Tales from the Bargain Bin

As the merry month of June Claude Van Damme comes to its concussive conclusion, Claire and Ryan take a look into the abyss that is the Universal Soldier franchise and come out the experience war-torn and packed in ice, as Roland Emmerich's 1992 kickstart movie and Unisol™ sequel Alumni John Hyams later effort 'Regeneration' are compared, contrasted and reconstituted into a nutritious paste for your direct consumption.

Does all this technically fall under the category of Necromancy?

Who actually commissioned this program?

And are European Police Sirens the best Sirens in the world?

Find out! This week! On Tales from the Bargain Bin!

(brought to you by Unisol™, the product for men)

 

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Music by Lifejacket

Kickboxering off the annual sensation JUNE-CLAUDE VAN DAMME Ryan and Claire take a snuggly boat to Thailand for 1989's Kickboxer and then catch an awkward flight to South Africa for it's 1995 quintequel The Redemption: Kickboxer 5 (which, honestly, should be called The Revengening: Punch Up 1).

Is the increasing web of connection between TFTBB films mystical or merely conspiratorial?

What exactly is JCVD being trained for Mr. Chow?

And who the heck is David Sloane anyway?

All this and more on TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN!!!

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This week Claire and "Ryan" get deja vu with 2014's surprisingly awesome Edge Of Tomorrow, and its mockbuster 2014's surprisingly not-fucking-awful Age Of Tomorrow.

Is KILL all we've ever needed?

The Asylum has peaked! Is it all downhill from here?

And how many tropes does it take to trope in a trope bulb?

Find out on TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN

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This week Ryan and Claire stop for a tipple at the Titty Twister and watch 1996's notorious vamp-rom-com film From Dusk Till Dawn and it's origin story prequel 1999's From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter.

Are sudden vampires the best vampires?

Will Claire ever rinse the image of Danny Trejo's finger sucking from her mind?

And where did Ryan get that boot knife?!?

FIND OUT ON TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN!!!

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On the 1 year Jubilee of TFTBB, Claire and Ryan hold out their thumbs and hitch a ride along with Michael Bays 2007 steely blue and zesty orange remake of 80s Itinerant thriller 'The Hitcher' and then take the wheel of The Asylums "effort" from the same year, The Hitch-Hiker and demand some damn answers.

What makes Nurse Conventions so damn wild?

Where did Jack get that Mojito mix from? And why are they drinking it!?

And why don't The Asylum stop spending money on lifesize cardboard effigies of Ryan, and buy some more Microphones?

Listen in, and maybe find out, on Tales from the Bargain Bin!

 

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This week Ryan and Claire pay homage to mothers everywhere by watching the greatest advert for sterilisation ever made, 1968's Rosemary's Baby and the greatest advert for vocational mime school ever made, 1976's Look What's Happened To Rosemary's Baby.

What's with all the Satanic murmuring?

Did this film start life as a scared-straight educational video for children?

Who do we talk to about getting an Oscar for Peter Poet The Totally Not Gay Boyfriend?

We should probably Hail the Satan Bus, seeing as we're probably going to hell for this one.

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This week Claire and Ryan have dusted off their Deer Stalkers and whipped passing guttersnipes, by watching Guy Ritchie's return to form in 2009s 'Sherlock Holmes' and then took on the mysterious case of 'oh...just why...' and recoiled at its 2010 Asylum effort 'Arthur Conan Doyles Sherlock Holmes'.  Some questions still remain unanswered...

Why is there a T-Rex in this film?

How does the T-Rex get around without being noticed?

Why is there a T-Rex in this fucking film?

The game is afoot! and possibly an arse, on Tales from the Bargain Bin...

Rounding off the sexy month of February Ryan and Claire put themselves through it again as they watched a sum total of 19 weeks of debauchery, all in the pleasurable company of Mickey Rourke. We watched 1986's 9 1/2 Weeks starring Kim Basinger and it's 11 year later sequel 1997's ANOTHER 9 1/2 weeks not starring Kim Basinger, who had better things to do.

In this episode we ask the question of our forefathers: how many Micky Rourke sex scenes can 2 people take?

FIND OUT ON TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN!!!

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This week Ryan and Claire kick off Valentine's by getting sexy, steamy, and and a little bit grimy with 2015's bad-touch blockbuster 50 Shades Of Grey and it's Charisma Carpenter propelled cash-in Bound.

How many Baldwin's can you squish into a Play-Doh Fun Factory?

Why did Christian Grey never short-circuit, despite all that quim he was drowning in?

And when is it acceptable to ignore child abuse? Why, when it's convenient to the sexy, sexy plot of course!!!

All this and more on TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN!!

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Happy New Year!

After a stressful Christmas Holiday watching films and talking rubbish, Claire and Ryan are back to watch more films and talk even more rubbish as we return back to the grind with a teenage year staple of Ryan's and a recent conversion of Claire's, 1997's masterstroke Sci-Fi satire Starship Troopers and it's 2004 straight in that Bargain Bin sequel, Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation.

Is that 3.4/10 on IMDB unearned?

Is this just an episode of Scooby Doo that was never aired?

and will Claire ever watch Attack of the Clones all the way through?

Warning: Contains a mix up from Ryan where he confuses Tuskan Raiders for Jawas.  Star Wars amateur hour.

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