The Bell Howard Show

Moral panics are fun for the whole family. From Satanic subliminal messages in cereal commercials to public library story hours apparently organized by a vast international network of groomers. Is there really something to be afraid of here or are we just getting our adult diapers in a bunch? Today's guest, author and psychologist Tim Prack, says you should start stocking up on adult diapers. Dr. Prack helps us sift through the nonsense and get to the diamond hard core of terror that lies at the heart of these so called "moral panics". He also tells us which moral panics are for liberal wusses, who can't stop suckling at the teat of the liberal news media, and which ones require our utmost vigilance. Separating fact from drag queen story hour might seem complicated at first but luckily Dr. Prack gives us a helpful acronym so you don't have to think so hard and save those brain cells for fighting the technocracy. And no it isn't WWJD! But it's pretty close. This one is a screamer, a panic stricken screamer! Can we panic now . . . please?

You can be sure whatever crazy idea Bill Gates thinks up in his living room with his dog Dos, you'll eventually see on your social media feed. In this episode Bell takes on Bill's new policy suggestion that we limit our breathing in order to lower human emissions. Maybe the all mighty tech mogul is not sitting in so rarefied air after all. A sour scent of onions and relish from those nasty mouth-breathers down below wafts up to the top of Mt. Olympia. The be-speckled Olympian decrees we sacrifice more to save the planet. Chocolate coated crickets and Segways are just the beginning. They have plans for us, my children! 

Also Bell reads an email from a Christian Baker specializing in gay wedding cakes. The gay customers he imagined flocking to him just aren't there. Should he give up his dream? Bell offers some advice to him, and with the help of co-host AI Simon offers more practical advice for anyone who wants to make their dreams come true. Truly an inspirational episode. Inhale! Exhale! Taste the freedom folks! 

The Fushigi Times article: https://fushigitimes.wordpress.com/2023/03/12/hold-your-breath-save-the-planet-says-gates/

 The Facebooks: https://www.facebook.com/bell.howard.754/

In this episode, Bell joins the AI Revolution!  You know what they say: “If you can’t beat them, make them join your podcast.” Producer Wes hooks up with ChatGPT and gives it a human-like voice and voila, the Bell Howard Show gets its first co-host! Known as AI Simon, the natural sounding podcast-bot lends the authority of the internet, and the snappy comebacks of Andy Richter to be the sugar to Bell’s spice. Bell and AI Simon discuss Joe Biden’s chance for reelection and the role of generative AI in the new economy. In the second part of the show, AI Simon is really put to the test when a man calls in to ask for marriage advice. The tension that communism creates in a marriage is no laughing matter and the AI handles this uniquely human predicament with more empathy and understanding than, dare I say, a human! Judge for yourself whether or not Simon and the AI Mundus-Spiritus can replace podcasters! Here comes that huge sterilizing tsunami called the Singularity!

OK, so Nostradamus made a bunch of terrifying predictions for 2023 but you know they're garbage, right? We can all spout off stream of consciousness T.S. Eliotesque word salads and claim 73% accuracy as long as people interpret a certain way. Unlike Nostradamus, Bell is here and now and has years of experience absorbing and commenting on the media. Our predictions don't involve skeletons riding horses or dead fish choking your favorite estuaries. Who is the Antichrist, what will happen to money, and how does the illegitimate child of Joe Biden factor into next year? All will be answered in this weeks episode. 

Also Bell checks in with the Microwave Boy. Remember him? He was the boy who stood in front of the microwave to watch his TV dinners cook and actually changed his physiology. Bell talks to his grandfather and microwave boy himself to get the real story as well as an update on his alleged super powers. 

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In 2023, stay safe, stay sane and stay free!

It looks like your standard blue porta potty but inside it might contain the secret to the mysteries of the universe. In this episode a leading toilet engineer goes on a journey to find the outhouse that teleports its squatters to another portal potty. This is where inter-toilet teleportation reveals the connection between private companies and publicly funded research. Don't look now but this might just be another one of Elon Musk's crappy ideas!

Also in this episode Bell introduces a new segment called Local Legends, where we learn about the most eccentric characters from towns all across America.  If you would like to tell us about the local legends in your town, leave us a message on anchor.fm/bellhoward.  Let's put your local legend on the map!

Stay safe, stay sane, and stay free! 

This is a special episode with a very special guest. Elizabeth Holmes calls in to weigh in on today's news with Bell in a new segment called the News Blitz! Bell also gets a chance to ask Elizabeth what she thinks of Sam Bankman-Fried and let's just say the girl doesn't do empathy. In fact, Liz Holmes doesn't have anything nice to say about the alleged fraudster now sitting in a jail cell in the Bahamas. She's also gives us a sneak peak into her new project that involves space exploration. She promises cheap, convenient space travel will be available for everyone, but then again she's always promising stuff. Ah, the young innovators of today, so full of promise. 

Also in this episode Bell reviews some early Christmas presents he received including Marjory Taylor Green's new Q-Anon book for kids. And Christopher Walken has a new Christmas album? What are you waiting for? Hit play on this one while you go for a run, do dead-lifts or polish off a pint of cookie dough ice cream in your underwear. I don't care! 

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Gather round kids, it’s time I told you the tale of Kanye! This rapper guy Kanye West really likes Hitler. Recently he went on the Alex Jones show and said the most controversial thing you can say in the Western World. But is Kanye sincere, or is this just a not so clever marketing ploy to appeal  to the Nazi-curious millennial? Bell talks to hip hop expert Professor Rap to get some incite into the one man media wrecking crew known as ‘Ye’.

Then Bell reacts to a recent article exposing the pipeline between the California Wine industry and local political offices held by DNC loyalists. It’s all the rot at the bottom of the wine-box! And speaking of wine-box, it’s those boxed wine aficionados that we have to worry about. Those same people that thought “We need to do something about these dangerous bottles of wine rolling off the counter!” are the same people in powerful positions throughout California. In this episode we name names!

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Today we talk to the money man himself, Warren Buffett. The WB's record as an investor is impeccable. He eyes a successful business like a construction worker eyes a passing blonde (Of either sex! Just calm down). But how does he do it? What do you need to get to the next level as an investor? Well, first of all it doesn't hurt if your a down-home folksy Midwesterner. Keep things simple and high calorie. That seems to be Buffett's message. Don't go Duck a l'Orange, go sirloin steak, seared, side of french fries and a soda.  Other Buffettisms we include in this episode are why you shouldn't sell the farm, you should buy it, farmers included. Just make sure you hire a good midwife to help with the birthing, animal and otherwise. 

Bell also talks about the potential pitfalls of a silent retreat and why he just can't quite the New Age Movement. 

Remember this episode is brought to you by a funny advertisement embedded in the middle of the episode. 

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Stay Safe, Stay Sane and Stay Free!