Bach Boys Nation,

You rock, never change. The summer may be over but the memories we made this season will last forever... And so will some of Paradise's success stories! Congrats to the 2.5 couples that made it out of Paradise (our fingers are crossed for you Bukowski), they're no Jade and Tanner but it's whatever. The Bachelor machine keeps moving and Peter's up next, we can't wait to see you again then! Thanks Bach Boys Nation for a great season!

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Oh, no!! It’s almost over?? What ever will we do? It’s Week 7 or 8 or something, you guys! We’ve only got 1 episode left after this one! How sad is that?? Dang it. Darn it. Anyway, this week we do a whole lot of scramblin’! Strap in!

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Paradise is starting to become more real and serious for our lovestruck castaways, as the content of the show becomes more absurd and confusing to The Bach Boys. The Bach Boys Bachelor Report Power Ranking System is all we have to make sense of the mess that these lost souls forced to wander the island of Mexico have made for us. This consistent and ever-changing platform has been our rock all season long, and our takes are straight fire. #PrayersForDerek

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Chris and Krystal may have entered into the most holiest of unions this week (ew), but The Bach Boys have never been more divided. Blame unceasingly meddling producers or blame unceasingly meddling contestants, it’s all the same in the end. You know it’s a hard week when even our great hero John Paul Jones is on the Power Ranking chopping block. It hurts our hearts to say, but the day of John Paul Jones judgement is upon us.

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In an unprecedented first, Jake and Alex take command of the show while Ryan joins Casey in the field on the seemingly interminable hunt for Faheem. The Boys discuss the impact of Demi’s courageous honesty on the traditional interpretation of “The Right Reasons” and mince no words when calling out Kristina’s BS. It’s a real whirlwind.

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The Boys become slaves to their own plot device, tirelessly re-shuffling the deck of their Power Ranking System for another un-precedented podcast runtime. These sloppy twenty somethings stranded on the erotic Island of Mexico make it hard to root for them, but don't worry at least we all know who we're rooting against!

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Let the games begin! Paradise is under way, as Bachelor Nation’s finest claw, scratch, drink, sweat, clamor, smother and cry their way to a lifelong romance on the beautiful island of Mexico. If you can’t tell this season’s heroes from the no good stinky spoiled meats, don’t worry The Bach Boys have done your thinking for you in an unprecedented power ranking system we swear we really thought out in advanced. It’s the most dramatic season premiere yet (probably)!

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Strap in for our longest finale yet!! The Boys wax nostalgic on 10 years of success and fortune and celebrate Hannah’s terribly sad and overwhelmingly disappointing journey to find “love”. TENTH Season Finale! Just soak that in for a second. Wow. Go us!

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We’ll level with you. It’s a lot about Luke, but what the heck are we supposed to do, Bach Boys Nation?! We’re watching the same show you are! Granted, we do make time to hate on Cam, but as of course is tradition, we make no time for Jed.

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Now that 75% of Hannah’s remaining men have been “cancelled” due to shocking post-season revelations about their true character, it’s literally Tyler or bust. I mean, Tyler is the clear pick no matter how you slice it but, like, c’mon Hannah. Please. For all of our sakes. Make the right call.

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