Tending Your Life

We all know that perfectionism is the enemy of liberation.

Which means that imperfection is our ally in liberation. Which is awesome!

In this episode, I'm talking about embracing imperfection and the awesome impact that imperfection might have on our lives. Once we set down perfectionism, what could we choose instead? What are the things that we're able to access in the context of imperfection that perfectionism could never give us?

What I want you to take away from this is, is really that we do not live in a binary of perfection and imperfection. (We're never going to reach that perfection! It's not an option!) If we're never ever going to get to perfection, then we become free of its hold on us.

It means that we all exist somewhere on this spectrum of imperfection. Finding our place on that spectrum is pretty amazing.

• Episode: Perfectionism is the Enemy of Liberation.
• Episode: Sitting with Discomfort.
• The When I Grow Up Coach: Michelle Ward.
• Free Self-Care Course.
• My Favorite Self-Care Resources.

• Rolf Gates
• Holly Whitaker
• Elena Brower
• Laura McKowen

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One of my most frequently asked questions is actually some version of: "How do we, as white folks, engage with racial justice activism and deal with the white guilt that arises?"

I'm not a racial justice educator, but in the last 20 years of my racial justice praxis, I have absolutely experienced white guilt—and learned how to stop letting it get in the way of the real work: defending Black life, and collective liberation.

In this episode, we'll talk about white guilt, how it isn't actually helpful, and what to do instead. I've linked the work of my teachers below. Please learn from them, respect their spaces, and pay them.

• Rachel Cargle & The Great Unlearn
• Sonya Renee Taylor: Book | Instagram
• Leesa Renee Hall & The Inner Field Trip
• Aja Barber: Patreon | Instagram
• Austin Channing Brown Instagram
• How to Respond to People in Crisis
• Resources page
• My statement of solidarity with The Movement for Black Lives

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When I think back on what has made my activism over the years effective, sustainable, and inspiring, the answer is simple: the people with whom I share my social justice praxis. And when I think about one of the biggest barriers some people face to participating in activism, the answer is the same: people.

Many folks don't have a community of activists around them already. This episode aims to change that. Learn what an affinity group is, how to create your own, and how to use the affinity group model to amplify your impact.

• Freebie: Mission Statement Maker

• Episode 36: What do we do with white guilt? [Contains a list of my anti-racism teachers]
• Resources page [contains more resources for anti-racist praxis]
• Learn about Amadou Diallo [CW: police murder of an unarmed Black man]
• Episode 13: Ten Tips for New Activists
• How to Form an Affinity Group
• Freebie: Mission Statement Maker

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In today's episode, I'm here to give a little State of Things update and to talk about my biggest a-ha moment so far in this unexpected and highly usual moment in which we find ourselves. In the midst of this shelter-in-place/COVID-19 pandemic moment, what do we do about self-care, let alone all of those difficult emotions and feelings that come along with this moment of deep uncertainty?

In this episode, I'm proposing something that is both compassionate, yet counter-intuitive. This is about sitting with our discomfort instead of trying to self-care it away. 

• The Art of Self-Advocacy

In this episode, I'm tackling one of my most frequently asked questions from inside my courses. It sounds something like, "This all sounds great, but there are things in my life that [for whatever reason] I can't avoid."

Or it looks like using self-care to cover up that thing we desperately want to avoid—and using it as a way to numb ourselves out. Neither is ideal.

In this episode, we’ll be talking about dissolving our avoidance; “boring” self-care; reframing things we can’t avoid; and the devotional practice of our everyday, not-so-pretty work.

• Tell yourself the truth about what you're avoiding—and that you're avoiding
• Remind yourself of your power and your ability to do hard things
• Resist the urge to numb yourself or run away
• Make a list of what you're avoiding and take baby steps to deal with them
• Celebrate!

• The Art of Self-Advocacy Course
• Book: The Renaissance Soul
• Book: Essentialism
• The Patreon Community

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On March 6, 2019, I woke up with what I decided was my last hangover ever. In the year since, I have worked for my sobriety every single day. Today marks a year without alcohol, and I’m reflecting on the decision to quit; what it’s really been like; and how it’s changed my outlook, my practice and my relationships.

Listen in to hear how I’ve supported myself over the last year, and how I’m continuing to support myself in staying sober for the long haul. This has been one of the most important self-care decisions of my life, and I’m pulling back the curtain so you can get all the details.

• Holly Whitaker
• Laura McKowen
• Africa Brooke
• Taryn Strong of She Recovers
• Tiffany Han
• Rolf Gates

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The seed for this episode was first planted during a conversation with my dear friend (and podcast producer), Paula Jenkins of Jumpstart Your Joy. We were talking about the show and my vision for it. I was very clear about the kinds of things I’d be talking about and who the show was for (and not). We talked about the things that were non-negotiable for me, and the things I wouldn’t shy away from. We talked about how some of my opinions are… unconventional and even unpopular.

At one point, I said, “I’m used to having unpopular opinions, I just don’t care that much what people think about me.” And she said,”You should talk about *that*!” So I am.

• Podcast: Welcome Episode
• Paula Jenkins of Jumpstart Your Joy

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Meditation and mindfulness are highly popular and well-recognized for their benefits from everything from depression to high blood pressure. So how do we take these practices off the meditation cushion and bring them into our ordinary experiences and interactions. Even if you’ve never meditated before, this episode offers a simple reframe that allows us to cultivate mindfulness wherever we are.

• This week's freebie: download the free checklist: 40+ places to cultivate mindfulness

• Sylvia Boorstein
• Erich Shiffmann
• Donald Rothberg
• Larry Yang
• Rolf Gates
• Spirit Rock

What’s one place you can bring mindfulness today? What weather can you observe in your experience? Decide and then find out. Be observant. If you’re looking for some inspiration, download my free guide: 40+ places to cultivate mindfulness

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Integrity is a living practice, and we can cultivate more of it. Once you have your values, how do you act on them more consistently? If you’ve been feeling out of alignment or off-kilter, this episode is for you. If you’ve been feeling like what you say is important and how you spend your days doesn’t line up, I’m here to help. Integrity is something we can cultivate, and once we do, it’s ripple effect can be profound. 

• Download the free Mission Statement Maker here!

• Episode: Boring Self-Care
• Episode: Year of Wonder

Make yourself a new commitment and tie it to your integrity. (Look back at your homework from episode 26!) What’s the smallest step you could begin taking consistently toward that commitment? How can you make this a practice rather than a binary.

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This week’s episode is a little bit different. This is something I’ve been turning over in my mind for a while now. It’s about money and the urge to monetize our lives. I think part of this has to do with the intense income inequality that exists in our world, and the rise of the gig economy. But this also comes from social media and a whole lot of myths about what it’s really like to work for yourself and make a living creating things for a living.

There’s a lot pressure to insist that our pursuits to support us financially or make us money when they might be—gasp!—just for fun.

• Download the free Mission Statement Maker

• Freebie: Mission Statement Maker
• Big Magic

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