Borderline Mixed Signals & Codependent Fantasy Bond Cycles

Borderline’s mixed signals and Codependent fantasy bonds. Borderlines in relationships give endless mixed signals like telling you how much they love after traumatizing behaviour or while still ghosting you, or after having ghosted or even for years discarded you. Saying in Hoovers, they love you, they need to figure out how to let you go - end the relationship - but they don’t know how. Meanwhile you love them, you focus on them to the detriment of yourself as an Ex and Codependent. You need to let that BPD Ex go, but, you don't know how.

https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Tattoos and Piercings - Why pw/BPD Get  More Than Average

Borderlines Tattoos and Piercings - why people with BPD get more tattoos and/or piercings than non-Borderlines. 

A commenter (on Youtube) asked if a woman has an excessive amount of tattoos, could this be a dating red flag that she has BPD. I answer this question about Borderlines and tattoos and explain why people with BPD do, in fact, have many more body modifications- tattoos and piercings than those without BPD and several key reasons why people with Borderline Personality get tattoos and piercings so often. In a high percentage of a study they found that 22.41% of people with BPD had tattoos over at least 10% of their bodies.

https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Relationship Ruptures Are All Relationships Just Hard Work?


BPD relational ruptures and an answer to a Codependent commentor's question are BPD and all relationships just hard work wherein I explain the differences between BPD relationships and healthy relationships. I also answer the question, "How can you tell if it's the person with BPD or yourself as a Codependent?" In other words, is it my BPD partner and his or her BPD or is it me, the Codependent? Why do so many with Codependency believe that they are to blame for BPD relationship ruptures and BPD relationship impossibility? 

https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

10 Ways To Help A Borderline - Fact or Myth

10 ways to help a Borderline are they fact or myth? I created a list of 10 ways to help a Borderline based on several different professional sources. As to whether these ways to help a person with BPD are helpful or harmful for you - fact or myth, I explain in this podcast why any loved one, Codependent person, loving a Borderline, will only make everything worse for themselves if you try these ways to help. Then again, many in their Codependent denial and BPD relationship impossibility may already be trying or have tried these 10 ways to help a Borderline.

https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Having Children - The Heartbreak of BPD Ex Loss or Co-Parenting

Borderlines having children wound them (more often than not) and the heartbreak of BPD Ex's loss or Co-Parenting. Whether the Borderline Parent is the mother or the father, each will wound his or her children. A commenter lost his child to a borderline's lack of care. Co-parenting with a male or female with BPD is for most a nightmare that no matter what the BPD Ex does wounds your child or children. If you are younger, dating a borderline or not sure, be careful. It's not healthy to have a child with an untreated person with BPD.

https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Don't Make You Sacrifice Yourself

Borderlines (or a BPD/NPD person) doesn't make you sacrfice yourselves as Codependents. A.J. Mahari adds in her experience on breaking free from her BPD/NPD Ex. Do you blame your BPD or BPD/NPD Ex for everything? What you need to know about your own personal responsibility that is necessary for healing change. You are not to blame for what a BPD or BPD/NPD did to you. But blaming them for your missed choice points that absolutely feel impossible won't help you break free of the betrayal bond. Not taking your own personal responsibility for Codependent choices made (consciously or unconsciously) aside from all that any BPD or BPD/NPD is responsible for will keep you stuck and will increase your suffering.

https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Triggers Explained & Why They Are So Crazy-Making

BPD triggers are explained and why they are so crazy-making. What you really need to know about BPD triggers that so many don't realize. What is the core of impossibility with BPD triggers? Why are BPD triggers central to endless lack of taking personal responsibility or accountability that is so crazy-making? BPD triggers are affecting you and part of how you as a partner, loved one, family member, of someone with BPD are losing yourself. You must stop care-taking for the person with BPD in your life. Stop trying to get the person with BPD to see how their triggered dysregulated emotion is hurting you because they just don't get it!

https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

What Is BPD Transient Paranoid Ideation?

What is Borderline Transient Paranoid Ideation? What does it mean? How can does it manifest for people with BPD and how can you recognize it and understand its scope and effect on you? Why does this trait (number 9) along with how it drives BPD splits to devaluation cause so many BPD Breakups and so much heartbreak for people who loves someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?

https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Just Aren't That In To You & The Emptiness of BPD Idealization

Borderlines just aren't that in to you, Codependents. The incredible emptiness of BPD idealization takes a long time to understand because it felt so great and felt and was too good to be true. BPD idealization just as BPD devaluation isn't about YOU. It's about who you represent unconsciously to un-treated person with Borderline Personality Disorder. You think you can do better, give more, understand more and do it differently and that it will make a difference - Nope! Codependents also often believe that they are so to blame for why people with BPD act out, act in, punish, as you walk on the impossible egg-shells. No matter what you, as a Codependent try to do differently, promise, change, fix and so on  - NONE OF IT will work because you are insignificant (for who you really are) to the Borderline.

For the Borderline, it's all about the Borderline. You are just the "object other" that they blame. They don't actually ever get to know who you really are as you lose yourself more and more to their lost selves as they seek to use (unconsciously often) to just survive. There's no excuse for what they do to you in their attempts (all about them) to just survive, seeking identity through you but not ever seeking to truly KNOW you!

https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

You Can't Give Borderlines What They Need They Don't Want It From You Anyway

Codependents can't give your Borderline what he or she needs. People with BPD really don't want what they need from you anyway. It's a lose-lose situationship. People with Codependency can't help a partner, or any loved one with BPD, you lost yourself trying, you don't get your needs met. And you can't satiate a person with BPD and the more you try, and try to love them, the more you will punished for your love and care. Codependents need to unlearn childhood woundedness and how it is repeating in all your externalizing out and endless focus on someone with BPD and on Borderline Personality Disorder itself. What about you?

https://ajmahari.ca/session