A little over three months ago, a colleague sent me a link to a post where the author said, “Gaslighting is intentionally psychologically manipulating someone else into questioning their own sanity and/or reality. It is impossible for victims to gaslight themselves.” I deliberated as to whether or not I should jump into the conversation. I did. And I ended up being blacklisted. In today’s episode, I’ll share some of the misconceptions about gaslighting that fueled this poster’s views, and why my views are shaking up the gaslighting world (I think, for the best!).

I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and to go along with this month’s theme of “New”, and understanding the new ways my views of gaslighting can impact your life or the life of someone that you love, I’m running a special for the rest of January. From now until January 31, get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod.

Let’s break this down:

• Old definition of GASLIGHTING = level of awareness & motive + vague behavior = small picture of effect/impact.
• THIS IS A LIMITING DEFINTION
• Lundy Bancroft, the author of “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,” said, “Abusive behavior and an abusive mindset are two different things. The former is a choice, while the latter is a deeply ingrained belief system.” 1

•  New definition/my definition = type of behavior (covert) = clear description of effect/impact
• This definition is expansive; allows for MORE people to find understanding, validation, etc.

• People don’t want to let go = somehow invalidating their trauma and/or abuse.
• When people gaslight = harm, regardless of level of awareness/intention, etc.

Top Take-Aways:

• What comes up as I talked about my new definition, and the fact that a gaslighter does NOT have to be intentionally trying to break/control you?
• Dig a little deeper – what is behind those thoughts/feelings? For example, if you’re feeling resistant, and thinking they have to be aware/doing it intentionally, ask yourself, “Why does that matter? What would be different if they weren’t aware? Would that change how you have to respond? Would that mean you’d have to have different boundaries, etc.?
• Consider what you know about gaslighting, and what you NEED to know, in order to get clarity about your relationships.
• A mantra for self-validation: No matter the level of awareness or intention, it doesn’t change that I don’t accept gaslighting behaviors in my relationships.

If you want to understand more about the different reasons people do gaslighting behaviors and the different levels of awareness, sign up for my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video series. Through the month of January, you can get it at 50% off! Use promo code Season2Pod.

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Thank you, and remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.