Stupid Fat Hobbits

Johnny has a bad day. A sad day. A soggy sandwich kinda day. Pat tries to help him  fix his bleak attitude  - this backfires. Breaking News From Florida makes absolutely no sense. It involves narcotics, a hungry man, Coldplay lyrics, family blackmail, pizza, and Nazis. Pat and Chris lead a tangent concerning the famous rapper, Juicebox. Johnny is not enthused. Pat reminisces about an old Welch's commercial. Laughter and joy are plentiful, so Johnny has to be a buzzkill and being up his soggy sandwich again. Chris brazenly challenges The Intellectual on the definition of ontology and takes him down a peg - really, everyone takes the L on this one. Chris confesses to loving High School Musical in Around the Table. After initially holding back his criticism with much applaum, Johnny launches at Chris like Sauron after Helm's Deep: his retribution swift, his wrath terrible, his verbal assault as powerful as an AC-130 Gunship. Johnny's Corner actually brings up a good point about doctors. Pat brings up a crucial LOTR question regarding the Tolkien Legendarium: Which character would you take home as a pet? Enraged and insecure about Chris' upcoming vacation, Pat and Johnny utilize The Cap of Mishap to make Chris' beach experience just a bit more memorable.

The lads begin with a killer segment: taxes. Please send your legal questions to [email protected]. The lads continue to discuss The Internal Revenue Service despite repeated attempts to steer the conversation away. Johnny jumps in with a fire Breaking News From Florida. This one involves a Taco Bell, a tasty form of identity, and well, fire. Chris makes a bad pun and recovers his dignity by using the "shotpun" approach. Johnny is still learning how to read aloud. Once again, the lads try and figure out how cars work. Trending Celebs is back with a bit of a twist. This weeks celebrities: Jay Cutler, Disneyworld, and McMuffin. Johnny has a thought about waiters. Chris tries to have a thought. The LOTR Impersonation Contest has a battle cry, some murderous crunchable words, and some elderly gasps. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram @sfh_podcast.

Johnny and Pat declare their independence from Chris and host the show. Pat hasn't seen Hot Rod. Chris demonstrates his manipulative hosting power. Johnny's Corner is just about what you'd expect it to be. Pat, overwhelmed by the moment, reads CNN. The host and the other host ask the ex-host to bring an Around the Table...to the table. Alexa talks about snails. Alexa is dumb and useless. The lads bash Alexa. Pat, as senior co-host, begins a round of questioning about every-day trinkets and things taken for granted in order to foster debate and deep thought in a continuous and swirling Around the Table. Why are bathrobes a thing? How was the beanbag chair invented? What's the point of bobbleheads? Chris denies that he doesn't dream of Max Scherzer so aggressively that there can be no doubt he does indeed have fraternations with the bobblehead in the night. Onward. Is drinking diet soda the equivalent of going to the gym, taking an insta selfie, and leaving? Is going to the movies by yourself weird? Johnny reveals that he is far too insecure to do anything by himself. Chris straps bobbleheads into movie theater seatbelts. Pat likes watching movies about tanners. In a very odd turn of events, Chris drones on about King Tut and his supposed love of history. Johnny, not to be undone, takes the convo to Aztec rituals. In a not so odd turn of events, Chris admits that his knowledge of history is informed by National Treasure. Johnny makes a joke about nothing; nothing was funny. The lads discuss the various strategies of handling a bully. Johnny and Pat will be opening "Bully School: A School for Future Comedians." The lads end the show as they always do, bickering about titles and power, responsibilities and privileges, hosts and no-hosts, the insidious nature of social media, the challenges every republic faces, the art of war, the beauty of selfless love, the failing of the once strong bonds of fellowship, the fickleness of the mob, the wonder of finding the untrodden path, the fulfillment in the search for meaning, and the penchant for vice despite knowing deep down the road to happiness is found in virtue.

T-shirt promo ends today. Code is Shadowfax. This one"s short and sweet. The lads take calls during the show. Pat gets a hole-in-one. A man in Florida attempts to have romantic relations with the entire police force...and wins his case. Around the Table explores the ubiquitous issue of the "middle-seat." Many callers weigh in on the problem. Offended by the goading of a bold caller from Swaziland, Pat challenges the cocky upstart to run the gauntlet of "Do You Have What It Takes to Be an Intellectual?" Johnny concludes the episode with a thought. Harry Potter. Wingardium Leviosa. Latin. Just saying related words at this point. Slainte.

The lads begin as they always do, by complaining about stuff. Johnny and Pat form a quick alliance against Chris who has never seen a certain movie that tickles Johnny and Pat's fancy. Review the Review leads the lads down a path of wonderment, as they speculate the age of their listeners and fall into a rant about the Holy Roman Empire. Pat then sabotages Breaking News From Florida and takes us into Europe where a foul deed was committed that broke multiple public decency laws and may have violated the Geneva Convention. Chris claims mashed potatoes are the best form of potato. Johnny and Pat obviously disagree, advocating for more simple variations that uphold the integrity of the food. Finally, the LOTR Impersonation Contest makes a roaring comeback as the victor ends up being the most unlikely creature imaginable. Can you guess who won? If you do, you win a free T-shirt (not). God save the queen.

T-shirt promo code in the episode. After a brief and unexplained hiatus, the lads return to determine which baked goods they are. The incomparable Gran Phyllis and her granddaughter read their reviews. Trending Celebs in Shelob's Web brings Donald Glover, Chris Evan's, and NASCAR to Middle-Earth. In Around the Table, Pat throws some sauce into the mix and a long, semi-fruitful, and possibly pointless debate ensues.

The Spaniard joins us for a second time. Chris says lol. Another "welcome" debacle ensues. The lads immediately put Johnny on the defensive concerning his poor life choices. Betsy gives her last words. Johnny once again tries to take credit for something he did not actually do. For Review the Review, Pat reads a hand-written letter that listener Anthony Clements mailed to the studio. Another listener, Chris Beatty, unexpectedly calls into the show and demands a LOTR impersonation. In Breaking News From Florida, a chicken named Huhn is booted for acting the cock. Betsy brings her own segment to the table, "What Does This Word Mean?" to test the lads on their slang knowledge. And finally, Pat picks out of the Cap of Mishap for the first time. 

Hear ye! Hear ye! Get you t-shirts at the new merch store: teespring.com/stores/sfh-merch. The lads stumble out of the gate over podcast etiquette: Who welcomes who? And how many times? Chris is a greedy miser and talks about selling t-shirts for way too long. The lads read an excellent review from a borderless baker named Michael L, also known as Schmeichel Schmeichel. If you'd like to help the lads out AND be featured on the podcast, feel free to write a review in the Apple Podcasts app! If you'd like to help the show out even more, let us know what our podcast motto/subtitle should be. Anyway, Around the Table returns with OCD arguments and bathroom spray. Pat switches toilet paper in the night. Chris suddenly demands to be tested by the intellectual, and then lashes out after a poor showing with "nerd" accusations. Clearly, he's never looked in the mirror. He also does not know the difference between a famous American general and a below-average boomer dessert. The lads canter on down to a remodeled Johnny's corner; it certainly has not become less strange. In LOTR Impersonations, Pat has the voice of a great king and Johnny, the voice of a senile wizard and a dwarf who's had a few too many pints. A Knight's tale and Batman are confused. Chris refused to do his Cap of Mishap challenge last week, so Johnny and Pat punish him with a two-for-one.Get in touch with us!
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This one starts out with some baseless accusations concerning lottery tickets. The lads explore the intricacies of the vegetable world. Chris does not seem to understand what squash is. Obviously, this leads to the question of whether chestnuts would be better roasted on a closed fire. Breaking News explores the dangers of baking cookies while naked. Trending Celebs sees an Office-heavy crew, with vigorous debates over John Krasinski's true essence, a simple solution for Steve Carell, and an anti-climactic end with supposed Tik-Tok star Trey Kennedy. LOTR Impersonation comes in with a guttural trill and goes out with a disturbing high-pitched effort. No one listens to what Pat says. Chris is very proud of his child-size brass-knuckled comb. The Cap of Mishap Challenge for Chris this week: Read a book and write/present a book report for Pat and Johnny to grade. Get in touch with us!
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sfh_podcast/ 
Twitter: https://twitter.com/sfh_podcast
Tik Tok: stupid_fat_hobbits

Season 2 is nigh. The lads are back with their undeserved second chance and begin by exploring how Twitter was created. Johnny talks about whiskey. Shocker. Listen at 11:44 to hear Pat turn into a dying monster. Review the Review comes back to thunderous applause as Robert of Virginia lavishes Johnny with false praise and flatteries. Breaking News From Florida involves alcohol (of course), a black widow, and an invisible pig. The segment devolves into wildly inaccurate discussions of insects and other such creatures. Johnny thinks Alzheimers is called All-Timers. The lads introduce a new segment: Trending Celebs in Shelob's Web in which they find a fitting home for said celebs in Middle-Earth. Today, they find homes for Adele, Jerry Rice, and Willie Mays. Johnny thinks Hobbit culture is closely linked with that of Alabama. The critically acclaimed yet controversial LOTR Impersonation Contest is restored to its former glory. Johnny finds his inner method acting; it ends in utter chaos. To conclude the show, the lads bring forth another new segment: The Cap of Mishap (The lads try new things). Trust the cap. Be one with the cap, and you shall become a hero. Be sure to follow us on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/sfh_podcast/  to see the videos of each person fulfilling their Cap of Mishap challenge. Get in touch with us! 
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @sfh_podcast
Tik Tok: stupid_fat_hobbits