The Ascertainers

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Tough episode to title, but candy seemed to be the common thread.  Second episode of the night with Chantz and Alex (Mark's son and his buddy).

• Fiance:  It's just a funny word with a little accent thrown in
• Alex's cry for help
• Plea for social media followers
• Radio Game Update
• Patty Smyth?
• Milk Duds
• Sock Theory
• Mark's new dryer
• Chantz and Alex's fitness secrets
• Newt's promo
• Free video games only cost 15 bucks
• Mark hates licorice
• Sometimes you feel like a nut
• Chantz ate bugs
• King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
• Jim Drank a quarter
• G-Eazy fell down

Thanks for humoring us through 30 episodes.  Send your comments and suggestions to [email protected]

#Newts
#WaterBeetle
#Mounds

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We've evolved to a 4 microphone enterprise and the debut of 4 voices actually went OK.  Tonight, we are joined by Chantz (Mark's oldest son) and Alex (Chantz's buddy and top Ascertainers fan), 

• We have gone over 1,000 downloads!  Who knew??  Thanks to all who've listened
• Introducing our guests
• Chantz takes the wheel
• Crazy Lead Singers
• Alex tries to tell a story (minimum 4 interruptions--including a quick Newt's promo)
• Confirmation group fishing trip
• Radio Game
• Back to Crazy Band Members
• Friday the 13th
• Liquor store names
• Touchdown Teddy Brown encounter
• Babes Music Bar

The lads did a good job.  It's hard to come in cold and get into any flow, but there were plenty of laughs, and let's face it--that's why you listen, right?  We recorded another one that you'll hear next week.  

Thank you for listening.  If you're on Facebook, X, or Instagram, please consider throwing The Ascertainers a like or follow.

#Newts
#MoralDilemma 
#Fish

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This one starts with an unusually winding introduction including our first female voice.  Jim swears way less.

• Farmer's Almanac 
• Mark's Wife Cameo
• Why we regret doing Movie Soundtracks as a topic
• Moonlight Mile
• Swear Jar
• Radio Game
• Josh Duhamel
• Movie Soundtracks
• Newt's Promo--Sara is MVP and New Special
• Waning or Waxing Moon Phases (Nerd Alert)
• Dinner vs Supper (Dance Mix)
• Horse of a Different Color
• Tang, Countrytime Dust
• Chocolate Milk Debate
• Shoutout Jim's Brother Jeff

Comments or questions always welcome at [email protected]
#Frozen
#Newts

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First and foremost--Jim swore way too much on this episode.  He (I) counted the F bombs and the sum is either impressive or embarrassing.  Shield your kids from this one.  It's not even good, quality swearing.  It's gratuitous, like every 80's movie showing boobs--whether it added to the story or not.  Bad example.  I'll do better.

• 6-month anniversary:  Shut it down or add another set of gear?
• Dinner or Supper?
• An Ascertainers message of hope
• Radio Game--on it's way out?
• Where is Atlanta Rhythm Section from?
• Rolling Stones picks
• Wardrobe discussion
• Mark sounds off on medleys (I checked--that's how you spell it)
• Jim botches Gimme Shelter--badly!
• Be nice.
• Golf update
• Ball talk
• It's still just myriad
• Shout out to Mark's sister Audie K
• Radio Bingo?
• Last minute Newt's promo

#SorryNewts
#GoToNewts
#Helicopter

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We bring back our first ever guest, Jason a/k/a The Flip Flop Wearing Weed Whipper!

• Mark puts the mock in mock turtleneck
• Jim sucks at golf
• Vikings off to horrible start
• Wedding talk
• Tattoo talk
• MARK's PROFESSION FINALLY REVEALED
• More tattoo talk
• Newt's promo--including the best alternate word for pescatarian yet!
• Ketchup
• Finally, our top Led Zeppelin songs
• Fin

#Newt's
#saralegeltattoos

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Episode 25 already?  As mentioned previously, you'd think we'd be better at this, but we forge ahead.  This episode is one of those where we record two in one night because of a scheduling conflict down the road.  Translation:  Words will be slurred.

• Mark Makes his wife mad at "the" Newt's
• Mark's new neighbor not impressed
• Sound effects
• Apologies to the Dutch
• MN State Fair recap hijacked by theme music update
• Newt's has a new  special
• Lefse talk
• Shout out to our Mom's
• Mistaken Identity at Newt's
• Radio Lame (err, Game)
• Rock stars like MN women
• Detective show or men's grooming product?
• The "Why was Newt's so packed" controversy
• Jim is distractingly interesting
• New Stones album???
• Fight Fight Fight

If you have any comments, suggestions or feedback in general, email us at [email protected]

#ThatsalotofNewtsReferences

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Listen closely and you will hear that the theme music has been re-recorded and sounds a little more warm and natural.  Shout out to Audie AD and PW!  Gotta be honest, this episode is very under control "in control."  Some may find it boring, others soothing.  Maybe don't operate heavy machinery while listening.  That's what our lawyers asked me to say.

• Golf talk.  Changing seasons
• Ranch water
• Radio Game
• TOP WHO SONGS
• RIP Gary Wright, guy from Smashmouth and Jimmy Buffet
• We finally get some emails
• Ascertainers merch being created
• Life before music apps like Shazam
• Just realizing we skipped the Newt's promo.  No bueno

#NewtsAppleValleyMN
#RogerDaltrysjunk

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We get to the Beatles eventually, but before that, we have other important items like:

• Mark's new shirt color: Vitamin Piss (that better be a band name already)
• Two weeks of golf recaps
• 911--what's your emergency?
• Audie Pat stiffs Mark--again!
• RIP Audie CN "N"
• How to mispronounce Mea Culpa
• Jim's childhood goal--Ornathology
• Grackle Parmesan (another solid band name)
• Big upgrade to Radio Game
• Nice name, Righteous Brothers
• Ace vs Ambrosia
• Driving Mr Daisy
• TOP BEATLES SONGS (I told you we'd get to it)
• Abrupt Ending

#GoodnightEverybody
#Newts
#Chatfield

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Apparently, people who listen to this have too many T-shirts, because we didn't have to send any out this week!  Is this thing even on (see what I did there with the title)?
Pretty standard episode:

• Mark beat Jim in golf again (and gets a little cocky--stay tuned to see how that works out)
• We talk Newt's--including, "The Sara Spinaround," Jim puts his foot in his mouth (as usual), Mackaylie is a listener (also--how do you spell Mackaylie?)!
• We befriend a fellow golfer
• Jim's inspirational pep talk to the world
• Mark's seafoam shirt
• No need to go to the post office...
• Think Drink Disney fellas gave us a solid shoutout
• Far Side spank bank???
• Out of nowhere haircut shoutout
• New Radio Game format
• They'd be locking up a lot of old rock stars these days!
• 5 minutes of torture/we will fix the Radio Game
• Como Zoo and Sparky the Seal

Got a guest lined up for next week.  Stay weird, stay cool, stay you.

#Pierre
#Skateboardian
#Newts
#Seafoam

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This one was recorded as a bonus episode that we could have on the shelf for a rainy day--then we realized we needed it right away, so it's literally being released in the order it was recorded....  For those that still think we are a music podcast, buckle up, because there's plenty of that ahead--as well as some very, very random stuff.

• Think twice about coffee at Mark's
• Have you guys ever heard of Newt's?
• The Birds & the Bees & my Dog 
• Radio Game
• Jeans in the Fall
• Cover Songs
• Titillate melts Jim's brain
• Bible stuff
• Wayne Cochran tangent
• Awkward wrap up

And that's all she wrote.  We've got a couple of fun things on the horizon with some younger, talented individuals helping us hopefully look good.  We need all the help we can get.  

Thanks for listening.  Whatever you do, DO NOT EMAIL US AT [email protected] .  Since begging for email ideas didn't work, let's see what kind of motivation works for this crowd.  

Also, we're up to 715 downloads in 5 countries--so you are not alone! But it's cool if you all tell two friends....

#andtheylltell2friends
#andsoon
#andsoon
#Newts
#Jocko