Tap in with Tiffany

What happens when you’re grieving, hurting, or going through a major transition—but the world keeps moving anyway? In this episode, we look at relationships (friendship & romantic) and what it really means to be “soft.” We talk about boundaries, compromise, endurance, forgiveness, and the ways women can slowly move the line in the sand until they barely recognize themselves anymore. We unpack the difference between tolerating the toothpaste in the sink and tolerating disrespect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, cheating, or financial dysfunction—and why knowing your own limits matters.

We also get real about the messages many of us inherited from our mothers and grandmothers: stand by your man, endure, forgive, keep the family together, and make it work. We talk about how independence, faith, gender roles, and the changing expectations of relationships have left many of us trying to figure out what the middle ground actually looks like.

And then there’s dating after divorce. In the Tap In or Tap Out? segment, we answer a listener who is struggling to tell the difference between not being ready to date and being afraid to be vulnerable after a painful marriage. We talk about healing, getting reacquainted with yourself, dating yourself, figuring out your non-negotiables, and refusing to rush into a new relationship just to replace what you lost.

💎The gem: Compromise should never require you to abandon yourself. Know your limits, trust your gut, and don’t be afraid to choose yourself when something no longer feels right.

Tap in.

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts

The real conversation: What happens when your therapist isn't working for you anymore?

We share our own experiences with therapy and talk about why sometimes you have to say, “Yeah… this ain't it.” It doesn't necessarily mean the therapist is bad. Sometimes the fit just isn't right, your needs have changed, or you need a completely different approach.

We break down what makes a good therapist-client fit, from communication style and therapeutic approach to boundaries, professionalism, and whether you actually feel heard. Because therapy is your time — not an opportunity for your therapist to tell you their whole life story.

🚩 Therapy Red Flags

Understanding that sometimes the therapist isn't necessarily “bad” — they're just not your therapist

And most importantly, we talk about giving yourself permission to leave when the relationship isn't serving you.

💬 TAP IN OR TAP OUT!?

For this week's Tap In or Tap Out!? segment, we tackle a listener dilemma about anxious attachment, texting, and trusting your gut.

Our listener knows that when their partner takes a few hours to respond, their mind starts doing what anxious attachment does best: creating a whole movie with absolutely no evidence.

They find themselves wanting to pull away, overcorrect, or send a text they may regret later.

So the question is:

How do you know when it's your attachment system being triggered versus when your gut is actually telling you something is off?

We get into the messy middle — because knowing your attachment style is helpful, but it doesn't mean you should automatically dismiss every feeling you have as “Oh, that's just my anxiety.”

Sometimes your nervous system is activated. And sometimes… something really is off.

We talk about learning to pause, check the facts, recognize your patterns, and still honor what you need in a relationship

💎Key Takeaway💎

You’re allowed to acknowledge that something isn’t working for you—and make a change. Whether it’s your therapist, your treatment approach, or even a relationship, recognizing that something isn’t a good fit isn’t failure. The goal is to pay attention to what you need, communicate it when possible, and give yourself permission to choose differently when necessary.

Tap in Ya'll!

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts

It's officially summertime! So we're catchin' up on life and laughing about the reality of trying to control everything. From flat tires and roadside mishaps to the doo doo in the dating pool, we talk about learning when to let go, pivot, and allow other people to help instead of trying to handle every situation ourselves (even though we know we can do it betttter)

With summer officially here, the conversation turns to what we call "outsiding" season—and, of course, dating. We debate whether the dating pool has improved (spoiler: we’re still not convinced), share the kinds of people we’re typically attracted to, and discuss whether sticking too closely to a certain "type" can keep us from meeting someone who might actually be a great match.

We also dive into interracial and intercultural dating, exploring the difference between personal preference and exclusion. We discuss why cultural understanding can matter deeply in relationships, particularly when it comes to shared experiences as Black Americans, while recognizing that everyone has different values and priorities when choosing a partner. We also reflect on how dating changes as we get older, especially as people become more established in their routines, expectations, and lifestyles.

For this week’s Tap In or Tap Out!? segment, our listener shares that social media has left her feeling like she’s wasting her summer while everyone else seems to be traveling, partying, and constantly having fun. She also wants affordable ways to make summer special for herself and her niece and nephew. We talk about the importance of limiting comparison, spending less time scrolling, and getting curious about what actually brings you joy instead of chasing someone else’s version of a good time.

We also share practical ways to enjoy the season on a budget, including checking local community calendars, attending free events, trying new hobbies, exploring nearby parks and attractions, and remembering that meaningful memories don't have to come with a big price tag. Sometimes the best summer moments are the simplest ones.

💎 Bottom line—summer doesn't have to look like anyone else's highlight reel to be meaningful. Whether you're navigating dating, redefining your preferences, or simply looking for ways to enjoy the season, focus on experiences that genuinely bring you joy instead of chasing what social media says your life should look like. 💎

Tap in!!

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Show Intro And Disclaimer

01:12 Life Updates And Letting Go Of Control

06:18 Flat Tires And Missing Spare Tires

10:35 Summer Outsiding Season

14:47 Is The Dating Pool Still Trash?

19:58 Having A Type In Dating

25:46 Dating Preferences And Compatibility

31:22 Interracial And Intercultural Dating

39:10 Dating Gets Harder With Age

45:18 Tap In or Tap Out!? Summer FOMO

49:27 Social Media And Comparison

54:33 Finding Joy Offline

58:41 Affordable Summer Activities

01:03:18 Simple Fun With Kids

01:06:54 Final Thoughts And Wrap Up

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts

This episode starts with a Mother’s Day catch-up and a story that sounds straight out of a reality show. Dr. Darby recounts a tense prom lineup encounter that nearly turned into a fight after an unexpected confrontation with a woman in furry boots. Because apparently prom season isn’t stressful enough.

We also reflect on Mother’s Day experiences, including the emotional reality of working in crisis counseling and responding to the aftermath of a  mall shooting. We then shift into a deep discussion about fatherhood and what defines a truly good dad. For us, it goes far beyond financial support. We talk about the importance of being present, engaged, loving, protective, and knowing how to provide guidance and discipline without creating fear or distance.

From there, we explore how our relationships with our fathers shape the way we date, what we look for in partners, and the emotional needs we carry into adulthood. We discuss the desire for affection, safety, and emotional security—and why being spoken to with kindness and respect matters more than someone trying to lead through authority or control. Sometimes it really comes down to one simple request: talk to me nice.

For this week’s Tap In or Tap Out!? segment, a listener asks how to verify a therapist’s qualifications following recent conversations surrounding certain public figures in the mental health space. We break down practical steps for protecting yourself when seeking care, including checking state licensing boards, understanding different license types, verifying educational credentials and doctoral work, using insurance provider directories, and recognizing evasiveness or a lack of transparency as potential red flags.

We also discuss the importance of doing your own research, asking questions, and feeling empowered to advocate for yourself when choosing a therapist. Finding the right support is too important to leave to assumptions.

💎 Bottom line—whether it’s parenting, dating, or seeking professional help, trust is built through consistency, transparency, and showing up with care. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, set standards, and choose the people who make you feel safe, respected, and supported. 💎

Tap in!!

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Show Intro And Disclaimer

01:10 Life Updates And Prom Chaos

04:56 Fur Boots And Fighting Stories

08:20 Mothers Day Recap And Work Call

11:51 Good Dads And Father Figures

17:48 How Dad Shapes Dating Choices

23:56 Talk To Me Nice In Relationships

28:53 Breaking Cycles And Resetting

32:14 Dating With Kids

33:07 What Makes a Good Dad

34:00 Breaking Family Cycles

35:34 Parenting Classes Debate

37:12 Absent Fathers Impact

41:22 Setting Boundaries With Dad

43:23 When Parents Become Grandparents

45:42 Respect Is Earned

49:33 Tap In or Tap Out?! Cheyenne Bryant

52:26 How to Verify Therapists

55:06 Doctorates and Credentials

57:36 Life Coaches vs Licensed Care

59:55 Finding Affordable Therapy

01:02:28 Ask Credentials Up Front

01:04:04 Fathers Day Wrap Up

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts

This episode is very much “life is life-ing,” and we’re just trying to keep up. We get into the chaos of parenting in today’s world—from over-the-top prom culture (why is this a full production??) to the emotional and financial weight that comes with raising kids at every stage. As our children get older, the challenges shift, but the responsibility never really goes away.

We talk honestly about what it means to be a mom and still be a whole person. That means setting boundaries, not doing things you don’t want to do, and letting go of the idea that motherhood has to equal sacrifice and suffering. Some of us learned that the hard way.

There’s also a real conversation about anxiety, self-worth, and that constant feeling of being “not enough,” even when everything looks fine on paper. We break down how anxiety and imposter syndrome show up—not just mentally, but physically—and why support (therapy, medication, even checking your hormones) is nothing to be ashamed of.

For this week's Tap In or Tap Out!? segment, a listener opens up about struggling with anxiety and the constant feeling of not being “enough,” even when life looks good on paper. We unpack how anxiety, self-worth, and imposter syndrome can overlap—and what it takes to start quieting that inner voice

We also touch on relationships, single motherhood, and how life changes force you to redefine yourself over and over again. Through it all, one thing stays true: you can’t pour into anybody else if you’re running on empty.

💎 Bottom line—do what works for you, take care of yourself, and stop trying to be everything for everybody. 💎

Tap in!!

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

01:00 Life updates, being sick, and perimenopause brain fog

03:30 Prom season stress and over-the-top expectations

08:30 Marriage, support, and who takes care of mom

13:00 Single motherhood, burnout, and pushing through

16:30 Relationships, cheating, and doing life alone

23:00 Mother’s Day, rest, and letting go of guilt

26:30 Motherhood without martyrdom and asking for help

27:30 Kids growing up and preparing to let go

33:00 Teaching life skills and learning through experience

38:00 The myth of stability and adjusting to life changes

41:00 Identity beyond motherhood and setting boundaries

55:00 Listener question: anxiety, self-worth, and imposter syndrome

01:03:00 Hormones, perimenopause, and mental health shifts

01:08:00 Final thoughts and Mother’s Day encouragement

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts

Aging, confidence, and evolving identity.. we discuss what it means to grow into yourself—embracing change in your body, mindset, and relationships—while letting go of external validation. Health, wellness, and physical changes are addressed with honesty, including conversations around hormones, memory, and the realities of aging bodies.

In this week’s Tap In or Tap Out? segment, the focus shifts to political stress and emotional burnout, as a listener shares there struggle with staying informed vs. staying overloaded and consumed by the woes of the world.

We unpack how confidence deepens with age, why community matters more than ever, and how to navigate life transitions with honesty and self-trust.

Tap in.

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Intro

00:59 Patreon and Live Plans

01:43 Birthday Recovery Stories

04:46 New Orleans Trip Recap

06:05 Travel Fears and News

07:41 AI and Fact Checking

08:59 Aging Body and Libido

10:15 Confidence in Your Forties

11:14 Hair and Self Image

16:01 Childhood Roots of Confidence

17:37 Not Caring What People Think

20:01 Work Era Mindset Shift

23:28 Professional Image and Race

26:20 Imposter Syndrome and Privilege

29:28 Pretty Privilege Talk

31:03 Body Confidence Shift

32:05 Family Judgment Culture

37:26 Kindness Over Critique

39:47 Aging Body Surprises

42:23 Girlfriends Keep You Sane

44:32 Do Men Talk Too

48:29 Confidence Changes With Age

51:11 Tap In Listener Question

53:17 Staying Engaged Not Consumed

58:25 Build Community Locally

01:00:00 Prayer And Sign Off

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts

From New Year “resolutions” that last two days to unpacking emotional clutter, shopping habits, control, and the fear of slowing down, we explore what it means to grow older, wiser, and more self-aware—without pretending it’s easy. The conversation moves through themes of productivity, grief, identity shifts, motherhood wounds, friendships changing with life stages, and the realization that many of us were surviving long before we ever learned how to be present.

In the Tap In or Tap Out? segment, we speak to a listener navigating guilt, shame, and fear around leaving relationships, setting boundaries, and choosing themselves. 

The gem: It’s never too late to change, heal, forgive, and reinvent who you are.

Tap in.

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Welcome 

00:56 New Year's Reflections 

03:23 Setting Intentional Goals 

04:20 The 12-Week Year Explained 

09:50 Challenges of Perimenopause 

11:29 Moving and Decluttering 

24:43 Aging and Memory 

30:43 Navigating Identity/Self-Discovery 

31:15 Breaking Free from the Hamster Wheel 

31:29 Exploring New Hobbies and Interests 

34:09 Adapting to Life Changes and Friendships 

38:21 Aging and Health Concerns 

44:01 Planning for the Future 

52:22 Tap In or Tap Out!? Moving Forward and Self-Forgiveness 

01:00:55 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts

We open up with a catch-up on life, exhaustion, and transitions—moving homes, shifting work dynamics, and the realities of being high-achieving Black women who are still BLACKITY BLACK! This leads to a deeper conversation about identity, education, and the stereotypes placed on Black professionals, particularly around PhDs, power dynamics, and ego.

From there, we turn toward reflection and end-of-year evaluation. We examine what it means to “move softer,” questioning whether rest, boundaries, and doing less truly feel safe when control has long been tied to our survival. High pain tolerance, overfunctioning, and constant productivity can disguise emotional numbness—and that numbness often keeps people trapped in cycles that look productive but feel empty.

The metaphor of the hamster wheel becomes central: getting off briefly for rest, self-care, or vacations, but always jumping back on without fundamentally changing the cage itself. The conversation challenges us to consider whether we are truly choosing ourselves—or simply managing burnout while avoiding bigger, scarier changes.

In Tap In or Tap Out?, a listener asks how to grieve a living parent—specifically a mother who is emotionally unavailable, self-centered, and resistant to accountability. We discuss grief, reparenting, unrealistic expectations, boundaries, and the painful but necessary process of removing titles in order to see relationships clearly. Choosing peace does not mean carrying hatred, but it may mean accepting who someone is—and deciding how much access they get to you.

Change is inevitable, resilience is learned, and community support is essential. Growth doesn’t come from staying comfortable—it comes from stepping into the unknown, trusting yourself, and allowing life to move you forward.

Tap in.

00:00 Introduction and Catch-Up
02:30 Life Changes, Exhaustion, and Reflection
05:45 Black Identity, PhDs, and Stereotypes
10:12 Ego, Power Dynamics, and Dating with Advanced Degrees
14:20 Control, Softness, and Safety
18:45 Letting Go, Fixing, and Overfunctioning
24:30 What “Soft Life” Actually Means
29:10 Work, Money, and the Pressure to Grind
34:55 The Hamster Wheel Metaphor
40:15 Comfort vs Growth
45:10 Pain Tolerance, Numbness, and Resilience
51:20 Faith, Change, and Trusting the Unknown
55:00 Tap In or Tap Out?: Grieving a Living Parent
01:03:00 Reparenting, Boundaries, and Choosing Peace
01:10:30 Final Reflections and Closing

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts

We kick things off with a wild story about football moms fighting in the stands—sparking a bigger conversation about conflict, communication, and why some people throw hands while others just don’t care enough to fight.

From there, we dive deep into sex and sexuality. We unpack the Madonna complex, shifting sex drives in long-term relationships, and the need for open dialogue about fantasies and kinks. We also call out the stigma men face when exploring sexual fluidity or non-traditional interests, and challenge the double standards that continue to police women’s sexuality.

This week’s Tap in or Tap Out? segment features a listener question about perimenopause. We share insights on symptoms, the importance of finding a knowledgeable OB/GYN—especially one attuned to Black women’s health experiences—and ways to manage changes through hormone therapy, nutrition, and community support. We close with a reminder that communication and openness are key to navigating both relationships and life transitions.

Tap in Ya'll!

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts

Dr. Welch discusses her path from community counseling to counselor education, her unexpected entry into leadership, and the challenges she faced as a young, Black woman in academia. She reflects on the importance of representation and the impact of being a role model for students.

We also discuss the importance of setting boundaries, staying grounded, and being loyal—but not to a fault..learning to move on when situations no longer serve you.

This week’s Tap in or Tap Out? segment features a listener question about work-life balance, emphasizing the importance of scheduling rest, defining personal self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support from your community.

Advice for Listeners:

Stay grounded and know your "north star."

Surround yourself with honest, supportive people.

Set boundaries and schedule self-care.

Don’t be afraid to outsource tasks to make life easier.

*Remember: jobs can replace you, so prioritize your well-being.*

Metoka L. Welch is a seasoned higher-ed leader who’s spent 20  years building inclusive, learner-centered institutions. With deep expertise in accreditation, academic strategy, and experiential teaching, she’s known for shaping policies that stick and collaborations that matter. Whether in conference rooms or the classroom, Metoka brings heart, vision, and a fierce commitment to equity.

Follow more of Dr. Metoka Welch here:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/metokafitness?igsh=Ympoa3lkcTRtaGZx

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/metoka-l-welch-phd-lcmhc-1596bb96?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:02 Guest Intro - Dr. Metoka Welch

02:18 Career Path & Leadership Journey

05:02 Transition into Leadership Role

11:09 Career Challenges & Identity

36:09 Personal Practices & Staying Grounded

38:58 Dream Dinner Guest - Maya Angelou

44:53 Key Takeaways & Never Give Up

48:37 Tap in or Tap Out?  Work-Life Balance

55:40 Closing Thoughts & Goodbye

Hosts: Dr. Tiffany Darby, Dr. Tiffany Monroe-Hurd, Dr. Tiffany Hairston

https://www.instagram.com/tapinwithtiffany/

[email protected]

Produced By: Lumen Vision Sound

https://www.lumen-vision-sound.com/podcasts