Tend Your Garden

THIS EPISODE IS EVERYTHING. I was so, so nervous recording it because Nenna is my first guest who I literally just cold-called and invited on to chat but they were such a gracious and interesting guest I needn't have worried. "It's more than just sex" is Feelmore's tag line. Feelmore is an iconic sex shop in Oakland California with another shop in downtown Berkeley. Nenna discussed how growing up in Las Vegas led them to the production side of porn (which resulted in a multi award winning porno) and how opening Feelmore came to them in a dream. They shout out Bed, Bath and Beyond for providing the boxes that contained their first sex toys and how race played an important role in the conceptualization of Feelmore's ethos. Community and the importance of community came up throughout conversation as did US racial relations, both timely reminders these are vital conversations to have no matter what the subject.

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HERE WE GO AGGGGGAAAAIIIINNNNN! The wonderful  Dearbhaile Casey  came on to TYG just to tell me that bisexuals are scientifically irrelevant. No I'm joking, (not about the bisexuals being scientifically irrelevant that's unfortunately deadly serious) she actually came on to talk to me about the Venn diagram of science and sexuality. She discussed the chromosomal difference between 'XX' and 'XY' chromosomes and how there is not a specific 'gay' gene but that is not to say your genes and your chromosomal make-up do not influence your sexuality. We discussed how we should *not* be comparing ourselves to animals, instead we should be funding research into chronically under-researched communities. Dearbhaile also highlights how there is no default state, heterosexuality is not the default state. We also chat bonobo porn, complex traits, the importance of Christina Aguilera's song Dirty and being a woman in STEM.

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TEND YOUR GARDEN MINI-BREAK. Hello angels, I've doing a load of recording and planning this week and I've got a good bit going on in my life so I'm taking a mini-break. Enjoy this shortie about my views on hope and some things you could do to help 'Tend Your Garden' I'll be back next week with an incredible episode about the evolution of sexuality! 

Senita Appiakorang truly, truly brought so much to this episode. As you can tell from the title we covered a lot and we absolutely went there. Senita does a podcast called Points Of Intersection  which made her the ideal guest to discuss Intersectional Feminism and all its nuances. She revealed how Europe was not the opulent utopia it was made out to be and the danger of a single story. Senita dove into how our understanding of gender and sexuality needs to expand waaaay beyond the Western scope. Senita discussed what it was like in Direct Provision in Kerry and how her unusual but wonderful family came to be. We also covered unlearning heterosexuality and how sometimes our romantic preferences are just that and sometimes they are shaped by the systems of power. We also bonded over having family from the same(ish) spot in rural Kerry!

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Oooooooofffff this conversation with the wonderful Gillian Ang truly left me with so much to think about. They discuss decolonising gender, colonialism and navigating their identity as a queer, Malaysian-Chinese person. We also discussed the vital importance of communication, particularly if you are struggling with your sexuality. They were raw and vulnerable and brought the radical intelligence as always. Gillian chatted about how academia is rigged and how we all need to be on our guard for the way colonialism shapes our thinking. We also went into how important (and messy and glorious) oral sex is. Gillian also shared the story of how I *aggressively* friended them.

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The magnificent Andrea Werhun or weener woman author of Modern Whore joins me this week to have a timely discussion about street harassment, whorephobia, the politics of shame and iconic mothers. If you have a chronic condition that is being aggravated by this GLOBAL PANDEMIC we are currently in this is the episode for you. Myself and Andrea go in deep about the toll of eczema and finding inner beauty. Honestly I am such a huge fan of Andrea's work and she spoke so beautifully about sex work, how men never should have found out about what their semen was for and the true meaning of being a 'whore'.
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ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL. Aoife Murray is (in her own words) here to corrupt you. And corrupt me she did. Aoife joined me to chat BDSM 101, chains, whips and self-care tips. She encouraged me to do the bdsmtest.org before we chatted and its results were enlightening (do it!) In our sprawling and glorious chat we covered why vanilla isn't an insult, the differences between kinks and BDSM, how BDSM is an inclusive community for asexual people, online etiquette and the importance of consent. I learnt so much from this chat and I think you will too. Turns out there is a lot the vanilla world should draw from the BDSM world particularly around communication, respect and boundaries. Aoife walks that line between informative and empowering and makes the world of BDSM seem so much more approachable.

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What a joy it was to have Beanie (@beanie_the_jet) on the show. I am a huge fan of her work and I basically spent this whole episode trying (and failing) to not totally fangirl. If you haven't followed Filthy Friday this is exactly what you need in your life. Beanie is not only a self-described Filth Queen she is also a joyful and seemingly tireless activist. The space she has created with Filthy Friday is vital for society and the battle against misrepresentation. A space where no matter what you size, race, gender etc you can be celebrated and represent yourself how you want to be represented. We discuss intersectionality, motherhood, sex worker rights, radical self-acceptance, being loud and how everyone needs to start giving Black women the respect and payment they deserve. I hope you enjoy listening to this as much as I did recording it.
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This episode is a wiiiild ride so buckle in. Sophie Williams co-founder of We Exist takes my breath away with how raw and honest and hilarious she is. We explore the stages of trauma, how geography shapes our experiences, healing through art and the transformative power of good sex. She always shares the beautiful (and bloody) tale of how herself and her mum reconnected after years of not speaking. Find Sophie at www.sophiegwenwilliams.com or on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/sophiegwenwilliams/?hl=en Follow and DONATE to We Exist https://www.instagram.com/weexistlondon/?hl=en 
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Where DIDN'T we go this episode. Charlotte Greenstock, trapeze artist and stripper extraordinaire, takes us through how she went from being the (self-described) religious weird kid and trying to pray the gay away to realising she was bisexual. With incredible vulnerability she discusses parental slut-shaming, reckoning with her chronic shame and finding liberation and joy in stripping. Charlotte and I spill the tea on our very own missed connection and how tricky it is to know if you are on a mates date or a date date as a queer person. And there is lots and LOTS of sex talk. 
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