Do you ever feel like you have to be "right" in order to feel safe? Or that if you could just figure out the answer, the relationship, or the next step, then the anxiety and shame would finally go away?

If so, you're not alone. Many women stuck in co-dependency and complex shame cling to certainty as a way to feel secure—but often it only leaves us more exhausted, more disconnected, and further from ourselves.

In this episode of Stronger in the Difficult Places, I sit down with Stefani Ruper - Oxford-trained philosopher, former Harvard researcher, and author of the forthcoming book The Certainty Cure. Stefani shares why releasing certainty and embracing curiosity can transform the way we see ourselves, our relationships, and our healing journey.

We talk about:

• Why certainty addiction keeps women stuck in cycles of co-dependency and shame • How uncertainty fuels personal growth and builds resilience • What curiosity looks like in daily life (even in arguments or moments of shame) • How to stay grounded when everything feels uncertain • Practical ways to release the need to be right and rediscover who you are

If you're ready to stop chasing control and start healing by embracing the unknown, this conversation will give you hope and practical steps forward.

Connect with Stefani Ruper: • Instagram: @stefani.ruper • Facebook: facebook.com/stefani.ruper • X: @stefaniruper • Substack: stefaniruper.substack.com

Resources & Next Steps:

Join the Stronger Woman Collective waitlist: here

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Buy my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend and leave a review. Your reviews help more women untangle shame, break free from co-dependency, and discover the strength to live with curiosity.

We've all been there—wishing someone we love would finally be different. Maybe it's a spouse who won't listen, a parent who won't soften, or a friend who keeps repeating the same destructive patterns. The temptation is to pour our energy into fixing them—but what if the real path to peace and change begins with you? In this episode, I unpack why clinging to the hope that someone will change can keep you stuck, frustrated, and resentful. I offer practical, compassionate steps for accepting people as they are, protecting your worth with boundaries, and reclaiming your peace. Because the truth is, the second you change, the entire relationship changes. What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why trying to "fix" others only deepens disappointment and conflict
• How radical acceptance creates peace and clarity
• The trap of wasting energy on why someone won't change
• How to set boundaries without losing yourself
• The surprising freedom that comes when you stop needing others to change

Encouragement: You don't need to wait for someone else to transform before you can breathe again. Peace doesn't come when they change—it comes when you stop needing them to.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode.

What do you even call a divorce anniversary? Two years after the end of my marriage, I find myself reflecting—not on celebration, but on growth, healing, and the lessons heartbreak leaves behind. In this deeply personal episode, I'm sharing the three truths divorce taught me about co-dependency and how I'm learning to live and love differently.

Whether you're walking through the rubble of a relationship, navigating the lonely spaces of divorce, or stepping into love again with a hopeful but shaky heart, these lessons are for you.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why self-regulation must come before co-regulation and the practical ways you can ground yourself before leaning on someone else.
• The surprising difference between being alone and being lonely, and how solitude can actually become sacred.
• How boundaries create freedom, why they aren't rejection, but an invitation to authentic love.

This Episode Is For You If…

You've struggled with co-dependency or shame in relationships. You're navigating divorce, separation, or stepping into new love after loss. You want to stop abandoning yourself in relationships and learn how to show up fully as you.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Share this episode with a friend who needs a reminder: you are not too much, and you are not alone.

So many women in difficult relationships hold onto a dangerous belief: if I just love him enough, I can save him.

Psychotherapist and author Shavaun Scott knows this illusion all too well. In her memoir Nightbird (Pierian Springs Press, May 12), she unflinchingly shares her journey through an emotionally abusive marriage, her husband's tragic suicide, and the painful yet liberating process of rebuilding her life.

In this conversation, Shavaun and I explore:

• Why so many women feel responsible for "saving" their partners—and how that belief keeps us trapped.
• How suicide or the threat of can be a control tactic and how greater awareness leads to compassion.
• The structural and emotional barriers that keep survivors in cycles of abuse—and what it takes to break free.
• How trauma, grief, and loss can become unlikely catalysts for healing, self-discovery, and even freedom.
• The power of authentic connection in reclaiming identity and rebuilding after devastation.

Shavaun's story is raw, sobering, and ultimately full of hope. Whether you've faced abuse, grappled with loss, or love someone who has, her voice is a reminder that healing is possible, and freedom is worth fighting for. Learn more about Shavaun's work and her book Nightbird at shavaunscott.com.

Pre-order my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Connect with me:

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram

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Dr. Zoe Shaw Website

In a world where we're taught to speak up, make our point, and persuade, the skill of listening often gets overlooked—and undervalued. Yet listening, when done well, can transform our relationships far more than talking or lecturing ever could.

In this episode of Stronger in the Difficult Places, Dr. Zoe sits down with Licensed Professional Counselor Gina Yanovitch to explore how truly hearing others can deepen understanding, foster connection, and defuse conflict. Gina, author of Stop Avoiding It, shares how coping skills, neuroscience, and scripture can help us move out of our emotional minds, embrace uncertainty, and navigate hard conversations with grace.

What We Discuss in This Episode:

• Why listening is a more powerful relationship tool than talking or persuading
• How better listening can help you understand your partner on a deeper level
• The connection between coping skills and flexibility in problem-solving
• How to move out of your emotional mind and resist the urge to avoid discomfort
• The role of uncertainty and change in personal growth

About Gina Yanovitch: Gina Yanovitch is a Licensed Professional Counselor in sunny Phoenix, Arizona, specializing in trauma and relationships. In her new book, Stop Avoiding It, she equips readers with tools to face difficult emotions and conversations head-on—combining practical coping skills, brain science, and spiritual wisdom.

Connect with Gina:

Stop Avoiding It: stopavoidingit.com Website: mindhelm.org Instagram: @mind_helm

Pre-order my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Connect with me:

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram

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Dr. Zoe Shaw Website

What does it really take to make a long-term marriage work and why do so many couples struggle to stay connected over time? In this episode, I sit down with psychologist and author Dr. Bonnie Comfort to explore the hard truths and hopeful tools behind enduring love.

With over 30 years of experience working with couples, Dr. Comfort offers a candid look into the complexities of modern marriage, the emotional minefield of infidelity, and why empathy, not perfection, is the real glue that holds relationships together. We talk about the cultural conditioning that encourages women to be overly pleasing, the evolving power dynamics in long-term relationships, and how to navigate the inevitable incompatibilities that arise between two people over time.

Dr. Comfort's latest book, Staying Married Is the Hardest Part, is a compassionate, unflinching exploration of what it means to choose each other over and over again, even when it's not easy.

In this conversation, we explore:

- The infidelity trap and what it reveals about a relationship - The "glue" that helps couples weather storms and stay committed - The surprising risks inherent in couples' therapy - How empathy becomes a sustaining force in long-term love - Why cultural messaging still trains women to please at their own expense - How to make peace with the inevitable incompatibilities in marriage - The shifting power dynamics that unfold over decades together

Meet Dr. Bonnie Comfort: Dr. Bonnie Comfort is a clinical psychologist, author, and expert in marital therapy. She holds an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Los Angeles. Her psychological thriller Denial was published in seven countries and translated into four languages. Her newest book, Staying Married Is the Hardest Part, offers a raw, honest take on the emotional and psychological complexities of committed relationships. She lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner.

Connect with Dr. Bonnie Comfort:Website: www.bonniecomfort.comInstagram: @bonniecomfortauthor Facebook: Bonnie Comfort LinkedIn: Bonnie Comfort Buy her book Staying Married Is the Hardest Part: here

Pre-order my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Connect with me:

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram

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Dr. Zoe Shaw Website

What do you do when life takes a turn you never asked for? When the diagnosis, the betrayal, the loss, or the slow unraveling of your plans leaves you feeling like the wrong person for the job?

In this deeply personal and compassionate episode, Dr. Zoe reads a letter to anyone facing a life they didn't expect. Originally written for an anthology, this letter was adapted for anyone navigating life-changing pain, disorientation, or shame. Whether you're in the midst of grief, struggling with a sudden shift in identity, or simply wondering how to move forward this episode is a lifeline.

You'll hear:

-Why shame, guilt, and blame aren't yours to carry -How real bravery can look like breaking down, not holding it all together -The truth about phantom critics and inner comparison -A gentle invitation to stop fighting for the past and start building from the now -Why acceptance isn't giving up—it's grieving forward

This is for the woman who is tired of pretending she's fine. For the one who needs someone to say, "You are not broken." For anyone who needs a breath, a moment, and a reminder: You've got this.

Resources & Links: Sign up for the newsletter: www.drzoeshaw.com Preorder the book Stronger in the Difficult Places (coming September 30, 2025!): drzoeshaw.com/book Last call to join the Stronger in the Difficult Places Launch Team ( closing July 31st!): join now

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Connect with me:

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram

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Dr. Zoe Shaw Website

Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it Rate & Review: If this episode moved you, helped you, or made you feel a little less alone, would you take a moment to leave a review? It helps more brave souls find this space of healing.

Why do so many women find themselves in relationships where they're doing all the emotional labor? And what role does childhood—and especially the way we raise boys—play in this dynamic? In today's powerful episode, Dr. Gloria K. Vanderhorst joins me to unpack the lifelong impact of early emotional conditioning—particularly for boys. With over 50 years of experience working with individuals, families, and schools, Dr. Gloria brings deep insight into how our earliest experiences shape how we love, relate, and often repeat patterns without even realizing it. We explore why boys are often taught to disconnect from their emotions, how that affects their adult relationships, and what it takes to change—even later in life. Whether you're parenting a son, partnered with an emotionally shut-down man, or healing from your own emotional inheritance, this episode will speak to your heart. In this episode, we discuss:

• Why early childhood memories—especially unconscious ones—still affect us today
• How boys are taught to lose touch with their emotions, and the cultural cost
• Why emotional labor often falls to women—and what we can do about it
• How Women condition men to emotionally abandon them
• The price we all pay for the emotional suppression of men
• How real change is possible at any age
• A practical framework for healing and self-awareness: Read, Reflect, Respond

About Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst: Dr. Gloria K. Vanderhorst is a licensed psychologist and author of the best-selling book Read, Reflect, Respond: The 3 R's of Growth and Change. With five decades of experience, she's helped individuals of all ages understand how early experiences shape their present—and how to heal from trauma in order to grow.

Resources Mentioned: Read, Reflect, Respond: The 3 R's of Growth and Change by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst – Available on Amazon

Connect with Dr. Gloria on her website or social media: www.drvanderhorst.com https://www.youtube.com/@gloriakvanderhorst https://www.linkedin.com/in/gloria-vanderhorst

Pre-order my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Connect with me:

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Facebook

Dr. Zoe Shaw Website

What if anxiety wasn't the enemy, but a signal? In this powerful episode, Dr. Zoe talks with psychotherapist and transformational coach Bonnie Brindle about why anxiety is just energy—and how to channel it instead of being ruled by it. Bonnie shares her own story of living with intense anxiety, what finally helped her break free, and the surprising way your energy system could be sabotaging your calm.

You'll walk away with practical, empowering tools to regulate your nervous system before hard conversations, build internal trust, and quiet your mind when your relationship feels uncertain.

We Talk About:

• Why anxiety is just energy and how to move it through your body
• Simple tools to calm anxiety before a difficult conversation
• What to do when you don't trust your partner—and how to separate truth from fear
• The #1 mistake people make when trying to "fix" their anxiety
• Bonnie's personal journey of overcoming years of chronic anxiety
• How to spot and disarm "crazymakers" in your life
• Energy-based techniques that complement traditional therapy

About Our Guest: Bonnie Brindle is The Anxiety Avenger™—a licensed psychotherapist, author, educator, transformational coach, and international speaker. She blends talk therapy with evidence-based energy practices to help clients shift out of survival mode and into self-trust and emotional freedom. Bonnie's work is grounded in the belief that peace is possible for everyone—once you learn to decode the chaos.

Connect with Bonnie Brindle: Website: www.bonniebrindle.com

Order a personalized copy of Bonnie's book, Cracking the Crazymakers' Code Receive Bonnie's bi-monthly newsletter, Musings from the Menagerie

Pre-order my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Connect with me:

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram

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Dr. Zoe Shaw Website

Welcome back to Stronger in the Difficult Places. I'm your host, Dr. Zoe, and today we're digging deep into a topic that hits close to home for so many women in difficult relationships: the difference between enmeshment, co-dependence, and healthy interdependence.

These patterns can be hard to recognize when they're all you've ever known. Maybe you were taught that love means sacrifice. That closeness means never saying no. That boundaries are rejection. But the truth? Real love doesn't require you to disappear.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The key differences between enmeshment and co-dependence
• How these dynamics show up in parent-child and romantic relationships
• Why emotional fusion is not the same as intimacy
• What healthy interdependence actually looks and feels like
• How to begin untangling your identity from someone else's needs

This episode is for the woman who's tired of losing herself in the name of love. Who wants connection — but not at the cost of her own soul. Who's ready to set boundaries not out of anger, but out of clarity and care.

Remember: We're not fixing them. We're fixing you. And that changes everything.

Pre-order my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here

Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Subscribe + Review:

If this episode spoke to your heart, please rate and review the show! It helps more women like you find the strength to get stronger in their difficult places.

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