That Dear Diary,

I made this video a while ago and some of the things that I have said here, like all of my past videos, I disagree with. The one thing I would warn you of are the statements that we cement as [t]ruths. It was relieving for me to say then, "I will always have a fear of being perceived, I will always have a fear of judgement, I will always have a fear of not being perfect enough,". Not that it is a matter of right or wrong, good or bad, for those sayings were necessary for me to begin expressing myself. I needed to begin accepting my fears in order to consciously release them. It is all a part of the process towards growth and healing. I am connected to those lines but I am not attached.   

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin

I need you to know that the entirety of your being matters. Always and forever. The past self that we often rush to forget, the present self that we judge so harshly, the future self that we crave to become. Your voice was always meant to be heard and your feelings never made you weak. Begin to shift your paradigm to a reality where you are divine simply because you exist.

"I love you, I love you, I love you. Doesn't that mean anything at all?"

-if not, shouldn't it?

i'm genuinely so proud of myself, the weeks that this baby has been in my arsenal, i could not stop looking at myself in awe. this is love, huh? to think that i have grown into a person who is finally able to, confidently, express my thoughts and emotions - insane. ESP FROM AN ENVIRONMENT THAT NEVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO VALUE EXPRESSION, FROM RELATIONSHIPS THAT NEVER PRAISED THE FULLNESS OF WHO I AM, WHICH ONLY REFLECTED AND RESONATED W THE LACK OF LOVE I HAD FOR MYSELF - CRAZY. and in the end i was still fighting for unconditional, source love? divine.

also, don't say NOTHING ab the weird cuts in music, that is all :) 

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin

In this video I walk you guys through the journey that I have been on since 2020; discovering a new found understanding towards the relationship between my ego and my spirit, showing appreciation towards the time COVID has offered me, experiencing two different timelines then eventually creating a new one, accepting and love towards my body, expressing gratitude for the lessons learned, and finally starting again, for the first time.  

After experiencing all of this, I don't know how I can ever deny the timing of the Universe.

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin

What would you do if there were no blockages, no fears, no limits, no risk? What would you do if you were forced with the choice to only do the things that made you happy?  

Regardless of the judgements that I could possibly create about myself, nothing can overpower the divinity that I know resides within me. My consciousness is bound by the rules within this dimension while my soul is endless, infinite, and limitless. I have to trust that I am endlessly passionate about the things that I am interested in for a reason, one that my consciousness might not comprehend just yet, and regardless my heart knows it to ring true. My mind does not see the divinity within this plan but my heart abides by it. I cannot deny what I was made to do - it was disrespectful and ignorant for me to think otherwise.   

Why not be forced into isolation, deserted, left with no other option but to face the things which make you happy? Why not strip yourself of societal programming? Why not be consciously aware, intune, and online? You might convince yourself that you are lost, feeling as if you do not have a passion or purpose to pursue. But if you consent Truth to introduce itself, you will know exactly what it is that you were created for.  

idk when the hell i made this video but i've personally just recently processed it B-)  also, CAN WE APPRECIATE THE PERSONAL GROWTH IN REAL TIME EXHIBITED HERE? THE SELF ACTUALIZATION WAS DIVINE! THERE ARE NO MORE LIMITS AFTER THIS - thats a promise.

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin

I started talking about what unconditional love means to me, then things got a little weird LMFAO.

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin

as always christina publishes videos weeks after they're made lmfao, there is an evolved tina after this & it's kinda cool to see her growth from 3 weeks ago you'll see her sometime soon :)

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin

Everyone has their own version of their best intentions - The Ego is no different. The Ego is the part of your consciousness that interprets the world you are perceiving and your identity within it. When the Ego is healthy there are no illusions and the truth is clear. When the Ego is unhealthy it will misinterpret, misconstrue, and misdirect your fears, worries, and anxieties in an attempt to match what your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual vibration can handle - in all attempts to protect and serve you.   

We are simply a product of our own environment, society, and culture. With that, every decision has led to the next chapter in our evolution. An individual can decide to be whoever they want to be, wherever they want to be, whenever they want to be - when they want to be. This is a statement of understanding, not an excuse for passive acceptance. Humanity is a race that is meant for change, and at some point your Ego will no longer benefit you. If you do not consciously decide what is best for your soul's expansion - your Ego will repetitively create a predictable future.  

I've talked about The Ego before, in fact, I copied and pasted most of this very description from my let's talk #8 because it was so good LMFAO. Regardless, this is a continuation of me progressively understanding The Ego, within and beyond myself.

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin

No one changes without stubbornness, grows without setbacks, learns without difficulty, and releases without resistance. This is simply the cyclical nature of evolution.

In the times where we need a sign of hope, we have continuously heard the line, "Everything that is meant for you will never pass you by,". We relish in the optimism that this message offers, yet, this message is a universal truth - a pillar of eternal wisdom which everyone and everything is subject to. Although, it isn't so easy to apply this affirmation to the things in which our Ego describes as devastating, tragic, or unwarranted. 

In this video I talk about the difficulties surrounding the release of people, places, and situations which have truly robbed us of our peace - and regardless, still finding the courage to address resentment, discover the lesson, grant forgiveness, let go, and reestablish a new found harmony. I open up about my relationship with my father which I can only, now, perceive to have gifted me an infinite amount of wisdom surrounding authenticity, resiliency, and self worth. This is, and always was, a healing journey worth experiencing.

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin

Before becoming consciously aware, I allowed my OCD to manifest in areas of my life where it did not belong, following its rules and believing in restrictions. This unrealistic ideal that I had to attain perfection completely controlled the whole of my being which resulted in habits detrimental to my health. My body dysmorphic disorder and eating disorders were only a natural consequence of what perfection meant to me. In this video, I talk about the passive relationship that I once had with my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and how I eventually overcame it.

We are creatures of change. We are allowed to adapt and adjust, refine and redefine how we manifest into this world - all in accordance to the alignment of our most authentic selves. I am a vessel containing the infinite Universe whose purpose was to expand and express to all the corners of the cosmos. I allow the Universe the freedom to creatively express itself in whichever way best fits the world I am experiencing. I am not meant to stay as simply this or simply that. No definition, label, or standard can ever, will ever, could ever, would ever define the infinite within me.

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin

> this is part 1 out of 2 surrounding my process of healing.

Healing commanded me to find the courage within myself to change. Healing demanded me to get vulnerable in order to face the things which no longer served me. This process has been anything but easy; I was drained, exhausted, tired, and above all - heart broken. At times I found myself going back and forth from respecting myself to resenting myself. Respect for the growth that I have committed myself to, resentment for the healing that I had to do. It was frustrating to see how far I strayed away from the authentic nature of my soul, all in trade for an external acceptance that I never agreed with in the first place. In the end, I accepted who I knew I always was and who I always was meant to be.

> this is part 2 out of 2 surrounding my process of healing.

Continuing on this path of healing, it was difficult for me to admit that my habits, mindsets, and overall lifestyle did nothing to serve me. I was so used to being able to function on autopilot, copying and pasting what was deemed comfortable for everyone else. I continually accepted where I was at and what was offered to me, never daring to stray from the path I carefully crafted for myself within this world. I realized that my life remained stagnant due to the fear of being criticized and judged. I demonized anxiety, doubt, fear, stress, and worry then avoided it at all costs - not realizing that this was my body's way of communicating that I am simply heading towards new. I could no longer look at this comfort as safe; it threatened the authenticity of my soul, repressed my dreams, and removed my ability to create authentic connections. I thought that my boundaries protected my heart and preserved my character, instead it punished me for wanting to experience life. I'm tired of self sabotaging myself in order to protect this toxic relationship that I have with control and perfectionism. This is not a life worth living. As life begins to unfold for me, it becomes more and more clear that the way I was living might have been safe but it was never fulfilling. I don't know the exact steps to take but I will never move forward if I continually stay in the same spot. I trust that not only will it be good, but it will be better than anything that I could have ever imagined. It's time to fucking live :)

My wish for you is that you guys gain enough courage to be your true, authentic self. Healing isn't easy, healing is definitely scary, and sometimes it is exhausting. In spite of it all, my wish for you is to understand that you are an investment worth developing. Allow yourself to thrive and you will.

as ALWAYS I love everyone, I hope you guys find peace and love. I hope you choose happiness ❤️✨  comment, like, subscribe, share - whateva is always appreciated. ALSO if you're down to chat about anything I am always open to it! message me anywhere and i'll be there.

> follow me on instagram if u want baby  https://www.instagram.com/christinavvin/

> follow my podcast "That Dear Diary," if u want baby https://open.spotify.com/show/1edk4HY...

> https://anchor.fm/christina_vvin