The Bitterest Pill

Do you think I should worry that my kids go to school in an official tsunami danger zone? By the time the Japanese tsunami got to California, it was only a couple feet high.  But, what if the plate that slid near Japan makes another plate slide and causes a tsunami here in California?  My house is in no danger, but the wave would take out my kids’ school, a large marina, and The Home Depot.

We decided we’d throw a party for Hudson’s 12th birthday.  Which meant we’d need to paint a couple walls and fences out in the backyard, and put down something on the flat area where the weeds grow.  Degenerated granite or decomposed granite or de-evolved granite.  I don’t know what it’s called.  We put down gravel instead anyway.

It is absolutely amazing how many “whites” there are at the paint store.

ORIGINALLY A PREMIUM EDITION: Just over 55 min.

This is a short show about rage.  Rage and anger.  Well, probably really just frustration and disappointment.

I was nearly run off the freeway by a guy in a florist’s truck.  I wanted to beat him to death with a rake, but I was late to an audition.  I almost got another part in a commercial, but bosses are not supposed to be short, bald and nearsighted. Such is life, on and off screen…

Premium Edition: About 35 minutes, I think.

I got the HBO job.  Apparently I was hired by the hottest director in commercials.  Not bad.  That was Monday.  I had an audition Tuesday and came back to get into my car but it wasn’t there.  Oh.  So, let’s get this straight: my car is gone, my kids need to be picked up at school and my house keys are in the car.  Great.  Luckily, my friend Tim was available to pick me up and take me to the Santa Monica Police Department.  They didn’t have my car.  So, now what?

PREMIUM EDITION: Over an hour.

It’s that time of year again!  Get The Premium Pill FREE for 30 Days! Get the full story and enjoy The Premium Pill FREE this holiday season! There’s info all over the site.  Any questions?  Just write me at pill (at) danklass.com.

Happy Holidays!

I talk about many things.  My brain thinks they’re all connected, but I’m not sure you’d agree.  I talk about art school, theater camp, Bosom Buddies (yes, Tom Hanks did a sitcom in drag, young people), Tony the Tiger as a zombie, buying a car, and Charlotte’s Web.  I don’t get to finish, so will have to wrap things up next time.  Hope I didn’t leave you hanging.

Check out artist Todd Schorr.  VERY interesting stuff.

Premium Edition: Forty-three and a half minutes

[INSERT SOMEWHAT INTERESTING AND VAGUELY RELEVANT IMAGE HERE ]

I don’t usually listen to “Mommy Podcasts,” mostly because I’m not, you know, a mommy.  But, I got a listener e-mail from a woman named Heather.  She and her friend have a podcast.  Turns out, Naptime Radio (naptimeradio.com) is very funny.  You should listen to it.  I’m not against mommy shows as you might assume from this episode, it’s just that I’m a daddy, so the mommy thing usually escapes me.  Frankly, to be fair, I don’t listen to daddy casts either.  I don’t need to hear other guys talking about diapers and bottles and making lame sports analogies.  Shoot me now.

My old and dear friend Jeff Newland stopped in for this episode.  With Jeff and I spending an hour chatting at the dining table before recording, and then not giving Hudson a mic while we were recording, the podcast is a disaster.  Hopefully, at the very least, I learned something.  What, I have no idea.

I THINK the old recording of Hudson is from  “#44: Addict’s Frankenshow Monster!”  (June 2005). I’m not sure.  I can’t remember back that far.

Jeff Newland is the President of Rochester Mentors and Director of the Boomer Mentor Program of Lifespan of Rochester.

My blog is acting up again, so no links.  Sorry.

PREMIUM VERSION: An hour, thirteen.  Long, I know…

My son Hudson joins me in Studio G to discuss art school summer camp, channel surfing, buying and naming a dog, the Karate Kid movies and finally getting a chance to use a payphone*…

Premium version: Fifty-four minutes

*a “payphone” is a sort of steam-punk device where one can make a phone call by inserting a coin into a metal box.  The coin falls inside the box, tripping a series of levers that activate a mechanism that connects to an ancient wired telecommunication system.  The user puts a heavy molded plastic “receiver” to their head.  Sound waves are sent to the user’s ear via a series of color-coded wires that connect directly from the phone system to a speaker housed in the receiver.  Amazing, isn’t it?  When we first saw one handing in the halls of OTIS (art college) we assumed it was someone’s senior project left on display.  It was only when Hudson touched it that I remembered that the country used to be littered with payphones, most of which you would never dare let an eleven year old touch without immediately rushing him to the nearest men’s room/hospital.

I am joined in Studio G by very special guests Brian Ibbott and Tina Ibbott from the legendary Coverville podcast.  Brian’s podcast was one of the first I ever listened to and was certainly one of the handful that convinced me that I needed to start this show.

Now, I’ll forewarn you now, we spend much of the hour and fifteen minutes we talked geeking out on music (big shock there).  Brian and I have very similar taste in music, and I don’t get much time with adults, let alone adults that know more about the music I love than I do.  So, I will apologize now for this not exactly being a prototypical Bitterest Pill show.  Deal.

We do, however, talk about car breakdowns, child molestation, Federal Air Marshals and peeing in public.

Premium Edition: One hour, eighteen minutes

This episode is a strange hodge-podge of meaningless anetdotes.  So, what else is new?

After 15 years or more of procrastinating, I’m trying (again) to get a voice over reel together.  We’ll see if I survive working with Melissa to record some voice overs for a presentation she’s working on.  I’m reminded, yet again, of Orson Welles.  “If you can start a sentence with the word ‘in’ and emphasize it, I’ll…” Oh, you know the rest…

I saw a couple I am on “hi” basis with saying goodbye to each other the other morning.  Their version of “see you later, honey” is she stomps to her car and gets in and he kicks the door in.  Great.  I almost had to hit him over the head with a box of tampons.

There was a girl selling lemonade in our neighborhood.  Well, a 25 year-old woman, actually.  Selling lemonade by the martini glass, while wearing a bikini.

And, lastly…I think I stalked a girl for a mile while trying to go pick up my car.  I wasn’t starking her, by the way.  I didn’t know anything about her.  But, her butt said “PINK.”

Premium edition: One hour, four minutes

I tried to test my studio lights.  Things went as well as you’d expect, given who is involved…