Dr. Melissa Mork is a Professor and Chair of The Department of Psychology Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement at the University of Northwestern St. Paul. Dr. Melissa lost both of her parents within a short span of each other when she was still in college, and this led her to dedicate her career to learning about and understanding grief. Her career has since evolved and she shares why it's critical for you to also embrace humor and the 'gritty' sides of grief in this week's episode.

Key Takeaways:

• Dr. Melissa shares her grief story.
• Dr. Melissa has always used humor to help her cope with her grief. She shared hilarious stories about her mother at her funeral, and she realized that there was so much power to humor and healing.
• Dr. Melissa shares the story of how she lost her husband.
• Laughter is the cornerstone to helping everyone move forward and heal.
• Dr. Melissa's marriage wasn't perfect, but she tries to not focus on those things too much because it makes her feel farther away from him. However, remembering all the bad things is a necessary part of grief.
• Dr. Melissa went to marriage counseling after her husband had passed away because she needed to work through some of the unresolved conflicts she had with her husband.
• Susan laughs at it now on the silly little fights that she and Paul had.
• If your soul is hurting, seek help. If you want to show up differently in your relationships, friends, family, romantic, and otherwise, you need to first work on yourself.
• There are four tasks of grief. Dr. Melissa breaks this down.
• How do you create a new relationship when it's been lost?
• No matter where you are, you can always find your purpose.
• We seek purpose in our suffering.
• Grief is a transformative experience.
• Dr. Melissa shares a couple of stories on how humor can really be a fantastic place to start.
• Closure is not the goal. The goal is to find a way to honor them and remember your loved ones.

Resources:

Unwsp.edu/bio/melissa-baartman-mork

Ourhouse-grief.org

Man's Search for Meaning Book by Viktor Frankl

Victoria Shaw received her PhD in Cognitive Psychology from Princeton University and completed her postdoctoral training in the department of Educational and Developmental Psychology at Columbia University Teachers College. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a State Certified School Counselor, but what makes Victoria unique is that she has a very high intuitive nature and can use this ability to help her clients heal more effectively. She takes a holistic approach to counseling and helps address clients at the mind, body, and spiritual level. Victoria shares how anybody can tap into their intuitive guide and receive messages from their loved one, even when they've passed on.

Key Takeaways:

• A little bit about Victoria and how she helps her clients.
• Victoria defines and explains what our intuitive guide does for us.
• You're exactly where you need to be. Don't be cruel to your human self.
• Can anyone connect with their spirit guide and talk to someone who has passed on?
• How do we know the difference between the stories that we're making up in our mind vs. what's actually real and spiritual?
• Victoria tunes into her intuition and feels her client's energy. She helps connect her clients with messages they need to hear, but can't always see clearly.
• If you're feeling so sad and so depressed, just keep asking yourself, "What now?"
• Acknowledge that there's a speck of hope when you're in grief. This can be hard, but just know that you can grow this hope.
• Susan shares an example on how Paul guided her.
• Our loved ones aren't 'all knowing' just because they've passed on to the other side.
• No matter where you are in your grief journey. You are love and you will get through this.
• How can you connect to your higher power? Victoria offers some tips.
• Victoria shares a message from Paul.

Resources:

Victoriashawpsychotherapy.com

Susan Hannifin-Macnab is the Founder of A2Z Healing Toolbox®, an organization which provides powerful tools and resources to accompany and accelerate the healing journey of those living with grief and/or trauma. She is also a social worker, education, speaker, and an author of the five-time award winning book, A to Z Healing Toolbox. Susan H. shares her grief story, why you need community to heal, and explains how no one is truly alone in this journey.

Key Takeaways:

• Susan H. shares her grief story. Her husband disappeared for two weeks and she didn't know where he went.
• Susan H. didn't want to live. She just wanted to be in her pit of despair.
• How did Susan H. work through her grief and try to get out of it?
• What was Susan H's big breakthrough moment? It was a bunch of small things that added into a big thing.
• Susan H. shares how she turned her grief into something with purpose.
• Susan H. found community and realized she needed community to help her heal.
• When you give back, you don't only help others, but you help yourself.
• When you have community, you don't feel judged for your grief. You have people who understand you and can hold space for you.
• We are changed by grief. Susan shares an exercise she did with a group to realize you're not alone in your feelings.
• It's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel. Life isn't always fair.
• You have to get that pent up energy out of your body. Whatever that looks like for you, but you need it out.
• Susan talks about how she used her 'rage on a page' technique to help her get her anger out.
• What is sand therapy?
• Susan H. shares her tips on how to help move through grief.
• Ask for help, and then accept that help.
• People want to help you. It's their gift to you. Let yourself receive it.

Resources:

A2zhealingtoolbox.com

Soaringspirits.org

Susan on LinkedIn

Dying To Be Me Book by Anita Moorjani

Campwidow.org

Mansi Jain is a Mindset Transformation Coach and helps people break through on their limiting beliefs, which are preventing them from living their dream life with joy, enthusiasm, and abundance. When it comes to grief, we can get stuck in a negative self-talk cycle where we don't believe we deserve happiness. Mansi shares best practices on how you can overcome your grief, even when it feels impossible.

Key Takeaways:

• After a traumatic grief experience, people get stuck in a negative cycle of woe and dread.
• Why do people get stuck in this energy?
• How do you define a limiting belief?
• It's unpleasant, but you have to feel your emotions. Do not numb it out.
• There are very negative effects that come with not dealing head-first with your emotions.
• Write down your feelings.
• Do you feel like you don't deserve to be happy?
• Observe your thoughts. Are they true? Do not let these thoughts define you.
• We are overly critical of ourselves.
• Mansi's limiting belief was that 'good people go away soon' because she had witnessed her grandmother passing at a young age.
• Susan developed a belief early in her youth that 'people who love her will leave her'.
• Your work is never done. This is a lifelong journey of working on yourself.
• Don't let grief control your journey.
• Are you struggling to find the gift in this negative and awful situation?
• Look for the evidence that good things also happen to good people.
• We think that in order to honor someone, we have to make a big bold statement, but actually, it can be something simple.
• Would your loved one be happy seeing you miserable without them?
• Joy will come. All emotions come and go, including the bad ones.
• Mansi shares a story of how a couple lost their son in a train accident. How did they overcome it?
• Mansi shares some tips to help you overcome negative self-talk and to move out of grief.
• Whatever positive words of affirmation that you write down at first you don't have to believe it in the beginning. Just do it.

Resources:

https://www.mindsutra.in/

Mansijain.co

Mansi on LinkedIn

Susan's daughter, Madison, had a wide range of challenges when her father passed. Some of her friends were not able to show up for her, but there are some silver linings that happened from the experience. Madison has some of her friends on today's show to discuss how to show up for a grieving teenager, and how to be supportive no matter what.

Key Takeaways:

• When you have a friend that's grieving, it can be so challenging to show up for them.
• Madison gives a quick overview of what the experience of losing her father was like during the time.
• Katherine shares her experience and how she saw Madison being treated by her friend group + how she was feeling during this time.
• Emeline shares her own grief experience and how she chose to show up for Madison.
• Madison had this experience that people did not want to acknowledge themselves.
• Madison shares how her friends showed up in a great way for her during this very hard and challenging time.
• Madison did a solo dance performance as a way to give tribute to her father and here's how Katherine showed up for her.
• It's so important to just let people know how much they mean to you.
• Emeline shares a little bit about Paul and the childhood memories she built with Madison.
• What advice does Katherine have on how to show up for a friend in grief?
• Emeline also shares her advice on how you can support your grieving friend.

Brian Waters is a licensed Indiana Funeral Director and also the co-host of the podcast, Undertaking, where he shares stories about his profession and how we navigate life and death. Brian shares his grief story and gives perspective on what it's like working as a funeral director, and how he helps people navigate their pain during their most vulnerable times.

Key Takeaways:

• Funeral directors build up a wall and detach themselves emotionally from the outcome.
• Brian shares his personal grief story.
• What do you do when you lose a child? Despite Brian being in this industry, he needed to find meaning.
• Brian's grief snuck up on him. People assume he has all the answers, but everyone reacts differently.
• When you share your story, people feel comfortable sharing theirs. Brian found out his best friend lost 4-5 children via miscarriage. It helps you feel not so alone.
• Brian was worried he was developing a problem with alcohol as a way to mask his grief.
• The most helpful people were those who just sat and listened to your pain and grief.
• Brian felt like he didn't have any time to bring his personal feelings to work.
• The passing of his child really reset him as a funeral director.
• What is Brian's podcast about?
• Have a conversation with your family members about what you want after you pass.
• What keeps Brian up at night?
• You have the power of choice on how you want your loved ones to be represented after they pass.
• Brian shares some common red flags with funeral directors. You want your director to be your advocate.
• Goodbyes are important.

Resources:

Undertakingthepodcast.com

Dylan King is a Spiritual Alignment & Success Coach. Dylan had a gift ever since she was 14 years old and would physically see her grandfather, who had since passed, and listen to his messages. He was her spirit guide and the reason why she started on this journey. Today, she helps her clients reconnect with their heart and to get out of their logical head in order to live a more fulfilling spiritual practice and to be open to receiving messages from beyond.

Key Takeaways:

• A little bit about Dylan and how she found herself down this path.
• How our loved ones show up to us after they pass is very unique and different to each and everyone of us.
• Dylan explains her process and why it might take her clients a little longer than others to reconnect with their loved one spiritually.
• Keeping our walls up makes it more difficult for you to see your loved ones.
• How do we release the walls we've built up to be more open receiving?
• How does Dylan respond to people who think she's just crazy for seeing 'ghosts' and 'spirits'?
• Susan went to a medium after her mom died. What was that experience like?
• What is the actual fear you have about not living in your intuition and your spirituality?
• Not everything in life has to make sense or have a science-based background.
• It's important to have a balance between leading with your head and heart.
• We don't want to always live in our heads.
• Just because you've never seen a spirit, doesn't mean they don't exist.
• Dylan shares how she helps her clients get more in touch with their spiritual side.
• The biggest thing is showing up for yourself and living with an intention with your beliefs.
• How do you best create a deeper spiritual connection?

Resources:

Queenofgrit.com

Susan celebrates a year of podcasting, she also is recording this on the third anniversary of her husband's passing. There's a lot of lessons she's learned over the years about grief and how to best manage it. She shares the top ten tips that have helped her through her grief journey and in processing a lot of complex emotions coming at her. It is definitely a process, but the good news is that resilience gets easier as you practice it and that there is hope out there.

Key Takeaways:

• Susan records this episode on the three year anniversary of her husband's passing.
• This podcast has been an important part of Susan's grief journey.
• Self-care is incredibly important when you're grieving.
• Whatever is good for your soul, do that.
• There is no normal. What feels good for you is what you should do.
• Susan has found blessings in new friends.
• It's okay if people flow in and out of your life.
• Set good boundaries with yourself.
• If you don't wanna go somewhere, it's okay. Don't go!
• If someone is not feeding your soul, you're not obligated to keep entertaining the relationship!
• Susan decided to do a gratitude practice, and she is so glad she did!
• There is hope out there!
• Resiliency is a muscle! It gets easier and easier as we go.
• If someone asks you for help, show up for them.
• We all feel guilty after our loved one has passed.
• We all wish things were different, but they're not. So count your blessings. You're here today, just take a small step forward.
• This is your opportunity to rebuild who you are.

Resources:

Yourtopix.com

Brigette Squire is a recent graduate of IIN and she is dedicated to working on issues that trouble people in areas of mental, reproductive, and digestive health. She also mentors members of the community on how to eat holistically. She has her own business, Ebb And Flow Holistic Care, and is a community volunteer within the Christian Roberts Foundation.

Key Takeaways:

• Brigette shares her grief story. Her younger brother was murdered two years ago.
• Because of COVID, it's been hard to get closure + there were no witnesses to the crime.
• The people who were responsible for the murder might be let free. This is a hard faith to grapple with.
• How does Brigette find her center?
• Brigette and her family decided to continue to carry on her brother's life work.
• Brigette is a very optimistic person, but that by default doesn't mean she ignores what's happening.
• When you focus on the negative, all you see is negative.
• Whatever is happening in your life, face the feelings. It's okay to feel sad.
• Why is meditation so important to Brigette?
• Brigette made a conscious effort to seek out the good in others.
• What advice does Brigette have for someone in grief?

Resources:

Yourtopix.com

Tope Folarin is a Nigerian-American writer. He won the 2013 Caine Prize for African Writing for his short story "Miracle". In his first novel, A Particular Kind of Black Man, Tope writes about a Nigerian family, new to America, as they try to assimilate and it takes from themes he had experienced throughout his life in America. Tope shares his grief story about his mother and her struggles with mental illness in this week's episode.

Key Takeaways:

• Tope shares his grief story.
• Tope's mother didn't pass away, but it felt like she was gone through her illness.
• When Tope's mother left, a lot of deep wounds were created and there was just a lack of understanding on why.
• Tope had to undergo a very tough journey when it came to forgiveness of himself and his mother.
• How did Tope get over his anger?
• As a way to cope with Tope's sadness and grief, he became hyper focused in school.
• Tope wanted to feel like a whole person again.
• We are all on this journey together. No one truly has all the answers.
• Do you believe 'good things' don't happen to you?
• If you tie your life to achieving specific goals, you will never truly be happy.
• Tope's father would always remind him to be thankful for everything you have.
• In every crisis, there is an opportunity.
• Grief can come in and then you end up structuring your life around it, not realizing there is a pest in your house.
• Tope shares some of the benefits he's received by going through hardship.
• What advice does Tope have for someone going through grief?

Resources:

Topefolarin.com

Tope Folarin

Tope's book: A Particular Kind of Black Man: A Novel