TalKin with Topher

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On Thursday last week I had class at PMA Plaistow NH. I realized I am not as strong or ready for things as I thought. CJ who is is a student at this school. He is 19 and has a wrestling background. He made me realize that I need to do a lot more work. He also reminded me I am 41. Not by telling me but by showing me in his stamina and just overall drive. This is just one of the things that motivates me to continue pushing my self harder to better my health and strength. Self motivation is not found or something someone can help you with. It comes from with in. My main drive is feeling disappointed in myself if I don't accomplish what I was suppose to. 

STORY TIME: Throwing another party this time at my girlfriends house in 2001. Grinding up some mushrooms and adding them to a shot of liquor. Then everything goes south. One of my friends died and got brought back to life. I just had to tell his story.

You ever watch a show and you think this wont be good or its just something you would not normally watch. Well this show for me is American Idol. The season premier was actually very good. Now there are two other shows I watch that do from time to time get me to tear up. I never thought American Idol could do this, but it did.

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***NOTICE*** I WANT TO START BY SAYING. I DO NOT CONDONE OR ENCOURAGE ANY OF THE THINGS I SAY IN THIS PODCAST! THIS IS NOT ADVICE TO DO DRUGS OF ANY KIND. ***NOTICE*** Now with that out of the way. These are a couple of my stories from my later teenage years. I had some fun times but, trying to chance those fun times I had a lot of bad times as well. Almost ruined a good kids life with my reckless decisions. By encouraging bad behavior. I am very happy he did not take my advice and stopped hanging out with me. House parties are over rated if your the person throwing one. Remember when you get on trouble it is not just your life  you screw up. So when making a bad decision next time try to think... How is this going to interrupt everyone else lives? All so want to say you should never race vehicles unless it is your occupation.

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This was a very embarrassing day for me. My Professor Rick Hawn of PMA Plaistow NH. He asked me to help him demonstrate for the class the technic we were going to work that day. He asked me to react to his move and I went blank. No idea what he was asking of me. This was so embarrassing the whole class staring as this new purple belt sits there trying to do something I could not, while Rick keeps saying over and over, no that's not it. Then as we are having 5min matches, Rick sees me go from top to pulling guard and he tells me how I set myself back. This is not good and showed me that my comfortability in my jiu-jitsu game is hurting me. This was a tough lesson to learn. Sure I got down on myself and completely questioned if I deserved my rank. Then I realized that would not have given it to me if I did not deserve it. I have to show them that I learned the move and stay on top when I am there. This is how I deserve this rank and accomplishing this and showing Rick, that is how I earn my belt.

Even though the podcast has veered away from where it started. As I get further away from alcohol. I don't even think of it as of now. I am always aware of my addiction and keep it in check. This is something that I can not ignore. Where this podcast was about my addiction and dealing with it, right now I have issues and stuff going on in my life that is harder to deal with than my addiction.  

Not everyone can learn a lesson or get motivation from getting told they have to fix themselves. I learn very well this way. I believe its because I was yelled at as a child and that is just what I respond to better. For others you cant do that it could rein the relationship or marriage. Even though it comes from a place or caring and love. They could pout up walls and become distant. They may just see it as nagging or controlling them. After a while it turns into belittling and attracting. So as I said this method is not for everyone, so if you doing this to someone and getting no were might be time to change gears.

I know I will never be able to drink again and I am now OK with that. If I was to ever fall off again. I will use all my tools to pick myself back up. As of right now though it is not even a thought. I really am looking forward to crossing that 5 yr mark in September. Plus I have to make it 10yrs so I can talk shit to everyone. Seriously though this podcast really helps me keep my head on straight and get alot of those negative thoughts out. I would have to say this is my strongest tool.

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It has taken me years to learn patience. Still I need to work on it today. Giving up alcohol has helped with this learning curve. Making goals and accomplishing them is a great feeling. I got to feel this last week when I received my purple belt in jiu-jitsu @PMADERRY (Professional Martial Arts Academy) Derry New Hampshire 03038. It took 3yrs 9 months and 16 days to receive this but whos counting. This is one of best achievements next to not drinking for over 4yrs. Both in my case very difficult for me but completely achievable if you work hard and have patience.

Car keeps Breaking and as my patience wears thin. I have to remember this part of life there will always be something to fix. Sometimes the house and others the car and then when you fix them, it will be something you didn't even think of. This takes patience and money. Which is why I say slow down you don't need to grow up so fast. I believe that most kids and yes under 25 that is how I see your age. Have no idea how much everything costs? Get your self in a good situation and have a couple months rent and a reliable car then move out of mom or dads. You could just do what I did when I turned 18, Graduate, go straight to work and leach off your rich girlfriend. Trust me this does not always work.

Take advantage of what ever is in front of you. Any goal is reachable. YOU just have to do the work and reach for it.

I am feelin this way this week because I am sick of this Pandemic and wish it was over. Like I am sure all of you feel the same. I have noticed that Patience is wearing thin between us all. I thought we could use a reminder that we ALL need Patience through theses tough times. Thoughts and Prayers to all those who have past over last year.

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 So glad the new camera has a good mic because the mic cut out again a bug I must fix for the future. Works fine when I am on by my self. This is my first interview ever. With that being said I was nervous and had butterflies the entire time. This is defiantly something you have to put in reps to get use to it, just like jiu-jitsu. It was so good to see him and find out what it was like with this virus. I think all these stories along with all the science is going to paint a broader picture, so that one day we can finally live with this virus and move  on with our lives.

I go over a comment I got on episode 41. 

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This is the craziest time ever. I can not believe our Capital has been disrespected like this. None of this seems real. Worldwide Pandemic. It really seem like we are in a disaster movie where all the disasters hit us at once. Maybe after the bigot racist gets out of the white house, we can all get some relief and things will settle down. I want less racism not more. We all need to work together to get through this craziness. 

I tell 5 short stories of my younger years. When I would drink and black out and always ruin the event. One of my stories has a surprise at the end. So check out my new segment Drunk Stories. These are some of my more embarrassing moments, so enjoy.

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First I like to apologize for the sound. New camera and my comp auto set its mic as input. It is now fixed. Hope you enjoy.

2021 was areal eye opener for me. One of my close friends got Covid-19. My wife got a virus that the doctors did not identify but could tell her it was not covid-19. I got stuck on a 10 day Quarantine. Went through a lot of emotions in just a couple days. What a roller coaster.  People nedd to relize this thing is real and it is up to us to try and slow it down. (Is what everyone keeps telling all of us.) Can we is the question. I am not sure anymore but I will keep doing my best to try. 

Try to think of a mask like a pair of under ware. This means wear it once and then wash or throw it away!

I really focus on my gut for health reasons. Since this al started I have always taken supplements, but now I take more especially all the stuff to boost my immune system that the CDC has suggested. Vitamin D, Vitamin C and Zinc. I have a good hunch that is why being around two sick people I still stayed healthy. Thankfully too cause I had to take care of my wife the two dogs and all the house shit too. So take care of you selves out there and build your immune system to really help fight this virus. That's what I believe.

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Well the New Year is here. New Years resolutions are going to be started, but how many of them hang on. Not many is the answer. The reason I believe is because people loose the excitement of it once it becomes an everyday thing. Maintaining the change and keeping it going day after day is hard, but totally worth it. Here are some of my tricks to keep it exciting and not just the same old thing day to day.

When I learned anything in my life after the age of 10 to 37  I was drinking. This is what caused me not to retain info and do things the correct way. Today off alcohol its like I am learning all over again. Except this time things are easier and I retain a lot more of the info. Amazing NO its just the fact that there is nothing fogging my brain anymore.

One of the many things I love about doing this podcast is the editing. The other week I was editing and I had no interruptions and I realized that I felt the same way I use to when I was drawing. It was a feeling I have not had in years. It felt so good to create and add stuff on the podcast. Effects, sound and screen changes. That I realized that I was in a creative sate of mind again. Something I only got from art. So the editing and learning to put this podcast together brought that all back.

So in conclusion 2020 SUCKED! 2021 may not be that much better but, I am happy to start the New Year with all of you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

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Buying Christmas gifts can have its ups and downs. Downs for example finding the gift for the right person. Shipping problem, not being able to find an item is always frustrating. Then sometimes you find the gift and pay for faster shipping and then it may still come late. You are probably wondering what are the UP's of gift giving. That is when you finally give the gifts away and its done. Now I am not a hater but I could do without the added stress.

USPS is so backed up that even if they planned for this type of a surge in deliveries. They still wouldn't be able to handle it.

I talked a little bit about my eating disorder. I have never talked about this. Not because I don't think I should. It's just I never thought of it as a disorder more of a way to make sure I never got fat. My wife called it a disorder. Not a doctor so it may just be me.

Christmas story of when I was a kid.

What my dogs got me for Christmas.

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I now realize that alcohol was affecting my financial life. I always thought that alcohol was never a problem because it never interrupted work and I always made payments on time. Now I see that I was making poor financial decisions based on feelings. Feelings that I got from drinking. Today without it everything works, no more bad decisions and poof just like that things work. This is not a crazy thought. I know most of you are probably thinking that's a no brainer. When your addiction puts the blinders on it is very hard to see all the problems it is causing in your life. At this time in my life I can see that I was very wrong about that. I'm so grateful to be sober from alcohol today and get the opportunity to try fix my mistakes and better myself today.

I am convinced that 2022 is the year we are all waiting for. Not that I don't think 2021 will be better than 2020 but it will take all year is my guess. Anyone else feel the same? Let me know in the comment section.

DUI #2 Story

6yrs loss of license , M.O.P. program, $500.00 fine and counseling sessions for three months, every week.  Had to do it twice cost $1,000.00 each time. 

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