The Ascertainers

The Ascertainers

Download on the App Store

The Ascertainers episodes

  • Episode 150: Fresh From the Pantry

    Send us Fan Mail

    You would think that our 150th episode might be a little bit more impressive...  Think of this as our way of showing how comfortable we are with you, the listeners (both of you).  Kind of like leftovers can be great comfort food or something like that.

    • The Tree of Woe
    • Newt's--Apple Valley's finest, the sponsorship origin story
    • The Medical Minute:  Mark's knees and Rudy Gobert
    • Mossball Torsion throwback concert footage
    • Neighborhood origin story
    • Dragnet drug slang
    • The Californians
    • Dixie
    • Songs of the Week:
      • Not Dead Yet--Lord Huron
      • Screaming in the Night--Krokus
    • Plodding rock favorites

    #NewtsAppleValleyMN
    #LoveThyNeighbor

    [email protected]

    Lord Huron - Not Dead Yet (Official Video)

    Krokus - Screaming in the Night (Official Video)


    41 min
  • Episode 149: The White Shorts Story

    Send us Fan Mail

    5 time guest Chantz and his buddy Alex join us for a matinee recording.  Of course we started the festivities at our awesome sponsor--Newt's in Apple Valley MN.  

    • Jim's pending 5K
    • Chantz's harrowing triathalon
    • The white shorts story and other tales of horror
    • Olympic stuff
    • Anti-Grease hate
    • Jack Black
    • Epic movies
    • Sports shmorts
    • Diseases with human names
    • Songs of the Week:
      • Evenflow--Pearl Jam
      • Children of the Sun--Billy Thorp
      • At Night in Dreams--White Denim
      • The Girl From Ipanema--Astrud Gilberto
    • More ASL commentary
    • Commination breakdown
    • Domo arigato Hunter
    • Ace and Gary are hitting the town
    • Shoutout Tommy in Texas

    #Newts

    [email protected]

    Pearl Jam - Even Flow (Official Video)

    Children of the Sun (TX '79) - Billy Thorpe

    White Denim - At Night In Dreams (Live on KEXP)

    Astrud Gilberto and Stan Getz - The Girl From Ipanema (1964) LIVE

    49 min
  • Episode 148: Winter Olympics

    Send us Fan Mail

    When Mark came up with the idea for this project, he wanted it to be a sports podcast.  Well, today he got his wish as we hit on the Olympics, and the Super Bowl with a little music and some laughs sprinkled in.  Enjoy.

    • Weather report
    • Get a room
    • Jim's last episode
    • ASL
    • MAGIC
    • Super Bowl recap
    • Shoutout Guy Gosselin
    • Newt's--The Best Sponsor Ever
    • Waygu Jim
    • Winter Olympics
    • Kare 11 sports gal
    • Miracle:  The Boys of 80
    • Ski jumping
    • Biathlon-curious
    • Songs of the Week:
      • Turn the Beat Around--Vicki Sue Robinson
      • Little Hurricane--Grand Canyon
    • Whoville's worst Cardiologist

    #NewtsAppleValleyMN

    [email protected]

    Vicki Sue Robinson Turn The Beat Around American Bandstand July 10 1976 HQ

    little hurricane grand canyon - (live on tape) - YouTube

    41 min
  • Episode 147: Mark's Wine Faux Pas

    Send us Fan Mail

    ....Eventually.

    Fun little episode featuring death, social blunders, wieners and curling.  Tell your friends!

    • The dark days of Bugs Bunny
    • Newt's--Tell 'em we sent you
    • Straight Mark
    • TV For Dogs
    • Mark's awesome white wine story
    • RIP Catherine O'Hara
    • RIP Chuck Negron 
    • How Three Dog Night was named
    • Some actual music talk (I know, right?)
    • Geography for 200, Alex
    • Wiener talk
    • Olympic curling preview
    • Songs of the Week:
      • Death May Be Your Santa Claus--Mott the Hoople
      • Sausalito Summernight--Diesel

    #NewtsAppleValleyMN
    #TV4DMN

    [email protected]

    Death May Be Your Santa Claus

    Diesel - Sausalito Summernight (1980) lyrics

    Take Off

    38 min
  • Episode 146: Back-to-Back Song Pairs

    Send us Fan Mail

    Nice little episode.  A few laughs, very little negativity and a tasteful amount of nudity.

    • Beads
    • Two dogs
    • Newt's--Sports bar without all the bro's
    • 30 gallons
    • Chill out
    • RIP Pat's Dad
    • Loyal listener roll call
    • Gilligan's Island
    • Werner Klemperer
    • Aunt Jemima 
    • Back-to-Back Songs
      • We Will Rock You/We are the Champions--Queen
      • This Beat Goes On/Switchin' to Glide--The Kings
      • Feeling That Way/Anytime--Journey
        • Neal Schoen fantasy sequence
      • Tainted Love/Where Did Our Love Go--Soft Cell
      • The Load Out / Stay--Jackson Browne
      • Brain Damage / Eclipse--Pink Floyd
      • Need You Tonight / Mediate--INXS
      • Threshold / Jet Airliner--Steve Miller Band
      • Heartbreaker / Livin' Lovin' Maid--Led Zeppelin

    #NewtsAppleValleyMN

    #PhoneAFriend

    [email protected]

    The Kings - This Beat Goes On/Switchin' to Glide

    Jackson Browne The Load Out and Stay Live BBC 1978

    38 min
  • Episode 145: Social Rant / American Guitarists

    Send us Fan Mail

    A slight departure to start this one.  Things are getting a bit tense for us, and we address how we deal with it.  As an important piece of context, this was recorded the night before the shooting of Alex Pretti in Minneapolis.  The rant is not related to that incident.  

    The episode gets a lot happier as we turn to a very incomplete list of American guitarists that we like.

    • Newt's--Still Crazy After all These Years!
    • NOVA
    • Memory Lane
    • Jim goes off on the current way we're treating each other
    • Can't we all just get along??
    • Appreciate (not attack) our differences
    • Songs of the Week:
      • For What It's Worth -- Buffalo Springfield
      • Life Without You--Stevie Ray Vaughan
    • A VERY INCOMPLETE list of American guitarists we like:
      • Terry Kath, Jerry Garcia, SRV, Jimi Hendrix, BB King, Chuck Berry, Duane Allman, Prince, Neil Schoen, Spider Giraldo, Randy Rhodes, Slash
    • Aaand we're back to being happy.  Thanks for your understanding!

    #NewtsAppleValleyYourNumberOneSpotForIceColdBeerHotJuicyBurgersAnd OutstandingServiceDidWeMentionItsInAppleValleyMinnesotaNotCalifornia

    [email protected]

    Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth 1967

    Stevie Ray Vaughan - Life Without You | Live at Capitol Theatre (1985)  If you just want to hear some epic advice on treating people go to the 6:00 mark

    40 min
  • Episode 144: Mark's College Roommate--Tommy

    Send us Fan Mail

    Just for fun, Mark invites his college roommate Tommy to join.  That's a bold move, but it wasn't as incriminating as Jim hoped.  Also, Bob Weir of the Grateful Dead died this week (which explains the amount of talk surrounding him).

    • The origin story--bodily fluids have entered the chat
    • Just outside San Antonio
    • Mark's cardigan
    • First Grateful Dead show
    • Bootlegs
    • Thank you for your service
    • Enid, OK and the patch controversy
    • More Dick's Picks
    • The Doors
    • Dead & Company
    • Bob Weir remembered
    • The 1980 MGB
    • The stolen Harley and the Pee Wee Herman bike lock
    • Boxing & the cracked rib
    • Songs of the Week
      • When I Paint My Masterpiece--Grateful Dead
      • Sugar Magnolia--Grateful Dead
      • Althea--Bob Weir and John Mayer
    • Adios Amigos

    #NewtsAppleValley
    #JustOutsideOfSanAntonio
    #ThatsALotOfJohnMayerLinks
    #RIPBob

    [email protected]

    Grateful Dead - When I Paint My Masterpiece - 7/26/1987 - Anaheim Stadium (Official)

    The Grateful Dead - Sugar Magnolia - Live '74

    The Late Late Show Bob Weir and John Mayer Perform Althea

    John Mayer Eulogy for Bob Weir 💀⚡️🌹🙏🏾

    John Mayer on Quitting Alchohol

    46 min
  • Episode 143: The Future is Now

    Send us Fan Mail

    Kind of a meandering conversation.  In Jim's opinion, it's some of our best work.  And he doesn't even like this podcast.

    • Powered by Newt's (Apple Valley, MN)
    • Potatoes / Ketchup
    • Demographics
    • Cosby (sorry)
    • Timberlake
    • Jessica Beil (what is this--TMZ?)
    • We are in the future
    • Two man dead pool
    • Songs of the Week
      • The Time of the Preacher--Willie Nelson
      • Shining Star--Jerry Garcia Band
    • Gingerbread Houses
    • Jeff's balls
    • Spice journey
    • Sloppy Joes
    • Used car blues
    • Don't judge a book by its cover

    #NewtsAppleValleyMN

    [email protected]

    Willie Nelson - Time of the Preacher (Live From Austin City Limits, 1976)

    Shining Star (2 cam) - Jerry Garcia Band - 11-9-1991 Hampton, Va. set2-02 (LoloYodel)

    40 min
  • Episode 142: What is KPOP Anyway?

    Send us Fan Mail

    This episode has something for everyone.  Philippines history, boxing, burps and one old guy explaining KPOP to another old guy.  Oh, and we're giving away 3 Ascertainers T-shirts!

    •  The Philippines
    • The Ascertainer's Newt's Nachos Challenge (not in any way affiliated with Newt's)
    • Jim time traveled
    • Mark could've been a contender
    • Thai Curry--can't even hit a 3 pointer
    • Burp talk
    • RIP Dick Enrico
    • Songs of the Weak:
      • Shine For You--Slightly Stoopid with G Love (really)
      • Sharks--Morphine
    • Wild Kingdom
    • Word Police
    • Snoop Dogg
    • KPOP
    • Shirt Giveaway!

    #NewtsAppleValley

    Want a free Ascertainers t-shirt?  [email protected]

    Shine For You (Official Music Video) - Slightly Stoopid with G. Love

    Morphine - Sharks (live, 1994)

    37 min
  • Episode 141: Happy New Year

    Send us Fan Mail

    This one was recorded before Christmas, so any current events won't be covered--which helps the episode.  Also, this is the second episode of the night, so if you detect a slight slurring, there's no need to adjust your settings...

    • Stevie Ray Vaughn and Christopher Cross Connection
    •  Dog days of winter
    • Latitude vs longitude lesson (who says this episode isn't cool)
    • S.A.D. talk
    • Hat tip to So I Married an Axe Murderer
    • Who's ready for the Newt's Apple Valley--Ascertainers Bowl
    • Iron Mark
    • Is that a pickle?
    • Spirit Mountain
    • Don't ski high, kids
    • Songs of the week
      • Crazy Little Thing Called Love--Queen
      • Relax--Frankie goes to Hollywood
    • McDonald's and Arby's
    • Exposing the Calzone
    • Newt's cares--so go there and eat something
    • Coors Light doesn't get you drunk
    • Progressive Dinner
    • Happy New Year!

    #NewtsAppleValley

    The wrong emPHASis on the wrong sylLABle

    Move your giant head - So I married an axe murderer

    Queen - Crazy Little Thing Called Love (Official Video)

    Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax (Official Video)

    Nobody EVER emails us, but just in case this is the [email protected]

    38 min

About The Ascertainers

From the publisher's feed

Music Musings & Other Drivel