The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Sorry it was a week late.

The next topic is Pathetic

LISA

Sometimes the End is the Beginning.

LIZZIE

Fix fence, check how stable the tin of beans is, she typed. Stable tin of beans? Where had that come from? She continued typing her To-Do list. She shook her head. Then, she realized she was stuck. She couldn’t think of anything else to add. Tin of beans. Tin of beans. Check. Check, check if stable. She decided to check the cupboard. A tin of beans, check. Stable… Oh. It was cracked open. Something was growing inside. She took a closer look and a voice in her head said “Thank you”. The green spores were the last thing she remembered.

RICHARD

Campshite

SERENDIPIDY

The patient was stable. No cause for concern, and the prognosis was good, very good. Right now, they’re peacefully sleeping as I busy myself around the room, topping up their water jug, smoothing the sheets and checking their notes.

TOM

In the high country

There a rope bridge in the mountains that is the only stable crossing to WinterFell. Not a trip for the faint of heart, they call the winds that whip the bridge: The Hawk. My name Bucky Tou. My grandfather is leading me over the pass, teaching me the ropes. In the mid-bridge he steps to one side and moves behind me. He whispers in my ear. “Go slow. Then go slower.” I shake my head and slip one foot forward, make purchase, then slid he other. I am cold, all I want to do is get out of the wind.

NORVAL JOE

Without having to direct anyone where to start or what to do, they all went about the house, cleaning.

Sabrina expected that with how busy and determined each person was, they would be constantly running into each other. However, they were all stable and consistent, focused on their tasks, and rarely crossing up or interfering with one another.

At midnight, Mrs. Weinerheimer’s phone rang. It was Billbert, wondering where she was. Half an hour later, he knocked at the front door, then let himself in. Sabrina’s blood pressure shot up, and her ears began to ring as Linoliamanda followed Billbert.

PLANET Z

It’s June 21, and nobody can find summertime Sam. He’s the guy who sells pinwheels to kids at the beach. He says he donates all the money to charity, but he’s never said which charity. Something he steals the pinwheels to sell. But no one around here sells pinwheels besides summertime Sam. We asked the mailman if he delivers boxes of pinwheels and he says I don’t even know where summertime Sam lives. Nobody does. We all grew up with summertime Sam pinwheels but nobody knows anything about him. Maybe it’s a good thing that nobody has seen him yet

Helen of Troy‘s sister Bertha also had a face that launch 1000 ships. However, it wasn’t her beauty that urged 1000 ships of warriors to come fight to capture her, because Bertha was really ugly. Despite Royal decrees ordering man after man to marry her, her unwilling suitors fled by the boatload. Eventually, the kingdom was empty of marriage material. Even the blind would flee her presence. That’s how ugly she was. She ended up marrying a wooden mannequin. But in the middle of the night, it threw itself into the fireplace. Archimedes invented the paper bag for her head.

I can’t remember the word for it, but sometimes a word represents a greater concept. Like saying, the crown rules, a kingdom. In the kingdom of the Westlands, the Crown literally rules the kingdom. It is a sentient powerful artifact that takes over the mind of whomever wears it. It has passed down through the royal family. With some rulers, is satisfies it’s lust for blood, engaging in wars and purges. With others, it’s satisfies it’s colonel lust with orgies and banquets. As the body succumbs to excess, a coronation is planned, and the crown prepares to rule once again.

Zippidee Doodah was dressed in diamond encrusted golden robes. He waved his glittering staff at the crowd. Dancing and singing along, the wave of bodies flowed down the avenue. A sea of debauched blissful revelry. Mugs of various drinks were passed around, emptied, and thrown to the ground to make room for more that the barkeepers gladly provided. The parade left a trail of coins and wallets that more than made up for the cost of drinks and damage. when the parade reached the end of town, the king waved his staff and disappeared. The crowd no longer spellbound, dispersed.

The brochure called it a retirement community, but it was really a rundown hotel, where people waited to die. Sure there was a cafeteria in the lobby, but the food there rivaled the swill dished out in prison. They used to leave the rooms unfurnished, so the residents could bring in the trappings of home in a long lifetime of memories, but far too many former customers left their possessions for the staff to dump at Goodwill. Eventually, they just left everything there and said it was furnished. Including framed photos and clothes in the dressers and their nasty toothbrushes.

They say that those who can’t do teach. So when I got a copy of Mavis Beacon teaches typing, I wrote her a letter saying that I was her number one biggest fan. And sure enough I got back the most jumbled mess of a type written letter I’d ever seen. This was serial killer level of creepy. Letter to the editor from a dementia written, crank, quality of spelling and grammar with over typed mistakes and typing errors and infinite number of monkeys couldn’t accomplish. But, man, she was one hell of a teacher as I type this now.

The next topic is PICK TWO

RICHARD

Price tag

It’s not often the Antiques Roadshow comes to town, so when we heard they’d be recording locally, we had to go along.

LIZZIE

The art installation Gemstone featured a naked mannequin with a television for a head, holding a megaphone. Its right arm was missing. Find meaning mode activated. Broadcasting television slogans while the body suffers the pain. Pleased with his interpretation, he approached the artist and shared his view. The artist looked at him, puzzled. He nodded, trying to prompt the artist to say something. The artist said “No, we got the mannequin on sale. They had lost the head and an arm, so they gave us an old tv and a megaphone.” Gemstone?! They should’ve named it Lacking a Gemstone, then.

LISA

Finders Keepers

Derek’s dream had led him to a secluded glade. He’d had a vision of a buried chest full of jewellery there: gold pendants and rings with precious gemstones.

TOM

A bridge too far

It was called Project Gemstone. Personally, I thought it was a dumb code-name, but I didn’t get to make the call. It is pretty random, so others in the Alphabet black ops community don’t all get the cool ones. It equally pisses off everyone, like when D.S.T. got Robot Chicken. Gemstone dealt with the thorny issues of college students. Students of history known university students are the engine of revolution. Having eyeball on even the least likely camp was the goal of Gemstone. This was how I became a spook and ended up in Hanoi carrying paperwork for the Professor.

SERENDIPIDY

My engagement ring features a black gemstone. It’s not a diamond or sapphire, a spinel or tourmaline.

NORVAL JOE

Patrick and Bobbi’s friend, Candy, joined the others in the messy front room.

Sabrina shot hateful glares at her former captor, as Joan explained about CPS coming in the morning.

Bobby looked around the squalid room in panic. “Mom’s on night shift. She won’t be home until seven.”

Joan put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. We’ll have the house shining like a diamond by morning.”

“A diamond?” Bobby asked, clearly skeptical.

Bobbi doubled down. “But how?”

“I have a special talent for organization.” Joan closed her eyes, breathing deeply.

PLANET Z

Harriet’s birthstone was a lump of coal. Nothing ever went right in her life. At the school dance, her classmates tied her up, put her in a circle made of salt, lit candles, and performed ritual rhythmic gyrations, an attempt to summon the dark Lord to take her away. It didn’t work. But the principal tried to blame her for the incident. Her foster parents couldn’t be bothered to show up to the inquiry. Eventually, she graduated and took the first bus out of town. No one knows where she wound up, and she never attends any of the reunions.

The first time Joey saw a salad bar, he was overwhelmed by all of the things laid out and arranged at the table. He loaded up his plate with croutons and a small pudding dish of ranch dressing. From that day on, all he would ever get from salad bars were the croutons and ranch dressing. His mother would scold him, set the plate aside, and make another plate for him. Keep with a variety of vegetables. But Joey would just sit there and stare at it until it was time to leave. And he would dream of his croutons.

The Guinness Book of World Records does not recognize the tallest column of Kraft Parmesan cheese canisters stacked, but if it did, it still wouldn’t recognize Maurice Flambo of Antwerp. At a public exhibition, he stacked 174 of the green canisters. He used a fire truck ladder to achieve the great height. The column stood for five minutes before a gust of wind brought it down. And then the uproarious applause died down and was replaced with shots of anger when it was discovered that the ends of the cylinders were coated with adhesive. Maurice never attempted the stunt ever again.

Sigrid was a pretty good troll hunter. He wasn’t the best, but when John the Bold wasn’t available, or the patron was on a limited budget, Sigrid was a reasonable choice. Sometimes his work took a little longer, and there would be collateral damage, but Sigrid got the job done. His online reviews weren’t as positive as John’s but when Sigrid hunted a troll that troll stayed hunted. John kept a dungeon full of trolls, and if he got a bad review, he would threaten to let those trolls loose again. Sigrid had more honor than to violate a contract.