Well, it’s been a hell of ride, Bach Boys Nation! Thank you for your patronage. For your support. For your time. Your tears. Your love. Your listens. The first half of the episode is a nice return to form skewering Pete, his mother, and her gimp. We wish them the contractually obligated best. The second half though? Well, the second half is a litte something special, just for you: Our devoted fans. So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Good night!

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The Boys keep it classy in this, the most calm and respectful Boys Tell All yet. Listen as they gracefully rise above the roar of the transient scum below (which apparently is most of Bachelor Nation according to those nasty DMs they Rachel Lindsay showed us). Listen to the soothing, agreeable tones of three Boys who you can just tell really get it. These ladies may be stinkie trash , it’s true. But where there’s trash, there’s gotta be people to clean it up. You’re welcome!

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Poor Madison. No amount of Dad’s special training could prepare such a pure body and soul for the crushing disappointment of Peter crushing a disappointment of a person like Victoria F. Also Hannah Anne is there and she’s looking VERY tan! We’re almost there, gang. Let’s get through this together.

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Happy Precedence Day!! Peter has set a new precedent for just how low the Bachelor should be willing to go in his quest for the *perfect* fantasy suite date. Truly a stupid, stupid man.... AND WE’RE PASSING THE SAVINGS ON TO YOU!!!!!

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Dear God,

We come to You, humble hosts of the #1 rated Bachelor podcast in the world, to thank You for these many splendorous blessings we reap in Your Name. However, we do ask what is up with this cast of garbage women You’ve seen fit to loose upon us. Seriously, what’s the deal, Bro? Pretty rude, God. Not cool, Jesus. We’re very disappointed in you both. Let’s try and work a little harder and think a little more next time a decision like this comes up, okay? Good.

Amen!

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Two of your most beloved boys let their truth rip all over a very special episode of The Bach Boys. Almost everyone on The Bachelor this season is horrible and all the ladies we like are getting all beat up on!!! (mostly by Tammy.)We’re just sensitive I guess, but we can’t be broken! Also, Chris Harrison is a snack.

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Wow. Chills. Goosebumps. Great TV. Stellar Producing. Ruthless Producing! Cold! Feelingless! Bravo! Thank you!

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Peter, Peter, Peter... What? Did you think this would be easy? Did you think this was a game? Oh, it's a game alright, but you are not the player, Peter. You- why, you're the bait of course. mwahahahahaha. Who are we? It doesn't matter who we are, all that matters is our plan. We are The Bach Boys and anyway, crazy about that Alayah stuff huh?

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Uh oh! Only Week 2 and Peter’s already playing referree to two women he cannot wait to make his wives!! My mans be comin out SWANGN for that “Best Supporting Actor in a Reality Show - Musical or Comedy” award! Gee wiz, ladies! Save that drama for your mama!!

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A beautiful decade comes bearing gifts, in the form of 22 beautiful women and 8 new friends. Listen to the Boys select their controversial Top 4 picks to kick off a landmark 12th season.

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