Sunshine Parenting

SHOW NOTES

This episode is the second in my two-part conversation with Sara Kuljis. Last week, in Episode 152, Sara and I discussed what we need to do for ourselves as we transition into more pandemic disruption in our families this fall.

This week, we discuss strategies for dealing with the continued uncertainties, issues, and concerns about our kids and their education during the pandemic.

Sara Kuljis' focus as a camp owner and director has been on youth and staff development. Sara has served on the board of the American Camp Association, and is a frequent speaker and trainer for the Association. She is a certified Gallup Strengths Coach who conducts workshops to help individuals recognize, understand, and utilize strengths at work and at home.

I always get so much encouragement and a more positive outlook after my chats with Sara, and I hope you feel equally encouraged after listening to this week's episode.

Wishing you a smooth transition to school for your kids,

Audrey

Download a PDF of these questions to print out!

Quotes

Sara: This is a time for innovation and looking at things with new lenses.

Sara: As the parent, a lot of times my attitude leaks into other's attitudes

Audrey: When you're looking back on this time, 10 years from now, what are the things that you're going to want to be able to say about this time?

Sara: I hope my kids and for all of us, our kids can look back and say, "I had extra time with my parents and while it was confusing sometimes, I really appreciate it.I enjoyed that time."

Audrey: This is an opportunity for us as parents to really start helping our kids develop more autonomy.

Sara: This is an amazing time to hold each other accountable for not doing too much.

Audrey: We have no control over when it's going to change, when we're going to go back to "normal," but between now and that point, we can focus on what's really important.

Sara: It can be really challenging because there's different reasons why children fight the homework.

Audrey: We need, as parents, to really partner with the teachers and administrators.

Audrey: Let's start the school year just knowing that we're all on the same team, we all will make mistakes. Our kids will, the teachers will, the schools will—things will go wrong. Some things will go right.

Audrey: It's going to be okay.

Sara: I really hope we all can move forward with the mindset that my child isn't going to be all behind—all is not lost.

Sara: Let's take some of the burden and the pressure off and go back to: What is the best way for my kiddo to learn right now?

Audrey: Let's all just go into this fall with the reset button.

Audrey: Push the reset button, rethink, reevaluate, do a do over from the spring, have that meeting with your kids, focus more on your relationship and autonomy development.

Links

The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey

In this episode, I'm chatting with my friend and camp professional colleague, Sara Kuljis. Sara has been a regular guest on the podcast (links to our other episodes below).

This is the first of a two-part series to help parents prepare for the fall now that we know that our life - and our kids' lives - will not be returning to "normal" any time soon. This week, we're talking about strategies for taking care of ourselves so that we can be present and positive (as much as possible!) for our kids and families transitioning into fall with more quarantining and online school.

Next week, we'll talk about some different ideas for approaching our kids' education this year.

Sara Kuljis' focus as a camp owner and director has been on youth and staff development. Sara has served on the board of the American Camp Association, and is a frequent speaker and trainer for the Association. She is a certified Gallup Strengths Coach who conducts workshops to help individuals recognize, understand, and utilize strengths at work and at home.

Questions

What am I going to need to be the kind of parent, spouse, leader, friend I really want to be?

What support/help do I need? Ask for help!

What's on your responsibility/burden "plate"?

What are groups/communities I need to stay involved with for my well-being?

How does stress show up for you? Your partner? Your kids?

Big Ideas

• Have a "Co-Counselor Pow Wow" with your parenting partner.

• Create a personal time schedule delineating who will be in charge of the kids at which times of day and when you each will have time for work, personal time, etc.

Listen to Audrey & Sara's Other Episodes

Ep. 85: Grit is Grown Outside the Comfort Zone (PEGtalk)

Ep.115: Giving Kids Meaningful Compliments

Ep. 63: Growing Gratitude with Sara Kuljis

Ep. 57: The Importance of Adult Friendships with Sara Kuljis

Ep. 28: Focusing on Our Kids' Strengths with Audrey and Sara

Ep. 23: Peaceful Mornings with Sara Kuljis

Ep. 7: Family Pace and Space with Sara Kuljis

Ep. 3: Raising Resilient, Independent Kids with Sara Kuljis

Ep. 133: What's Working (and What's Not!) During COVID-19

Resources/Related

https://www.newsbreak.com/news/1604951837867/telecommuting-moms-bear-more-household-burden-key-insight-to-help-shift-the-dynamic-and-share-the-load

https://www.pri.org/stories/2020-08-06/covid-19-s-cost-working-mothers

https://thehill.com/opinion/healthcare/511201-in-the-covid-19-economy-we-are-running-out-of-time-to-prioritize-child

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201807/where-do-you-store-stress-in-your-body-top-10-secret-areas

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/06/well/mind/five-minute-coronavirus-stress-resets.html

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/16/how-to-cope-with-coronavirus-related-financial-stress-and-anxiety.html

One Simple Thing

Go outside!

https://sunshine-parenting.com/7-reasons-to-optoutside/

My Favorite

https://www.instagram.com/p/CDmN5dkHkQt/

Show Notes

In Episode 150, I catch up with Karen Lock Kolp, M.Ed. of the We Turned Out Okay website and podcast. Karen is an early childhood development expert and parent coach. Karen helps worried and hovering parents by bringing reassuring, helpful advice and conversations. She offers simple strategies and guidance in her book, 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know: How to Stop the Chaos, Bring Out Your Child's Good Behavior, and Truly Enjoy Family Time.

Big Ideas

• Making little tweaks in our parenting can have positive effects that make our lives easier and calmer.

• Kids are very capable and can contribute a lot in the home.

• It's important to lower our expectations of ourselves and focus on some daily connection time with family rather than all of the things we feel like we "must do" right now.

• Going through a tough time with at least one person is better than alone—find that person!

Quotes

Audrey: I think they really need to just relax their expectations of themselves. There's no way you're going to be engaged, connecting, entertaining your children for their entire waking hours. You need to balance it. Try to do something fun every day, maybe for a little bit of time, but also finding those things that can keep your kids busy is really important right now.

Karen: As much as you can, make your home life structure so that there is a lot of connection, a lot of laughter, reading aloud to your child.

Karen: If you can read aloud to them and make it infectious and fun, you will find them wanting to read aloud to you. And that's what we want. We want it to come from them. We want it to be motivated by them.

Karen: It's a rare time for that. I mean, you talk about what is possible, which is an expression that Pat Flynn has used. He is an entrepreneurial podcaster. I really love him. He's got the smart, passive income podcast and he's just relentlessly positive. And he asked the question, "What does this make possible?" And it does make possible a whole bunch of scary things, but we can't live in that space. We have to live like this. Maybe this will make possible some positive things. Maybe our children will discover clay in the brook behind the house and learn how to take that clay and make it into actual, usable, moldable clay.

Audrey: Even pretty young kids could help with some cooking, but I mean, if you have even an eight or nine year old, they can cook a meal for you and you can just teach them and then they can just do it on their own. And that would make them feel great and be an incredible life skill to take out of this time.

Audrey: My mindset is: everyone's helping, no matter how young you are, we're all going to do something.

Audrey: I think sometimes we just have to remember that our kids can do more. So if we're thinking, "Oh my gosh, the house is a mess and I have to do it." And I think that we can enlist our kids and now more than ever, we can just say, "Hey, we really need you."

Karen: My goal is to change behavior so that you don't have to do as much negative disciplining. You can just be happy because things are much more smooth.

Audrey: I think we just all need to take a deep breath and just realize that maybe there's just little tweaks that we can do—simple things that actually make life easier, not harder.

Audrey: I also think that it's really important during this time for people to find community.

Audrey: We're all okay. It's not looking great really anywhere. And that's okay right now.

Audrey: I think it's just finding whatever it is that works for you to get you in the right mindset to be able to be flexible and know that none of us really knows what tomorrow's bringing and we have to just be okay with that because all we can do is try to make the most of today with whatever people we're with.

Audrey: You took something that was really a scary, bad thing and turned it into something amazing.

Audrey: I hope that one of the outcomes from this is we all realize that we need each other and we can lean on each other and, we'll get through this better together than alone.

Resources/Related

Ep. 38: We Turned Out Okay with Karen Lock Kolp

Ep. 69: 10 Secrets Happy Parents Know

We Turned out Okay (Karen Lock Kolp's Website)

Download Karen's "Calming the Weeknight Chaos"

Helping Your Fearful Kid Try New Things

I was also guest on Karen's We Turned Out Okay Podcast! Our topic was Give Your Child the Magic of Summer Camp!

Karen's Interview on Am Writing

32 Ways to Occupy Stuck-At-Home Kids

Crucial Conversations Book

Smart Passive Income Podcast with Pat Flynn

Karen's Ninja Parenting Community

Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics Book

Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics Podcast Episode

Karen's OkayCon 2020

Author: Mary Balogh

One Simple Thing

My one simple thing tip this week is to focus on strengths. When we've spent a lot of time with people, we can start to get fixated on their faults and the things they do that annoy us. Take a moment to list out the people you're sheltering with and one strength you appreciate about each of them. Focusing on strengths is a great strategy for improving family relationships!

Creating a Strengths-Based Camp, American Camp Association

Ep. 28: Focusing on our Kids' Strengths

Celebrating Strengths

Focusing on Our Kids' Strengths

My Favorite

My favorite this week is one of my favorite mood boosters: listening to music! Music, especially songs that have an uplifting beat or lyrics, are a great way to improve your mood.

Here are two of my current favorite "feel good" listens.

https://youtu.be/8YuWAZmD0aU

https://youtu.be/3osp2p_gLx4

In Episode 149, I'm talking with repeat podcast guest Stephen Gray Wallace about his new book, Impact: An Introduction to Counseling, Mentoring, and Youth Development. The book offers insightful commentary on the important role of mentors in the lives of children and teens. While it specifically addresses camp counselors, Impact is equally relevant for all key youth influencers, including parents, teachers, and coaches.

Ep. 27: Raising Teens who Thrive with Stephen Wallace

Ep. 92: Creating Strong Relationships with Teens

Stephen has broad experience as a school psychologist and adolescent/family counselor. He is president and director of the Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE), a former associate research professor at Susquehanna University, and the past national chairman and chief executive officer at SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions/Students Against Driving Drunk). Stephen also works with the American Camp Association (ACA) as a feature magazine writer, media spokesperson and faculty member at its e-Institute for Professional Development.

Review of IMPACT

Decades of experience and research are packed into Wallace's guide for leaders at summer camp. Wallace communicates the responsibility and life-changing impact counselors can have and the many facets of their role, which go far beyond what most people think of when they hear the job "camp counselor." Covering a multitude of topics that are critical for counselors to understand, with discussion questions at the end of each chapter, the book is user-friendly and can be quickly incorporated into staff training. Lists that offer key takeaways of each concept on topics including developmental stages, disciplinary dos and don'ts, leadership styles, and effective teaching techniques (to name just a few) are instrumental as both a reference and training tool for camp staff. IMPACT needs to be assigned reading for every camp counselor, as the guide clearly communicates the magnitude of the responsibility counselors have for the physical and emotional well-being of other people's children, the critical importance of developing positive relationships with each of the campers they serve, and an understanding of what to expect and how to handle the different challenges they will face. Camp leaders wanting to be informed and have a positive impact (without having to read the scores of books and articles Stephen Wallace has read) need to read IMPACT and keep it as a resource to refer to when planning training and coaching staff.

- Audrey Monke, camp director, speaker, & author of Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults

Big Ideas

Quotes

Resources/Links

One Simple Thing

Ep. 133: What's Working (and What's Not!) During COVID-19

My Favorite

Related Posts & Episodes

Ep. 27: Raising Teens who Thrive with Stephen Wallace

Ep. 92: Creating Strong Relationships with Teens

Ep. 81: The Power of One with Travis Allison

Ep. 87: The Impact of Camp Experiences with Laurie Browne, Ph.D.

Ep. 123: Connection Comes First

Ep. 89: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men with Michael Reichert, Ph.D.

Ep. 121: The Power of Showing Up with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson

Ep. 68: 12 Parenting Tips for Happier, More Connected Families

10 Parenting Tips from Camp Counselors

This week I'm bringing you my chat with long-time camp director Ariella Rogge of Sanborn Western Camps. Ariella has a TON of amazing ideas for activities we can do to encourage our kids to explore nature. She also shares connection tips families can use to stay close during COVID-19.

About Ariella

Ariella began her career at Sanborn when she was twelve. After five years as a camper and five years as a staff member she continued her work with young people as a high school teacher. She and her family returned to camp in 2001 and she became Program Director at High Trails. In 2013, she became Director. Ariella received a B.A. in English from Colorado College and is a certified secondary English educator and WEMT. She has been active in developing Outcomes-Based Research for the ACA and often presents at national and regional conferences.

Watch our Chat Links to Instructions & Downloads for Activities we Discussed

NATURE NUGGETS #2: Nature Bingo

NATURE NUGGETS #4: 100 Inch Hike

NATURE NUGGETS #5: Nature Scavenger Hunt

Question Strategy: "I THINK, I NOTICE, IT REMINDS ME OF, I WONDER..."

"... makes them feel different about the world around them." quote

Maintaining & Building Connections

Virtual dinner get -togethers

"real" letters

Keeping a record of this historical time - journals, recordings

Find Your Summer Self - Fun, laughter, being outside, engaging with other people, eating good food, having really long, full days packed with all sorts of adventure.

"How do we capitalize on the spaces we do have?"

"It's recalibrating how we are connecting with people in interesting ways."

Audrey: This is a time I think that we can all use to sort of reconnect with what's important and regroup, kind of like a refresh of our lives because we have to, we don't really have any other options.

Ariella: I think that's a huge part of this experience is everybody has to have a sense of humor.

"Everybody has to have a sense of humor."

CAMP VALUE

18:43-19:05 (CAMPS as a resource)

19:39-20:00 - OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH

"It's only in challenge that we grow. And this is definitely a challenging time for all of us, and yet I think it provides us with a lot of opportunities, too."

Resources/Links

"My Corona" by Chris Mann

Sanborn Western Camps

People of Sanborn: Ariella

Book: 101 Nature Activities for Kids by Jane Sanborn and Elizabeth Rundle

Nature Bingo

100 Inch Hike

Nature Sculptures

Andy Goldsworthy Nature Sculptures Inspiration

Nature Scavenger Hunt

Mental Health Practices for Everyone

Additional Ideas at the Sanborn Western Camps Blog

Be You - GAC Summer Theme

One Simple Thing: A List of Little Things

Learning to Enjoy the Little Things

My Favorite

Deep Work: Rules For Focused Success in a Distracted World

SHOW NOTES

This week I'm talking with my friend Jill Stribling. Jill's family has first-hand experience with COVID-19. If you're a longtime listener, you may remember my chat with Jill back in Ep. 35 about her decision to unplug her family, including her 10-year-old son, whose behavior around screens had started to concern her.

About Jill

Jill is a teacher and is the owner and founder of English for Fun, a school in Madrid, Spain. English for Fun is a learning laboratory where children and adults are empowered to take risks and try new things. They collaborate with the best research institutes throughout the world in order to bring quality education to Spain and to the world.

Jill Stribling has a B.A. in Child Development and Psychology and a Master's degree in Education and specialty in Literacy and Language Arts from California State University and more than 20 years of experience in education. After several years teaching in public schools in Los Angeles, CA, she was recruited by the American School of Madrid in 2001, where she taught Kindergaten and First Grade and took on several leadership roles (i.e. Grade Level Chair, Accreditation Committee Leader, etc.). With her educational and professional experience firmly in place, she developed a methodology for making language learning fun, and began her entrepreneurial journey in 2008 with literally one student in her living room. Shortly afterwards, she had a total of

70 students, and actually had to expand her business. English for Fun is an educational group with an English Enrichment Program for children and adults, an Urban Camp Program, an American Early Childhood Center and a Training Center for educators. Today, she owns schools in Madrid and Pozuelo de Alarcon, and this year alone more than 3,000 students will benefit from the English for Fun method!

Back in the fall of 2018, I had the privilege of visiting the Stribling family, touring English for Fun, and speaking with the parents at both of the school campuses.

Big Ideas

It is important to think of others during this time.

If we are not careful, we could cause the death of someone that we or someone else loves.

This is a great time to stay inside and work on ourselves.

Quotes

Jill: I think that this was the scariest thing that I've ever been through in my entire life.

Jill: We were really lucky that he recovered in a week.

Jill: I think that now looking back on it, we realize, you know, how crazy everything was and how fortunate we are. But, um, but yeah, it was not easy. And, and, you know, I wish looking back on everything that, that not only would we have taken this more seriously when it happened.

Jill: If you are someone who is a carrier and you infect other people, you will never know if you caused a death for somebody that someone else loves.

Audrey: It's almost as if like, if you don't know anyone directly, it must not be that serious or something. And these numbers of deaths on that we see on the news just seem not as relevant if you don't know them, which is sad.

Jill: The thing about how contagious it is is that you don't even realize it until it's too late.

Jill: So that for me is the hardest part of this, is all the damage you do to others when you're not careful.

Jill: By the time you realize that you have it, you've already passed it to eight to fifteen people.

Audrey: I was wishing we had done better because now of course we're seeing that it's kind of everywhere now and cases are still going up in like most of our states.

Jill: I think COVID is kind of teaching us that, you know, we've gotta live differently.

Jill: It's not about me anymore. It's about somebody's grandmother. It's about somebody's mother who could have cancer. And I know that for a fact, because I have seen it.

Jill: I get it like we're social. We want to go out. But I think right now it's the time to work on ourselves.

Audrey: I, like you, hope that from this, we learn that we are a community. We're a global community. What happens over there impacts us, we all have a responsibility.

Resources/Links

English for Fun

NY Times article Jill mentions

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness Review by Audrey

One Simple Thing - Find Your Flow What is "Flow"?

Flow is a term coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi (pronounced "cheeks sent me high") that refers to a state of optimal experience and involvement in an activity during which we are performing at our best.

Watch Dr. Csikszentmihalyi talk about flow in his TED Talk, "Flow, the Secret to Happiness."

When we're in "flow," we are doing something we really, really enjoy. We can't wait to do the activity again, and we feel a lot of positive emotions while participating in the activity. We can stick with it for hours without even noticing the time going by. In fact, when we're in flow, it's hard to stop whatever we're doing. Flow is different from pleasure – simply doing things that are enjoyable like watching TV, scrolling on social media, or shopping. Instead, flow activities usually are demanding and take our full attention and concentration.

How do I achieve flow?

People achieve flow in all different ways, including while playing a musical instrument, playing a sport, writing, painting, attending a concert, bird watching, riding a horse, or running, to name just a few. Often we cannot relate to the passion others have for their personal "flow" activity, since their enthusiasm and passion seem inordinately high. For the lucky ones among us, we find flow in our daily work.

The younger you are, the more likely it is that you've been in flow today. Young children excel at getting into a state of flow, usually during unstructured play time. As they create their pretend worlds, "cook" in the sand box, build a fort, or swing high on a swing, they are joyful and time flies by for them. Young children are experts at happily living in the moment. As we get older, however, we need to be more aware of getting ourselves into that engaged, amazing state that we enjoyed when we were younger.

Official definition of flow

Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does.

Possible Flow Activities

And here are some ideas of possible flow activities from Deann Ware, Ph.d: Physical activities such as sports, yoga, dance, and martial arts Outdoor challenges such as hiking Music–writing, playing, mixing Art–painting, sculpture, mixed media, pottery Photography Woodworking Do-It-Yourself projects, such as home improvement Working with animals Gardening Cooking and baking Software development/coding Scrapbooking Writing Needlework–sewing, knitting, cross stitch Horseback riding What you do for work (hopefully!)

Questions to ask yourself (and your kids)

What activities get you into flow?

When have you been doing something that you are so engaged that you've completely lost track of time?

What are new activities you want to try this summer?

What makes your heart "sing?"

Sometimes, we need to explore different activities before we figure out which activities get us into that awesome state of flow. Don't worry if you haven't found that awesome, engaged state yet. Sometimes, it takes awhile to explore, and many adults haven't even figured it out yet! So start now, while you have some free time, exploring different activities – creative, athletic, academic, etc. – and find your flow!

Flow states are a great clue as we figure out who we are and what makes us our best self!

Finding Flow

My Favorite

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness

Show Notes

My family's favorite word to use is 'unprecedented,' because everything is unprecedented this year. We try to use the word as much as possible.-Audrey

Hi Friends,

How are you doing? I mean, how are you really doing?

Many of us - kids and adults alike - are really struggling right now - physically, emotionally, and financially. So much is uncertain, and much has been lost. This pandemic has been devastating. This week (July 2 to be exact) is the mid-point of 2020. What a year this has been. It's nothing like I thought it would look and, for many of us (including me), my life has been turned upside down.

I invite you to step back for a few minutes this week and check in with how you're doing in these areas:

• Health • Relationships • Work

If you decide to join me (and my family, who I'm also having complete the check-in), I'd love to hear any insights you come up with about changes you're going to make for the second half of 2020.

In this episode, I talk about my own check-in and the activities I'm finding helpful for my own and my family's well-being.

It's normal (and human nature) for us to dwell on all the things that have been lost or cancelled this year, but focusing only on all the negatives of this year is not good for our well-being.

The lack of ability to plan is hard for many of us. I love my planner and my lists which, this year, have become useless. For my own (and my family's) well-being, I'm choosing to focus on being present and creating habits that improve my well-being and the well-being of my family in the areas of health, relationships, and work.

I invite you to join me in looking at what to continue doing, stop (or reduce) doing, or start doing to make the second half of 2020, regardless of what the rest of this year brings, as good as possible.

Thank you for being here! I'm rooting for you and your family to come out of this trial of COVID feeling stronger and more focused on what's really important.

xo

How are you doing? A Mid-Year Check-In Health How are you feeling physically and is there anything you want to change/adjust for the remainder of 2020 that would make you feel better physically?

Areas to look at:

• Sleep - Are you getting enough? Are your kids?

• Exercise - Do you get at least a walk in every day?

• Eating - Are you drinking enough water? Eating whole foods like fruit vegetables?

I've always enjoyed exercising, including running, hiking, and my brand-new favorite exercise, indoor cycling on my Peloton. This summer, I've been going on one or two hikes a week and getting on the indoor cycle 3-4 times a week. I've decided that I don't have any excuse this year (since I don't have my camp job this summer) not to exercise, so I do at least a little exercise every day. A few evenings a week, we take a family walk after it's started to cool down, around sunset. Those walks and talks have been a highlight of my COVID days.

I've never been able to be consistent about yoga or stretching (It's hard for me to take the time, have the patience), but I've managed to consistently do a quick 6-minute post exercise routine that's been working for me that includes: Cat/Cow (1 minute) Downward Dog (1 minute) Plank (1 minute) Then I repeat the whole cycle one more time. I'm done in 5-6 minutes and I've had fewer back and shoulder pains since I started.

How is your mental/spiritual health during this trial?

Many of us are carrying a lot of extra stress and anxiety this year due to the loss and uncertainty COVID has caused. While there is much we can't control, there are a few things that I'm finding helpful to manage my stress.

What's working for me:

• Practice Presence

Spending less time worrying about the past and what's going to happen in the future, and practicing more presence, being in the moment, seems to be just about our only option right now, so we may as well embrace it.

• Keep a Consistent Morning Routine

Until this year, I've been inconsistent about following a morning routine, but I'm finding that it's been helpful to have some part of my day - and my life - that is staying consistent despite the chaos. Here are my morning tasks (in order, most done while drinking coffee) which usually take me between 30 minutes and one hour:

Bible Reading: I'm using the Bible Recap plan to read through the Bible this year.

Gratitude Journal

Text or note to a friend or family member

Exercise

I filmed a short video about my morning routine earlier this week:

View this post on Instagram

One Simple Thing: A morning routine can help your - and your kids' - well being.

A post shared by Audrey Monke (@sunshine.parenting) on Jun 27, 2020 at 7:04pm PDT

• Create a day of rest or "Sabbath"

Ask family members, "What's restful for you?" and make sure you set aside some time to do those restful activities, at least once per week but preferably more often.

Create a ritual or tradition to "kick off" your day of rest.

Benefits of a day of rest (from A Day of Rest, 12 Scientific Reasons Why it Works, www.inc.com):

• Reduces stress

• Gives you a chance to move

• Reduces inflammation and the risk of heart disease

• Boosts your immune system

• Improves sleep

• Adds years to your life

• Restores mental energy

• Increases creativity

• Increases productivity

• Improves focus

• Improves short-term memory

• Can help you love your job again

Relationships How are you doing with relationships?

We know that positive relationships are the best predictor of our health and happiness, so it's important - especially now - that we focus on our relationships with our family and friends.

Family Dinner

Sharing

Family Dinner

Arthur Aron's 36 questions to get closer to someone you love

Questions for Connection

Practice active listening/giving people our full attention

Practice empathy

"It's so important in all of our relationships we are careful not to step on other people's feelings."

"When someone is sharing something we us, we validate that we hear what they're saying."

"When you feel heard, it's a really good feeling."

Work How are you learning and growing in the area of your "work"?

Your "work" is whatever you spend your time doing - whether that be in a job, care giving, or volunteering. Your work is how you fulfill your purpose, how you get meaning in your life.

Whether or not you have your dream job, you can always think about learning and growing to give your life more meaning.

Consider crafting your own "syllabus" for the remainder of 2020 to cover a topic you'd like to learn more about or a skill you'd like to improve on. You could sign up for an actual online course, or you can create your own syllabus with books, podcasts, documentaries, etc. and have your own customized plan to grow and learn over the next six months - and beyond!

Resources/Links

USA Today article: No camp for kids this summer? How to entertain your children while you work from home

Follow me on Instagram

Peloton

Calm App

Differently Wired, by Debbie Reber

The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod

The Bible Recap - Daily Bible reading plan (I access the reading plan through the Bible App).

The Bible Project - Animated videos explaining each book of the Bible.

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer

Before Breakfast Podcast Episode - Craft a Syllabus

Anti-Racism Resources:

There have been many resources shared recently with anti-racism resources. I listed several of my favorite resources (so far) here: Special Message: Listening and Learning How to be Anti-Racist

Scaffolded Anti-Racist Resources

Parenting Resources:

Parenting in Place Masterclass Series (Summer, 2020)

Happy Campers 9-Week Read Along

Do your own Mid-Year Check-In!

Show Notes

This week I'm chatting with brand new parents Danny & Courtney Tobin about their thoughts and insights about being new parents in 2020 to their Black son. They share advice for white parents about how to raise anti-racist kids.

Courtney Thomas Tobin is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Community Health Sciences at the UCLA School of Public Health. She has a PhD in Sociology and studies issues of race-based stress, coping, and mental health among Black Americans.

Danny Tobin is the Camp Director at R.M. Pyles Boys Camp. A non-profit summer camp that promotes long-term positive behavioral change for low-income, disadvantaged boys by providing a multi-year wilderness camp experience supplemented by year-round mentoring the builds life skills and instills the values of hard work, education, and positive choices. I met Danny through my favorite professional association, WAIC (Western Association of Independent Camps). Danny graciously offered to chat with camp professionals wanting to discuss race so I took him up on his offer!

Big Ideas

It's important to teach our kids about peoples' differences instead of teaching "colorblindness."

The books we have in our homes and the movies and shows we watch should have people of all races represented.

Using current events is a great way to bring up the topic of race with our kids.

Racism is not something that only happened in the past. It's imperative that we are teaching our kids (at home and in school) about what it looks like currently, in addition to in the past.

Quotes

Danny: We're not recognizing that we are different and we need to be able to coincide in the world with differences.

Danny: If you have a little girl who wants a Barbie, well get them that white Barbie, but at the same time, get them that Brown Barbie and create that environment where they are getting used to seeing people of color.

Courtney: I think a lot of parents shy away from pointing out differences, or they don't mention that, but again, like you said, that colorblindness or just blindness to differences doesn't really help, especially when they get a little older and then the conversation does focus around race because they've never had those conversations before.

Courtney: We know from lots of research out there, like you mentioned, kids notice different colors, skin and things, you know, very, very early, like by the age of two. And they use those differences in those observations to make decisions about people and their behaviors. And so without having a context for understanding that different color skin doesn't mean that one is bad or one is good or things like that. Without having that context, kids will just come up with all kinds of things and nine times out of ten, it's not necessarily going to be good. And so it's really, I think, important to just as parents make sure our kids have the messages that we want and have those positive messages.

Danny: It's not even about being racist. It's just looking at something that's different and not understanding it.

Courtney: I think having diverse representation is just as, or if not even more important for white kids, because so many kids have never seen people of color before. And so you may not be able to change necessarily the composition of your community or your school, but if you had books or movies that have these positive images, which it's 2020, it's a lot easier to find than I think in years prior. But, I think if folks are really intentional about having that representation for their kids you might be able to avoid some of those kind of awkward situations because it's not like a situation where there's so many examples out there about little preschoolers saying, 'Why is your skin like that?' Or like things because they just don't know, or they don't understand that people look different.

Courtney: I think using current events as a way to start the conversation is a really great way because the kids see there's protests, there's all these things happening. And so that could be a good opening to say, 'What have you heard about this? Or what do you know?' because kids will surprise you.

Danny: We do want to protect kids from certain things, but we also want to have real conversations with them and recognize that they can understand and handle a lot more than parents give them credit for. Most people just build a bubble of protection that doesn't need to be there.

Danny: Parents have a lot to worry about, a lot of things that they're going to have to talk to their children about, maybe it's sex education or whatnot, but to really realize that for black families, at a very, very young age, we already have to have a conversation with our children, especially black boys about how to interact with police officers. And to know that you don't have to have that conversation with your child is definitely a sense of privilege as well.

Audrey: I was talking to a friend who's a person of color and she was saying that she's made a lot of efforts her whole life to make everyone comfortable, like going into work settings and just different places just to make it easy for the white people around her. And that really resonated with me that just thinking about that and having more empathy for the extra work that parents have to do, it's tough.

Danny: Something that I think is also really important, and this is more maybe on an education in the school-wide system level, is that we focus on it as not being something that happened in the past. I know growing up for me in my school setting, it was, 'Let's talk about slavery, let's talk about civil rights…' all things that happened in the past, that don't exist anymore. Well obviously they do exist still and so we need to be cognizant about how, it's not just something that happened in the past, but let's talk about how that has shaped the current events as well.

Audrey: Let's stay in touch and keep this conversation going because it's such an important one.

Audrey: The camp community and the education community working together can really make a difference.

Links

Courtney Tobin at UCLA

Danny Tobin at R.M. Pyles Boys Camp

Just Mercy (Watch the movie for free here!)

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

Related Posts & Episodes

Ep. 143: Talking About Race with Alex Gamboa Grand

Special Message: Listening and Learning How to be Anti-Racist

Ep. 117: Raising Good Humans

Show Notes

Parenting in Place Masterclass Series

Alex Gamboa Grand -

Co-founder of Good Intent -- an online shop offering sustainable alternatives to everyday essentials like home goods, cleaning supplies, and personal care products. Program Manager at Portland State University's School of Business providing support for underrepresented entrepreneurs in the Portland area who want to grow their businesses.

Links:

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson Book & Movie

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Malcolm X Autobiography

White Fragility by Dr. Robin diAngelo

Dr. Robin diAngelo Video

Christine Caine and Anita Philips Video

Glennon Doyle on Instagram

Shaun King on Instagram

Listening & Learning How to be Anti-Racist (Links)

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

Albert Einstein

Long after the topic of racism stops trending, white people (including me) need to be actively anti-racist. Let's listen, learn, ask how we can support POC, and do the work to make our world, our country, and our communities places where children and adults of every color and religion feel safe and protected and are able to thrive.

Graphics/Visuals

They're Not Too Young to Talk About Race from the Children's Community School in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

A guide to white privilege by Courtney Ahn Design

Podcast Episodes

Unlocking Us: Brene Brown's interview with Ibram X. Kendi on How to be an Anti-Racist

Talking Race With Young Children (NPR)

Books

Books I've read and highly recommend:

Just Mercy, Bryan Stevenson

The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas

Real American, Julie Lythcott-Haims

Motherhood So White, Nefertiti Austin

Next on my "to read" list:

White Fragility

Stamped from the Beginning

Videos Movies Other Anti-Racist Articles, Lists & Resources I will be continuing to add resources and reviews - please send me an email or comment with more resources.

Rachel Cargle

The Great Unlearn

Books about Race & Racism (bookshop.org)

I shudder, do you? Julie Lythcott-Haims

Anti-Racist Resources

Embrace Race Website: Let's raise a generation of children who are thoughtful, informed, and brave abut race. (podcast & website)

By age five, Black and Hispanic children show no preference toward their own group compared to Whites. On the other hand, White kids remain strongly biased in favor of whiteness. By the start of kindergarten, "children begin to show many of the same implicit racial attitudes that adults in our culture hold. Children have already learned to associate some groups with higher status, or more positive value, than others. -Andrew Grant-Thomas, Your 5 Year-Old is Already Racially Biased.

We have to eliminate the White Savior role, which centers whiteness and portrays people of color as victims. But white kids should know that they can play an important support role when it comes to fighting racism. Emphasize and prioritize the efforts of people of color, but include white allies too, John Brown, Viola Liuzzo, James Ian Tyson.-Mia Birdsong, Lift Up The Freedom Fighters

Do you have Anti-Racist resources you'd like to see added to this post? Please comment and we'll add.

6-5-20