The Beak » Breakfast with the Beak

Paper cuts! Are you freaked out yet? You should be. But don’t worry; we take this extremely unpleasant topic and make it tolerable, mostly by talking about Honey Boo Boo, hypothetical emergency chainsaw scenarios, and the subtleties of ninja costuming. Basically anything but the topic itself, because ugh, paper cuts. Subscribe via RSS Subscribe via […]

Like everyone else, we have families, and we can’t always avoid them. But why settle for family togetherness when we can talk about violent children armed with sofa cushions and shoes? Seriously, that comes up. As do terrible mashed potatoes, limerick parties, and trails of grease all over your mother’s nice floors. If nothing else, […]

All right, we’ve got a really stupid one for you this week. Have you ever wondered about bear attacks? Probably not. They’re pretty straightforward. But someone asked, so we’re telling you everything we know about life in the Bear Kingdom. Somehow we ended up reciting semi-obscene poetry and devising the greatest prank of all time. […]

Centuries ago, chain mail kept your ancestors safe from swords. Nowadays, it’s mostly used to make really impractical costumes. So where did it all go wrong? The answer involves fantasy swimwear, hunky adventurers, weresquirrels, and the collapse of the Global Brony Conspiracy. You know you’re curious about what the hell any of that means. Subscribe […]

This week, we’ve got an unusual request: lie about the extinction of the dinosaurs. Creationism, science fiction, alternate universes, we cover it all. We also debate what pheasants look like, chat with imaginary penguins, flip out about mini pizza bagels, and play a 100% illegal Pussy Riot song. Take that, Putin! Subscribe via RSS Subscribe […]

Oh, that’s right. Someone finally asked us the ultimate nerd question, and we’re ready to throw down. As it turns out, we’re kind of conflicted. Does Kirk’s impulsiveness really make him cool? Is Picard’s dedication just a lingering after-effect of an early trauma? Would you trust either of them to be the designated driver if […]

Why doesn’t the burger in the ad look anything like the actual burger you get at McDonald’s? We’re trying to find out, even if it means subjecting ourselves to varnished burgers, plastic sushi, and inexplicably waterproof towels. Whether you’re sending robots to Mars or just trying to make your competitor’s chicken look gross, this episode […]

The Olympics have started, and we noticed! Sure, the games themselves have barely gotten underway, but how about those opening ceremonies? We got to see muddy peasants, belching smokestacks, a giant Voldemort puppet, and stupid, stupid Matt Lauer! Did we like it? Are we excited? Is Matt Lauer really as stupid as we think? Download […]

We rely on dictionaries to tell us which words count as real words. So how should we react when they decide to add bits of internet slang to the canon? Turns out we’re mostly in favor of it, and we have some really good arguments that we stole from other people. So don’t worry; your […]

Do tiny dogs feel restricted when humans carry them around in purses, or do they just consider it a fun ride? That’s the question that led us on a journey through the world of miniature canines. Tune in if you’ve ever wanted to know about terrier combat, teacup elephants, or the prejudice that dachshunds face […]