The Bibliotherapists

This our 13th and final episode of this Sober Sessions pop-up podcast.

A bonus episode to celebrate the end of the month and the end of the series, and today’s guest is here by popular demand.

When Toni first started recording this podcast she asked the Shelf Help community who they wanted her to interview, and the most popular request by FAR wasn’t a superstar author or a sober celebrity - but one of our very own superstars, Shelf Help Host David Mahoney.

Since rocking up to his 1st SHC meetup in West London in summer 2018, David has become an integral part of the Shelf Help Club community - and story.

And we're pleased to say that we've been an important part of his story too.

Celebrating 6 years sober on the 1st Jan, David works as a qualified counsellor and for the past year has been running his own PR and comms agency, David Mahoney Communications, specialising in ‘kind communicating’ and representing all kinds of businesses and people in the well-being space, including sober influencers and booze-free brands.

• The power of contentment


• How David gave up drinking for good on 1st Jan 2018 after doing Sober October 2017 then sliding back into problematic drinking for the rest of the year


• How he used ‘Dry Jan’ as a cover story for going sober sober (before he was ready to come out of the AF closet)


• Tips on making it easy for yourself in the early days


• Intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation


• The importance of mindset and doing the inner work at the same time as stopping drinking alcohol


• That there are many different ways to drink and many different ways to change how we drink


• All the positives and progress in his life since going sober


• Not comparing your sober story/progress with others


• Curating your life and environment carefully

SHOW NOTES + LINKS:

David Mahoney Communications website

@TheDavidDiaries on Instagram

⁠Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on the Shelf Help Club App⁠

INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999




SAMARITANS – 116 123




SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode Toni is joined by Laura Willoughby MBE, founder of the world's largest mindful drinking club, Club Soda, and the UK's foremost expert in low and no alcohol drinks.
Laura went sober in 2012 and launched Club Soda in 2015 after seeing a gap in the market for people looking to change how they drink.
An inspiring entrepreneur and campaigner, Laura spends her time working on ideas for the future, developing partnerships and spearheading research that will help more people drink mindfully and live well. 

In this episode we discuss:

Shifts in AF attitudes and options
Laura's background in campaigning, politics and activism, and how she's applying these skills and values to the sober scene
How a perfect storm of social change created the 'ladette' aka the biggest ever drinking generation of women
How Laura is working to normalise non-drinking, and to create a society where drinking in social situations isn’t seen as compulsory
How drinking habits are shifting (albeit slowly), with the UK leading the way
The importance of pubs, bars and restaurants to social connection
Why three months AF is the magic number
NOT staying at home in Jan - instead practising going out and having AF drinks in social spaces
Why sugar is your friend for Dry Jan (don’t try to do everything at once)

**NB there are a couple of swearwords in this episode - in case of little or sensitive ears**

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

@joinclubsoda on Instagram
How to be a Mindful Drinker by Laura Willoughby and the Club Soda Community
About The Club Soda Tasting Rooms



⁠⁠⁠⁠@shelfhelp.club on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠⁠www.shelfhelp.club⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠⁠Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on the Shelf Help Club App⁠⁠⁠⁠



INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999
SAMARITANS – 116 123
SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe

For this episode Toni is joined by Yasmin Spark, the founder of Align Events, the UK’s first non-alcoholic mobile cocktail bar.

Yasmin founded Align in 2022, after 6 years of being sober, to provide safe and fun alcohol-free drinking spaces. 

She's passionate about stopping ‘sober shaming’ and creating inclusive spaces to centre and celebrate non-drinkers, as well as delicious drinks to keep us coming back.

She’s also an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK.

In this episode we discuss:

• How Yasmin used drink as a way to manage stress (and how she now manages her mental health without using booze)

  
  



• How friendships can change when we change our drinking

  
  



• Her physical and mental rock bottom

  
  



• How researching the effects of alcohol on the body and mind has motivated Yasmin to stay sober

  
  



• Why Yasmin founded Align and the alcohol-free trends she's seeing around the UK

  
  



• Why we shouldn't wait until our drinking is a real problem to tackle our drinking

  
  



• The importance of seeking out groups and community doing the same thing

  
  



• Her #1 alcohol-free cocktail on a night out 

  
  

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

• ⁠@align_events_ on Instagram


• Haus of Elixirs AF event - 2nd Feb, London


• Alcohol Change UK Website


• World Alcohol-Free Awards

• Sober Black Girls Club


• Club Soda Research

• ⁠⁠⁠⁠@shelfhelp.club on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠


• ⁠⁠⁠⁠www.shelfhelp.club⁠⁠⁠⁠


• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on the Shelf Help Club App⁠⁠⁠⁠

• INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999


• SAMARITANS – 116 123


• SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode Toni is joined by one of her big girl crushes, Mia Mancuso, a writer, creator, alcohol-free advocate and oncology nurse from Los Angeles.

Mia, 47, also known as sober influencer, The Sober Glow, has been inspiring and educating on alcohol-free living since 2016.

She talks a lot about 'grey/gray area drinking': which is the habitual - and often problematic - drinking that doesn't fit the standard alcoholic/recovery model, because she believes there are many different reasons for and many different ways to change your relationship with alcohol.

Mia's motto for AF life is: Feel good while feeling it all, and she is a walking talking, glowing advert for the sober life.

In this episode we discuss:

• Why quitting drinking is seldom a linear process (and how it took Mia 18 years to stop!)


• The concept of 'grey/gray area drinking' and why AA isn't right for everyone


• That you don’t need to have a drinking problem for drinking to be a problem


• Changing our perspective on Dry Jan/a sober stint: for most of us it's something we GET to do, not HAVE to do


• How getting sober = feeling all those feelings (and why that is a good thing)


• Why getting uninvited to a wedding early in her sobriety journey was a gift in disguise


• How Mia believes getting sober has made her a better, more thoughtful and more conscientious person

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

• @thesoberglow on Instagram


• The Sober Studio on Substack


• Beloved Books for the New Teetotaller (article by Mia)

• The Sober Lush by Amanda Eyre Ward


• Atomic Habits by James Clear


• Drinking, A Love Story by Carolyn Napp

• ⁠⁠⁠@shelfhelp.club on Instagram⁠⁠⁠


• ⁠⁠⁠www.shelfhelp.club⁠⁠⁠


• ⁠⁠⁠Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on the Shelf Help Club App⁠⁠⁠

• INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999


• SAMARITANS – 116 123


• SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode Toni is joined by Scott Pearson, founder of the Proud and Sober platform, connecting sober and sober curious people in the LGBTQ+ community online and offline.

Scott, 33 and sober for 5 years, has become an influential millennial voice on the sober scene, and through his talks, writing and events is a huge advocate for changing the relationship this community has with alcohol.

In this episode we discuss:

• How as a binge drinker in his mid-20s Scott was drinking up to two bottles of wine per night

  
  



• How he used booze as a way to mask anxiety and low self-worth, how ultimately alcohol became interwoven with his whole identity and how he now manages his mental and emotional health without alcohol

  
  



• How his social life has completely changed since going sober 5 years ago and how he started Proud and Sober as a place for the LBGTQ+ community to come together that didn’t revolve around the usual bars, clubs (and booze)

  
  



• The importance of designing our lives and being intentional about what - and who - we spend our time and energy on

  
  



• Why moderating his drinking has never worked

  
  



• Why he’s grateful for his rock bottoms

  
  



• How Dry Jan is a great time to take a pause and reflect on your relationship with alcohol and how you want to use it

  
  



• The importance of surrounding yourself with people who know how it feels to do what you are doing

  
  



• Why you should tell everyone you know if you’re trying a sober stint

  
  

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

• @proudandsober on Instagram


• Proud and Sober meetups

• Chasing the Scream by Johann Hari


• The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray


• How to be the Love You Seek by Dr Nicole LePera

• ⁠⁠@shelfhelp.club on Instagram⁠⁠


• ⁠⁠www.shelfhelp.club⁠⁠


• ⁠⁠Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on the Shelf Help Club App⁠⁠

• INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999


• SAMARITANS – 116 123


• SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode Toni is reconnecting with journalist and author Rosamund Dean,  former deputy editor of Grazia, and the author of 2 books: Mindful Drinking: How Cutting Down can Change Your Life, and Reconstruction: How to Rebuild Your Body, Mind and Life after Breast Cancer.
After being diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in 2021, Ros has trained as a health coach and today writes about health and wellness for publications including the Telegraph and Vogue, as well as via her own substack newsletter, Well Well Well, which is all about optimising your health in a way that is doable, accessible and fun.

In this episode we discuss:


How alcohol is one of the biggest causal factors in breast cancer (and reducing what you drink by any amount will reduce your breast cancer risk)

The concept of mindful drinking for people not looking to go sober forever

Ros’s 3-part plan to reduce your drinking:


i The Problem (why it’s difficult to drink less)
ii The Incentive (the mental and physical benefits of reducing alcohol) 
iii The Plan (practical steps on cutting down)


The importance of alcohol-free days and Ros’s rule of 3

How socialising sober takes practice (and why preparation is everything) 

Why we need to reframe slip ups as part of the learning process

How not to slide into a wet February

Why tracking your drinking can be super valuable (and super scary)

An exercise to find the ‘why’ behind your reasons to drink less




PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

Mindful Drinking by Rosamund Dean
Reconstruction by Rosamund Dean
@rosamunddean on Instagram
www.rosamunddean.com
well, well, well a Substack by Rosamund Dean



MyDrinkAware Alcohol Tracker App



⁠@shelfhelp.club on Instagram⁠


⁠Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on the Shelf Help Club App⁠
www.shelfhelp.club



INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999
SAMARITANS – 116 123
SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe

For this episode Toni is joined by Christy Osborne, the founder of Love Life Sober.

An LA girl now living in London, once an overdrinker now a sobriety coach, Christy, 40, coaches women - particularly mums - on how to get back in control of wine without using willpower.

She’s always sharing inspiration on her Instagram feed - @lovelifesoberwithchristy - and co-hosts a brilliant podcast called, But Jesus Drank Wine (and other stories that kept us stuck).

In this episode we discuss:

• The morning/moment that Christy decided her drinking was a problem and how getting sober was the first step in her self-development journey

• How her drinking looked like normal ‘mommy wine’ drinking and how our culture brainwashes parents into believing that alcohol is how to cope

• How she spent a long time as a hard partying hostess pretending to have fun but inside felt like a fake and a 'show pony'

• Why positive emotion is so much more powerful than shame and deprivation when it comes to habit change

• The chemical effects of alcohol on the mind and body and how alcohol hijacks our sleep

• That willpower is finite

• How we all drink for different reasons, but getting curious about your why often reveals that alcohol isn’t helping you the way you think it is

• How previous Dry Januarys ended in tears and/or self-recrimination for Christy

• Approaching a sober stint with an experimental mindset and remembering that nothing has to be forever

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

• @lovelifesoberwithChristy on Instagram


• www.lovelifesober.co.uk

• Alcohol Explained by William Porter


• This Naked Mind by Annie Grace


• How to Kick The Drink...Easily by Jason Vale

• ⁠⁠⁠@shelfhelp.club on Instagram⁠⁠⁠


• ⁠⁠⁠www.shelfhelp.club⁠⁠⁠


• ⁠⁠⁠Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on the Shelf Help Club App⁠⁠⁠

• INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999


• SAMARITANS – 116 123


• SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode Toni is joined by Sober & Social founder, Emily Syphas. Once 'Head of Nightlife' for the world's largest concierge service, Emily went sober as a way to manage her mental health in 2018, but didn’t want to lose her (quite spectacular) social life, so used her skills and experience in hospitality to found Sober & Social in the same year.

She now organises super stylish alcohol-free events and parties, as well as workshops for brands and companies, and she’s a huge believer that going alcohol-free doesn't mean we have to miss out or compromise on life.

In this episode we discuss:

- How Emily started drinking problematically from the age of 12, and taking drugs from 17

- How drinking helped her escape from her dyspraxia and a neurodiverse brain

- The pain of the cognitive dissonance that comes when you want to quit drinking but you also think you love drinking and can't imagine life without it

- The growth that comes from discomfort

- Emily's many previous Dry Jans and sober stints, including signing up to church, running a marathon and juice cleanses as a way to keep her on the straight and narrow

- Why when it comes to self-care she believes there is nothing better we can do for ourselves than stopping drinking for an extended period

- How the micro choices we make lead to macro lifestyle habits

**NB there are a couple of swearwords in this episode - in case of little or sensitive ears**

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

• Tickets to the Dry Jan Sober & Social Mix n Mingle event in London (Weds 17th Jan)


• ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Sober & Social Website⁠


• @soberandsocial on Instagram

• Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on the Shelf Help Club App

• INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999

• SAMARITANS – 116 123


• SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe

For this episode Toni is joined by Dave Wilson, aka Sober Dave.
Dave, 59, is a grey area drinking coach, a motivational speaker, host of the One for the Road podcast and a best-selling author of a book by the same name.
Dave got sober five years ago following a series of rock bottoms that culminated in risking his life while sleeping rough.

In this episode we discuss:
- The rock rock bottom that resulted in Dave getting sober
- How men take longer to admit they have a drinking problem and/or ask for help
- The concept of emotional sobriety and why it's so important to find out what's underneath the drinking
- The importance of changing up our routines and reverse engineering our triggers to set ourselves up for sober success
- The hamster wheel of doom that traps so many of us: a cycle of drinking to numb the chaos, which causes more chaos... and on and on...
- Different ways to regulate your nervous system
- Why we need to plan our not drinking (and how we're going into February)
- The loneliness of being an alcohol addict
- The questions to ask yourself to keep you motivated during a sober stint

**NB there are a couple of swearwords in this episode - in case of little or sensitive ears**

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

Check out Dave's Lives on Instagram ⁠@soberdave⁠

Tickets for Dave's ⁠Dry Jan 10k event⁠ (Sun 28th Jan)

Dave's website - ⁠www.soberdave.co.uk⁠⁠⁠

One for the Road Podcast⁠

One for the Road Book

Follow Shelf Help on Instagram @shelfhelp.club

⁠⁠Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on our Shelf Help Club App⁠⁠


INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999
SAMARITANS – 116 123
SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode Toni is joined by Millie Gooch, 32, who gave up alcohol almost 6 years ago after years of partying and hangovers started taking a toll on her mental health.
Millie founded the The Sober Girl Society later the same year (2018), and she is the author of The Sober Girl Society Handbook, as well as a mental health ambassador and currently a student - again - studying addiction and mental health.

In this episode we discuss:
- How Millie started The Sober Girl Society because it was something she needed when she first stopped drinking (and her friends didn’t)
- The depression and anxiety that led to her going sober
- Direct and indirect effects of alcohol
- The chemical effects of alcohol on the brain and the lack of education and understanding around this
- How who we are and how we behave when we’re drunk often doesn't align with who we ultimately want to be
- Owning your decision to go sober (your friends will smell any fear!)
- Dating as a sober person
- Disco as a sober person
- Detoxing our social media feeds at the same time as detoxing our bodies
- How Millie's life is still filled with a lot of party and a lot of fun without the booze

PODCAST NOTES + LINKS:

The Sober Girl Handbook by Millie Gooch
The Sober Girl Society website
@sobergirlsociety on Instagram
@milliegooch on Instagram



Drink by Professor David Nutt (book)
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (book)
The Sober Lush by Amanda Eyre Ward (book)
They Think It’s All Sober (podcast)



⁠Join the (free) Shelf Help Club community over on our Shelf Help Club App⁠
@shelfhelp.club on Instagram
shelfhelp.club website



INCASE OF EMERGENCY - PLEASE CALL 999
SAMARITANS – 116 123
SHOUT CRISIS SUPPORT - TEXT SHOUT TO 85258

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit shelfhelpclub.substack.com/subscribe