Sweet Valley Hive

Roger’s world turns upside down when he learns he’s been a millionaire’s son all along! His new life involves a Cruella-like “aunt” (in pink silk lounging pajamas, mind you), social warfare vis-a-vis tennis, and an absolutely overwhelming number of forks. 

Join us as we discuss this masterclass in gold digging, paternity as legal fiction, and the blandest psychosexual role-play in history, in “Which Fork Is This?” (Sweet Valley High #16, Rags to Riches)

It may be the dog days of summer in 2023, but it’s certainly fall in Sweet Valley, bringing us ghostly resonances, trick-or-treating, spooky secrets, and a bitter competition for something called Fall Dance Queen; join us in reviewing SVH #2, Secrets.

A promise is a promise and a promise must be kept. Or must it? This week, we delve into promises both lighthearted (taking care of loved ones) and gravely serious (eating pizza safely). 

Are promises made to be broken? Tune in to "Promises Are Okay; Art School Saves” (Sweet Valley High #15, Promises) to find out.

Listen along as Pardo argues with herself on my behalf about Mrs. Doubtfire, pleads for us to #believehomosexuals (no homo), and dives into the most evocative passage of a person on a deck chair in the history of literature.

When the very rich--and it must be said, very hot--Nicholas Morrow breezes into the twins' pool party and sets his very intense eyes on Liz, several people end up weaving some pretty tangled webs.

Will Liz go out with Nicholas? Will it destroy what she has with Todd? And what are beef tournados, anyway? Tune in to "Beef Tournados and Call it a Night" (Sweet Valley High #14, Deceptions) to find out.

Welp, Liz is in a bunker, but at least Jess is getting the chance to meet a new hottie! There’s repression, obsession, and lots of digressions in this one, but all turns out ok in the end. 

Join us for Episode 14, It’s Kind of Nice to Have Liz in a Bunker (Sweet Valley High #13, Kidnapped!), and try to remember that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

We've got a mixed bag this week: a cancer diagnosis, candy-striping hijinks, and...an abduction via chlorofoam. Chlorofrome. CHLOROFORM.

Join us for a discussion of Sweet Valley High #12, When Love Dies, and then try to describe this book without using the phrase "jimble-jamble." We dare you.

This week, we learn that all that glitters might just be too good to be true. A stolen lavaliere, uncomfortable hose play, and a discourse on the ethics of a coin toss. Join us as we explore a tale of two cities (Sweet Valley and the Big Apple) in “Call Her Suzy (All Her Friends Do),” Sweet Valley High #11, Too Good to be True.

A sensitive conversation boils over into a fight on this week’s episode. Once we simmer down, we get to the meat of the episode: cheerleading drama, frantic dancing, and splitting hairs over who’s living right. Join us for a fraught discussion we discuss Sweet Valley High #10, Wrong Kind of Girl.

[Content Notice: This book (and therefore the podcast) talks about self-harm]

The titular race may take a backseat in this one, but Francine still knows how to get our hearts pounding. Join us for a discussion of the world of work, copy machine sabotage, and the valuation of potential dates as we discuss Sweet Valley High #9, Racing Hearts.

Surf’s up in Sweet Valley, and someone’s about to get their heart broken! Or… are they? Join us for a discussion of lost loves, grief, and the erotics of sunscreen application as we ride the turbulent waves of Sweet Valley High #8, Heartbreaker.