their beginnings
(30:18) Maintaining friendship with an ex-partner
(34:00) Advice on choosing a partner
(43:34) Conflict about ambition and contentment
(49:35) Arnold's advice to overthink marriage together
(59:42) Parenting philosophy and making children interesting
(1:04:12) Reflections
(1:08:17) Wrap
1 hr 10 min - E8: Marriage is a Preparation for Divorce | Agnes Callard & Arnold Brooks
Philosophers Agnes Callard and Arnold Brooks bring their intellectual rigor to marriage and relationships. They sit down with Erik Torenberg to discuss their relationship's beginnings (when Agnes was Arnold's professor), their Platonic versus Aristotelian disagreements about whether marriage is something to transcend or achieve, and why relationships must "escape their beginnings" to thrive. Agnes explains why "marriage is a preparation for divorce," while Arnold argues the healthiest foundation for partnership isn't reciprocal support but simply appreciating how your partner lives—what he calls "bearing witness.".
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
--
SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
--
RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:
* New Yorker article on Agnes and Arnold, by Rachel Aviv: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/03/13/agnes-callard-profile-marriage-philosophy
* Arnold Brooks: http://philosophy.uchicago.edu/arnold-brooks
* Pre-order Agnes Callard's new book Open Socrates: https://wwnorton.com/books/open-socrates
* Agnes Callard on Upstream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JotaCsaG3Y
FOLLOW ON X:
Agnes - @agnescallard
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
--
TIMESTAMPS:
(01:49) Intro
(02:08) Agnes' and Arnold's relationship background
(08:13) Marriage and philosophy connection
(16:38) Sponsor: Relationship Hero
(18:13) Discussion about divorce
(26:37) Relationships haunted by their beginnings
(30:18) Maintaining friendship with an ex-partner
(34:00) Advice on choosing a partner
(43:34) Conflict about ambition and contentment
(49:35) Arnold's advice to overthink marriage together
(59:42) Parenting philosophy and making children interesting
(1:04:12) Reflections
(1:08:17) Wrap
1 hr 10 min - 💑 Their Marriage Hack: 15 Days Apart Makes Us Stronger!How this couple stays independent while building a life together -- Their secret? 15 days of "me time" sabbaticals each year! Serial entrepreneur Rie Yano explains how these mini-breaks help them maintain their identities beyond just being "married." Would you try this with your partner? #MarriageTips #RelationshipHack #CoupleGoals1 min
- What Makes a Relationship Inevitable? | Sasha Chapin & Cate Hall
Sasha Chapin and Cate Hall have been together for three years. Sasha is a writer and co-founder of a perfume company, while Cate is a former pro poker player and CEO of a foundation. They talk about radical honesty in relationships, why the Enneagram can help bridge extreme personalities, and commitment over connection.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
--
SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
--
FOLLOW ON X:
Sasha - @sashachapin
Cate - @catehall
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
--
TIMESTAMPS:
(00:00) Preview and Intro
(02:26) How They Met
(05:15) Initial Incompatibility vs Sense of Inevitability
(11:41) Complementary Extremes
(14:37) The Reverse Honeymoon Period
(15:05) Sponsor: Relationship Hero
(17:57) Reversed Gender Roles
(24:51) Radical Honesty
(29:02) Levels of Woo
(29:38) Spiritual Alignment
(31:41) The Enneagram as Relationship Tool
(45:02) Relationship Advice: Marriage Timing and Commitment
(51:47) Puzzle Difficulty vs Slush Difficulty
(57:58) Commitment Before Connection
(1:00:12) Reverse Catfishing
(1:02:00) Wrap
1 hr 3 min - What Makes a Relationship Inevitable? | Sasha Chapin & Cate Hall
Sasha Chapin and Cate Hall have been together for three years. Sasha is a writer and co-founder of a perfume company, while Cate is a former pro poker player and CEO of a foundation. They talk about radical honesty in relationships, why the Enneagram can help bridge extreme personalities, and commitment over connection.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
--
SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
--
FOLLOW ON X:
Sasha - @sashachapin
Cate - @catehall
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
--
TIMESTAMPS:
(00:00) Preview and Intro
(02:26) How They Met
(05:15) Initial Incompatibility vs Sense of Inevitability
(11:41) Complementary Extremes
(14:37) The Reverse Honeymoon Period
(15:05) Sponsor: Relationship Hero
(17:57) Reversed Gender Roles
(24:51) Radical Honesty
(29:02) Levels of Woo
(29:38) Spiritual Alignment
(31:41) The Enneagram as Relationship Tool
(45:02) Relationship Advice: Marriage Timing and Commitment
(51:47) Puzzle Difficulty vs Slush Difficulty
(57:58) Commitment Before Connection
(1:00:12) Reverse Catfishing
(1:02:00) Wrap
1 hr 3 min - What Makes a Relationship Inevitable? | Sasha Chapin & Cate Hall
Sasha Chapin and Cate Hall have been together for three years. Sasha is a writer and co-founder of a perfume company, while Cate is a former pro poker player and CEO of a foundation. They talk about radical honesty in relationships, why the Enneagram can help bridge extreme personalities, and commitment over connection.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
--
SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
--
FOLLOW ON X:
Sasha - @sashachapin
Cate - @catehall
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
--
TIMESTAMPS:
(00:00) Preview and Intro
(02:26) How They Met
(05:15) Initial Incompatibility vs Sense of Inevitability
(11:41) Complementary Extremes
(14:37) The Reverse Honeymoon Period
(15:05) Sponsor: Relationship Hero
(17:57) Reversed Gender Roles
(24:51) Radical Honesty
(29:02) Levels of Woo
(29:38) Spiritual Alignment
(31:41) The Enneagram as Relationship Tool
(45:02) Relationship Advice: Marriage Timing and Commitment
(51:47) Puzzle Difficulty vs Slush Difficulty
(57:58) Commitment Before Connection
(1:00:12) Reverse Catfishing
(1:02:00) Wrap
1 hr 3 min - 🤝 We're The ONLY True 50-50 Couple We Know!Two entrepreneurs, two kids, ONE perfectly balanced relationship Watch how this power couple manages to split EVERYTHING equally while building businesses and raising children. No "primary parent" here! Is true 50-50 partnership possible? They're living proof! #PowerCouple #RelationshipGoals #EntrepreneurCouple #EqualPartnership1 min
- Propose On the First Date | Adam Gries & Rie Yano
Adam Gries and Rie Yano are both startup founders now building in the longevity space (Vitalism). They discuss their approach to partnership, from their serendipitous first meeting (started as a misunderstanding) to building a 50/50 marriage while running companies and raising children. They examine why great relationships shouldn't require constant work, how they maintain true equal responsibilities, and why finding the right partner parallels finding an exceptional co-founder.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
--
SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
--
FOLLOW ON X:
Rie - @rieglobe
Adam - @adamgries
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
--
TIMESTAMPS:
(00:00) Intro and Preview
(01:50) "The One": Their Unique Meeting Story
(08:25) "Co-locating": Their Innovative Long-Distance Approach
(19:39) "Work is for Fools": Their Anti-Work Philosophy
(23:05) Sponsor: Relationship Hero
(24:40) The One Hard Thing - What Relationships Are Able to Handle
(30:21) Highest Tension Moments: Working Together & Lemonade Incident
(37:23) The True 50-50 Partnership
(40:56) Systems for Success
(45:05) Practical Hacks: Google Calendars & "Airing of Grievances"
(47:19) Life board of directors meetings
(52:16) On Men Doing More
(57:13) Full Stack Parents
(59:10) Monogamy: Intentional Choice or Default?
(1:00:38) Chasing Longevity: Supporting a Partner with Unconventional Goals
(1:03:26) Money & Career Dynamics
(1:08:32) Modern Parenting Approach
(1:11:18) If You Knew Then? Tolerating Pain & Cutting Losses
(1:14:20) The Illusion of Difficulty: How to Find a Great Match
(1:17:49) Finding Your "Three Sigma" Match
(1:21:21) Closing Thoughts & Final Advice
1 hr 23 min - Date 60 Was The One | Tara Viswanathan & Alex Modon
Tara Viswanathan (founder who recently sold her startup) and Alex Modon (startup founder) share their journey from a 15-minute Bumble date to marriage. They discuss Tara's systematic approach to dating (including analyzing 60 first dates), building a relationship while running startups, and their thoughts on balancing ambitious careers with starting a family. A rare glimpse into two founders making partnership work.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
--
SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
--
FOLLOW ON X:
Tara - @TaraViswanathan
Alex - @alexmodon
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
--
RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE:
Books
The Defining Decade by Meg Jay: https://www.amazon.com/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter/dp/0446561754
Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805
--
TIMESTAMPS:
(00:00) Intro and Preview
(01:41) Tara's Unconventional Quest for "The One"
(05:19) Alex's Journey to Finding Love Unintentionally
(07:53) Tara's "Crazy" Playbook: Love Hacks and Radical Self-Improvement
(12:59) Lessons Learned from Countless "I Dos" (and "I Don'ts")
(14:14) Sponsor: Relationship Hero
(15:49) A Dynamic Approach to Partnership
(18:24) Considering Age Rate and Stage of Life
(19:35) Reclaiming Authentic Power in Love and Life
(23:36) Decoding Each Other's Communication Styles
(28:41) Integrating Family and Work Adventures
(32:50) A Shared Vision for Family and Career
(36:26) Future Family Plans: Adoption
(50:39) Hot Takes on Dating
(51:26) The Core of the Decision: Ask "What Feels Right"
(55:05) Protecting Your Relationship
(59:19) The Dream: An Integrated Life
(1:03:14) Wrap
1 hr 3 min
About "Modern Relationships"
From the publisher's feed
We rarely get to hear how people actually make relationships work, especially in the high-pressure, fast-paced world of tech. While there's endless dating advice out there, what's missing are the real, unfiltered stories of how ambitious people navigate modern relationships and build a life together.
Unlike every other aspect of modern life that can be solved with an app or outsourced to a service, building meaningful relationships remains stubbornly resistant to quick fixes. Through conversations with leading relationship thinkers and candid interviews with real couples, we dig into the raw truth of what it takes to make partnerships work - from the challenges and fights to the breakthroughs and lessons learned along the way.
I believe we learn best from seeing how others have navigated similar paths. These conversations offer honest perspectives on what it really takes to make modern relationships work in our corner of the world.
Hosted by Erik Torenberg, investor and entrepreneur.
Modern Relationships is part of the Turpentine podcast network.