Picture it, the perfect crime: a beautiful teenager trapped in her mansion, used as a pawn in a deranged criminal’s corporate espionage, with only ONE WAY to escape: get up and walk out the door.

Wait, actually, that’s an incredibly stupid crime that strains our credulity and makes Pardo ask, “when is it enough? Dayenu!” Join us as we bring this wobbly house of cards tumbling down in “And Sometimes We Must Blame Victims” (Sweet Valley High, #26 Hostage!).

And now for something completely different! This week, we revisit a previous text as Pardo shares a modest secondary interpretation of SVH #25, Nowhere to Run (originally discussed in “She Really is… Mostly… a Bitch!”). Unfortunately Robert has had neither their yogurt nor their noodles and is emotionally unavailable to receive the bucket of supporting evidence presented.

In a ghostly allusion to the original text, we end with Robert making an unlikely about-face and kicking off a whirlwind apology tour that is sure to leave you wondering…

Was it all a dream? Or did Pardo force them to do it?

Join us for “Sometimes People Need New Assholes” (follow up for Sweet Valley High #25, Nowhere to Run) and decide for yourself!

This week’s episode has it all—armchair diagnoses of personality disorders, a deep-dive into 1980s architecture, parenting advice from a certified “parenting ally,” and…oh, yea, a discussion of the book, too.

Emily Mayer is dealing with drama at home and rushes to the maternal bosom of Grandma Wakefield, who’s taking a break from her doctoral studies (let’s go, grandma!) to visit Sweet Valley. Can Emily possibly find safety and comfort at home? Well, if you know these books, you know it takes a near-death experience to reconcile discord—stay tuned to find out if anyone dies!

Join us for all this and more in “She Really Is…Mostly…a Bitch!” (Sweet Valley High #25, Nowhere to Run).

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas—don’t you dare say “holiday”—in Sweet Valley, and this one’s a doozy.  

We’ve got a medical mystery, the shocking return of an iconique character (Robert was knocked “flat on their tuchus”), and a series of escalating pranks culminating in a booze-and-pills-fuelled car crash. Oops!

Grab a peppermint mocha and join us for “A Christmas Miracle? or Munchausen by Proxy?” (Super Edition 2, Special Christmas). 

Grief comes in waves and so does Deja Vu, because we’re feeling like we’ve read this book before.

Join us as for a discussion of the challenges of life after love, theories of bereavement, and a brief tangent on whether Walt Disney was a Nazi on this week’s episode, “Famously Actively Grieving” (Sweet Valley High #24, Memories).

We hate to see him go, but we love to watch him leave. This week, we’re pouring one out for Turd--oops, we mean Todd--who’s off to Vermont to live his flannel lumbersexual fantasy.

Without Todd, Elizabeth is forced to face hard questions about the future: is she as independent as she thought? Is she actually in love with the fabulously rich and handsome Nicholas Morrow? Is it possible to be impartial at a regatta?

Plus, we get a window into the world of online dating in the 80s with Jessica’s new gig at the Perfect Match Computer Dating Agency.

Can one be too much in love? Can one have not enough lashes? 

This week the kids are struggling with the complexities of relationships, dealing with a tragically mismanaged talent show, and throwing the party to end all parties because–did we forget to mention?–The Wakefield parents are off to Mexico City, leaving the girls home alone to get into classic domestic appliance disaster high jinks!

What makes a perfect summer? If you’re anything like us, you’re picturing a bear attack, an out-of-control forest fire, a breakup with your boyfriend, mass manipulation at the hands of a girl trying to steal said boyfriend, and teachers oversharing about trauma ‘round the campfire. 

Join us as we puzzle through this truly chaotic Super Edition. Either buckle in or skip–and we highly recommend you don’t skip–for “Sumptuous Spanish-Style Banquets in Santa Barbara” (Sweet Valley High Super Edition #1, Perfect Summer). 

This week, we continue to regress into angry teenagers as we follow Jessica’s COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE journey as she contemplates running away from home to escape her RUDE parents.

Join us as we explore the many complex paradoxes of this text, including: running away to connect, bonding over being ‘nobodies,’ and, perhaps most disturbingly, being “in a hurry to jog.” 

This week’s episode, “I’m a Sister First and a Shitty Reporter Second” (Sweet Valley High #21, Runaway), really allows us to channel our 16-year-old selves and say, “actually, he’s hot…and that means something to me.” 

A plane crash, hysterical paralysis, and food poisoning–this book has it all! 

Jessica takes a cooking class and falls in love with the art of French pastry (and a tasty dish named Jean-Pierre), and her parents take no classes at all and fall in love with being TOTALLY RUDE AND UNFAIR!

Join us as we dive deep into the complex psychology of conversion disorder, define (despite Robert’s protestations) the word ‘irony,’ and regress into frustrated teeneagers in this week’s episode, “La Belle Indifference” (Sweet Valley High #20, Crash Landing)