The ALIVE hour

Hi. 👋 It’s been a minute. Stay tuned…✨🌊

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Introduce yourself to a cloud.Just try.What happens is —You have this sudden realizationNot everything is a cartoon.Some things have weight and indeed they’re Heavy.

A bag of sandA human thigh boneWet dirt tilling itself upwards.But other things pass through your hands so quickly it isn’tuntil you’re falling that you realize how valuable is the smell of theGround.

How much home it’s been.How it’s sniffed you out since the startHow it doesn’t lie though you lie in it

Eventually.And also just —How much mistAlmost everything else.

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Welcome to The ALIVE hour.

Illustration: Shannon ColónAudio mixing + music: Chloe RileySong: Daniel Johnston

Things found in real life

* These ghostly bubbles, hovering near this fan:

Things found on the internet

* This mini documentary following children who attend grief camp — designed solely for young people who have lost a parent. The film’s heart is Yaren, 10, whose mother died when she was 6.

* This thought from master of the bizarre John Waters, reminiscing on the collective theater-going experience of yore:

The audiences were all together, high, at midnight in cult-movie theaters. That is why it’s so different: that group experience of discovering something at the same time.

Magic things

Today’s episode features a song written by this man. Today’s *magic* edition features a song written + performed by the author of this newsletter.

Check it out here + consider becoming a paid subscriber. We’d love to have you in the club. ✨

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Welcome to the end of season 2. I can’t tell you all what it’s meant to make this and to have you as listeners, cheerleaders, friends. Thank you for your support.

We’re going to take a short break from weekly posting to further finesse the upcoming seasons, but don’t you fret: there’s plenty of great stuff ahead. (Including a live, in-person ALIVE hour event.)

Stay tuned.

And thank you, again + again, for listening. <3

It’s a disaster just how muchthe fear flickers in my mindAll the timeClocks tickingHissing more reallyA nest of snakes I’ve wokenBy stepping on them all simultaneously

HiHi snakesHi ssssnakessss

It’s such a puzzle, a switch I can’t seem to hitch off Naked if I don’t protect myselfNaked if I doEven a child of four can see what a loss that is

BooBoo hooBoo hoooo hoooo

There’s no use crying they sayBut I gobble up tears likeSo much manna The nectar the honeyFood

GoodFoodGood God Food

I am a godI amI have the mannaI dictate to the snakesI control the clocks

It’s so obvious nowSuch a fitHow did I miss it?

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Welcome to The ALIVE hour.

Illustration: Shannon ColónAudio mixing + music: Chloe RileyNarrative: Libby Battaglia

Things found in real life

* This wallpaper detail of a boy herding his goat:

* This magnificent tea with all of its cute little things (milk, honey, hot for hours):

Things found on the internet

* This excerpt from the Sandra Cisnero essay “Eleven”:

What they don't understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you're eleven, you're also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don't. You open your eyes and everything's just like yesterday, only it's today. And you don't feel eleven at all. You feel like you're still ten. And you are—underneath the year that makes you eleven.

* This observation from writer/director/life observer Sarah Polley:

So I realized that I’m a grown-ass, forty-three-year-old woman and I am actually in control of this production right now. The truth is that I’ve had agency and choice for a long time, I just didn’t notice.

* This milk and cookies cake, made by New York Times columnist Roxane Gay in tribute to her younger brother, Joel, who died last year.

Don’t limit your cakes to birthdays or special occasions, Gay says. Eat them whenever you want.

Magic things

See the photo from today’s episode on The ALIVE hour, *magic edition,* here. ✨

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Bake the cake. Eat the cake. Don’t wait. <3

There’s a deepness and a darkness and theDarkness goesDeepThere’s a winner and a loserAnd awakeness and a sleepDreaming and I’m seeing and I’m losing myPlaceFace it little honey all the volume’s gone dimA shimmy and a shaking And a singing that hymnIt’s like a song I can’t remember but it’s stuck in myBrainAnd the rain it washes overAnd my body goes humAnd the pain goes sloshAnd the feeling goes numbAnd I reach for your handAnd the sand runs quickAnd it’s almost over nowAnd they lay it on thickAnd the drops run downAnd they dropdripDropAnd the go gets grabby and I stopSlipstop.

And I can’t see you nowAnd I guess I never willThe room’s done spinning honeyStill.

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Welcome to The ALIVE hour.

Illustration: Shannon ColónAudio mixing + music: Chloe RileyNarrative: Molly Dunn, via an upcoming memoir

Things found in real life

* This house in a moon:

* This shadow of myself:

Things found on the internet

* This interview with philosopher / soothsayer / keen observer of humanity Cornel West. Much good in here, but specifically this:

You preserve your moral integrity and tell the truth. And then the worms get you. Because they going to get you one way or the other anyway. Might as well go with some integrity and with style. Right?

* This found bag, posted by cartoonist Roz Chast:

* This essay from The ALIVE hour illustrator Shannon Colón:

I’m inspired by how explicit my dog is with what she wants. I’m moved by her present and persistent nature. It seems so easy for her to express what’s on her mind. I want to feel comfortable sharing my needs too, and sometimes I don’t even know what they are.

Instead of creating excuses, what if I’m the one stretching by the door? What would my dramatic yawn sound like?

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What is the soundOf your dramatic yawn?

Come on babyTake my handStick with meMake a planWhere we goingBrighter daysHandsome heavensTruer waysThe road’s ahead It knows our songAin’t no right pathAin’t no wrongIt screams us forwardYells and shoutsDoes the boogie Turns it out One hand in And then the otherCome on sisterShake it brotherYou know this dance You’ve seen it doneDark days overHello sun

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Welcome to The ALIVE hour.

Illustration: Shannon ColonAudio mixing: Chloe RileyMusic + Narrative: Michael Ervin

Things found in real life

* This question from Louie Anderson’s book “Hey Mom: Stories for My Mother, But You Can Read Them Too”:

* This construction man, with a smattering of gold glitter:

Things found on the internet

* This piece from New Yorker critic Richard Brody looking at the use of archival materials in film — how a director can choose life (or not) through their relationship to the very materials they work with:

By eliding themselves from the process—by putting voices on the soundtrack untethered to the recording device, images without regard to their source—filmmakers render their relationship to archival materials impersonal and inanimate.

What’s missing from most approaches to the archive is filmmakers’ own sense of discovery, of experience, of being in the presence of a miracle.

* The film Swan Song, about a retired gay hairdresser who leaves his retirement home to style a demanding former client who has passed away. Read my friend Steve Nelson’s review here, as well as this interview here with director Todd Stephens:

I kind of wrote "Swan Song" in a way as like — in order to tell myself that I could still do what I loved. Pat has lost his purpose at the beginning of the film, and he's just kind of, like, passing the time till he passes away. And, you know, life is short, and we need to dance while we can.

Magic things

Like the music from today’s episode? Want to listen to the whole piece sans words? Head over to The ALIVE hour, *magic edition* here. ✨

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And thank you — every one of you — for listening.

We need to dance while we can.

<3 C

Better melt outThan burn awayBetter belt outThan slow decayBetter rust than notBetter imageBetter blotBetter catch itThan let goBetter ice better snowThan the other numbnessThat doesn’t goBetter hand better holdBetter warmth than all theMounds of goldBetter fur betterMounds of purrBetter hang onBetter tightBetter feel it allThan fightBetter know it goes awayBut better love it Anyway

Welcome to The ALIVE hour.

Illustration: Shannon ColonAudio mixing / music: Chloe Riley

Being ALIVE

The story of two friends choosing life (in 10 images)

Close your eyes and count to threeTell the wonders that you seeThen close your eyes and count to tenAnd tell us just once more againClose your eyes and now to sixSteel your bones and feel the fixSpread your mouth and count to fourCrack the window, peel the doorLift your chin and how about threeYou know it’s you I know it’s meFlap your ears and fly to sevenHeaven is what rhymes you know

And what of oneAnd how about two

Blue. And done. Better run Here comes five.

Welcome to The ALIVE hour.

Illustration: Shannon ColonAudio mixing / music: Chloe Riley(with Barbara Bohn)

Things found in real life

* This message, brought to you by a Chicago nail salon:

* This book from Louie Anderson (his last), in which he writes letters to his long-dead mother.

* (And this post-it, which is not my handwriting, but which I found and am now sticking on things):

Things found on the internet

* This inadvertent email poem from my dad:

* The message on this video ad:

* These words from this five-year-old boy:

You gotta say your affirmations in your mouth and your heart.

You say, ‘I am brave of this meeting! I am loved! I smell good!’

You gotta walk big. You gotta mean it. Like Dolly on a dinosaur. Because you got it.

* These words from Janis Joplin:

I’m scared. I think, ‘It’s so close. Can I make it?’ If I fail, I’ll fail in front of the whole world. If I miss, I’ll never have a second chance on nothing. But I gotta risk it. I never hold back…

* This relationship between this racing horse (now dead) and this donkey (still alive):

By all accounts, the two animals locked eyes and sent each other telepathic messages about hanging out together for eternity. From that point on, they were glued to each other, even sleeping in the same stall.

Help oh can’t you help me seeThe way to past eternityThe stars and moons inside me danceAnd call to me to take a chance

But stars just don’t know how to beThe human in the human meThe limits of the human skinThe pain that washes out and in

Teach me stars, oh, how to dieTake my body, make it flyTake my mind and crank to 10Make me long for Mars again

Earth is lulling, earth is lowThe wheel it spins but still goes slowYou’re far away but seem so nearMuddy and you’re all so clear

How can it be, how can it?If stardust is this very planetIf stardust lurks inside my heartIf I never ended, how to start?

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Welcome to The ALIVE hour.

Illustration: Shannon ColonAudio mixing / narrative: Chloe Riley (with Louie Anderson talking to Terry Gross)Music: Chloe Riley

Things found in real life

* The “objects you gravitate towards,” via a question posed in this episode from last week:

* “My mom's taupe kid leather gloves”

* “I wear my dad's winter hat every day”

* “A wind-up toy set from my Grandparents era as well as toys from my own childhood that I hold onto”

* “A teacup and saucer that belonged to my late great grandmother. When I sip tea from it it’s like having tea with a family member I never met”

* “A special B-rabbit that has been with me almost 50 years…and my mom's old Irish cardigan. When I need to wear it I can feel her arms around me and it smells of her perfume”

(Photo, Robyn — B-rabbit)

(Photo, Lyn — An old lamp that holds toys from childhood)

* This truck that has something to say:

Things found on the internet

* This audio slideshow about one man’s search for “the beautiful future” after his uncle’s death:

* This newsletter post — about how the author can’t stop watching post-apocalyptic films, especially since the beginning of the pandemic:

She can't stand the post-apocalyptic scenario—the world completely imploding in on itself—and I love it because I'm pretty sure that's already happened and at least in those films, we're getting on with it already. She's trying to preserve, and all I see are ghosts. Her approach is hopeful; mine is, too.

Magic things

* Oh yes. Magic things. Like these magic badges, handmade with materials that you’ll hear on today’s episode. Oh, and also made with love. The episode and the badges. Already in the mail for paid subscribers:

To see more badges (and receive one of your own!), consider becoming a paid subscriber. There will be lots of delights, you won’t regret it.

xoxo

Hello nobody!It’s me, youHow blueHow alike we two

You say it’s drearyI say that too!To be all of everything, myself,And now, you too

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Welcome to The ALIVE hour.

Illustration: Shannon ColonAudio mixing / narrative: Chloe Riley Music: Chloe Riley + Mark Riley

Things found in real life

* The “What I Want is to be Feral” blood orange smoothie from my friend Katie (no measurements of course because, feral)***

The “What I Want is to be Feral” blood orange smoothie:

* coconut milk yogurt

* plant based milk, full woods

* frozen blueberries

* 1 blood orange

* vanilla

* cinnamon

* agave

And if you’re feeling super full woods, use a second orange, a cara cara, in place of the agave. cheers,

(Photo, Katie)

* This heart chocolate and this cookie on this plate:

Things found on the internet

* Is anyone else starting to create inadvertent Worlde poetry?

(Try it yourself. Pass along this way if you’re feeling frisky.)

* This delayed New York Times obit of Chicago artist Lee Godie, an eccentric who lived on the streets and made a prolific amount of art, including hundreds of photo booth self portraits. (I also wrote about her several years ago here):

I always try to paint beauty, but some people say my paintings aren’t beautiful. Well, I have beauty in mind, but it isn’t always easy to make paintings beautiful.

* This conversation between Louie Anderson and Bob Saget, both of whom died this month. A lot of love here.

Louie: My intention for books is: Can it help me? And if it can help me, maybe someone else can get a little light out of it.

Bob: I think that’s how you approach everything, that’s why it’s so wonderful.

A recipe.

Take two oranges.

Halve and gut.

Blend beyond recognition.

Then wait.

Find the thing that makes them oranges.

And tenderly knit back together.

Once whole again

— The oranges, that is —

Take your strong arms and gather up good greens.

The beautiful, lush kind.

The peppery and unforgettable kind.

Two dump trucks full.

Spread yourself wide and hold onto them so very tightly

— The greens that is —

Then drench, thoroughly, in everything you’ve got.

Everything in you.

Everything that counts.

Once this is complete

— And it may take years, mind you, or several lifetimes

Whichever comes first —

Then

— And only then —

Marry great, good greens with masticated whole oranges

Take one big bite

And die happily, lovingly, well.

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Welcome to The ALIVE hour.

Illustration: Shannon ColonAudio mixing / narrative / music: Chloe Riley

Things found in real life

* Your letters back which look like this:

* And this:

* And this:

* And these excerpts from the smiley face letter above:

My fear is one day losing time and that the feeling of being rushed will swoop in.

For the first time and after multiple attempts, I made my first origami heart. And I give it to you. Know that even when life is rough, or you feel scared to talk so the world may hear your voice — you are loved.

Things found on the internet

* This extraordinary newsletter from the novelist Sheila Heti, which lays out a decade of her diary entries in alphabetical order to create a work of not quite fiction, not quite memoir. Here is A through C.

The self’s report on itself is surely a great fiction, and what is a more fundamental mode of serialization than the alphabet?

* This profile on the now 100-year-old Françoise Gilot — painter, writer, former spouse to Pablo Picasso, exquisite wearer of red:

As young women, we were taught to keep silent. We were taught early that taking second place is easier than first. You tell yourself that’s all right, but it’s not all right. It is important that we learn to express ourselves, to say what it is that we like, that we want.

I see life as a labyrinth. You don’t fight it. You go where it takes you. You go the other way.

* This ongoing + strange obituary section from the New Yorker. This one profiling a 340-year-old tree:

“It’s dead, yes,” Waskiewicz said, “but I prefer to think that it’s just not vertical anymore.”

Want to say hi? Your options include:

Snail mail: 104 N. Benton St., APT 302, Woodstock, IL, 60098Email: [email protected]Magic ALIVE hour telephone, coming soon to an ALIVE hour near you (for paid subscribers only.) Stay tuned

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Talk to me. I’m listening. <3