Survivor Sanctuary

On today's podcast I'm sharing a personal experience with a church that dealt publicly with two local crime news stories involving members of their church--one as I was coming into the church, and one when I was walking out. How the church handled the first crime and its victims reflected Jesus to me. It made me want to be a part of a church that would go out of their way to help broken kids, allowing their homes and lives to be disrupted in the name of Christ. How they handled the second made me grieve for its victims, and for church leaders who value reputation and institution over wounded people. 

Episode 10 of the podcast is inspired by a discussion on the Survivor Sanctuary Facebook Group (you should def join)! Why do so many survivors blame themselves for their abuse? And why is it so hard to combat the self-blame that seems determined to hang on? "It was your fault" is one of the biggest lies abuse whispers in our ears regularly, and in this episode Kelly tackles some of her personal whys, plus shares some hope that we can one day have victory over the self blame. 

Recommended Reading mentioned in today's episode:

The Body Keeps the Score

The Wounded Heart

Healing the Wounded Heart

When a person goes through the trauma of sexual abuse, there are negative messages--lies--that can become ingrained in them as a result. One of the universal struggles of sexual abuse survivors is feeling unworthy. Whether we feel unworthy of justice, love, acceptance, healing, healthy relationships or _____, the struggle is definitely real. In this episode, we unpack the heavy baggage of unworthiness, and Kelly shares an exercise that she uses to foster the truth that I. AM. WORTHY.

Join the discussion in our survivor sanctuary facebook group!

It seems like a no-brainer: men and women who sexually abuse children should never be in church leadership. Yet over and over again we are seeing stories of sexual abusers returning to ministry and receiving the full support of congregations while victims suffer alone. Not only do victims feel alone, they are consistently attacked and accused of being unforgiving, hateful, judgmental, and sowers of discord when they speak out against abusers being ministry leaders. But what is the truth? On today's podcast, I tackle this question, and vent about the really wacko idea many Christians have that the only prerequisite for being in spiritual leadership is a *desire* to be. 

When a sexual abuse survivor finds their voice and begins to share their story of abuse, what they need more than anything are empathetic listeners and supporters who will handle their story with tenderness and care, recognizing that survivors should always be the gatekeepers of their own stories. Unfortunately, not everyone is an ally, and sometimes survivors' stories can be mishandled or even weaponized against them. In Episode 7, I share my experience with church leaders who badly mishandled the story I had entrusted them with, and re-victimized me in the process.

Also, the Survivor Sanctuary Facebook Group is now LIVE! Request to join today!

Many survivors of sexual abuse keep their stories hidden away for years. But as they begin to heal and find their voice, each survivor will be faced with a choice: to speak out or not to speak out. There is no right or wrong answer here, but if you're a survivor who finds yourself thinking about speaking out, or if you've just always wondered what motivates survivors to share their stories of abuse, this episode is for you!

Have you ever found yourself at a loss for words when you’ve been trusted with a story of someone’s deepest hurt? Or worse, have you been tempted to respond by blurting out an inspirational quote you once saw on a Facebook meme, hoping it will cure the problem in one smooth cliché? Confession: I’ve been there. Totally done that. And I not only bought the t-shirt, I tie-dyed and bedazzled the freaking thing. But as I've navigated sharing my own story of abuse with others, I've come to understand why a lot of what we consider "awesome" advice can actually be damaging to survivors. In this episode, I'm sharing six tips for how you can be a total rockstar at supporting survivors of abuse, including a pro tip I learned from none other than King Kong. 

Here's a link to Rachael Denhollander's new book, which I'm giving away this week! All you have to do is leave a review of the Survivor Sanctuary podcast on iTunes to enter for a chance to win the book!

On today's episode, Kelly chats with the awesome (and possibly superhuman) Ashley Easter, an outspoken advocate, writer, speaker, coach and conference creator. Ashley shares her story and how it led her to be an influential advocate for abuse victims within the church. Plus, she shares details about the upcoming Courage Conference, ideas for how the church can better serve survivors, and some tips for healing from abuse.

Resources from this Episode:

ashleyeaster.com

They say the first step toward recovery is admitting you have a problem. But what if you're completely clueless that a problem is even there? That was me, years back, the night that a snot-smeared bedspread led me to take the first baby step toward profound healing from childhood sexual abuse. I'm getting down and dirty and vulnerable on today's episode as I share a part of my story that is the opposite of glamorous, but that just might give someone the courage to begin to read the pages of their own. 

If you like the podcast, be sure to leave a rating and a review on iTunes! You can also chat with me on Facebook or Twitter. I'd love to hear from you!

Today I'm joined on the podcast by Kelly Haines, survivor of sexual abuse by her Christian school teacher beginning at age 14. After serving time in prison for his sexual abuse of Kelly, John Longaker now serves as senior pastor of an Independent Baptist Church. Kelly's story is heartbreaking, but hope-filled, and her courage in standing up for the truth is an inspiration. 

You can find Kelly on the following platforms:

Dr. Oz Interview