The Ascertainers

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We talk a bit of sports on this one, hence the Wheel of Fortune Before and After-inspired title.  IYKYK...

• Mark's family recap
• Keep it Shrimple
• Green Room
• Yungblud preview
• Newt's--Not a Bad Seat in the House
• Special Newt's shoutout--Sarah
• Best in Show
• The Farting Contest
• Nerd Alert
• Karen flashback
• Self-righteous
• Boilermakers
• Nocturnal Mom's
• Vaccuums
• Songs of the Week:
  • Don't Be Cruel--Billy Swan
  • Is She Hiding a Broken Heart--Remo Drive
• Neil Young vs Diamond Dave
• Minnesota Sports Disappointment
• Joe Pesci or Joe Piscopo?

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Billy Swan - Don't Be Cruel (Audio)

Dusty Springfield - Son of a Preacher Man (Official Audio)

Remo Drive "Is She Hiding a Broken Heart" New/Unreleased Song LIVE - YouTube

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Now that we are all comfortable with one another.....  Adjust your volume accordingly.

• Introductions
• 5K memories
• Reading glasses
• Newt's--Good Food, Good Times
• Neighborhood band
• Are you comfortable?
• We Are Family--Sister Sledge
• You're My Girl--April Wine
• Lovely Day--Bill Withers
• Shoutout our logo designer--Selena
• Jim's joke fails miserably
• Sweet Caroline--Neil Diamond
• State Fair
• RIP Prince
• Julio Iglesias Concert
• Bad Bunny
• Karen--our own version of Alexa
• Crippled
• Historic document
• Tattoos

#NewtsAppleValley

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Buckle up!  We've got 8 voices on this one (Jim's wife is on too).  Mark's Mom is an absolute DELIGHT!  And sister Karen let Jim live.

• Welcome Renee, Denise, Polli, Karen and Marlene (with Kris in the background)
• Bible terminology
• Coolio?
• 6th grader at a Pat Benatar concert 
• Newt's gets a 4 star Yelp review
• Mars, the pulltab queen
• Ever been arrested?
• Mark is an Angel
• JC Penney
• The Pine Tree
• Backyard campout
• Mars and Ellie?
• 2 pots a day...
• Poor duck
• Twins
• Nice watch
• First cocert?  Led Zeppelin
• Card club
• Dinosaurs

#NewtsIsTheBest

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Don't let the title fool you, it's not about the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent.  It's just a topic-free zone this time around.

• Kdoctor Jim
• Mansfield Bar
• Pun of the Day
• Tune in for Mark's whole family next week!
• Will Karen hurt Jim?
• Golf Smack
• Newt's--Cory brings the heat 
• Lack of pull tab discipline
• Jim survived his 5K
• Apple Valley Car Clinic
• RIP Dash Crofts and Sif Kroft
• Paul McCartney Doc
• Songs of the Weak:
  • The Show Must Go On--Leo Sayer
  • Egypt Texas--Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet
• Bracket blunder
• Shoutout Big Al

#NewtsAppleValleyMN

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The Show Must Go On - Leo Sayer | The Midnight Special

Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet - Egypt Texas

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A bonus episode (2nd recording of the night) from a few weeks back.  Jim's lack of profanity is almost too pure.

• March Madness
• Yearbook Bracketology
• Lighten up Karen
• What's with the toys?
• Newt's > Cheers
• This one's for you Lars
• Songs of the Week
  • Your Smiling Face--James Taylor
  • Lady Oh--Neil Diamond
• Kids In the Hall--Record Store Snob
• Greatest Hits--According to who(m)
• Neil Diamond--Hot August Night
• Ricky's out of prison already
• Evil record labels
• Prince appreciation
• Beatle Fight

#NewtsAppleValleyMN

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James Taylor - Your Smiling Face (Blossom Music Festival, Jul 18, 1979)

Neil Diamond - Lady-oh (Live @ the greek theatre)[1976].

Prince: Guitar

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So, after three years of doing this project, Mark decides that he should mention the time he and his wife flew from LA to Las Vegas on a nearly empty plane.  The only other passengers?  Chuck Norris and his wife.  Really.

• Golf recap
• Sushi gout
• Goldy's 5k prep
• Mark meets Chuck Norris
• Newt's new feature
• Annette O'Toole
• TJ's Homebrew
• Bourbon
• RIP MN Vikings legends
• Chuck Norris story verified on air by Mark's wife
• RIP Jim's friend Kevin L
• Songs of the Week
  • Roof with a Hole--Meat Puppets
  • Dog and Butterfly--Heart
• Heart appreciation
• Live well everybody

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Roof With A Hole - Meat Puppets

Heart Dog And Butterfly 2025

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Fun little episode.  Jim's swearing got way better.

• Minimum wage Mark
• Goldy's Run update
• Fishing for compliments
• Race walking
• New knee update
• Chuck Norris
• Chuck Norris Facts
• Do you think Chuck ever ate at Newt's?
• Jeff Beck / Stevie Wonder
• Five Finger Death Punch
• Songs of the Week:
  • I Still Believe -- The Call
  • No Woman No Cry --Bob Marley and the Wailers
• Swearing update
• Something in Paris

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Waynes World 2 Fight Scene

The Call - I Still Believe (Great Design)(Remastered)

Bob Marley & The Wailers - No Woman, No Cry (Live At The Rainbow 4th June 1977)

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Yes, the movie Miracle, and no, this episode isn't that old--Mark just takes a while to watch movies.  Also, we loosen up a bit on copyright infringement and play a few notes.  Come and get us--might help our ratings.

Finally--Jim apologizes for his profanity and is working on it (still).

• How February works
• Chicken whore
• Right?
• Joe Walsh--So What?
• Advice to Rush
• Songs of the Week
  • Welcome to the Club--Joe Walsh
  • Selling the Drama--Live
• Casey Kasem does Bon Scott
• Musical taste
• Mark's Miracle review (a few years late)
• Follow us on Facebook already

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Welcome to the Club - Joe Walsh

Live - Selling The Drama - YouTube

Bill Hader discusses cut Casey Kasem sketch with Kevin Pollak

Beyonce and Justin Timberlake single ladies

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We've got your basic Friday the 13th episode complete with a black cat sighting moments before recording.  Were we cursed?

• Kick 'em in the %*#@
• Hello Sharks
• Newt's 101
• Friday the 13th
• Songs of the Week
  • Tryin'--The Eagles
  • See You Later--Soul Asylum
• Just regular-stitious
• Kevin Nealon
• 2026 Golf predictions
• Kyler Murray is a Viking
• Volstead House
• Jello shots
• Whiskey--all you want!
• Shoutout Tommy

#NewtsAppleValleyMN

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Tryin' - The Eagles (1971)

See You Later  Soul Asylum

Mr. Subliminal - Saturday Night Live

I put Q-Tips deep in my ear 😂 SILLY SILLY FUNY BOY is available for early access NOW on @800pgm

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If at first you don't succeed, try 151 more times.  This episode is a reflection of that ambition.  But really, it's not that bad--although Mark says he edited out so much dead air that Jim sounds a bit manic toward the end.

• Brothers
• USA!
• Captain Crunch
• Shot gunning Cheetos
• The next Jimmy Stewart
• RIP Robert Duval
• War Movies
• RIP Lou Holtz
• Pipe Culture
• RIP Neil Sedaka
• Singer Songwriter fight to the finish!
• Songs of the Week:
  • All I Wanna Do--Sherly Crow
  • Welcome Home--Bachman Turner Overdrive
• The Guess Who is coming to town
• Nice note from Pat and Sue
• Thanks for stopping by

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Sheryl Crow - All I Wanna Do (original music video)

Welcome Home (Live At Budokan, Tokyo / 1976)

FLAMIN' HOT | Official Trailer | Searchlight Pictures

Lou Holtz inspirational speech