The Anxiety Recovery Podcast

If you’ve been stuck in the spiral of “do I stay or do I leave?”…
overthinking every interaction, questioning your intuition, and trying to make the “right” decision from your mind…

this episode is for you.

Because the truth is — you’re not actually confused.
You’re disconnected from your body.

In this episode, I sat down with Becky Aste to talk about why decision-making in relationships can feel so hard — especially when you have anxious attachment — and what’s actually happening in your nervous system in those moments.

We dive into how overthinking becomes a protective strategy, why awareness alone isn’t enough to shift your patterns, and how attachment activation can completely block access to clarity and intuition.

We also get into what it really looks like to move from anxious attachment into secure attachment, not just conceptually, but in real-time, lived experience.

This episode will help you understand:

• why you feel stuck in the “stay or go” loop
• how anxious attachment impacts your ability to make decisions
• what’s happening in your body when you can’t access clarity
• how to start trusting your intuition again
• what it looks like to shift from “I don’t know” to deeply trusting yourself

If you’ve been trying to think your way into clarity… this will show you why that hasn’t worked — and what to do instead.

Your body already knows. This episode will help you learn how to listen.

I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for the month of May, who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.

Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together:  https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

Connect with Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/

Connect with Val on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

There are certain relationship patterns that just feel impossible to break…

The overthinking.
Waiting for a text back.
That feeling in your body that they’re going to leave… even when nothing is technically wrong.

And a lot of the time, people don’t realize this is anxious attachment — and that it’s not just in your thoughts, it’s actually living in your body.

In this episode, I sat down with Mitch Webb (nervous system expert and host of Rooted Conversations) and we really got into all of it — overthinking, reassurance seeking, fear of abandonment, and why these patterns keep repeating.

We talked about how this actually forms (trauma, childhood experiences, nervous system dysregulation)… and why trying to just “think differently” doesn’t actually shift it.

And then we went deeper.

I actually guided Mitch through a live somatic therapy / brainspotting session to work through fear of uncertainty in real time, so you can see what this work actually looks like, not just hear about it.

If you feel stuck in relationship anxiety or like you keep ending up in the same push/pull dynamic… this will help you understand why — and what actually starts to change it.

If you’ve ever known someone wasn’t right for you…
but you still couldn’t let them go…

this episode is for you.

Because there are certain connections that don’t just live in your mind, they live in your body.

The ones you replay.
The ones that changed you.
The ones that feel almost impossible to release… even when you’ve done the work, you understand your patterns, and you know better.

And at some point, you start wondering…

Was that a soul tie… or was that my attachment wounds?

In this episode, I’m sitting down with Katie Blumenfeld: she’s a psychoanalyst, psychotherapist, and reiki practitioner and we’re really going there.

We talk about:
why some connections feel so intense, consuming, and honestly… hard to break
how to tell the difference between real love vs a trauma bond vs what people call a “soul tie”
why one person can still have a hold on you… even after therapy, self-awareness, and all the healing work
the grief no one talks about, not just losing them, but losing who you got to be with them
the deeper wound underneath the thought “I’ll never find something like this again”
what’s actually happening in your nervous system in these “can’t let go” dynamics
and how to start releasing this, not just in your mind, but in your body

This episode is for you if you’ve ever felt stuck on someone who felt… different. deeper. harder to move on from.

Because this isn’t just about love.

It’s about what your body learned to attach to. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.

I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for the month of April for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.

Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together:  https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Connect with Katie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katieblumenfeldlcsw/

Check out Katie's Website: https://www.katieblumenfeldlcsw.com/

Check out Katie's Substack: https://substack.com/@katieblumenfeldlcsw/p-190017664

More info on Katie's signature program: Where the Psyche Meets the Soul: https://www.wherethepsychemeetsthesoul.com/

You can literally feel when something’s off…

and still not say anything.

You know what you need.
You’ve done the therapy.
You can name the pattern as it’s happening…

and you still go quiet.
You still over-explain.
You still choose them over yourself.

If that’s you — this episode is going to hit.

I’m sitting down with Lorina Manzanita (somatic intimacy coach) and we go into the kind of self-abandonment that’s not obvious…

The kind that looks like being “understanding.”
The kind that looks like giving them the benefit of the doubt.
The kind where you leave yourself… but don’t even realize you did.

We talk about what this actually feels like in your body,
why being self-aware doesn’t automatically change it,
and why for so many of us… it actually feels safer to abandon ourselves than to be fully honest.

We also go into the grief that comes up when you realize how long you’ve been doing this…
and how to start catching it in real time instead of after the fact.

This isn’t because something is wrong with you.

Your body just learned that being you wasn’t always safe.

And this episode will help you start coming back to yourself.

If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.
I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.
When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.

Book your discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Connect with Lorina here: www.LorinaManzanita.com

Most people believe the reason they’re unhappy in their relationship is simple: their partner needs to change.

If they communicated better… showed up differently… stopped certain behaviors… then everything would finally feel safe, calm, and fulfilling.

But what if that belief is actually part of the cycle that keeps couples stuck?

In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie Rubin sits down with relationship coach and certified hypnotherapist Peter McLaughlin to unpack the blame cycle in relationships and why so many people get trapped waiting for their partner to change in order to finally feel better.

Together they explore the deeper subconscious patterns that drive blame, conflict, and repeated disappointment in relationships and why blaming your partner can actually function as a protective response when you're feeling hurt or powerless.

Peter shares how unconscious beliefs, nervous system responses, and cultural conditioning shape the way we interpret our partner’s behavior and why shifting out of blame is often the key to creating healthier connection.

In this episode, we explore:

• why blame feels so automatic when we're hurt
• the hidden reason people believe their partner is the source of their pain
• why the cycle of hope → disappointment → blame keeps repeating
• how media and cultural narratives create unrealistic expectations about love
• the difference between expressing a valid need and reacting from blame
• how to take emotional responsibility without abandoning yourself
• healthier ways to communicate pain without attacking your partner
• what shifts when you stop waiting for your partner to change

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking “If they would just change, everything would be better…” this conversation will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface, and how to start moving toward deeper connection instead of repeating the same painful cycle.

Check out Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.
I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.
When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.

Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

Connect with Peter on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thepetermclaughlin/

Connect with Peter on youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/@BlueSkyHypnosis

Connect with Peter on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/petertmclaughlin/

I recently had the honor of joining Sharna, the global pregnancy loss expert behind The Pregnancy Loss Recovery Method™, the only proven framework that addresses pregnancy loss as reproductive trauma, not just grief — for a deeply powerful conversation on her podcast What I Wish I Knew About Pregnancy Loss.

In this episode, we explore something that so many women experience but rarely have language for: the invisible connection between anxious attachment, pre-verbal trauma, and pregnancy loss.

We talk about why loss mothers often feel trapped in hypervigilance… why trauma cannot be healed through thinking alone… and how your nervous system may have been shaped long before your loss ever happened.

I also share parts of my own journey through chronic anxiety, physical health challenges, and relationship patterns — and how learning to work with the body changed everything talk therapy couldn’t reach.

Inside this conversation, we explore:

• Why chronic anxiety often shows up in the body as physical symptoms
• Why “crying it out” actually conflicts with our biology as mothers
• How trauma can be imprinted before we even have language
• What’s happening in the nervous system when anxiety spikes above a 7/10
• The connection between people-pleasing, grief, and anxious attachment
• Somatic tools for regulation including vagus nerve toning and somatic unblending

If you’ve ever felt like your anxiety lives in your body… or like your nervous system is constantly scanning for danger after loss… this conversation will help you understand what’s actually happening beneath the surface.

From Hustle to Secure: Rewiring Your Attachment to Work

So many people think anxious attachment only shows up in dating.

But what if the relationship that’s actually dysregulating you… is your business?

In this episode, I share my personal journey from six years of chronic pain into becoming an anxious attachment specialist — and how I realized I wasn’t just anxiously attached in relationships… I was anxiously attached to achievement, productivity, and validation.

If your nervous system spirals when a client doesn’t respond…
If you over-give, over-work, and struggle to set boundaries…
If your sense of worth rises and falls based on performance…

This conversation is for you.

We explore:

• How chronic pain can become a portal into deeper healing
• The subtle ways anxious attachment shows up in business
• Why validation-seeking keeps your nervous system stuck
• How childhood experiences shape your relationship with money and success
• The over-giving → burnout → resentment cycle
• Why nervous system regulation is the foundation of secure success
• Practical somatic tools to calm anxiety in the moment
• How to anchor into your adult self instead of your abandonment wound

Healing isn’t about hustling harder.
It’s about creating safety in your body so your business is no longer your attachment figure.

You don’t need to earn rest.
You don’t need to perform for love.
And you don’t need to chase success the way you once chased unavailable partners.

Secure attachment isn’t just for relationships.
It’s for your career, your money, and the way you hold yourself through uncertainty.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or secretly terrified of slowing down, this episode will help you exhale.

Check out the previous podcast episode I did with Anna on my podcast on healing the fear of visibility: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6afRZwfYyfo2OQF4O3fzjl?si=SmgzvOJRRcSCGX4de71B8Q

Connect with Anna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/

Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.
I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.
When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.

Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

So many people understand attachment styles intellectually… yet still find themselves repeating the same painful relationship patterns.

Why do you still panic when someone pulls away?
Why does your avoidant partner shut down under pressure?
Why does the honeymoon phase fade even when nothing “bad” happened?

Because attachment isn’t just psychological.
It’s biological.

In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I sit down with attachment expert Dr. Stan Tatkin to unpack the brain-body science behind anxious and avoidant attachment and why relationships often fail not because of incompatibility, but because of automatic survival programming.

Dr. Tatkin explains that attachment strategies are not flaws, they are biological adaptations shaped by early environments.

We explore:

• Why attachment is a survival strategy, not a personality defect
• The difference between “Waves” (anxious/clinging) and “Islands” (avoidant/distancing)
• Why even avoidant partners are driven by anxiety, especially fear of engulfment, demands, and losing independence
• Why anxious partners feel chronically “not chosen” and how that shows up in the nervous system
• How couples unknowingly compel each other into pursue-withdraw cycles
• Why attraction can turn into irritation (and why that’s a feature of biology, not failure)
• The brain’s “energy conservation” law and how it automates partners into the background after the honeymoon phase
• How stress flips couples into “one-person survival mode” instead of “two-person secure mode”
• Why so much conflict isn’t personal, it’s neurobiological

We also go deep into Dr. Tatkin’s concept of secure functioning, a deliberate social contract between two equals that prioritizes the relationship’s safety above all else.

You’ll learn:

• What shared power actually looks like in practice
• Why secure functioning requires win-win agreements (no one gets to win while the other loses)
• How proactive policies and post-mortems reduce recurring conflict
• Why the relationship must come first for long-term stability

And one of the most powerful ideas from this episode:

When your partner is distressed, they are in an altered state of threat.
They cannot self-regulate.

In that moment, you are the medicine.

We talk about how to give the “opposite of fear” moving toward a Wave who fears abandonment, easing pressure for an Island who fears demands and how co-regulation is the pathway back to safety.

If you struggle with anxious attachment, overthinking, feeling unchosen, or being stuck in a pursue–withdraw dynamic… this episode will reframe everything.

You are not broken.
Your nervous system learned how to survive.

And secure, stable, secure-functioning love is absolutely possible, even if you didn’t grow up with secure attachment.

Connect with Dr. Stan here: https://www.instagram.com/drstantatkin/

Connect with Valerie here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

If you constantly find yourself overgiving, people-pleasing, or feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions, this episode is for you. Many people don’t realize they’re operating from codependent patterns because it often looks like being loving, loyal, or supportive on the surface. But underneath, it can feel exhausting, anxiety-provoking, and deeply disconnecting from your own needs.

In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie Rubin is joined by trauma-informed coach, Brainspotting therapist, and narcissistic abuse recovery specialist Libby Sibert for a powerful conversation on how codependency forms, why breaking these patterns can feel so uncomfortable in the body, and how to begin shifting from chronic people-pleasing into grounded self-trust.

Together, they explore the hidden signs of codependency many people miss, why setting boundaries can trigger guilt and fear even when you know change is necessary, and how these patterns live in the nervous system long before we consciously recognize them. You’ll also learn small, emotionally safe boundary practices, early signs that you’re moving toward healthier interdependence, and how to reconnect with your own needs after years of prioritizing others.

If you’ve ever felt like you lose yourself in relationships, struggle to say no, or worry that putting yourself first makes you “selfish,” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface and how to begin building secure, balanced, and emotionally safe relationships, starting with the relationship you have with yourself.

Connect with Libby on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/find_love_that_lasts_/

Check out Libby's find love that lasts program: https://libbysibbert.kartra.com/page/FLTLFprogram1

Check out Libby's coaching packages: https://www.libbysibbert.co.uk/coaching_packages

Check out Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.
I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.
When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.

Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

If not knowing what’s coming next makes your chest tighten, your mind race, or your body brace for impact, this episode is for you. For many people, uncertainty isn’t just uncomfortable. It feels dangerous. The moment something is unresolved, open-ended, or unclear, the nervous system goes into survival mode: overthinking, reassurance-seeking, scanning for signs, needing answers now just to feel okay.

In this episode, I’m joined by Ray Doktor to explore the fear of uncertainty, not as a mindset issue or lack of resilience, but as a nervous-system response shaped by safety, unpredictability, and past experiences.

We talk about why the body often treats uncertainty as a threat, why making any decision (even a painful one) can feel more regulating than waiting, and how living in constant “I’ll be okay once I know” mode slowly exhausts the nervous system.

You’ll hear us unpack:

• Why overthinking, urgency, and reassurance-seeking aren’t flaws, they’re protective strategies

• How fear of uncertainty shows up in relationships through the need for clarity, timelines, and reassurance

• What’s really happening in the body when you feel stuck in the not-knowing

• Why people who grew up in emotionally unpredictable environments often struggle most with uncertainty

• How constant mental vigilance keeps you braced, tense, and exhausted

Most importantly, we explore what actually helps, not by forcing yourself to tolerate uncertainty, but by creating safety inside your body.

We talk about why healing fear of uncertainty requires working with the nervous system, how to stay present without freezing or spiraling, what healthy uncertainty feels like in a regulated body, and how to begin trusting yourself even when you don’t have answers yet.

If uncertainty has been running the show in your life, and you’re tired of fighting your own mind, this conversation offers a gentler, more grounding way forward.

If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.
I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.
When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.

Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Purchase Dr. Ray Doktor's book here: https://www.amazon.com/All-Takes-One-Hidden-Belief/dp/B0D1NSDB6L

Connect with Dr. Ray Doktor on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drraydoktorcoaching/

Connect with Dr. Ray Doktor on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/raydoktor