Stupid Fat Hobbits

The beacons have been lit. The lads are back with new life and new segments.  The more things change the more they stay the same. The lads introduce their first new segment, Pop Takes, where someone brings up a hot take in pop culture - cue rabid infighting. It's the pitts.  As Chris says, the proof will be in the pudding, so let's save the pudding for dessert. Oh what's that? Another new segment. Yeah that's right. This one is dubbed In the Trenches with Tolkien and brings forth original and brilliant analysis of Tolkien's work. We read between the lines to go beyond the lines and behind enemy lines. We get dirty so you don't have to. Let's just say that hobbits may be more powerful than you think. Johnny has a thought. After a quick word from not-a-sponsor, the controversial LOTR Impersonation Contest returns with some interesting tweaks.

And that's a wrap! Thank you all so much for listening and being a part of this community! We truly do appreciate each and every one of you. If you want to be eligible for a chance at some SFH goodies, we ask that you do the following two things by October 30:
1) Fill out our Season 2 survey here or  in our Instagram bio so we can make the show more entertaining: https://forms.gle/VNDsCagwC54FMKpH6
2) Write us a review on Apple Podcasts! Not only does this help us in the long run, but we will definitely read these on the show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stupid-fat-hobbits/id1484916483.
Callers today:  Mateo Wolfe, our official Florida correspondent and Carole Baskin reconnaisseur; Michael Heinssen, a man with a nice posterior who abhors ice cream trucks but loves politicians with good ideas; Theresa DeCelle, who wants to singlehandedly eradicate the cutest animal species on earth; and finally,  the esteemed writer, Tom Longano who explores the wonders of democracy, the lost story of Jay Cutler, and in his own words has "two million boys following him...young boys, old boys, middle boys, all the boys." You can purchase his new book here, The Red Book of Stories, here: https://www.amazon.com/Red-Book-Stories-Boy/dp/1735945005 or listen to his audiobook podcast here https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/boy-stories/id1531498804. 

After a long day of technical difficulties, the lads rose like a collective Phoenix from the ashes and were able to record the first part of the finale...without Johnny. He's not a Phoenix, he's more like an arthritic pigeon. Please fill out our survey in our Instagram bio to make Season 3 amazing:
https://forms.gle/BMpaVvZ5wP39rkQD6
And write a review on Apple Podcasts if you'd like us to read it on the show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stupid-fat-hobbits/id1484916483
And finally, and an end of season bonus - all of the items in our merch store are on sale: https://teespring.com/stores/sfh-merch. Alright, got that capitalist B.S. out of the way. Our first caller is affectionately known as Ting-Ting, The Red-Headed Mexican. He wonders about the roots of The Intellectual and analyzes a matchup of ethereal tenor and wooden splendor. Our second caller, The Family Man Who Rules Many Realms, rolls in with both insight and insult. He must decide a matchup between a large American man and a legion of hick Toyotas. He also analyzes the massive election coming up in November. Our third and final caller is a self-proclaimed "player" who "does music." He brings forth a classic LOTR Ghost/One-Date/Marry scenario. He determines the bracket matchup between a community man of many talents and some guy on YouTube. This podcast is NOT sponsored by White Claw.

This week the Lads are celebrating the first two seasons of the show with a montage of some of their favorite podcast outros! Whether it's petty insults, bad puns, or the countless songs that are sung, this episode has it all. Join us for a look back at our first two seasons!

The lads agree to not insult one another for the entirety of the episode. Naturally, they poke and prod and test the line. Pat describes his close call with a raccoon...and also his close call with a shark in the same week. Johnny and Pat expound on dolphin culture. Breaking News From Florida questions the morality, legality, and economic impact of dwarf-throwing. Pat interrupts Around the Table to figure out which host is "The Beloved."The Two ATT questions for the day: 1) What's the worst buy one, get one free deal? 2) What sport would be best where the players have to follow a mandatory minimum alcohol level? The final LOTR Impersonation Contest of Season 2 is a little more competitive than usual. Quotes include a troubled man, a man racist against dwarves, and a dying orc.

The lads discuss the stupid trope in movies and books where characters are reminded they are forgetting something but they can't figure out what they've forgot. Mikey "Doctor" Temple's name is thrown around far too often. Bombshell: The lads like sports. They have mascaraded as full-blown nerds for far too long. The Intellectual explains how research is different from research. If you have yet to see the scrub hits 50yd fg video, here you go: https://youtu.be/7SL2SWR3o2k. Chris reads listener answers to "what's the funniest thing David Attenborough could narrate?" More polls are promised, more polls forgotten. Pat uncovers some very old marketing plugs he wrote. Johnny goes to his corner and delivers a depressing sentiment about parenthood and childhood. In Around The Table, Chris pits Ritz and Club crackers against each other. Johnny thinks bacon and crack affect the brain in the same way. Tomato soup is a polarizing food product. Pat both likes it and dislikes it. The lads finish off with a toddler-like enthusiasm for word association. Think Nicholas Cage, sorority girls, and light bulbs.

Pat believes he was part of the UVA basketball team. The delusions of the Intellectual continue. Chris describes his old bouncing days. Chris makes a pun that Johnny approves. The lads go into the age-old USPS-Jackson Hole conspiracy. Chris is too scared to watch Stranger Things. Johnny and Chris go off on a tangent about another podcast they have done while Pat stews. Pat brings the first question in Around the Table: what happens if the lads all go in for the same job interview at the same time? The lads consider taking their talents to Pizza Hut. Carole Baskin and Kazoo Kid take center stage. Pat strategizes how to get into Chris and Johnny's Disney+ account. The lads discuss discuss the social dynamic of hearing other people's thoughts and whether it would drive you to an early grave. The lads discuss David Attenborough narrating people's lives and discover that Chris also possesses this skill. They end the show by reading your thoughts on the pumpkin spice latte. Make sure to listen through the outro: David Attenborough narrates a basic white girl.

The lads are back together and dropping some serious shade out of the gate! Pat decides to begin the show by insulting his colleagues with ancient Shakespearean insults. Chris then relives his embarrassing Cap Of Mishap challenge where he drags himself through the sand, all for the sake of comedy and "growth". Around the table then entails Pat posing the age-old question: are pumpkin spice lattes ruining fall, and are the stereotypes about the people who drink them fair? Chris goes on a rant. Shocker. Johnny simply doesn't like them and accuses Chris of secretly adoring the drink. Johnny then decides he wants to check on his corner and accidentally drops the soap. The lads then put Chris to the test once more in Do You Have What It Takes To Be An Intellectual. This time, Chris earns a very... unique title. To end the show, Chris forces Johnny and Pat into another LOTR Impersonation Contest where many a laugh are had, and many poor impersonations are performed. Listen to find out who is victorious! 

Well, this was unexpected. Pat shows his commitment by joining the show from the cramped quarters of a closet in Myrtle Beach. Warning: sound quality is a little less crispy due to Pat's toy microphone. In Breaking News From Florida, a wannabe cowboy frolics in the forest and gets the best of himself. His brain addled by the heat and Harry Potter-like studio, Pat struggles to pronounce basic words, continues to make unoriginal jokes, and forgets to begin segments. The lads choose which animal they would most like to be. Koalas are a hot topic. Chris thinks Ostriches can run 200 miles per hour. Chris also cannot stop talking about roadrunners. Trending Celebs in Shelob's Web sees Juan Soto, Tony Hawk, and Taco Bell put in their rightful homes in Middle-Earth. Johnny says "what?" a lot. Johnny's Corner is. It just is. One wonders if it ever was or will be.

This one starts out hot. Chris calls himself Daddy. The lads discuss whether their episodes should be scripted. Banter time ventures into both weathering and wuthering heights, Pat's new attitude, and more. Breaking News From Florida involves a couple that finally comes out of the closet at a drug-infused Seaology Convention. The lads discuss whether they could do the news segment for another state. In Around the Table, Pat decries our culture of materialism while wearing a whole wardrobe of new clothes. Johnny and Chris aren't having it. Pat invents a new phrase: "Don't throw out the pumpkin with the pie." Chris and Johnny discover that Pat is wearing a glucose monitor. Diabetes takes center stage. Johnny has a wormy thought about palindromes. Things are said. Things are said again. What's ruder? Calling someone stupid, dumb, or dense. Johnny was a dunce once. The lads end the show with a Tolkien Segment - Who wins in a battle royale of only hobbits? This quickly turns into an idea for a real-life battle royale between listeners. It will be filmed. Ale will be provided. Let us know if you're interested and we'll plan a date that will work, taking into account the whole pandemic thing.