Sunshine Parenting

Something I always talk about is the parent child relationship. It is so important, especially at this age.

Reid Broudy

Reid Broudy is a rising senior who attends Wildwood School in Los Angeles. Reid has been coming to Gold Arrow Camp since 2014 and recently completed the Junior Counselor program. His camp nickname is REX. Some of Reid's extracurricular activities include serving as student body president, running his own club called Teens Make a Change, and being on the Common Sense Media Teen Council. What is Common Sense Media? Common Sense Media is a non-partisan, not-for-profit organization dedicated to improving the lives of kids and families by providing the trustworthy information, education, and independent voice they need to thrive in a world of media and technology. CSM provides accurate information and tools, as well as an independent forum so that families can have a choice and a voice about the media they consume. Find out more at www.commonsensemedia.org. CSM's Los Angeles Teen Council is designed to empower young people to become leaders and role models in the community by learning and speaking about issues of digital citizenship and literacy, and by modeling responsible media use. Reid, along with the other board members, travels to different events throughout Los Angeles and talk to Middle School Parents about today's technology. They also answer questions and give tech/parenting advice while reflecting on their own middle school digital footprint. Reid's passion for technology has also expanded into building websites for different clients. Reid hopes to create a safer environment online and return back to camp soon! Quotes from Reid "Something I always talk about is the parent child relationship. It is so important, especially at this age." "Find a connection or passion that you and your child share that doesn't involve screen time." "My dad and I have gotten really close because we like to go hiking every weekend." "Especially going into middle school or high school, you want to start with a trustworthy relationship." "What is really important for parents, I think, is to check how much you use social media." "If you go on any kid's wall and look at their photos and their posts, everything just seems a little perfect." "When you see a friend's photo, and it looks like they're having a great time, and you're on the coach at home not there, you just get down on yourself." "We really need to realize it's fake. It's not a perfect world." "Have these conversations with your kid. It is really, really important." Reid's Contact Information Email: [email protected] Instagram: @reidbroudy Links https://www.commonsensemedia.org/parent-concerns https://www.commonsensemedia.org/guide/essentialbooks https://www.commonsensemedia.org/reviews Wait Until 8th Raising Digital Natives (Devorah Heitner's website) Related Podcast Episodes Ep. 45: Social Media Wellness with Ana Homayoun Ep. 35: Unplugging Your Family with Jill Stribling Ep. 19: Being a Tech Positive Parent with Devorah Heitner Ep. 4: Giving Kids' Phones a Vacation Related Posts Too Much Screen Time? 4 Ways Summer Camp Can Help 5 Reasons to Unplug

For this episode of the Podcast, I talked with five 17-year-old Junior Counselors who've been going to camp for a long time: Will (10th year); Jackson (7th year); Caroline (7th year); Blake (6th year); and Quinn (3rd year).

Below are some quotes from our talk.

How have you changed or grown because of your time at camp?

Will: "When I'm at camp, I realize that being yourself is the best thing to be."

"The best friends to have are people that accept you for who you are."

"Camp has made me a kinder person."

Jackson: "When I first came to camp, when music was playing, I'd be the one just sitting down, not participating in the dancing, but as I've come back every year, I started participating more and more. Now whenever there's music playing, I'm up dancing and having a great time."

"I feel like camp definitely helped me just be able to be myself all the time."

Caroline: "I think that camp has provided me with a new perspective on life. It helps me go back home and know that I shouldn't care about what others think and that I should always be proud of who I am."

Blake: "Camp has a really, really positive atmosphere."

"When I first came to Camp, I had pretty big anxiety about introducing myself to other people. As I went through the years at camp, I became more and more comfortable with saying who I am, what I do, what I love. And now as a six-year camper, I'm perfectly comfortable introducing myself to my cabin mates."

"At camp I know I'll be able to have that positive atmosphere and just the acceptance that you don't always get in the real world."

Quinn: "But after coming here, again and again, I became more and more confident about myself and my abilities and what I can do."

How is camp life different from what you experience out in the world? What are some of the pressures you feel like you're under when you're not at camp that you kind of get away from when you're here?

Will: "I think at school there are a lot of pressures for just fitting in and kind of being the cool kid at school."

"At camp, you can be whoever you want to be."

Jackson: "Aside from just friends and just classmates or whatever, parents and coaches can also be like pushing you too hard, so when you come to camp it's just a great stress relief from all of those pressures."

Caroline: "I think that at home we are all so focused on the future and where life is going to bring us in high school, colleges and applications and stuff."

"At camp, we can live more in the moment and learn to take life for what it is and to really appreciate what you have in the moment."

"I think what camp has provided me is that I can fully appreciate every day for what it is and not be like everyone else surrounding me."

Blake: "At home, I get a lot of pressure from both my parents but also myself to get good grades, because that's something that's always been important to me. But at camp, I really feel a release from that because I'm able to just do the activities and focus on what I'm doing now. I can really be in the now."

"Camp really is a stress reliever. It does like all sorts of great things for me. Like I just love every part of it because it's like a vacation -- a better vacation than I could even have with my family going to some exotic place."

Quinn: "Camp is a way for me to start off fresh."

What words of advice do you have for parents who are nervous about their kids not being able to do camp?

Will: "I think like camp, in general, is a great experience for kids to have."

"If you get a scrape on your knee or it's a hard hike, when you're home and in reality, it helps you through other things and helps you get through tougher things there because you're like, 'Oh, if I could do that at camp, I can easily do that here.'"

Caroline: "Parents will realize when the kids come back for however long they were gone that they're a completely new person and they have grown so much and they have probably become more confident just because they have gone to camp."

"Camp is a place where you can learn lessons that you can't learn in school, you can't learn at home."

Blake: "It's all about bouncing back and finding the positives even in the negatives."

How do you think camp has helped you be able to do things, not just college but other things that are away from home?

Will: "I think camp in general just helps you all around with your skills like social skills and being independent."

Blake: "At camp, it's really about learning how to make the choices for yourself that will benefit you in the future."

"I hated salad since I was a little kid. But after these past six years, I go to the salad bar every day at lunch and dinner. It's like one of my favorite things at camp, at the dining porch. I love it."

Related:

10 Reasons Great Parents Choose Summer Camp

Five Reasons Every Teen Should go to Summer Camp

10 Surprising Things Kids Learn at Summer Camp

7 Ways to Help Kids Through Their Teen Years

Ep. 27: Raising Teens Who Thrive with Stephen Wallace

Why Teens Need Summer Camp More Than Ever

Ready for Adulthood Checklist

In Episode 46, I chat with Tom Rosenberg, CEO of the American Camp Association about summer camp, accreditation, and #CampKindnessDay.

Big Ideas

• #CampKindnessDay
• Partnering with Kindness Evolution to promote #CampKindnessDay.
• Empathy and kindness need to be taught
• Practicing Kindness at Home
• The Importance of Story Telling

Tom: "Camp is a place where we put those phones aside, we leave them home, literally - 91% of ACA camps do not allow technology to enter their campers' life while they are at camp. So at camp we have an opportunity to learn to live and work and play and communicate with other kids and young adults from different perspectives from our own."

Tom: "I hope that on #CampKindnessDay ... campers will share stories of how they've learned to be kind."

Tom: "Showing appreciation for other people, and helping them feel valued and part of the community - that's kindness. But that's also the way we lead."

Tom: "When kids are in an environment where they feel appreciated and included, then they're willing to take positive risks and try new things that they've never tried before."

Tom's Bio

Tom Rosenberg has a distinguished career in the camp profession and a long resume of service to ACA. He most recently served as the executive director of Camp Judaea in Hendersonville, North Carolina. Prior to Camp Judaea, Tom spent more than two decades with Blue Star Camps in North Carolina, most of those years as a director. Tom is a past national treasurer and board member of the ACA as well as a past board president and treasurer of ACA Southeastern. A founding board member of the North Carolina Youth Camp Association, Tom was awarded the Henderson County Chamber of Commerce's inaugural Camp Industry Leadership Award as well as the American Camp Association's National Honor Award and ACA Southeastern's Distinguished Service Award.

With an educational focus in business, Tom graduated with distinction from the Marshall School of Business at the University of Southern California with an MBA and from the AB Freeman School of Business at Tulane University with a BS in Management. He is also a graduate of ACA's Camp Director Institute.

Tom melds his experience in the camp profession with business expertise, inspirational vision, successful fundraising experience, professional agility, organizational skills, and strategic focus — attributes that are essential to achieving success as ACA's President/CEO. We are indeed fortunate to have such a thoughtful, dedicated, and experienced leader who is willing to take his commitment to camp, youth development, and ACA to a greater level. Tom, his wife Pam Sugarman, and their son Daniel live in Atlanta, Georgia.

Resources

American Camp Association (ACA)

Find a Camp (ACA's searchable database)

Parent Blog (ACA)

Accreditation (ACA Standards)

Links, Resources, & Related Posts

American Camp Association (ACA)

Find a Camp (ACA's searchable database)

Parent Blog (ACA)

Accreditation (ACA Standards)

Kindness Evolution

5 Reasons Not to Worry While Your Kids are at Camp

The Power of Kindness

Too Much Screen Time? 4 Ways Summer Camp Can Help

It's much more than getting you into college. It's more about asking questions that we don't ask kids early enough and if we did, it might help them navigate some of the tough parts of being a teen or tween in the US today.

-Ana Homayoun

In Episode 45, I talk with Ana Homayoun, a nationally recognized counselor and consultant specializing in strategies for junior high and high school students. I invited Ana on the podcast because I found her book Social Media Wellness: Helping Tweens and Teens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World (Corwin Teaching Essentials) to be an extremely timely and helpful book for parents, teachers, and others who work with youth.

Ana's Bio

When Ana Homayoun was a senior in college, she had a professor ask her what qualities she wanted in a career. "I want to write, I want to travel, and I want to help people," she said without missing the beat.

Fifteen years later, she does all of the above. Ana Homayoun is an author, educator, and coach who helps teens and young adults grow into resilient, thoughtful, and engaged young people. She is the founder of the Silicon Valley-based Green Ivy Educational Consulting, and travels around the world speaking at schools and conferences. Her work has been featured in the NYTimes, Chicago Tribune, SF Chronicle, ABC News, and USA Today, among others, and she is a frequent guest on NPR. Her first book, That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week quickly became a classic for those who deal with disorganization and distractions. Her second book, The Myth of the Perfect Girl highlights the modern day dilemmas of today's teen girls and young adult women, and was heralded by one college student as being the book "that discusses what everyone is dealing with but no one is talking about." Her latest book, Social Media Wellness, caused her to spend far more hours than she would like to admit using Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter.

Green Ivy Consulting

For nearly two decades, Ana Homayoun's work has focused on helping teenagers and young adults develop their own blueprints for success. Her prescriptive solutions promote better executive functioning skills, effectively address the culture of teen perfectionism, and provide practical real-life advice on how to promote social media wellness in an always-on digital world. Her authentic wisdom and sensible perspective is real, relevant, and adored by parents, educators, and teens around the world.

Ana works with middle school and high school students on organization, time management, and finding purpose. She and her team help students figure out their own goals and the daily habits they need to practice in order to achieve those goals. She helps make the college admissions process an empowering rather than a stressful experience.

I'm looking forward to my son (starting his senior year in August) working with Ana and her team at Green Ivy on his college application process. They help students organize the process so that they do 2-4 hours of work on applications per week (2-3 tasks), maximize sleep, wellness, and free time, and are done with applications by early December. Sounds great to me!

Ana's Books That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: Helping Disorganized and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life

The Myth of the Perfect Girl: Helping Our Daughters Find Authentic Success and Happiness in School and Life

"A lot of women read that book for their daughters and came up to me and said, 'I read it for my daughter but I saw myself in it.'"

(Note: I'm currently reading this and have used some of Ana's insights with our teenage campers.)

Social Media Wellness: Helping Tweens and Teens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World (Corwin Teaching Essentials)

Parents need to step back and realize that social media changes so quickly. Imagine how your kid is trying to navigate this.

Adults themselves are dealing with the same issues.

"Instead of coming from a place of fear, anger, and frustration, which a lot of parents do by default – you're angry that you kids are on their phone – need to come from a place of empathy, compassion, and understanding."

Helping kids find daily and weekly detox times is critical. And being consistent about that and having conversations kid get the phone.

"Kids need this structure. A lot of kids will say to me, 'I really kind of wish my mom would take my phone away at night.' It's very hard for kids at that age – when they're teens and tweens - to deal with the social pressure. They're so relational, relationships matter, and they care what people think of them, but they also want to be off. And they don't feel like they can, and they have permission to. Sometimes kids will get mad at you, but the general tone is that they will appreciate it."

"This is the kind of thing that kids don't want to admit, but they need help with regulating.

The Three "S"s (from Social Media Wellness)

1. Healthy Socialization
2. Effective Self-Regulation
3. Overall Safety (Social, Emotional, Physical)"

"We need to help kids understand that decisions matter in a way that they can be intentional and feel empowered to make really good choices. And those choices may be to opt into certain experiences and opt out of others."

Tools

There are tools that can help (even tired parents) be consistent with keeping daily/weekly digital detox time for you and your kids:

Circle with Disney

Our Pact

Moment

Quotes from Ana

"Many kids feel overwhelmed and exhausted, so they can't really spend time on their hobbies, their interests, extracurricular activities, or things they might want to explore. So that's really the cornerstone of our work."

"What is your own set of values and your own set of interests and how does that blend in to your daily life and work?"

"How do you have purpose with your work in a way that's meaningful and service-oriented for others and yourself?"

"My students are really inspiring because they're really following their personal interests and they're all so varied."

"It's much more than getting you into college … It's more about asking questions that we don't ask kids early enough and if we did, it might help them navigate some of the tough parts of being a teen or tween in the US today."

"I've always been a huge supporter of camp … I feel like camp is a big place where kids and adults have that reflective opportunity."

"I make kids get jobs in some forms of service – food service, retail – There's a thread -- thinking on your feet, being able to work with the public."

"That's the number one thing that I think is a weakness for a lot of students coming out of college is this misbelief that you should be working in internships when often they don't have a lot for you to do. So you're just sitting at a desk, not really interacting. Versus if you're at a summer camp, you have got to be "on," and you're working with kids, and you're negotiating, and you're collaborating, and you're communicating, and you're being creative. You're coming up with fun different activities."

"There are two things I look for. Were you a camp counselor and were you a resident advisor in college? It's really important that people have those people skills and genuine joy in working with others."

Quotes from Audrey

"Just when you take people out of their day-to-day life, and whether it's going in to see someone in your office or coming to camp, and you just give kids a little bit of time to reflect and talk, and you ask them questions and you hear their stories and you hear in their voice what they get most excited about it. You start finding those little clues to what's going to fulfill this person this most."

"Life and culture are not allowing for that slowing down and reflecting."

"A lot of parents think their kid needs to have an internship with some big corporation during the summer when working at summer camp – the leadership skills, the bonding with the other people, that reflection time – there is nothing that a kid could during the summer of college that is a better experience for growth, communication, leadership skills, learning to work with other people, partner with other people."

Links & Resources Mentioned in this Episode

Green Ivy Educational Consulting

Ana Homayoun's Website: reading resources and free downloads related to her books – very solutions-oriented!

Devorah Heitner's Screenwise

Christine Carter

So many times as parents we get caught in our ego about what level my kid should be or how good they are, what team they're on, and 'if they're on this team, it must mean I'm a good parent.' It has nothing to do with your parenting skills!-Kirsten Jones

In this episode of the podcast, I'm talking with Kirsten Jones, co-host (with Susie Walton) of the #RaisingAthletes Podcast. Kirsten is a former college and professional volleyball player. In addition to providing life coaching to athletes and parents, Kirsten is also raising three athletes of her own, including a son who plans to play college basketball.

We talk about some of the biggest challenges for parents raising athletes including parental expectations based on early athletic achievements, keeping sports in perspective, intrinsic motivation, the "sweet spot" for sports participation, and what to do when your kid wants to quit their sport.

Quotes from Kirsten

"If your kid gets chosen for the 'B' team and they're ten, ask them some good questions. A lot of times, we decide whether that means success or failure for them...Parents project out their kid's whole life plan based on whether they made the 'A' team at ten!"

"The self-talk that we're doing is so powerful."

"We sometimes as parents have decided for them who we want them to become. And then things start not aligning. Or they don't make the team."

"Really it's not about sports. It's about how we show up in life."

"It's really about helping them create the life of their dreams."

"That's how she got to be so good, because she had zero ego about asking for help."

"So many times as parents we get caught in our ego about what level my kid should be or how good they are, what team they're on, and 'if they're on this team, it must mean I'm a good parent.' It has nothing to do with your parenting skills!"

"We all need a break. You need to go hard. Your sleeping and your recovery are as important, if not more important, than when you're in work mode."

"I think 80% of the game is the mental part."

"Be creative. Be curious."

Here's the video Kirsten talked about, of the little girl attempting to jump on the stool and persevering despite falls and setbacks:

Resources/Related

Kirsten Jones, Inc. (website)

#Raising Athletes Podcast: "Why Your Athlete Should go to a Sleepaway Camp This Summer." (This is my interview with Kirsten on the #RaisingAthletes Podcast!)

Jessica Lahey's Website (mentioned in this episode)

Ep. 43: The Gift of Failure with Jessica Lahey

Is Your Child's Sport Their Passion or Yours?

Ep. 25: Sports Camps and Competitive Athletics

5 Tips to Start Running (my sport)

In Episode 43, I talk with Jessica Lahey, author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Jessica is a teacher, writer, and mom. She writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Atlantic, and Vermont Public Radio. She is a member of the Amazon Studios Thought Leader Board and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' The Stinky and Dirty Show. Jessica earned a B.A. in Comparative Literature from the University of Massachusetts and a J.D. with a concentration in juvenile and education law from the University of North Carolina School of Law. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and two sons and teaches high school English and writing in Vermont.

Related/Resources

Jessica Lahey's Website

Ready for Adulthood Check-List for Kids

"Don't use the power of your voice, use your feet"

-Maria Horner

In Episode 42, Maria Horner is back with the final installment of her Jedi Mom Tricks. This is Part 3, the final installment of our series! Listen here if you missed Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 1) and (Part 2)! These Jedi Mom Tricks are important lessons Maria has learned as a parent and as a summer camp director for the past three decades. She passes these tricks along to her summer staff each year during counselor training at Catalina Island Camps.

Maria Horner with husband Tom, son Nick, and their dog, Boo.

Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 3)

Jedi Mom Trick #9: Recognize the importance of the words we choose – being intentional about what we say, our tone and our delivery.

Jedi Mom Trick #10: Answer questions with questions as an empowerment tool.

Jedi Mom Trick #11: Use your feet, instead of your volume.

Jedi Mom Trick #12: Tap into the subtle power to influence behaviors.

I asked Maria to share another one of her favorite parenting resources, and one that she recommended is the book Crucial Conversations, noting that safe environments within a relationship are critical for effective communication.

Resources / Related

Ep. 22: Jedi Mom Tricks, Part 1

Ep. 33: Jedi Mom Tricks, Part 2

Silver Boxes: The Gift of Encouragement

Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

Part of helping kids learn to deal with discomfort is learning how to be uncomfortable ourselves.

-Christine Carter, Ph.D.

In Episode 41, I'm talking with my friend and favorite happiness guru, Christine Carter, Ph.D. I have been a fan of Christine's research, writing, and speaking since 2011, when I recruited her to start doing staff trainings at my camp.

Christine was my first podcast guest back in Episode 1 and has been instrumental in helping me stay up-to-date on the research about trends affecting the well-being of children, teens, and adults.

Christine is the author of The Sweet Spot: How to Achieve More by Doing Less (2017) and Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents (2011). She is a sociologist and Senior Fellow at UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, where she draws on scientific research to help people lead their most courageous, joyful, meaningful, and authentic lives.

The working title of the book she is currently researching and writing, about what teens need for their well-being, is How to Make or Break an American Teenager (2019). In this episode, we talk about her research so far on raising "iGen" kids (born 1995 or later). We talk about the mental health challenges teens are facing, how we all need to learn to be uncomfortable, and how she manages screen time with her teens.

Quotes

"We have become a nation built on comfort."

"This generation is really, really different. One quarter of them have made a plan to kill themselves... This is the most anxious, most depressed generation we've ever seen...We are on the verge of a very serious mental health crisis."

"It's so counterintuitive for most parents, right? We want to protect them. We don't want them to feel uncomfortable. We don't want them to be in pain. We don't want them to fail. We don't want them to be disappointed."

"It's not just that our kids need to learn to deal with discomfort in many forms, it's that we need to learn to deal with their discomfort."

"There's so much that's so good about the technological innovations...We haven't adapted properly to all the new technology."

"This is why camp is so important. It's actually an adaption. It's a hold-over from before... Now it's a way to cope with the massive amount of information and stuff."

"It's shaping them developmentally."

"This is the first generation of kids that really feels entitled to a life free from pain. And so if they're uncomfortable in any way, or disappointed, it's somebody else's fault."

Links

iGen, by Jean Twenge

Circle by Disney

Related

Ep. 1: Raising Happiness with Christine Carter

Living Life in our Sweet Spot

15 Books That Inspire my Parenting

We're craving those few people who know us and love us no matter what. -Shasta Nelson

In Episode 40, I talk with Shasta Nelson, M.Div. Shasta is a leading expert on friendship. Her spirited and soulful voice for strong female relationships can be found in her books Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness and Friendships Don't Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends. She is Founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, her tribe of women committed to creating more friendship in this world and teaches monthly friendship skill building classes at The Friendship University. She also writes at ShastasFriendshipBlog.com and in the Huffington Post, speaks across the country, and is a frequent contributor to the media appearing on TV shows such as Katie Couric and The Today Show, and in countless magazines and newspapers including The New York Times, Good Housekeeping, Health, and Forbes.

A few quotes from Shasta: "Most of us are lonely because we don't feel known by a few, and so it's not for lack of interaction, it's for lack of intimacy. Loneliness doesn't just mean not having people. It means not having the right people in the right way." "What we're looking for is really feeling like they notice us, they saw something in us, they acknowledge us, they recognize us, and that's really what all of us are walking through this world looking for. And to have a few people that can do that on a consistent basis is so, so, so important." Want to join Shasta for one of her trainings? The Frientimacy Weekend at 1440: https://1440.org/programs/frientimacy/ Find Shasta on social media: Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest or Girl Friend Circles Blog. Shasta's Frientimacy Triangle Want to learn more about your own frientimacy? Shasta has a quiz that scores people in each of the 3 areas of friendship so they know which area they might need to work on more. Take the Frientimacy Quiz.

A lot of what I teach is helping parents understand their children as people. The best way to be happy in your parenting is to recognize that your child is a person and to respect them and expect that respect in return.

-Karen Lock Kolp

In Episode 38, I have a fun chat with Karen Lock Kolp, M.Ed. of the We Turned Out Okay website and podcast. Karen is an early childhood development expert and parent coach.

On her website and podcast, Karen helps worried and hovering parents by bring reassuring, helpful advice and conversations.

In this episode, we talked about many things, including:

• The similarities between parenting toddlers and teens (and how much we both like teenagers).

• How some kids need "a longer runway."

• Calming down your family's evening routine

Links

We Turned out Okay (Karen Lock Kolp's Website)

Download Karen's "Calming the Weeknight Chaos"

Helping Your Fearful Kid Try New Things

I was also guest on Karen's We Turned Out Okay Podcast! Our topic was Give Your Child the Magic of Summer Camp!

We had so much fun chatting in both of our podcasts and plan to record more episodes in the future!