Two households, both likely split-levels,

In fair Sweet Valley, where we lay our scene,

From ancient pizza law, to new nonsense,

Where local gossips spill the beans.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,

Star-cross'd lovers in a Social Studies unit on married life;

Whose homework assignments lead to realizations, and

Do with simple reconciliation bury their parents' strife.

Join us for “Bouillabaisse, Will You Marry Me?” (Sweet Valley High #34, Forbidden Love)

This week, we have a story of a teen girl in the foster system struggling to find her place after moving in with her cousins. To balance out this somewhat heavy A plot, the B plot introduces an iconic Wakefield family member that listeners are sure to love. He’s a princely, snuggly treat with a healthy layer of fat under his soft shiny coat. Join us for a discussion of the foster system, puppy-rearing, and whether malls are the new Main Street, USA, in “And We *Must* Trace the Angle of Reflection” (Sweet Valley High #33, Starting Over).

This week Sweet Valley is abuzz with the promise of a “Winter Carnival.” Unfortunately we get neither winter nor a carnival in this book. Instead, we have anxiety, anticipation, and a long lonely ride on a bus that is possibly driven by Santa. Luckily this gives us time for a diversion into the story of Robert’s experience on Jeopardy!

Join us for “Bad Mood Holiday” (Sweet Valley High Super Edition #5, Winter Carnival)

Things are getting drastic in Sweet Valley this week—sick of being mistaken for her gorgeous sister, Jessica does the unthinkable: she dyes her hair black! Don’t worry, darling, she still looks amazing and is channeling European elegance to give the performance of a lifetime. 

Join us for a discussion of the semiotics of lifestyle, identical twin psychology, and so on, and so on, and so on! in “The identity and the hairdo” (Sweet Valley High #32, The New Jessica).

This week, we’ve got one of the hottest matchmaking duels of all time! What’s a matchmaking duel? No one knows. Even so, come for the introduction of one of the sexiest characters in modern literature (try to describe Jeffrey Froooonch without using the word “simmering,” we dare you), an exploration of philanthropy under late capitalism, and an anecdote about Robert being hot at a gay club in London, in “The Bullet of the Duel” (Sweet Valley High #31, Taking Sides).

Robert’s in a devil-may-care mood today, and thankfully in Sweet Valley, the stakes couldn’t be lower. Sorority sabotage vis-a-vis tennis shop schedule, garden-variety sadistic dance floor pranks, and a hot new GAY hits the scene (no homo!).

Join us for a wide-ranging discussion touching on the importance of reverse psychology, how it would feel to be “just a bet,” and when it’s okay to compete with your friends in “Pascal’s Tennis Shop Schedule” (Sweet Valley High #30, Jealous Lies).

It’s (somehow?) suddenly summer in Sweet Valley, and no summer would be complete without hot days at the beach, cool nights spent with friends, and falling in love with a celebrity who is in a disguise that can, at best, be described as thin.

Liz and Jess head to Malibu for the summer to help out with some kids, and they end up getting way more than they bargained for: a very wicked child, a daring rescue, a knife fight, a family reconciliation, a fever that threatens a young girl…the list goes on and on.

Remember to reapply your sunscreen and join us for “He’s 21 and Could You Just Let Him In” (Super Edition #4, Malibu Summer).

“Bitter rivals”—better titled “Indifferent Acquaintances”—make for strange bedfellows this week when Liz’s childhood friend Amy returns to Sweet Valley, throwing a wrench in Liz and Enid’s well-documented best friendship.

…IS the paraphrasable content of this book. The real story can be found in the unarticulated yet palpable sexual tension underlying the interactions between the most boring girls in Sweet Valley, culminating in a climax involving Liz showing up at a costume party in a SKI SUIT to send Enid a private message that she’s still her number 1 girl (no homo).

Send help. And join us as we talk adolescent friendship dynamics, plagiarism, harems, and more, in “Manufactured Lesbian Rivalry for Elizabeth’s Sexual Titillation” (Sweet Valley High #29, Bitter Rivals)

Listener, have you ever felt like an ugly duckling who didn’t fit in? This week, we explore the deeply relatable story of Lynne Henry, who takes advantage of a strange loophole in a song contest to win the boy of her dreams and find her place in the sun. 

Join us as we find our voice this week in “A Little Shampoo Goes a Long Way” (Sweet Valley High #28, Alone in the Crowd).

Bon voyage! SVH goes transatlantic this week as our favorite twins swap homes with a glamorous and mysterious family in Cannes for Spring Break! But everything is not as it seems in this quaint, seaside town—will Liz and Jess be able to navigate the metaphorical (and at times, very literal) stormy waters ahead?

Join us as we learn about ourselves and others through intercultural exchange and go on one of the greatest journeys of all—Robert’s struggle to pronounce “Cannes” in “Danger, Intrigue, Romance, Mistaken Identities…J’adore!” (Sweet Valley High Special Edition #3, Spring Break).