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Talking Paragraphs
By Daniel P. FinneyComedy
Talking Paragraphs episodes
- 131: ESPN Game Day to get the axe? We can only hope; More bear attacks; Battle of July 4 buffets; Cocaine at the White House; Madonna revived with Narcan; More Just Stop Oil antics
- Threads vs. Tweets vs. Snapchat vs. Reals vs. Stories vs. Instagram vs. YouTube.
- Battle of the July 4 buffets.
- Game Day to get the axe? One can only hope.
- Cocaine found in the White House.
- Madonna was revived with Narcan.
- An errant throw at the Yankees game injures the YES cameraman.
- Bear attacks.
- Just Stop Oil interrupts Wimbledon,
1 hr 16 min - 130: Disney slaughters more ESPN staff; Drugs rain down on French countryside; Indiana Jones and the Dial Soap of Destiny; Sajack out, Secrest in
Our heroes, former newsman and current teacher DANIEL FINNEY and his faithful companion, the world's most dangerous accountant, MEMPHIS PAUL gather again to mock the mockery that is American culture. Their topics of little import include:
- Indiana Jones and the Dial Soap of Destiny.
- NASA job for Paul.
- Braves dominate All-Stars.
- Wendy’s Meat Soda with a hint of ketchup prank.
- ESPN layoffs: Jalen Rose, Keyshawn Johnson, Max Kellerman, Jeff Van Gunde, and Suzy Kolber were all killed by the Mouse House.
- Ryan Seacrest is to replace Pat Sajack.
- Alan Arkin is dead.
- Zelenskyy and Thunberg
- Belgian shot-putter runs hurdles.
- France: Fighter jet chases Suspected drug plane; scofflaws throw up drugs over French countryside.
- Fireworks suck.
1 hr 41 min - 129: Titan sub is a debris field and Gordon Lightfoot is dead: Who will write the song for the naval disaster of our time?
The ole' paragraph stacker Dan is back with Memphis Paul to mock the silliness that is our times. On the agenda this week, but not necessarily in this order:
1. Searches found the Titan debris field, but Gordon Lightfoot is dead. Who will write the song of this disaster?
2. Dan taste's the Grimace's blood in McDonald's Grimace birthday shake.
3. Can anything save Turner Classic Movies?
4. Get to the 'choppa: Helicopter parents in the workplace.
5. Will Lil' Penny coach Memphis with Penny Hardaway suspended?
6. Cubs and Cards play in London, where we hope they stay.
7. Some guy for the Marlins might hit .400, but probably not.
8. Cage match: Zuckerberg vs. Musk. Who would win?
9. Other unmemorable nonsense.
1 hr 21 min - 128: Remembering our friend Lisa Brinkmeyer ... Strange New Worlds is good Star Trek ... How Jordan botched selling the Hornets ... Nothing can kill the Grimace except McDonald's crap shake machines
Dan pays a heartfelt tribute to the awesome human that was Lisa Brinkmeyer, a basketball star at Drake and Hubbard-Radcliff. Then Dan and Paul get back to the usual hijinks that involve a discussion of Ricardo Montalban, the new "Star Trek" series "Strange New Worlds," and McDonald's Grimace birthday shake, which no one will ever be able to buy because all McDonald's Shake machines are broken.
1 hr 22 min - 127: Chicken Wars rage on new front ... Artificial intelligence and the campaign ... Big 12 scouting Memphis? ... And Dan gets sleepy again
No news outlet has covered the vagaries of the Chicken Wars more than Talking Paragraphs, but the frontlines have moved from the fast food sandwiches to actual farms on TiKTok. Our correspondents Dan and Paul give you the details of the new hot spot in chicken conflict.
1 hr 7 min - 126: Dan and Paul talk 'Chinese Born American,' lifesize Hot Wheels, the meaning of onomatopoeia, and not putting foie gras in your coffee
In 1972, Dan and Paul were sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped into the void between Des Moines and Memphis. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as podcasters of fortune. If need to listen to a podcast — and no other, better podcast is available — maybe you can listen to "Talking Paragraphs."
1 hr 12 min - 125: Pete Davidson vs. Cocaine Bear; Bovine samaritans help cops capture crook; What is "faff" and why you should embrace it; More Elvis employee buffett delights
Welcome to Talking Paragraphs, the podcast that is so incoherent half of the people involved don't remember its name.
Topics that we at least intended to discuss:
- The meaning of "faff" and why you should embrace it.
- Pete Davidson vs. Cocaine Bear
- Phone answer etiquette for clones.
- We can't talk about "Relative Justice."
- We barely talk about "Hemlock Grove" on a new streaming service.
- Cows help cops find suspects.
- A lot of random memories from a college party nearly 30 years ago.
- A story of stolen goats in Winterset in 1993.
Daniel P. Finney and Paul Russell have been friends for 30 years. Dan lives in Des Moines. Paul lives in Memphis. Through the miracle of technology, they unite each week to solve riddles left by madmen about Gotham City. You may love them. You may hate them. You may even fear them. But don't you dare take them seriously.
1 hr 26 min - 124: Secrets of Elvis Presley's employee buffet; It's time to retire the White House championship team visit; Baseball: War on WAR; McDonald's new iceless iced tea
Two unremarkable men discuss unimportant topics for their own amusement. Listen in and maybe you'll be amused. If not, it doesn't matter. We both have jobs. We have no illusions about becoming social media influencers. In this episode, but not necessarily in this order:
- Georgia football team refuses to visit the White House
- ESPN: Steven A. Smith
- JJ Watt’s pub crawl
- Game of Thrones on pause
- Iowa-Iowa State gambling nonsense
- Secret hideaways at Graceland
- McDonald’s: Oh, did you want ice with that?
- Baseball: The war on WAR
1 hr 12 min - 123: An ode to toast; Paul's vacation adventures; Tucker Carlson, Don Lemon, and other TV dopes get fired; All hail Carol Burnett at 90; so much more
The ol' Paragraph Stacker, Dan who drives a van, connects with his pal, Pal, an account for the King of Rock and Roll. Together the laughs ensue as much as is allowed on the brittle skeletons of two middle-aged white men. Topics include:
1. Toast: Dark or light? Butter or jam?
2. Paul's vacation trip to the library, a Kroger, and a public garden.
3. Cable TV news mopes get fired.
4. Carol Burnett, 90, honored with the best variety TV special since the 1970s.
5. Dan's still teaching school.
1 hr 15 min - 122: Paul gets a job working for ... Elvis Presley?!; Nic Cage is wacky in 'Redfield'; This week's reason why Elon Musk sucks; and Paul's bad Max Scherzer joke
Topics discussed by two middle-aged men who ought to be doing something more productive:
- Paul gets a job
- Job search details
- Paul goes to the movies: Renfield
- Springfield, MO man demands meat at gunpoint
- Elon Musk pays for whiny celebrities' blue checkmarks
- $100M gold heist at Canada’s largest airport
- Max Scherzer joke
- Netflix ends DVD mail service
1 hr 23 min
About Talking Paragraphs
From the publisher's feed
The old Paragraph Stacker, an exiled newspaperman disavowed by his best friend, talks alone in a secluded Drake neighborhood apartment about news, sports, mental health, and the art of eating root…
beer floats. This is Talking Paragraphs 2.0, minus one host but double the esoteric non-sequiturs.