Stronger in the Difficult Places

Guilt is one of the most misunderstood emotional experiences women carry, and one of the most controlling.

In this conversation, I sit down with Dr. Jennifer Reid, author of Guilt-Free, to unpack why so many women still feel guilt in this day and age… even when they're doing everything "right."

We explore how guilt gets internalized, how it shapes the way you show up in your relationships, and why it can feel so difficult to release- even when you know it's not serving you.

This episode goes deeper than "just let it go." We talk about what guilt actually is, how it's different from shame, and what it looks like to begin releasing it in a way that leads to real emotional freedom.

If you've ever felt responsible for other people's feelings, struggled to make decisions without second-guessing yourself, or carried a lingering sense that you've done something wrong… this conversation will meet you there.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• What guilt actually is—and why so many women carry it chronically
• Why guilt persists, even in high-achieving, self-aware women
• The difference between guilt and shame (and why that distinction matters)
• How guilt quietly drives overgiving, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment
• Why "just stop feeling guilty" doesn't work
• Practical ways to begin releasing guilt and reconnecting to your truth

Key Takeaway: Guilt isn't always a signal that you've done something wrong. Sometimes, it's a learned response that's keeping you disconnected from yourself. Learning to discern the difference is where your freedom begins.

About Jennifer Dr. Jennifer Reid is a board-certified psychiatrist, award-winning educator, and author of Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations. Trained at Columbia University and UCLA, she has held clinical faculty positions at the University of Pennsylvania and Cooper Hospital. She is the creator and host of A Mind of Her Own podcast and Substack, where she shares clear, compassionate insights on mental health and treatment. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Guardian, and Psychology Today, and her clinical practice focuses on helping individuals release the burden of unreasonable expectations and reclaim what truly matters.

Website: https://www.jenniferreidmd.com/ Substack: https://substack.com/@amindofherown Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenreidmd/ Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/763503/guilt-free-by-jennifer-reid-md/

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Intensive: here

Buy my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Connect with me:

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Facebook

Subscribe & Review If this episode resonated with you, make sure to follow Stronger in the Difficult Places and leave a review. It helps more women find this work- and begin their own healing.

Letting go is one of the most misunderstood decisions we face in relationships. If you've ever stayed longer than you should have…

Tried harder than felt sustainable… Or questioned whether walking away means you've failed- This episode is for you. In this conversation, Dr. Zoe unpacks the powerful difference between giving up and letting go, and why so many high-capacity, deeply loving women struggle to tell the difference. Through the lens of Complex Shame, you'll begin to understand why letting go can feel like failure- even when it's actually the most self-honoring choice you can make. Because sometimes what we call "not giving up"… Is actually self-abandonment. And sometimes letting go… Is the very thing that brings you back to yourself.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• The critical difference between giving up and letting go
• Why women who love deeply often struggle to release unhealthy dynamics
• How Complex Shame keeps you stuck in over-functioning and self-doubt
• The subtle ways you may be abandoning yourself in the name of love
• What it actually looks like to let go without losing your integrity
• How to recognize when you've moved past clarity—but are still holding on
• Practical steps to begin releasing what you cannot fix or control

Key Takeaway Letting go is not failure. It's the end of abandoning yourself in the name of love.

A Few Questions to Reflect On:

• Where in my life am I holding on out of fear—not truth?
• Am I trying to fix something that isn't mine to fix?
• What would it look like to honor my limits here?
• Where might I be confusing loyalty with self-abandonment?

Your Next Step If this episode stirred something in you, start here:

• Notice where you are over-functioning
• Get honest about what is actually happening—not what you hope could be
• And gently begin to stop agreeing with the voice of shame

Work With Dr. Zoe If you're ready to untangle Complex Shame and build healthier, more aligned relationships: Visit drzoeshaw.com to explore resources, coaching, and upcoming programs.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Intensive: here

Buy my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

Connect with me:

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Instagram

Dr. Zoe Shaw on Facebook

Subscribe & Review If this episode resonated with you, make sure to follow Stronger in the Difficult Places and leave a review. It helps more women find this work- and begin their own healing.

That quiet belief- I'm not enough- doesn't just stay in your thoughts. It shows up in how you love, how you communicate, and how you stay in relationships that don't fully meet you. In this episode, Dr. Zoe is joined by Christina Ketchen, host of The Self Love Shift Podcast, to unpack what we're calling the epidemic of not enoughness—and why so many high-achieving women still feel it, no matter how much they've accomplished. Together, they explore how this internal belief quietly drives overgiving, overthinking, and self-abandonment in relationships—and what it actually takes to shift it at the root. If you've ever questioned your worth in love or felt like you had to prove your value to be chosen, this conversation will meet you right where you are—and help you begin to move forward. In this episode, we discuss: * How "not enoughness" forms and why it's so persistent * The subtle ways it shows up in relationships * Why insight alone isn't enough to create change * What it looks like to begin shifting your self-worth from the inside out

About Christina:

Christina Ketchen is a mindset and self-love coach and the host of The Self Love Shift Podcast. Her work centers on helping women break free from limiting beliefs, rebuild self-worth, and step into more aligned, confident lives.

Visit her website: https://christinaketchen.com/

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Intensive: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode

Forgiveness is often talked about like it's simple- something you should do if you want to heal. But what if it doesn't feel freeing… what if it feels impossible? In this episode, Dr. Zoe unpacks the complicated reality of forgiveness—why it's so hard, what it actually means, and why struggling with it doesn't make you broken. You'll learn a new definition of forgiveness that removes pressure and shame, and offers a more honest path forward—one rooted in truth, grief, and self-compassion. What You'll Learn • Why forgiveness often feels like letting someone "off the hook" • A redefining of forgiveness: giving up hope of a better past • The hidden grief beneath forgiveness—and why it matters • Why fear (not resentment) is often what blocks forgiveness • The difference between forgiveness and reconciliation • Why forgiveness isn't the first step in healing • How to begin when forgiveness feels out of reach Key Takeaway Forgiveness isn't about excusing what happened or rushing to move on. It's about releasing the exhausting attempt to change the past- and allowing yourself to grieve what was lost so you can move forward with honesty and wholeness.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Intensive: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here If this episode resonated, share it with someone who may be quietly struggling with forgiveness—and remind them they're not alone.

What if the thing you keep trying to change about yourself… isn't actually changeable?

And what if the same is true for your partner?

In this powerful and perspective-shifting conversation, I sit down with Dr. Denim Slade, author of Unlock Your C.O.R.E. Potential, to talk about temperament, relationships, and the freedom that comes when we stop trying to "fix" what was never meant to be fixed.

Dr. Slade brings decades of experience as a marriage and family therapist and coach, along with his CORE framework—a temperament-based system that helps people understand the parts of themselves that are innate and unchangeable.

Together, we explore the tension so many of us live in: Trying to grow… while also needing to accept.

Because here's the truth: Growth doesn't come from changing your core nature. It comes from understanding it—and learning how to work with it.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

• Why temperament is not something you can change—and why that's actually good news
• The difference between who you are vs. what you've learned
• How many relationship struggles come from trying to change your partner's wiring
• What happens when you finally stop seeing yourself (or them) as "the problem"
• How to work with your temperament instead of against it
• The surprising freedom that comes with acceptance over self-rejection
• Where this intersects with Complex Shame—and how shame keeps us trying to "fix" ourselves to be loved

A Shift to Consider: If you've been living with the quiet belief that: "I'm too much…" "They should be different…" "If I could just change this, everything would work…"

This conversation invites you to pause. What if the work isn't changing your core… but understanding it?

About Dr. Denim Slade Dr. Denim Slade is a relationship expert, coach, and author with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples improve their lives and relationships. He holds a Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Science and is the creator of the CORE temperament framework—a personality system designed to help people understand the innate, unchangeable aspects of who they are and how those impact their relationships.

Learn more about his work: https://becomehealthyandhappy.com/

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Intensive: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode

You are my people.

Everything I create- this podcast, my writing, these emails- is for one reason: to help you have a better relationship with yourself and with the people you love.

And when you ask me questions, I listen. I really listen.

I answered this question today because even though she didn't share many details, I could feel the anguish in her words… and I remember what it felt like to be in that place.

Here's what she asked:

"Dr. Zoe, what do I do when overwhelming shame is keeping me from seeking the help I truly need? How do I even begin to find the words—or the strength—to reach out when I feel so ashamed of myself?"

If you've ever felt that… you are not alone.

Tune in to hear my answer.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Intensive: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode

What happens when the relationship you once chose begins to feel heavy and you quietly tell yourself you're stuck? In this episode, Dr. Zoe speaks directly to the woman who feels trapped not by crisis, but by clarity she's been avoiding. The kind of clarity that comes when love hasn't disappeared, but ease has. When you're still committed, but something inside you is tired. This is not an episode about whether you should stay or leave. It's an invitation to reclaim your power. In this conversation, Dr. Zoe gently challenges one of the most painful beliefs women carry in long-term relationships: "I'm stuck." Instead, she offers a reframing that can shift your nervous system, your thinking, and your sense of agency without forcing a decision you're not ready to make. In this episode, we explore: • Why feeling "trapped" often comes from emotional bargaining, not the relationship itself • The hard but freeing truth: you are still choosing and why that matters • How owning your reasons for staying restores power instead of shame • The difference between acceptance and resignation • What it means to stop trying to change your partner without abandoning yourself • Why unacknowledged grief turns into resentment and how clarity creates cleaner love • The question that brings honesty back into long-term relationships

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with a friend who might need these words today or leaving a review so more women can find this conversation.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Collective: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode

Many women believe that if they are loved well enough, they will finally feel secure, whole, and at peace. But here's the hard truth: love doesn't heal self-abandonment—it reveals it. In this episode, Dr. Zoe explores why self-abandonment forms, how it shows up in romantic relationships, and why expecting love to fix it quietly sabotages intimacy. This conversation is compassionate, direct, and deeply hopeful, especially if you've ever felt loved yet still unseen, exhausted, or emotionally alone.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• Why self-abandonment is a learned survival strategy—not a character flaw • How love activates self-abandonment rather than curing it • The hidden ways self-abandonment disguises itself as being "easy," "loyal," or "low maintenance" • How Complex Shame convinces women their needs are the problem • Why expecting love to heal you turns relationships into emotional labor • How your romantic patterns often mirror how you treat yourself • What it actually means to choose yourself without blowing up your relationship • Why healing self-abandonment requires grief—not just insight • How small acts of self-return change the way love feels • The hope: why self-abandonment can be unlearned—and how love becomes safer when you stop disappearing

A Gentle Reminder

You don't heal self-abandonment so someone will finally choose you. You heal it so you stop leaving yourself—even when love gets hard.

Reflection Question Where in your life are you staying quiet, flexible, or agreeable at the expense of your truth—and calling it love?

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book Join the waitlist for Stronger Woman Collective: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode.

Do you ever feel like you have to be "right" in order to feel safe? Or that if you could just figure out the answer, the relationship, or the next step, then the anxiety and shame would finally go away?

If so, you're not alone. Many women stuck in co-dependency and complex shame cling to certainty as a way to feel secure—but often it only leaves us more exhausted, more disconnected, and further from ourselves.

In this episode of Stronger in the Difficult Places, I sit down with Stefani Ruper - Oxford-trained philosopher, former Harvard researcher, and author of the forthcoming book The Certainty Cure. Stefani shares why releasing certainty and embracing curiosity can transform the way we see ourselves, our relationships, and our healing journey.

We talk about:

• Why certainty addiction keeps women stuck in cycles of co-dependency and shame • How uncertainty fuels personal growth and builds resilience • What curiosity looks like in daily life (even in arguments or moments of shame) • How to stay grounded when everything feels uncertain • Practical ways to release the need to be right and rediscover who you are

If you're ready to stop chasing control and start healing by embracing the unknown, this conversation will give you hope and practical steps forward.

Connect with Stefani Ruper: • Instagram: @stefani.ruper • Facebook: facebook.com/stefani.ruper • X: @stefaniruper • Substack: stefaniruper.substack.com

Resources & Next Steps:

Join the Stronger Woman Collective waitlist: here

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Buy my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: here

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend and leave a review. Your reviews help more women untangle shame, break free from co-dependency, and discover the strength to live with curiosity.

We've all been there—wishing someone we love would finally be different. Maybe it's a spouse who won't listen, a parent who won't soften, or a friend who keeps repeating the same destructive patterns. The temptation is to pour our energy into fixing them—but what if the real path to peace and change begins with you? In this episode, I unpack why clinging to the hope that someone will change can keep you stuck, frustrated, and resentful. I offer practical, compassionate steps for accepting people as they are, protecting your worth with boundaries, and reclaiming your peace. Because the truth is, the second you change, the entire relationship changes. What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why trying to "fix" others only deepens disappointment and conflict
• How radical acceptance creates peace and clarity
• The trap of wasting energy on why someone won't change
• How to set boundaries without losing yourself
• The surprising freedom that comes when you stop needing others to change

Encouragement: You don't need to wait for someone else to transform before you can breathe again. Peace doesn't come when they change—it comes when you stop needing them to.

Resources & Next Steps:

Connect with me on Instagram @drzoeshaw for daily encouragement.

Subscribe to my newsletter for more conversations on healing, boundaries, and healthy love.

Order the book Stronger in the Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book

Free Downloads:

Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who needs hope in their relationships. And don't forget to subscribe to Stronger in the Difficult Places so you never miss an episode.