In a fat, juicy, hour-and-a-half-long episode, Lauren and Niko discuss the revised Christmas story, the parable of the sower, the parable of the prodigal son, and a bunch more of Jesus’s teachings in the gospel according to Luke. Plus: The Toast’s Nicole Cliffe tells us what it’s like to become a Christian as an adult. And all Niko’s original music for the show is now available at https://soundcloud.com/nikobakulich

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Niko and Lauren discuss walking on water, fishes and loaves, Jesus’s crucifixion, Jesus’s resurrection, and everything else in the gospel according to Mark. Plus: sleep deprivation is real, and Jesus’s weirdest miracle!

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Lauren and Niko discuss the birth of Jesus, between three and twenty magi, getting dunked on in the Jordan River, the crucifixion, and everything else in the book of Matthew. Plus: improbably named disciples, and John the Baptist’s head on a platter!

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Niko and Lauren feed the text of the Bible to an artificial-intelligence program and have it create its own Bible passage. With the help of Rose Eveleth (@roseveleth), Greg (@leducviolet), Mallory Ortberg, Ezekiel Kweku (@theshrillest), and J. W. Friedman, they discuss being a donkey as the mountain shall do to the sky, making gold of the purple, and all the other weird stuff the robo-Bible came up with. You can read the passage at sundayschooldropouts.lol/robobible and send us your interpretations at [email protected].

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Things get a little intense as Niko and Lauren discuss seven beautiful sons, more drunken elephants, the Holocaust, and everything else in the apocryphal books of 3 and 4 Maccabees. Plus: more gore than a Tarantino movie, and no politics whatsoever!!!!(!!!)

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Lauren and Niko discuss the Maccabean revolt, battle elephants, Braveheart speeches, and everything else in the books of 1 and 2 Maccabees. Plus: king babysitters, and the best way to drink wine.

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Niko and Lauren discuss offal, messengers, shoehorning Elijah, and everything else in the book of Malachi. Plus: we count down the top 12 minor prophets, and cow curses!

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Summary: Lauren and Niko discuss myrtle trees, flying scrolls, the original Jesus, and everything else in the book of Zechariah. Plus: Robert Kashow, an actual Biblical scholar, explains some stuff to us!

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Niko and Lauren discuss what happened when the Jews returned to Jerusalem, a new reason for God’s wrath, the original Jesus, and everything else in the book of Haggai. Plus: the difference between monkeys and apes, and some unconventional pets to curse/bless.

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Lauren and Niko discuss Adam, Eve, Noah, Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, and Moses like you’ve never seen them before…...sort of. It’s the book of Jubilees, a different version of the book of Genesis with a lot more angels and a little more love. Plus: a spiny boy, and Lauren freaks out in an entirely different way!

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