Core recovery concept number four, and I think a fitting way to sign off in the final edition/episode of The Anxious Morning:

You can handle it. You always do ...

Core principle number three I want to pass along as we wrap up The Anxious Morning is that when in doubt, doing the opposite can be a really useful guideline.

Sometimes this hits people like some kind of genius lightning bolt. Other times I get funny looks and head scratches. If you’re scratching your head and looking at me funny now, let me explain.

Most people will ask, “The opposite of what?” ...

When I am asked for one thing I might say to anxious Drew if I could go back in time and talk to him, it would probably be this.

“Listen brother, everything is temporary. You just have to allow it to be.”

This is one of those core recovery principles that spills over into life too. Everything in the universe is transient and temporary. This includes the physical and/or emotional state of any person. It’s a pretty important feature in terms of the overall design of the universe, but we often overlook it and wind up fighting against it when we are struggling in recovery.

I do believe the very first thing I ever posted on Instagram was this statement:

You can be afraid and safe at the same time.

Today I want to remind you that it is possible to be afraid and safe at the same time. Why am I including it as a core principle? ...

“BUT HOW CAN I NOT CARE ABOUT THIS?!”

This is a question that I get asked again and again and again because I often say that I simply do not care if I panic now. Let me clarify and refine that statement. I do care. The difference between now and then - when I was at my worst - is that now I only care for a few seconds ...

If you are hoping I might talk about something that more accurately reflects your personal experiences or situations, but I don’t, you’re still not broken or beyond hope. I kinda wanted to start today’s edition of The Anxious Morning by saying that.

Last night I made a silly video about health anxiety that acted out a conversation between someone and their health anxiety. It got lots of laughs and I can see that people really identified with the struggle. However, it was also pointed out in the comment section that some people really do wind up with health problems that doctors miss or misdiagnose. Clearly, and unfortunately, this is true. We can’t deny that. I’m always careful to point out that there is never 100% certainty about anything in life, including your health, because in the real world this kind of thing is possible. The point is that my post about one health anxiety experience left another health anxiety experience unrepresented. I don’t think this is limited to health anxiety, so let’s talk about it.

What I’m thinking about this morning is the fact that there is no perfect answer to every question that will apply to every person and every situation. Especially when you’re seeing mental health information and help online, there are constraints on the part of the person providing that information. Even the most well informed, well meaning and well educated content creators have to work within the framework provided by any given platform. This means that for me - when I hit that “post” button - I know that I am almost always leaving someone out of the conversation. I am leaving some experience unrepresented while I represent another.

Unfortunately, not every post, video, podcast episode, book, or whatever else can cover all possible personal experiences and situations. This is where we drop down from the realm of huge digital support systems into smaller in personal support systems or even individual therapy or counseling. Only in those much smaller and likely in-person contexts can we be sure that our personal experiences are being seen and taken into account.

Why is this important? It’s important because I do see people wind up angry, frustrated, hopeless, or all of those things sometimes when they see information that does not directly speak to their personal situation. That always kinda sucks to see. It’s totally understandable though. One of the reasons I don’t talk about medication for instance is that it is a very personal and emotional issue. People that have had terrible medication experiences have a very low tolerance for people that are pro-medication. People being helped by meds have a very low tolerance for negative medication stories and experiences. Who can blame anyone for this? Everyone wants to feel seen, heard, and validated. That’s no crime.

Especially when struggling and trying to find a way out of that struggle, hearing your personal experience represented in the discussion can go a long way. Hearing your personal experience overlooked can be impactful on an emotional and even a practical level.

Beyond practical issues - a French chef is simply not going to talk about Italian food - I don’t think anyone means to mislead or exclude people from mental health discussions. People who do what I do really want to help at least at some level. But we’re going to sometimes miss things and when we talk about one issue we’re almost guaranteed to leave out some particular aspect of that issue. Know that it doesn’t mean that we’re saying that there’s something wrong with you. I don’t think anyone is trying to invalidate people. If someone is making you feel bad because they continually leave out your experience, its OK to speak up or ask about that. When the audience gets really large it can be hard to to respond to every question or comment, but you can put your voice out there into the universe and be heard. Maybe others will hear it and respond to you. Maybe the content creator you’re addressing will hear you and think about what you’ve said. Maybe they can address your experience and situation once they see that it exists. I’ve done my best to incorporate that sort of thing into my message over time. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it falls short. We do the best we can.

Ultimately, try to remember that not hearing your specific situation addressed is not a reflection on you. You’re no more broken than anyone else. You’re as valuable and worthy of respect and acceptance as anyone else. You’re as capable as anyone else.

Above all, if anyone - including me - is making you feel bad about yourself because we’re leaving you out - and we don’t respond to your concerns - run! Even from me if you need to. I promise you won’t hurt my feelings if you do that. The Internet often sucks, but it is a big place with lots of people so there’s a good chance that you can find a place where your experience and situation is better represented.

Maybe someone will invent a digital content platform where we use quantum principles to fork every 90-second video into an infinite number of variations based on the particular situation of the viewer. That would be pretty awesome. I wonder if Elon Musk would ride in and make a mess of that too at some point?

Have you listened to this week’s episode of The Anxious Truth podcast? Check it out out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or my website and YouTube channel.

If you were listening to The Anxious Truth or following along with me on social media in 2016 you would have likely heard me use the letters C-B-T quite often. I would reference traditional CBT techniques like fact checking and thought challenging. Those are good things. I still dig them. But now you hear me saying slightly different things. I don’t talk about those more traditional techniques that often and when I do, it’s in a different context. You hear me talk more about psychological flexibility, acceptance, and tolerance of uncertainty far more these days. Why is this?

Well, things change. Research happens. Treatment types evolve. I’m often asked about what it means when I say “old school CBT” or “third wave” CBT. I thought today would be a good day to briefly go through the progression from “first wave” to “third wave” treatments when it comes to the problems we’re addressing together.

You guys know that I’m a total nerd when it comes to these things, and I’ve been asked to address this a surprising number of times, so let’s look at how Stoic philosophy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are connected. You really can draw a line from Zeno of City to Aaron Beck if you take a few minutes...

Just as we were about to hang up, my contractor friend said, “Hey, I appreciate you taking the call and coming out Wednesday.” That was nice, right. Except that’s not how he ended. He said something else.

“I know you don’t like to leave the house.”

Even writing this now triggers a reaction in me. Embarrassment. A sense of failure and failing ...

I realized that in the 11+ months I’ve been writing The Anxious Morning, I really haven’t directly address the concepts of embarrassment and shame. Not everyone fears dying, insanity, or passing out. Some people struggling with panic and anxiety related issues fear the feelings of embarrassment or shame that they might encounter if people see them in an anxious state.

Let’s take a quick look at the difference between embarrassment and shame. I’d call them cousins. They’re related, but not the same...