Tales of Taboo

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. Though extremely painful, I knew it was the correct decision - but I also wondered in my lower moments if, at 31, I was “too old” to start over again. I’ve never looked or felt better, but there’s cultural shame surrounding not having a partner after a certain age. A massive amount of power and freedom of choice comes with being single, and many solo people in their 30s and 40s are NOT miserable. We just don’t hear about it. Let’s change that.

This week’s anonymous confessors are straight, gay, bi, and gender nonconforming men and women residing in New York, LA, London, New Zealand, & Paris. They’re between the ages of 31 and 54 and either are currently single, or found their partner “later in life.” On the coupled side, we hear from two women who met their husbands in their 40s after 20+ years (!) of being unpartnered, and a 39 year old former party princess who met her husband on Raya at 36. 

On the single side, both halves of a straight couple that broke up after nearly a decade together dish on the novelty of riding solo for the first time at 30; a queer man explains why straight people need to stop obsessing over monogamy; an American in Europe enjoys her freedom to take road trips with hot strangers she meets at parties; a non-binary contributor in their 40s feels this is the first time they can be their authentic self on dating apps; and a 35 year old escort wonders if earning her own “fuck you” money has made her too comfortable with independence.

Our contributors all acknowledge that a ‘single person bias’ is built into Western society: life is marketed to seem ‘impossible’ to navigate alone. But the sense of self-worth, knowledge of personal boundaries, sex, money, and total freedom that come from being single “later in life” prove that’s not actually true. 

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Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss. Share your own confession - or love letters and hate mail - at [email protected]. Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld. Audio production by Chris Stathopolous and WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro. If you love the show, please take a moment to leave a rating and review - it's immensely helpful for expanding our network of anonymous confessors around the world. Thank you!

Affairs are by no means good or fair, but they rarely have malicious intent. More often, they’re about quelling the ways adult life can be lonely and disappointing.

This week’s lustful anonymous confessors began their affairs in Paris nightclubs, Las Vegas strip clubs, and European hideaways; on Seeking Arrangements and Ashley Madison; at work, via email, and though the phone. They fell for their clients, coworkers, bosses - even doctors! While the physical circumstances vary greatly, our storytellers all admit to strikingly similar emotional motivations: trauma, abuse, sexual rejection, unhappy marriages, insecurity, the loss of love. And the words they use to describe the way their paramours made them feel are the same, too: ‘desired’, ‘chosen’, ‘appreciated’, ‘valuable’, ‘loved’.

I mean, how many times do we get presented with an all-encompassing romantic attraction that makes us really feel something? That isn’t circumstantial, or a void filler, or in pursuit of domestic stability? Where it’s just this inexplicable, chemical heat? 

I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying it’s complicated.

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Share your own confession - or love letters and hate mail - at [email protected].

Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss.

Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld.

Audio production by Chris Stathopolous and WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro.

If you love the show, please take a moment to leave a rating and review - it's immensely helpful for expanding our network of anonymous confessors around the world. Thank you!

Some reviews on Apple Podcasts suggest y’all are sick of hearing me talk about myself and quite frankly, I am too! So, we are concluding the solo season an episode shy of the 10 I initially intended to make :) To wrap things up, I spend this final week reflecting on my so-called “Year of Rest and Relaxation,” or the year I ran my savings down to 0 dollars, learned how to separate my self-worth from work, came to terms with my ADHD, took a cold, hard look at my Pretty Privilege, re-evaluated my over-active social life, and divorced myself from limiting expectations within romantic relationships. 

I decided to start recording alone at 30 while feeling like a directionless failure; now, I’m newly 31 and a smarter, softer, more grounded and - dare I say it? - adult version of myself. I’m SO glad I decided to go on this ride publicly, and am grateful for every single one of you who strapped in next to me and said “let’s do this.” Now - back to anonymous confessions!

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Magic Mind is an amazing replacement for both coffee and Adderall (either prescription or not), and has completely changed my relationship to caffeine. Go to ⁠⁠⁠https://www.magicmind.com/talesoftaboo⁠⁠⁠ and for the next 10 days, get up to 50% off your first subscription and 20% off a one-time purchase with my code TABOO.

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Physique 57 literally transformed my body in only 8 classes. Use my code TABOO to save $10 on your On Demand monthly membership - plus you can start with a 14-day FREE trial. Code applied automatically at checkout. Click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://ondemand.physique57.com/orders/customer_info?o=80200&d=TABOO⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

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Love letters? Hate mail? Share your thoughts at [email protected]. Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld. Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss. Audio production by Wolf Taylor, Aamir Augustine, and Angelito Casal at WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro. "Degenerate" sweatshirts & G-Strings are available on Ali's Instagram via DM.

Those of you who have been following me since the Health Is Hell era will probably remember the iconic videos I used to post with my beloved Grandma Jean. To the outside the world, she and I seemed to have the warmest, funniest, most loving relationship, and for the majority of my life we did. The truth was, though, those videos were made as my coping mechanism during the beginning of her long and painful struggle with Dementia. 4 years later, my grandma is no longer my grandma: she's cold, paranoid, angry, manic. Her memory and life force are gone. I still see her, but I don't recognize her anymore. Nobody ever talks about the unique pain that comes with mourning the death of somebody who is still alive. So, I figured I'd give it a try. To anybody out there with loved ones whose brains and bodies are being eaten by Dementia or Alzheimer's - I'm so sorry, and you're not alone.

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Magic Mind is an amazing replacement for both coffee and Adderall (either prescription or not), and has completely changed my relationship to caffeine. Go to ⁠⁠https://www.magicmind.com/talesoftaboo⁠⁠ and for the next 10 days, get up to 50% off your first subscription and 20% off a one-time purchase with my code TABOO.

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Physique 57 literally transformed my body in only 8 classes. Use my code TABOO to save $10 on your On Demand monthly membership - plus you can start with a 14-day FREE trial. Code applied automatically at checkout. Click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://ondemand.physique57.com/orders/customer_info?o=80200&d=TABOO⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

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Love letters? Hate mail? Share your thoughts at [email protected]. Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld. Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss. Audio production by Wolf Taylor, Aamir Augustine, and Angelito Casal at WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro. "Degenerate" sweatshirts & G-Strings are available on Ali's Instagram via DM.

Picking up where we left off in part 1 of my party girl past...in 2018, after my now-infamous Katz’s Deli bottom-outing incident, I moved to LA for 3 months and experimented with Cali Sobriety. It was…wild, and definitely nowhere near sober! When the pandemic came, I explored proper sobriety, and it taught me so much about my ADHD and ability (or lack thereof) to self-regulate and soothe. In fact, it completely changed my life. I dive into how ‘raw dogging reality’ has gotten me back in touch with my inner child; my stance on hallucinogenics as alcohol replacement; dealing with dating, sex, and general peer pressure while sober; and finally, where I stand with alcohol (and partying as a whole) currently.

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Physique 57 literally transformed my body in only 8 classes. Use my code TABOO to save $10 on your On Demand monthly membership - plus you can start with a 14-day FREE trial. Code applied automatically at checkout. Click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://ondemand.physique57.com/orders/customer_info?o=80200&d=TABOO⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

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Love letters? Hate mail? Share your thoughts at [email protected]. Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld. Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss. Audio production by Wolf Taylor & Aamir Augustine at WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro. "Degenerate" sweatshirts & G-Strings are available on Ali's Instagram via DM.

Gossip Girl, here - your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite...no, but actually.

If you've ever wondered what it was like to grow up in New York City, you've come to the right place. We're foraying DEEP into my party girl past over the next 2 weeks, and for part 1, let's throw it back to 2008-2011: the golden years of Jeffrey Campbells, tabloid mayhem, Indie Sleaze, Gossip Girl, and - how lucky was I? - Ali in high school.

Starting from my very first memory of getting drunk (at my own chaperoned house party, iconic), and weaving through hookah bars, warehouses in pre-gentrified Brooklyn, rooftops, Meatpacking District clubs, teen charity galas, raves, and the best electronic music festival in North America, I'm revisiting every step of my burgeoning obsession with nightlife - and alcohol.

Then, because all pleasure comes with pain, we'll grin and bear my college years, where I drowned under depression and bottom-shelf liquor, threw Playboy Mansion-themed parties, studied abroad in London, and started thinking about getting sober...

And we'll end 5 years later, at the moment I blacked out in Katz's Deli eating a pastrami sandwich - and decided to move to LA to finally experiment with "Cali Sobriety."

The story continues in Part 1!

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Magic Mind is an amazing replacement for both coffee and Adderall (either prescription or not), and has completely changed my relationship to caffeine. Go to https://www.magicmind.com/talesoftaboo and for the next 10 days, get up to 50% off your first subscription and 20% off a one-time purchase with my code TABOO.

~

Physique 57 literally transformed my body in only 8 classes. Use my code TABOO to save $10 on your On Demand monthly membership - plus you can start with a 14-day FREE trial. Code applied automatically at checkout. Click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://ondemand.physique57.com/orders/customer_info?o=80200&d=TABOO⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

~

Love letters? Hate mail? Share your thoughts at [email protected]. Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld. Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss. Audio production by Wolf Taylor & Aamir Augustine at WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro. "Degenerate" sweatshirts & G-Strings are available on Ali's Instagram via DM.

I've been getting a lot of feedback on Instagram (mostly from far-right men, duh) about how it's "embarrassing" and "pathetic" that I've admitted to sometimes still feeling like a teenager at 30. Not only does a husband, child, and home ownership sound deeply unappealing to me right now, but I don't think those things actually constitute an "adult." I know I can't be the only person out there who isn't following, and doesn't necessarily want to follow, all of society's guidelines for how to correctly "grow up."

In pursuit of defining what the f*ck 'adulthood' even means, I get extremely candid about living with my parents until I was 28, and now living with 2 roommates (my ex-boyfriend & gay best friend!); working my way up to a 6 figure salary but losing my job and mismanaging all of my money; actively growing apart from some friends and closer to others as everyone's path starts to diverge with marriage and children; and my new relationship, which I'm so happy in but have deliberately NOT centered around the idea of "settling down."

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Physique 57 literally transformed my body in only 8 classes. Use my code TABOO to save $10 on your On Demand monthly membership - plus you can start with a 14-day free trial! Code applied automatically at checkout. Click here: ⁠⁠https://ondemand.physique57.com/orders/customer_info?o=80200&d=TABOO⁠⁠ 

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Share your own confession - or love letters and hate mail - at [email protected]. Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld. Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss. Audio production by Wolf Taylor & Aamir Augustine at WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro. "Degenerate" sweatshirts & G-Strings are available on Ali's Instagram via DM.

In our sex-crazed, beauty-obsessed culture, why is it still so taboo for beautiful women to admit to CONSCIOUSLY (and shamelessly!) using their looks for personal, professional, and financial gain? The truth is, my appearance has been responsible for the majority of what I was able to achieve throughout my 20s — not just professionally as an on-air host, model (groan), and content creator, but in navigating a wide variety of global social scenes and subcultures, too. Though who I am as a person made the magic happen, the way I look always opened the door - for better or worse. 

I have zero regrets, but at 30, I’m starting to focus more on developing the parts of myself that aren’t perceptible. To be looked at and *seen* is an immense privilege, but it also led to an over-dependence on the reaction I solicit from others - even outside of audition rooms or sound stages. In certain ways, it’s led to the dissolution of important emotional boundaries, too. (Like, why tf do I feel numb to sexual harassment?!) The truth is, the things that make me feel truly SEXY have nothing to do with my face or body - they’re totally internal. And contrary to what society wants women to believe, most of them have come with age!

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Vella’s Women’s Pleasure Serum is a pre-play lotion that makes it easier to have orgasms and makes orgasms more intense - and it's totally changed my relationship to sex. Use code TABOO20 for 20% off at vellabioscience.com.

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Use my code TABOO to save $10 on your On Demand monthly membership at Physique 57 - plus start with a 14-day free trial. Code applied automatically at checkout. Click here: ⁠https://ondemand.physique57.com/orders/customer_info?o=80200&d=TABOO⁠ 

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Share your own confession - or love letters and hate mail - at [email protected]. Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld. Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss. Audio production by Wolf Taylor & Aamir Augustine at WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro. "Degenerate" sweatshirts & G-Strings are available on Ali's Instagram via DM.

2 years ago, I found myself in perhaps the most taboo situation: unexpectedly pregnant, and making the subsequent decision to have a medical abortion. I was 28, in a happy relationship, and financially stable: from the outside people would say I was equipped to see, and “should have" seen, my pregnancy through. Emotionally, however, I was - and am - far from ready to be a mother. The decision to abort was easy; admitting to it publicly was not. In light of the ongoing battle over women's reproductive rights in America - and now, specifically, over the abortion pill - I've decided to re-release this episode.

Many women in media, and throughout liberal areas of the country, are openly, vocally pro-choice; however, rarely (if ever) do those who’ve actually had an abortion shamelessly speak up about it. Of course I understand - no one, including myself, wants to be judged, attacked, or outcasted. But silence keeps the process misunderstood and stigmatized to the outsider, and deeply lonely for those who have gone through it. The pain of having nobody to talk to is far worse than the procedure itself. I don’t expect to change the world by telling my story, but maybe laughing and crying about it will give others the strength to speak out, too. At the least, I hope to comfort those who feel alone, confused, or afraid in their journeys, as I very much did mine. 

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This episode is sponsored by Physique 57. Use my code TABOO to save $10 on your On Demand monthly membership - plus start with a 14-day free trial. Code applied automatically at checkout. Click here: https://ondemand.physique57.com/orders/customer_info?o=80200&d=TABOO 

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Share your own confession - or love letters and hate mail - at [email protected]. Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld. Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss. Audio production by Wolf Taylor & Aamir Augustine at WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro. "Degenerate" sweatshirts & G-Strings are available on Ali's Instagram via DM.

I've noticed an increasing trend on social media, especially TikTok, where people are creating personal brands out of mental health struggles - specifically ADHD, anxiety, and mood/behavioral disorders. Visibility is really important, but this approach rubs me the wrong way. When you have ADHD as an adult, it's rarely taken seriously - in fact, it's often glamorized, made the butt of jokes, or seen as an excuse for being lazy. In truth, ADHD and anxiety has kinda screwed up my life, causing bouts of severe depression and stopping me from living up to my fullest potential. It's time to get real about what living with a 'disorder' looks like - well, at least through my mascara-ed eyes.

Starting with a brutally honest list of my day-to-symptoms, we go deep into my complicated relationship to the word "crazy"; history with learning disabilities and mood disorders in school; bottoming out at college; the various coping mechanisms I developed over the years, including drugs and alcohol and developing an outlandish, hyper-confident persona; regrets I have about my past behavior and what I hope life will look like now that I’ve entered my 30s; and why Paris Hilton has become my unlikely mental health hero.

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Share your own confession - or love letters and hate mail - at [email protected]. Follow Ali on Instagram & TikTok @aliweissworld. Tales of Taboo is produced and narrated by Ali Weiss. Audio production by Wolf Taylor & Aamir Augustine at WTF Media. Theme song by Chris Stathopolous. Cover photo by Erika Flynn. Cover art by Kristen Montenegro. "Degenerate" sweatshirts & G-Strings are available on Ali's Instagram via DM.