Addiction is insatiable It is the endless reaching for something just out of grasp —the next moment, the next hit, the next comfort. It is a hunger that does not rest, not because the object of desire is so sweet, but because the soul is aching for something it cannot name.

In its own way, addiction is infinity in motion. It mimics the boundless — but not the true infinite, the peaceful, open vastness of being. Instead, it reflects a distorted echo of it: a restless infinity, without center, without stillness. And yet, within even the most desperate craving, there is a hidden prayer.

A longing to return. To remember. To come home to a wholeness that was never truly lost. Addiction is not the enemy. It is a compass gone wild. A soul remembering that there is more,

but forgetting where to look……..INSIDE.

Fiеrcеnеss is nоt the samе аs ragе. It’s anger, yеs …. but anger thаt hаs remembered lovе.

It’s the sharр edge of truth thаt рrotects what is sacred. The flame thаt refuses to let harm gо unchallenged. The voice thаt rises nоt to destroy, but to defend what mattеrs.

Fiеrcеnеss is the heart on fire with compаssion …..unwilling to stаy silent in the face of injustice, unwilling to turn away when something prеcious is at risk.

It is lovе, stаnding its ground.

Nigel Lott teaandzen.org

Nigel was more than a friend. He was a soul companion. . . a brother on the path, walking beside me in this strange world. Our bond was not merely one of friendship; it was a deep recognition of one another. Spirit recognized spirit.

Nigel was a 'quiet light' for me.

He didn’t try to shine.

He just did, naturally and humbly.

There was a way of presence with him, when you were around him,, of feeling important and like you mattered.

What I love about his story of life was his arc of steady kindness, It was like a stream that never runs dry.

His wisdom didn’t come from being full of himself or trying to impress. It came from living life with depth, with heart, and with honesty.

In my prolonged time of troubles, he could have easily faded, but for whatever reason, he remained. I am not sure that I ever told him how much I appreciated that. We had and have some really good laughs over the course of knowing each other for over five decades. And all the while, he didn’t go anywhere, except through life with me in some pretty dark places, as if it were him leading me to the exit.

Now Nigel has gone...

not into absence, but into mystery.

He has crossed into that deeper silence

where the soul is fully known,

fully free.

But I don’t perceive him as absent. I perceive him present... in the calm that exists between moments, in the stillness that precedes dawn, in those peaceful hours when the dead can hear.

Although my heart hurts, it also knows: he is free. He is unburdened. He is at home.

I will hold his memory as a sort of warm blanket. I will hold his spirit in the way I take time to be kind, in the way I give my attention, in the way I tread lightly in this world. Because that is how he lived.....in my life and in many others. And in that way, he lives on.

Goodbye for now, my beloved brother.

Even past the stars, your pathway stretches outward.

and we still feel your love…

calm, constant, everlasting.

Nigel Lott

Lay down your burdenLay it all downPass the glass between youDrink it upPlace the Light before youCome through the doorThe dragon doesn’t live here anymore

Sing with the choirs that surround youDance to the music in your soulLook into the eyes that really see youPlace all that you have into that bowl

O lay down your burdenLay it all downPass the glass between youDrink it upPlace the Light before youCome through the doorThe dragon doesn’t live here anymore

Colleen Crangle.

Read by Nigel Lott teaandzen.org

There is a hidden architecture in the way we live and respond to the world …..a kind of spiritual geometry that shapes our inner landscape.

Resistance is angular. It has edges and corners, built of muscle, memory, and fear. It shows up as tension in the jaw, the held breath, the clenched hands. It says, “No, not this,” and erects invisible walls to protect what feels threatened. Like a square, it gives structure and boundary, but it can become a cage if we never learn to open the door.

Surrender, by contrast, is curved. It is the circle, the spiral, the arc. It is not collapse, but release ….. the softening of what no longer serves. In surrender, the breath deepens. The body opens. The heart listens. There is movement again…not away from pain, but through it. It says, “I trust what I cannot yet see.”

Between these two …. resistance and surrender ….. is a sacred tension. One teaches us where we’ve been hurt and wounded. The other shows us how to heal. Both are necessary. But it is surrender that transforms resistance into wisdom.

To live spiritually is to become aware of the shapes we take on….. and to choose, moment by moment, which geometry serves our soul.

Nigel Lott teaandzen.org

There comes a moment, amid the depths of suffering, when something within me begins to soften. The resistance that once gripped so tightly starts to release….not because the suffering has disappeared, but because I begin to remember something far deeper than the travail itself.

For years, I have witnessed this rhythm within myself. When trauma resurfaces, when suffering stirs again, a wave of overwhelm often arises. Yet, in time…a quiet shift takes place. I cease to fight it. I begin to lean not into the suffering itself, but into the space around it. A space that has always been there: a sacred realm of love, of peace, of light that exists beyond the darkness.

This process has unfolded as a form of sacred art….the art of surrender. It is not a passive giving up, but a conscious releasing. A deliberate choice to trust the deeper current, even when the surface feels storm-tossed.

And what happens next often feels like grace. As I surrender, I begin to receive….insights, clarity, healing….flowing like light through the cracks. It is as though, in softening to what is, I open the door to what has always been: the alchemy of transcendence, and a love beyond measure.

In these moments, I see that suffering is not simply travail….it is forgetting. And healing is the process of remembering. Remembering that truth has never left. That the soul was always whole. That, as Ram Dass so beautifully said, “It’s less than a blink of an eye away at any given moment.”

Sometimes, when the suffering, the remembrance of trauma is overwhelming, that other realm seems impossibly distant….like it is buried beneath countless lifetimes. Yet over time, I have learned to recognize its nearness more swiftly. Even when trauma returns, even when PTSD flares, there is always a thread I can follow back…a sacred muscle memory of presence in my heart.

And these days, it seems I return to truth more quickly. I surrender more willingly. I trust the path through the fire because I know where it leads: Back to the Light. Back to Love.

Nigel Lott teaandzen.org

To reach into another’s life with the intent to extract, control, or cause pain is not an act of power…..it is an expression of quiet despair.

It is the grief of a soul that has fallen into forgetfulness, losing its remembrance of the Infinite within, and so reaches outward, grasping for fragments of light in another’s field.

Believing itself starved of energy….of love…..it attempts to feed upon what it perceives to be missing. But this is the great illusion: that love can be taken, that radiance can be stolen.

Nothing seized through fear can ever nourish the spirit. No illusion of control can replace the living truth of one’s own divine spark. For the wellspring of true power lies not in conquest, but in communion.

Not in the taking, but in the sacred recognition of what already flows within. And what has been forgotten can be remembered….if the heart is willing to turn inward, and listen once more to the song of its origin.

Nigel Lott teaandzen.org

It has been one year since Bob stepped beyond the veil. Not into absence, but into mystery. Not into silence, but into the deeper music that only the heart can hear.

Those who walk the earth with quiet wisdom often leave behind more than memories…..they leave imprints of the eternal. Bob was such a soul. Gentle in presence, rooted in truth, and touched by something beyond this world.

Though his body is no longer among us, the soul does not vanish. It unfolds. It expands. It watches and walks with us from just beyond the edge of sight. We feel Bob in the rustle of leaves, in dreams that linger, in the sudden warmth of sunlight on a hard day, and a pint of Fullers London Pride. In the way our hearts still steady at the thought of him.

Mystics have long said that death is not the end, but a return…..a homecoming to the Source. And those who live with love leave trails of light that never fade.

So today, we honor Bob not with sadness alone, but with reverence. With trust in the unseen. With the quiet knowing that his journey continues….closer than breath, wider than time.

Bob, may your soul soar through the great Mystery.

May your presence whisper through the stillness.

You are with us, always…..in light, in love, in the deep heart of all things.

In every interaction, whether personal or global, the power to negotiate well begins not with the other….but within ourselves. True strength arises from being in full integrity with our own truth, grounded in clarity about who we are and what we stand for.

To negotiate from strength is not about dominance or force, but about self-awareness. It means knowing, before entering any dialogue, what we are truly willing to say yes to…..and, just as importantly, what we must say no to. This inner alignment creates a stable foundation from which our words and energy carry weight, presence, and clarity.

This becomes especially vital when engaging with individuals who, for various reasons…..trauma, conditioning, or rigid belief systems….cannot operate in the realm of nuance. These are people who see the world in absolutes: black or white, right or wrong, win or lose. With such individuals, there may be no shared middle ground to explore. Therefore, if we are not rooted in our truth, we risk being swept into their polarity, losing ourselves in their rigidity.

To prevent this, we must enter conversations with the full awareness of our boundaries. Saying no is not an act of aggression, but of love…..both for oneself and for the other. Boundaries spoken with calm conviction create safety, clarity, and even healing. They remind everyone involved that love does not mean abandoning the self, and compassion does not require self-sacrifice.

Negotiating from a place of inner strength is a sacred act. It allows us to meet others with openness, but not at the cost of our truth. It invites honest connection while protecting the integrity of our soul. When rooted in love and clarity, our no becomes just as powerful…..and just as holy….as our yes.

Nigel Lott teaandzen.org