The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Sometimes I like to look down the list of saints to see who is the patron saint of something that was invented centuries after the saint had died. I mean, Saint Wally was hung upside down and burned at the stake in the 13th century, yet he’s the patron saint of magnetic residence imaging. I’m not sure why, you’d have to ask a Catholic MRI technician or something. I mean, back, then they had farming and sculpting and simple stuff, but unless someone was made a saint just recently, I don’t think a patron saint to the Internet is valid.

Private Joseph Mongo would’ve earned himself a Medal of Honor for falling on a grenade to keep it from killing his platoon mates, but the problem was the way he landed on it. It not only exploded out fragments, but also propelled his 17 silver fillings from his teeth throughout the company. So by throwing himself on the grenade caused even more carnage than if he had run for cover like everybody else was trying to. The fact that he was the idiot who pulled the pin and fumbled the grenade only adds to the consternation of the command structure.

I remember doing a report in eighth grade history on the Doolittle raids over Japan. I went to the local college library and pulled every source I could find on it. And I looked through newspaper accounts of the attacks. My report was quite lame and copy paste from the limited sources. Just now, I finished watching a video with excruciating detail of the Japanese patrol boat spotting them early, the crew man hit by a propeller on the deck, and all sorts of other amazing details I never learned about. Middle schoolers are such lazy, ineffective researchers, I guess.

The next topic is PICK TWO

LIZZIE

Give up. Give up. Give up. And he tossed and turned on the bunk bed. Nightmares turning into night sweats. His ears beating to the drum of his heart. Tomorrow. It’ll be another day. Tomorrow. But it never was another day. It was the same day, over and over again. The same intelligence gathering. The same raids. The same ambushes. The same killings. The same deaths. A never-ending string of horrors. Give up… He wished closing his eyes would make everything disappear. The noise, the nightmares, his heartbeat. Give up… That nagging voice hammered on. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’ll give up.

RICHARD

Marathon

TOM

Full Measure.

O’Brian gave the Lt. Daley the small square of paper. On it were written two words. He raised his eyes to meet the faces of the last of the defenders. It was very quiet, so in a whisper the Lt gave the only order he could give the circumstances. It was a one word, matching the one note of the trumpet. When the fog of war settled the tribe took the field. Second Si-At Paylax stood before Daley’s body. He carefully removed the crumple square of paper. “Why didn’t they give up?” he mused put the paper in his pocket.

NORVAL JOE

“Mrs. Weinerheimer, I appreciate you bringing Sabrina back,” Ms. Pinkerton of Child Protective Services said. “We’ll take care of her from here.”

Joan Weinerheimer was suddenly filled with fury and stepped forward. “I’m not going to give up on Sabrina. You had us turn her in before and where did she end up? Locked in a basement by a group of cultists.”

Pinkerton tried to mask her surprise and said, “That’s a serious charge. I hope you have more than just this girl to back up your accusations.”

Sabrina said, “Let’s go to the Yaan’s house. You can see yourself.”

SERENDIPIDY

You really should give up now. In the long run, it’s for the best; you’re just delaying the inevitable, so why not give up and accept your fate?

LEWIE

Title: Santa’s Little OSHA Violation

A jolly “Ho-ho-ho” came from behind, followed by “Hidey ho, neighbor!”

“Hello, Santa,” little Timmy replied.

“Why the long face?” Santa asked.

Timmy showed him a block of wood. “I’m building a pinewood derby car, but I have no tools.”

Santa put his hands on his waist and made grunting sounds, followed by the order: “Never give up. Never surrender!”

Santa went into his bag and grabbed a few presents, handing them over. Timmy quickly ripped open the packages, finding a chainsaw, angle grinder, nail gun, industrial CNC router, plasma cutter, and a flame thrower, while Santa shouted, “More power!”

PLANET Z

You’ve heard about the Christmas Truce in World War One, but have you heard of The Big Surrender of The Second Punic War?

What do deaf people use as safe words?

The old general had gone senile years ago. He kept calling his caretaker, his chief of staff, and he would ask about reports from the field. The nurse would print out the same report every day, just with the weather and date changed. The general would nod, dictate orders, and the nurse would pretend to take notes so that she could give them to the brigade. This carried on for several years, and when the general would ask to inspect the troops, the nurse would say they’re being assembled and would be ready for inspection by six, past his bedtime.

Last time I went back to the old school, it was for Professor Ellsworth’s funeral. A lot of his former students came, came out for the memorial service. The poetry we read was probably some of the worst poetry ever written. Professor Ellsworth had marked it all with failing grades and bitter criticism. With occasional demands for us to read works on the same subject by Milton, Wordsworth, and other masters. But now, the old Gas bag was in an urn, and there was nothing he could do to stop us from sharing our incompetent and juvenile compositions at will.

If I win the lottery, I will call a few major symphonies and buy the oboe chair. There’s no reason for it. It’s just so strange, nobody would understand it. And that’s the point. We only write our names in sand. Unless it’s with an oboe, I suppose. And every oboist in that city will strive to sit in the chair I bought for them. Or they could remain standing or sit on the floor, I suppose. How silly that would be, dressing up, bringing out your finest oboe, and sitting on the dirty floor. Go get a chair, dummy!

I saw so many things in the city that I’d never experienced before.

And the prince and princess didn’t live happily ever after.