We've got a mixed bag this week: a cancer diagnosis, candy-striping hijinks, and...an abduction via chlorofoam. Chlorofrome. CHLOROFORM.

Join us for a discussion of Sweet Valley High #12, When Love Dies, and then try to describe this book without using the phrase "jimble-jamble." We dare you.

This week, we learn that all that glitters might just be too good to be true. A stolen lavaliere, uncomfortable hose play, and a discourse on the ethics of a coin toss. Join us as we explore a tale of two cities (Sweet Valley and the Big Apple) in “Call Her Suzy (All Her Friends Do),” Sweet Valley High #11, Too Good to be True.

A sensitive conversation boils over into a fight on this week’s episode. Once we simmer down, we get to the meat of the episode: cheerleading drama, frantic dancing, and splitting hairs over who’s living right. Join us for a fraught discussion we discuss Sweet Valley High #10, Wrong Kind of Girl.

[Content Notice: This book (and therefore the podcast) talks about self-harm]

The titular race may take a backseat in this one, but Francine still knows how to get our hearts pounding. Join us for a discussion of the world of work, copy machine sabotage, and the valuation of potential dates as we discuss Sweet Valley High #9, Racing Hearts.

Surf’s up in Sweet Valley, and someone’s about to get their heart broken! Or… are they? Join us for a discussion of lost loves, grief, and the erotics of sunscreen application as we ride the turbulent waves of Sweet Valley High #8, Heartbreaker.

Dear Listener, have we got a book for you! Join us for a rollercoaster ride as we discuss comas, onion soup dip recipes, and perhaps the most lasting and impactful text within the canon, Sweet Valley High #7, Dear Sister.

Sometimes a motorcycle is just a motorcycle. But…this is not one of those times. Join us for a discussion of Elizabeth’s struggles with Todd’s new hog, Enid’s sweet sixteen, and most importantly, the game-changing renovation of the Dairi Burger in Sweet Valley High #6, Dangerous Love.

Join us for deep dives on mustaches, semiotics, 80s smash hits, and (unfortunately) dating violence. Stay up late with us as we discuss Sweet Valley High #5, All Night Long.

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Theme song by @YSSYmusic 

Artwork by @elliotcaroll 

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Sorority schemes, revenge bodies, and Robert’s assertion of dominance through yogurt. Join us for a conversation about all manner of wicked games as we discuss Sweet Valley High #4, Power Play.

Bruce isn’t playing, but he will certainly end up burned. Join us for a frank discussion of teen dating, a silly discussion of cheating on a chemistry test, and a real investigation of the many meanings of 1BRUCE1, as we review SVH #3, Playing with Fire.