Survivor's Guide to True Crime

As part of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Kim and Kara finally get to talk with Kayla Hayes. 

At just 25, Kayla Hayes is a passionate advocate, speaker, and author who embodies resilience. Having faced the challenges of childhood sexual abuse and teenage domestic violence, she made a powerful choice to transform her pain into purpose, embracing her scars as wings of strength.

Kayla’s story has resonated widely, earning features on Inside Edition, in Cosmopolitan Magazine, and on various national platforms dedicated to empowering survivors. Through podcasts, interviews, and impactful speaking engagements, she raises awareness about domestic violence and empowers others to reclaim their identities.

A pivotal moment in Kayla’s journey was the realization that her experiences did not define her; rather, they could be a source of strength. This insight drives her mission to inspire young people to heal from their pasts and see their scars as symbols of hope and resilience. She believes that by sharing our stories, we can create a supportive community that uplifts one another.

Kayla's Call to Action:

"Our scars, both physical and invisible, can become our wings, lifting us towards healing and empowerment. I just want to urge you to embrace your journey and wear your scars proudly, knowing they are symbols of resilience. If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of abuse, I urge you to seek support and share your story because I believe that truly together we can create a community of healing and strength and to show the world that our past does not define us. Instead, we can propel us into a brighter, more powerful future."

Learn more from Kayla:

To discover more about Kayla’s advocacy or to book a speaking engagement, visit sheriseswithkaylahayes.com.

Instagram: @sheriseswkaylah

TikTok: @sheriseswithkaylahayes

Facebook: @InTheEndIWillRise

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate, & review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

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The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay

Kim and Kara are hot off their time together in Colorado for a project they can finally discuss… The Survivor's Guide to True Crime documentary! The impact of recent hurricanes, ongoing relief efforts, and organizations you can check out are discussed. Kara and her husband watched two true crime documentaries that have stuck with her, whether she likes it or not. The significance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and supporting your local advocacy center is this week's call to action, specifically SAVA of Weld and Larimer counties. Kim has been hired as their development consultant and would love to have tickets and/or donations made towards the biggest fundraiser of the year, the SAVA Soirée, on November 2nd in Fort Collins at the Hilton. 

Throughout the episode, Kim and Kara highlight the need for community involvement and the power of storytelling in raising awareness and supporting survivors.

Links Mentioned:

SAVA Soirée Tickets

Convoy of Hope

Mountain Mule Packer Ranch

Every Life

Follow along with the SGTC Documentary on IG

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate, & review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

Instagram @SurvivorsGuideToTrueCrime 

TikTok @SGTCpod

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The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay

But wait, it gets worse!

Kim and Kara have an infuriating conversation learning some unbelievable things from Dr. Nicole Bedera as she shares 8 years worth of her original, pioneering research. This explosive investigation reveals the profound failures of the Title IX system and identifies concrete, simple steps we can take to protect students. Get ready, listeners--you're going to want to ride at dawn by the end of this chapter.

Nicole Bedera, Ph.D. is a sociologist and author of the forthcoming book On the Wrong Side: How Universities Protect Perpetrators and Betray Survivors of Sexual Violence. Her research broadly focuses on how our social structures contribute to survivors’ trauma and make sexual violence more likely to occur in the future. Her scholarship has influenced sexual violence prevention programming across the country, including for Planned Parenthood, and her work has been featured in many popular outlets, including The New York Times, NPR, Time Magazine, and Teen Vogue. Nicole puts her work into practice as an affiliated educator at the Center for Institutional Courage and as a co-founder of Beyond Compliance Consulting.

Learn more from Nicole:

https://www.nicolebedera.com/

Nicole Bedera launched her debut book, On The Wrong Side, October 8th, 2024! Order the book here.

Nicole's Call To Action: 

Purchase the book, preferably from an indie bookstore, and if you have any questions you want to send Nicole directly, she would love to hear them. If you read the book and you have thoughts about it, she'd love to hear those too.

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate, & review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

Instagram @SurvivorsGuideToTrueCrime 

TikTok @SGTCpod

Facebook @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

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Twitter @SGTCpod

The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay

You asked, Kim and Kara answered. Or at least, they tried. Welcome to the first Q&A episode of season two. 

Don't forget - there will be no new episode next week. Kara will be in Colorado with Kim, but you can keep up with their real-time shenanigans over on Patreon. 

Links mentioned:

Paris Hilton surrogate choice: https://www.vanityfair.com/style/paris-hilton-on-why-she-chose-surrogacy-for-her-children

Helpful information for medical providers working with pregnant and postpartum survivors: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9377212/

A classic study on how dark humor helps with trauma and stress coping: https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.1515/humr.14.1.83/html:

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate, & review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

Instagram @SurvivorsGuideToTrueCrime 

TikTok @SGTCpod

Facebook @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

YouTube @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

Twitter @SGTCpod

The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay

Pack your suitcase for a trauma trip! Kim and Kara chart new territory reflecting on alcohol consumption, Kim's Irish goodbyes at concerts, Kara's real-time unpacking of the challenges of parenting, and the compounded mental burdens that come with these responsibilities as survivors. They also discuss the concept of code-switching and its impact on identity. Kim asks listeners for a very specific birthday gift this year: urge Congress to pass the Crime Victims Fund Stabilization Act.

Call to Action: Urge Congress to Pass the Crime Victims Fund Stabilization Act (H.R.8061/S.4514)

urging the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives to authorize much-needed 2024 bridge funding for the federal Crime Victims Fund (VOCA Fund). The VOCA Fund supports the provision of essential direct services for crime victims and survivors across the country. According to the U.S. Department of Justice’s Office for Victims of Crime, projected fiscal year 2024 funding for victim service grants will be $700 million lower than fiscal year 2023.

The VOCA Fund was established by the Victims of Crime Act of 1984, and it is the primary financial source for victim services in all 50 states, five U.S. territories, and the District of Columbia. VOCA Fund revenue is generated from offenders convicted of crimes, not from taxes.

In 2021, Congress passed the VOCA Fix Act, which allows monetary recoveries from federal deferred prosecutions and non-prosecution agreements to replenish the fund. While passage of the VOCA Fix Act was necessary, it was not sufficient to adequately shore up fund balances, and 2024 VOCA funding for crime victim service programs is anticipated to be 41% lower nationwide when compared to 2023 grant awards. Without prompt action by Congress, many victim service programs across the country may be forced to close.

The VOCA Fund supports medical care, mental health counseling, lost wages, courtroom advocacy, and temporary housing for victims and survivors of crime. It also helps to fund federal, state, and tribal victim service programs, crime victim compensation, discretionary grant awards, victim specialists in U.S. Attorney’s Offices and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the federal victim notification system.

Links mentioned:

Parents' mental health is in crisis…duh: https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2024/08/28/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-mental-health-well-being-parents.html

Code-Switching: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code-switching

VOCA call to action toolkit:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17h46esgo2r2n2xAXxkRqFXLLVRuxtUptsXIwA-kQS-0/edit#heading=h.r966jdpkv967

Journey is messy: https://www.billboard.com/pro/journey-band-lawsuit-court-appoints-neutral-resolve-deadlock/

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate, & review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

Instagram @SurvivorsGuideToTrueCrime 

TikTok @SGTCpod

Facebook @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

YouTube @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

Twitter @SGTCpod

The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay

Did we just become best friends? YEP!

Fellow survivor advocate Marlee Liss joins Kim & Kara for a conversation that could have kept going infinitely. Marlee introduces listeners to restorative justice and shares her experience with this alternative form of survivor-centered closure. 

Marlee Liss is a somatic educator, social worker, and sparkle-loving lesbian Jewish feminist. She made history in the justice system when her sexual assault case became the 1st in North America to conclude with restorative justice through the courts. Since then, she has supported thousands in learning trauma-informed pleasure and inclusive consent education . Marlee's work has beenfeatured in Forbes, Huff Post, Buzzfeed, the Mel Robbins Show and more. As an award-winning speaker, she's delivered talks for: National Sexual Assault Conference, Vanderbilt University, Action Trauma Summit, Fordham University, Women's Mental Health Conference at Yale and more. Marlee was 1 of 25 survivors on an elite panel for the National Action Plan to End Gender Based Violence informing federal policy and her story is currently being made into a documentary directed by Kelsey Darragh.

Learn More from Marlee:

MarleeLiss.com

Social Media:  https://instagram.com/marleeliss

Speaking Engagements & Advocacy:  https://www.marleeliss.com/speaking

Marlee's Call To Action: 

Download the Restorative Justice Resource Guide:  https://www.marleeliss.com/resource

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate,  and review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

Instagram @SurvivorsGuideToTrueCrime 

TikTok @SGTCpod

Facebook @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

YouTube @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

Twitter @SGTCpod

The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay

Kara is on a break from social media and the impact it has on her mental health is profound. Delving into heavier topics, Kim sent Kara a Washington Post article on a Columbia, SC school resource officer who sexually abused students. Turns out, Kara worked with him. 

They explore the complexities of knowing and liking someone who is later revealed to be an offender, and the importance of not making excuses for their actions. They also touch on the role of character witness statements and the power dynamics that enable predators to exploit their victims. The conversation highlights the need for accountability and the dangers of compartmentalization. 

Kim and Kara also touch on the tragic school shooting in Georgia as it unfolds. The conversation covers heavy topics but emphasizes the importance of understanding different perspectives and always remaining open to new information and varying opinions.

Links mentioned: 

Columbia, SC SRO Sexual Assault via Washington Post

Age of Consent per US State

One Sec App to help social media addiction

No Notoriety Campaign

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate, and review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

Instagram @SurvivorsGuideToTrueCrime 

TikTok @SGTCpod

Facebook @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

YouTube @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

Twitter @SGTCpod

The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay

SASS Go is on a mission to love people and help protect them from violence and abuse. Through prevention, education, courses, self-defense, training, and case consulting, they have served over 24,000 people across 4 continents.

SASS Go understands that everyone is born with purpose and dignity. Supporting survivors, their families, and the professionals who serve them is how they do their part to protect the tribe.

Brett Brown is the Executive Director of SASS Go and an Adjunct Professor at the University of South Carolina, Aiken. For more than 20 years, Brett has worked alongside survivors of violence and the professionals that serve them in multiple capacities including crisis intervention, prevention education, and best practices training and development. Her wisdom and ingenuity have partnered her with agencies like the CDC, US Department of Justice, US Embassy, and US Army. Attorneys, advocates, law enforcement, emergency medical personnel, and victims of crime welcome her generous spirit and collaborative approach making our communities safer across the globe.

Shannon Henry is the President and Founder of SASS Go, a 501c3 nonprofit making women and girls safer against assault, abuse, and trafficking globally, and an adjunct professor at The University of South Carolina. Her expertise in violence prevention and response has been utilized by the US State Department, our military, the World Health Organization, the US Embassy, as well as businesses, universities, and first responders in some of their darkest hours. At her core, she is a pattern finder, strategist, and hope dealer who is honored to help protect the most precious thing we have in our communities- lives.

This year, SASS hosts their "I Will Survive Weekend" October 18-20 in Laurens, South Carolina. 

Links mentioned: 

Survivors and attachment styles

Molly Jane's Law (ViCAP)

Soft Interview Rooms

"Wounded Healers" terminology coined by Carl Jung

Learn more from Brett and Shannon:

www.sassgo.org

@sassgoglobal

Brett and Shannon's CTA: "Join us!" Become part of the "SASS Tribe" by engaging with them online, attending a training, or offering support in any way you are able. 

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate, and review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

Instagram @SurvivorsGuideToTrueCrime 

TikTok @SGTCpod

Facebook @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

YouTube @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

Twitter @SGTCpod

The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay.

The journey to becoming a girl's girl is not all pink and sparkles. So what exactly is a girl's girl, you may ask? Kim and Kara dive into this, together. 

After the dumpster fire of a recording that was the original recording of Kim & Kara's conversation, they decided to scrap it and try again. Behold. Chapter 34, take 2.

Thanks to SGTC listeners, the ladies were made aware of Snoop Dogg's self-proclaimed history with human trafficking. For more context, read HERE. 

Speaking of dumpster fires, 'It Ends With Us' is slammed for romanticizing domestic violence, amongst other issues Colleen Hoover's work presents. The PR and marketing teams are clearly working overtime. Many other literary options that surpass IEWU are offered.

TLDR: ACOTAR > IEWU 

Kara shares a recent, real-life example of why speaking out and sharing our stories matters so much. 

Links mentioned:

Justin Baldoni's Instagram and podcast: @WeAreManEnough

Linguistics breakdown video from @etymologynerd

Video on teaching girls to set boundaries in friendships from @resilientdaughterproject

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate, and review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

Instagram @SurvivorsGuideToTrueCrime 

TikTok @SGTCpod

Facebook @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

YouTube @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

Twitter @SGTCpod

The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay

Kim and Kara talk about ambiguous grief with Heather Straughter and the ways grief and trauma are so intimately cooccurring. 

Heather Straughter (said like “daughter”), was a Special Education Inclusion teacher in Roxbury, Massachusetts for nearly 10 years before moving to Saratoga Springs, NY with her husband Brian and growing family. Her first child Ethan was born in 2005 and her second Jake was born in 2006. Both boys were healthy and vibrant; then, when Jake was eight months old, he had a seizure that changed the families lives forever. 

They spent 117 days in the hospital before going home. At that point Jake had lost all his milestones. They continued to advocate for their son and made sure that he got the care he needed to thrive – despite the fact that doctors were never able to diagnose him. When Jake was 4-years-old he suddenly passed away. In the chaos of that grief the non-profit “Jake’s Help from Heaven” was born. 

In the 13 years since his death the small non-profit has awarded $1.7 Million dollars to 1,000 medically fragile individuals – mostly children – who live within a 100 mile radius of Saratoga Springs, NY. Many of them come back year after year, with new needs as they age. 

Heather’s story is one of resilience and determination in the face of unimaginable loss. 

Heather's CTA: Listen to "A Place of Yes"

Learn more from Heather: @Jakeshelp

Jake's Help From Heaven

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Join Kim and Kara's "Captive Audience" by visiting   https://www.patreon.com/SGTC. 

  

Like what we're doing here? Be sure to subscribe, rate, review. The more people this show can reach, the more it can help. 

https://www.survivorsguidetotruecrime.com/

Submit your questions using our handy dandy form or by emailing [email protected] for future Q&A episodes.

Don't forget to follow us on social media:

Instagram @SurvivorsGuideToTrueCrime 

TikTok @SGTCpod

Facebook @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

YouTube @Survivor’sGuideToTrueCrime

Twitter @SGTCpod

The theme music used in Survivor’s Guide to True Crime is Uplifting Motivational Stomp by MarcusWay