Sweet Valley Diaries

Elizabeth Schmidt returns to think about high school romance, FORBIDDEN LOVE's lessons for star-crossed teens, and Marissa's lifelong romantic angst. Plus, listener emails and snarky book reviews!

You've barely heard of Maria Santelli and you've got no idea who Michael Harris is. All you need to know is this: they are in love, it's a secret, it's as romantic as all hell, everybody in their high school is talking about it...and also they are in high school, their parents don't know they're dating, and this is all a terrible idea. Elizabeth Schmidt joins Marissa to gossip about this very hot mess.

Saved by the Bell - Lisa's Allergy 

umbers (exclamation, slang): "Oooh man, you're in trouble!"

Used colloquially in Albuquerque, NM and environs, primarily between children, or adults who are being ironic

Marissa and her cousins, Meghan and Corrie, consider their girlhood tactics for avoiding getting caught making mistakes. Hope our parents aren't listening to this one!

It's a full-on first-cousin extravaganza! Marissa is joined by her real-life cousins Meghan Shattuck and Corrie Borgman to chat about fictional cousins Dana Larson (lead singer of The Droids!) and new-in-town Sally Larson, recently rescued from foster care a brief 13 years after entering the system. It's all just nuts and everyone is awful, we don't know what color anyone's eyes are, and Jerry is apparently a nickname for Jeremy. 

Apologies in advance for the sub-par audio quality on this one – we were trying out a new mic setting. Takeaway: not all settings are created equal!

In the spirit of the NEW JESSICA, Marissa and local fashion icon Caitlin McCann reminisce about pushing wardrobe boundaries in high school and feeling at home in Los Angeles.

While Marissa takes a Christmas break from editing, enjoy this replay of the special SPECIAL CHRISTMAS Christmas episode with Marissa and Don Flaxbart. 

Happy Holidays! See you in 2020, Gladiators!

Guest reader Caitlin McCann is back, and a lot has happened since she watched Jessica snag (and be snagged by) Bruce in Book 3: PLAYING WITH FIRE. This time, Jessica dyes her hair black and pretends to be a Francophile. Meanwhile Elizabeth imagines she’s in her own personal version of the Distracted Boyfriend Meme. The more things change, the more they stay the same in Sweet Valley, California.

If he can’t tell which twin you are, he’s probably not The One. Tim Redmond (the new voice of Jeffrey French) is back to talk twins, reminisce about juvenile fiction, and reveal relevant secrets about his past. 

SEASON 4 PREMIERE!

The podcast is still here! Unfortunately so is Jeffrey French. Or, wait...is Jeffrey French actually kind of a catch? Marissa comes to terms with her raging case of First Romantic Coupling Loyalty Syndrome (FRCLS) while guest reader Tim Redmond is more concerned about what Mr. Collins is getting up to. Its Jess & Lila vs Liz and Enid but the real hero is a fearless 15-year-old booklover named cousin Jenny. Also, the "dance of the month" is a canned food auction.

Welcome back, everybody.

Jessica and Elizabeth are live-in babysitters, living a 90-minute drive from home. But don’t worry, they still manage to make it a thrilling soap-operatic adventure, replete with double-identities, murders, and deadly rainstorms. Frank Bednarz, Esq. joins Marissa to marvel at this book and congratulate it on its simultaneous climaxes. 

Music in this episode is by Marissa Flaxbart (theme song), Jocelyn Scofield (Beautiful Boys) and courtesy of Purple Planet.

Further reading:

CIPHER IN THE SNOW (trigger warning: teen death, bullying, may induce lifelong feelings of misplaced guilt)

In 2019, Bloomberg listed Malibu as the 43rd richest city in America

Can identical twins have different allergies?

Is it dangerous to be in a house by the ocean during a thunderstorm?