Jack would love to be a science rockstar.

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Jack Mangan 

But then inflation hit, and suddenly every tidepool toddler with a bucket of shells thought they were a millionaire.

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We wrinkle, we slow down, we get cranky about currents that “aren’t what they used to be.”

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Actual Women of the Sea do not give up their voices to attract a mate. Not for a crown, not for a castle, not even for an all-you-can-eat buffet of sea cucumbers.

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Ah, jellyfish. The eternal mystery blobs of the sea. Today we wrestle with one of life’s big undersea questions: what exactly are they?

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Today I’m answering a question from my Landwalker friend Steve, who asked: “What does MeMe think of landwalking television shows like Stargate: Atlantis, SeaQuest DSV, Nautilus, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, and Man From Atlantis?”

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Now, today is a very special tide on the calendar — it’s my birthday! And in the spirit of Actual Woman of the Sea generosity, I’m not asking for gifts… I’m giving them. Well, wishes. But still. Let’s go.

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The funeral itself isn’t about burial. We don’t put anyone in the sand. We build a shell barge — decorated with what they loved — and let the current take them. Aunt Coral had strings of pearls and her favorite coral comb. Old Finnback? A treasure chest full of maps he never used, because that man never admitted he was lost.

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The Starbucks mermaid? Nice girl, terrible swimmer. She’s been treading water in the same pose since 1971.

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Yesterday’s bustling Octopus’s Garden becomes tomorrow’s empty patch of sand.. They call it “relocation.” I call it “ghosting, but with eight arms.”

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