Michelle Anhang lost her husband to suicide when she was 34 years old. She had two young children to take care of and the stigma was so bad that her family thought it was better to tell friends he passed away in an accident. This meant that Michelle had to live with this grief secret for over ten years before she had the courage to reveal the truth.

Today, she is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) and a Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Michelle works with her clients on ways to better their mental health and shares tips on this week's episode on how to navigate depression and thoughts of suicide during the holiday season.

Key Takeaways:

• Michelle lost her husband by suicide when she was just 34 years old.
• Because of the stigma, Michelle's family decided it was best to say he died in an accident. She held onto that secret for 10 years.
• Michelle lived in constant fear that someone would find out her secret. She didn't even want to talk about his passing because it would have just been a lie.
• Did Michelle feel regret or guilt that her husband passed in such a shocking way?
• Family members can't do anything to prevent suicide from happening. When mental illness takes over, it just takes over.
• When Susan's husband passed away, she didn't want to live. She felt so much shame because she had a daughter to take care of.
• No one Michelle knew could relate to her. She had to explain to her young children what death meant.
• How do you create a brand new life when the picture in your head isn't going to happen?
• The man that Michelle knew was long gone. Mental illness had fully taken him over.
• A lot more people are at a higher risk of suicide around the holidays. How can you improve your mental health during this time?
• What is your inner voice saying to you?
• You are loveable.
• What has Michelle's journey of recovery looked like over the years?
• If you don't deal with your problems, your problems will deal with you.
• Michelle offers advice for someone grieving a loss of suicide.

Resources:

Michelleanhang.com

Kelly Frager partners with organizations to help them optimize the power of their people through training and consulting. On this week's episode, Kelly talks a lot on the topics of work etiquette and shares what coworkers can do to show up for a grieving coworker. She also shares a quick and handy list of things to say and things not to say when someone has recently lost someone. Grief will always be with us, but it does get easier as time goes on. Key Takeaways: Nearly all people want to feel good about where they work. What kind of work etiquette should someone have when one of their co-workers is grieving? Grief makes you behave in strange ways. People struggle with words the most and people will go out of their ways to avoid saying something stupid. What are some of the things you shouldn't say to someone grieving? Kelly shares a helpful list. Kelly also shares a list of things that makes people feel loved and like you're there for them. Someone came up to Susan and told her, "You are a wonderful wife to Paul." It was so meaningful. The words people say, they matter. Although people want to empathize with what you're going through, saying, "I know how you feel." can be quite hurtful to someone in grief. The best thing you can do is listen and be there for someone. Allow the person to share their stories. "Call me if you need something." This is another phrase that is unhelpful to the griever. The easiest ways people show love is through food, but Susan was overwhelmed with gestures of food and she ended up throwing it away. Year two was harder to deal with for Susan than year one. People assume that you'll be okay after a year, but you're not. It can be worse. Grief takes on different forms and people grief in different stages. When Susan lost her husband, everyone she knew came to see her. Kelly shares how she keeps the memory alive of her family members who have passed. Write a personalized letter and send it in the mail. It means so much more than a text message. Resources: Kellyfrager.com

Monica Jayne is an Authentic Relating facilitator and helps her clients create and embody more connected, vulnerable and authentic interactions and relationships in their life. She has studied alongside vulnerability expert Brené Brown, relationship and polarity expert Alison Armstrong, mindset expert Dr. Joe Dispenza, and sexuality expert Jaiya. If you find yourself putting other people's needs before yourself, especially during the holiday season, then you need to listen to Monica and her wisdom on how to honor your yeses and your nos.

Key Takeaways:

• Monica shares her grief story.
• Monica was able to ask her mother everything she ever wanted to ask her before she passed. Even on the topics of sex.
• What happened to the family dynamics after Monica's mother passed? Things fell completely apart within 3 years.
• There's tons of resources on how -you- can cope with the loss of a person, but there's no resources out there about what to do when the whole family falls apart due to the loss of one person.
• How can you honor your yes and honor your no.
• Monica grew up doing everything you were supposed to do. Not what she wanted to do.
• Fast forward, she's making six figures and crying in the parking lot feeling so unfulfilled.
• Whether you realize it or not, we've been conditioned by our environment and this sometimes suppressed our true selves.
• We need to take time to unlearn all the 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts' our society has put on us.
• How can someone best honor their yeses and their nos?
• Are you a self described 'people pleaser'?

Monica Jayne's Bio:

Dare To Be Unabashedly You™ is Monica Jayne's slogan and the undeniable outcome you'll experience with her. She supports adults who have done lots of self-development but aren't getting where they want to be in themselves, their relationships, and their life. They know there is more to life! Monica Jayne knows that at the foundation of not having what you want, is the fact that you've been told who and how to be your whole life. NOW, it's time to resurrect your OWN voice and learn to listen to YOU! She guides you home to your own truth, authenticity, and voice so that you can speak up and be you. Monica Jayne has studied directly with vulnerability expert Brene Brown, mindset expert Dr. Joe Dispenza, relationship and polarity expert Alison Armstrong, sex expert Jaiya, and sexological bodywork creator Joseph Kramer. She has two college degrees, earned Magna Cum Laude in 2006, and certifications in the Erotic Blueprints™, Queer Competency, Accelerated Evolution™, Hatha Yoga, and forthcoming in Sexological Bodywork. Monica Jayne has supported 1000s of adults across 6 continents and 45 countries guiding them in deep shadow work and awakening to pleasure and joy to become their true selves. Because she wants everyone to feel safe to be who they are, she created a membership community for you that guides you into conscious authentic adulting and play called They Didn't Teach Me That™ PLAYHOUSE and a process called Authentic Evolution™ - 7 steps for excavating your truth and knowing what you truly want. Both are available to you through her website. Visit MonicaJayne.com/morehttp://monicajayne.com/more?fbclid=IwAR2AykQHQwveQmhGyiv1569u_YdfuRZl5c702O7FE-da1a3mL_IL1Xcieu4> - for amazing freebies including Look Back to Move Forward™, mentioned in this episode! Or dive into the full process and pick up Authentic Evolution™http://monicajayne.com/authentic-evolution> for 15% off with code TENDRILSOFGRIEF!!

Resources:

Monicajayne.com

Join Monica's program: http://bit.ly/iwantitfirst

MonicaJayne.comhttps://www.monicajayne.com/> - and use TENDRILS OF GRIEF for 15% off. IG: @iammonicajayne or https://www.instagram.com/IAmMonicaJayne/ Facebook: Facebook.com/Monica.Jayne.mehttp://facebook.com/Monica.Jayne.me>

Pastor Jeeva Sam has helped hundreds of families on their grief journey. He has over 35+ years of active congregational ministry before retiring in 2017. Susan is a spiritual person and not a religious one, but when she saw her husband dying, she really struggled with her relationship with God. Some of the most hurtful things that were said to her were from good-intentioned Christians. Pastor Jeeva shares his life experience on how to continue to have a strong relationship with God and what to say/do if you have a grieving friend.

Key Takeaways:

• What difference does faith make when you're going through a terminal illness?
• When people ask Pastor Jeeva why is God doing this, he has a unique way of looking at it/framing it.
• Life is not fair but God is good.
• When being diagnosed with a terminal illness, people feel like they've been abandoned by God.
• You sometimes see people praising God for healing someone from cancer or another illness. However, when it doesn't happen to you, you can feel forsaken.
• Pastor Jeeva shares a story about a friend of his, was a big believer, but still ended up passing away.
• Ask God to please open your heart, your mind, and your eyes, so that when the answers do come, you can see them.
• Some of the most hurtful things that were said to Susan came from Christians.
• Pastor Jeeva shares how different ways people express their faith can be hurtful.
• You don't have to defend God based on life's actions and circumstances.
• It can be as simple as calling someone up and asking how they're doing. You don't need to give your advice.
• Being with someone is better than what you have to say.
• Give people the space to mourn.
• What do you do when you're struggling with your spirituality?

Resources:

Thesams.ca

Cathy Campbell is a Licensed Professional Counselor and has worked in a variety of different roles including, Hospice Grief Counselor, an Adjunct College Professor, a Causality and Death Notification Coordinator, and a Mental Health Counselor for our military. To continue our holiday grief series, Cathy shares advice on how to best navigate, set proper boundaries and expectations, and how to create a bit of control when things get too hectic as families come together.

Key Takeaways:

• Holidays are difficult enough! Add grief on top of that and you get a very painful experience.
• We have cliche perspectives on what the holidays should be like and they're sometimes unrealistic to achieve.
• Find ways to take charge of your lie and take on something you can control during the holidays.
• Just give yourself a break. .
• It's okay to let people know what your expectations are.
• Don't want to go to a social gathering? Set time limits for yourself.
• What do you do if you don't want to spend time with family members you don't like?
• Don't let someone else make the plans for you. Take charge.
• When Susan's husband passed, she didn't even know what she wanted herself. She was completely drained, how do you best navigate that?
• How can a friend show up for a grieving person?
• The most important thing to keep in mind is to not make assumptions.
• Calling your friend and asking them 'what do you need' can actually go a really long way.
• How can you better show up for yourself when you're just not feeling it?
• Do what you have to do to get through the holidays.
• Every holiday is not the same. You will have some good pens and some bad ones.

Resources:

Newly Widowed, Now Socially Awkward by Eileen L. Cooley Ph. D

Dr. Ashley Wellman is a scholar and professor that specialises in homicide, victimology, and trauma since 2008. She is also a children's book author. As a widower and single mother, she had to find her way again and rebuild her life after the sudden passing of her husband. She shares her story and how she was able to navigate her grief journey.

Key Takeaways:

• Dr. Ashley had four miscarriages and also had hit a ceiling in her career. She just wasn't happy.
• Dr. Ashley shares her grief story and how she lost her husband.
• Within hours of her husband passing away, Dr. Ashley went into a bookstore with tears coming down her face and asked for every book they had on grief for children.
• Dr. Ashley had to explain to their young daughter how her father died.
• When Dr. Ashley came home, she had to get rid of everything near where her husband fell.
• Dr. Ashley knew she had to set a good example of life going forward for her daughter.
• Dr. Ashley witnessed her child grieving differently than her.
• Dr. Ashley was a 34 year old widow in a new town with a four year old who watched her husband die. Dr. Ashley is not going to assume someone else's grief story is the same as hers.
• In this new job position, Dr. Ashley knew she had to stick to her identity and prove to her colleagues that she wasn't a hot mess.
• Dr. Ashley ended up getting bereavement leave from her job and it was a blessing. She doesn't know how she would have been able to do her job so soon after the incident.
• Sometimes your colleagues, people you consider friends, and your managers can be your hardest critics with no empathy after you lose someone close to you.
• Why did Dr. Ashley decide to write a children's book?
• What's life really about?
• Don't hold grudges, it doesn't serve you.
• If someone is not serving you in your life, it's okay to move on.

Resources:

Ashleywellman.com

Dr. Ashley on Twitter

Dr. Ashley bio

Myfriendfresno.com Promo code: Grief20

Katie Rössler has been working as a licensed counselor and grief healer for over 12 years. Currently based in Germany, she helps people from all over live healthier and happier lives. In today's episode, she shares strategies you can adopt during the holidays when things feel very tough, especially if you feel like you have this external (or internal) pressure to look like you have it all together.

Key Takeaways:

• Katie is not new to grief. She shares her grief story.
• When you go through grief, it touches you in a different way. Beyond what the books can teach you.
• Most of us have a grief story that we're still stuck on and haven't worked through.
• We often try to avoid our problems and not face them. We go into an escape to help soothe us.
• Katie identified that food was one of her coping mechanisms. When she was able to clean them up, she felt better and could focus more on what was inside of her that she was trying to avoid.
• The holidays provide us an easy out for us to escape.
• What kind of signs should you look out for?
• People don't really know how to respond to your grief.
• Katie's grief about her mother didn't take a toll on her until after the holidays and it took the family by surprise.
• How would Katie help someone struggling with family dynamics?
• Don't let emotional manipulation from your family stop you from doing what's best for you.
• Find visuals that work for you so that you can protect yourself and your own boundaries.
• Forgiveness doesn't mean you're just letting things go and having it go back to normal, it means you're learning.
• How do you honor your loved one around the holiday season?
• How do you also get through the holiday season as a parent and show up a certain way for your kids?
• You're creating new memories for your kids. It's important to show up, but also take space for you and your emotional needs.
• Katie shares how someone can get through their first holiday, or first year, without their loved one.
• Allow yourself to break down. Reach out for help if you need it. Really make space for your grief.
• If it's been a couple of years without your loved one, give yourself grace.
• Crying is not a weakness.
• Your loved ones really do want you to live your best life.
• Katie shares her final thoughts on how you can best manage your grief during the holidays.

Resources:

Katierossler.com

Today, we are kicking off a holiday series for grief. The goal behind is to provide tips and tricks on how people can best manage their grief during their holidays and not feel jealousy or animosity towards our family members and loved ones. This series will also provide resources so that you can help a friend you know who is grieving in the best way possible. This podcast showcase's Susan and Susan's daughter, Madison, on how they both managed their grief during the holidays.

Key Takeaways:

• This is Madison's third year without her father.
• Halloween has just passed. A hard day for both Susan and Madison.
• Susan's home was filled with laughter and silliness.
• Susan's husband died six days before christmas. A lot of people came to check up on the family.
• Christmas the year after, the grief ended up setting in a lot harder because it was just Susan and the kids.
• Is it hard for Madison to see other people celebrating christmas with their dads and families?
• Susan received a letter from her friend a year later with a lot of kind words in it. It meant the world to Susan that someone was thinking about her.
• What advice does Madison have on how to support someone during the holidays?
• Do something nice for someone else.
• Talk to someone if you're feeling sad. Don't bottle it in!
• There is always something to be grateful for.
• Stay tuned for future episodes with our guests for this holiday season.

Raelin Saindon is a childhood abuse survivor and shares her story in this week's episode. She did not only lose her step-father, but she lost her entire extended family as well, while her sister; who did not experience the same abuse, got to keep her family. Raelin shares how she has been able to heal from her deep wounds and be an inspiration to others in the work that she does.

Key Takeaways:

• Raelin shares a bit of her story and her experience with grief.
• Unfortunately, Raelin was sexually abused by her step-father for several years. She didn't want to get him in trouble.
• Raelin finally confessed what was happening to her and it was traumatizing. She stopped going over to his house, but her younger sister still went. Raelin couldn't believe they would allow her to still see this man.
• Raelin ended up losing her extended family, who she was close with, because of her confession.
• How did Raelin heal and grow from this?
• No matter what we go through, our life doesn't end. We are stronger than we think.
• Raelin shares a story of her friend whose son took his own life and she was the one who found him.
• We feel so much guilt for being the one that gets to live and carry on.
• What advice does Raelin have for someone who has experienced deep childhood wounds?
• The more you bottle it up, the more it hurts you and the others around you.

Resources:

Raelinsaindon.com

Raelin's Facebook group

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Raelin Saindon is a childhood abuse survivor and shares her story in this week’s episode. She did not only lose her step-father, but she lost her entire extended family as well, while her sister; who did not experience the same abuse, got to keep her family. Raelin shares how she has been able to heal from her deep wounds and be an inspiration to others in the work that she does. 

 

Key Takeaways:

• Raelin shares a bit of her story and her experience with grief. 
• Unfortunately, Raelin was sexually abused by her step-father for several years. She didn’t want to get him in trouble. 
• Raelin finally confessed what was happening to her and it was traumatizing. She stopped going over to his house, but her younger sister still went. Raelin couldn’t believe they would allow her to still see this man. 
• Raelin ended up losing her extended family, who she was close with, because of her confession. 
• How did Raelin heal and grow from this?
• No matter what we go through, our life doesn’t end. We are stronger than we think.
• Raelin shares a story of her friend whose son took his own life and she was the one who found him.
• We feel so much guilt for being the one that gets to live and carry on. 
• What advice does Raelin have for someone who has experienced deep childhood wounds?
• The more you bottle it up, the more it hurts you and the others around you. 

 

Resources:

Raelinsaindon.com

Raelin’s Facebook group

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl