I bet you think this is a reference to Ukraine. Well it isn't because that happened a whole month ago now, nobody cares about that anymore. We're on the next thing. Abortions, or Will Smith, or whatever. 

That's right, this description is a critique of our attention spans. I'm a real adept social commentator, I've noticed the fact that we can't keep our attention. Be impressed by my visionary commentary. 

Listening to our show is like watching the news from 2009. I have no idea why you'd do it, but if you do I sure am grateful.   

See I believe that if you want success in life you can't do what everyone else does. Everyone else tries to be topical? Don't talk about things for a good six months. Everyone else makes good content? Make hot garbage. Everyone else is nice to their viewers? Disrespect all your idiot listeners. Go your own way. Be a man. Unless you're a woman I guess. In that case, become a man. It's more fun, we don't have periods or the ability to express our emotions

Here's the beautiful thing about a glory hole to space - you don't need anyone on the other side. The vacuum of space is the greatest viagra that you could come up with. The downside is that you aren't getting your little (or in my case, adequately sized) space cadet back once he experiences the infinite void. It's probably going to get so much blood that it explodes. But, boy will it be a cool send off for your little Yuri Bezmenov.

Also you don't have to worry that space is secretly a dude on the other side of that glory hole.

I, as leader of the men with sore jaws club, have created a petition to ban vibrators. Yall ladies have overclocked your hoo-has, and it's impossible to compete. They're running at 100 GHz, and my casio calculator of a tongue can't keep up.   All I'm saying is I bet cavemen didn't struggle to do a good job with cunnilingus. They didn't have to compete with robots.

They're just out there, living their lives. Killing fish, banging scientist ladies (look it up, it happened), going eee eee eee. You think they ever think about us? I know whales do. They can't stop thinking about us, because all of our sonar is basically psychological torture for them. We're the FBI and this is Waco. Meanwhile most of us don't give them a single thought. It sure is good to be on top.

You ever seen a box that wasn't hot? Like a real nasty one? Revolting. Most of them are hot, but when they're not, oh boy are they not. Like remember back in middle school when blue waffles were the meme? Well if you don't, let me fill you in, sonny.

Back in my day, kids didn't have all your fancy twitters and 5chans. We had iFunny and our imaginations. And because we were 12, what we imagined was ways to send each other pictures of made up stds. We didn't waste our time arguing with Seth Rogan about whether LA is a garbage town. Instead we lived! We laughed! We watched videos of women sharing a nice cup of poo. I asked my science teacher what a queef muffin was in front of the whole class. It was truly a better time.

Wow we've really lost our minds with these titles huh?

Hey you guys wanna hear what my neighbors hear when I face any mild inconvieninece? Here you go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EA0DPBLJnzc

P.S., I know I could've spell checked that word, but I'm leaving it as is. You know why? because I can. This is my podcast. You want words spelled right? Make your own podcast. It's really not hard to do, they'll let anyone make one. Until then, accept me as I am

Growing up everyone called me a little lady killer. 

You know, because I was such a creepy little edge-lord that girls thought I was gonna murder them. Well apparently they were justified in that fear, because what in the Ted Bundy is this title? I saw it in my notes and was deeply disturbed. And I refuse to go back and listen to this episode to find out what the hell that was supposed to mean, so I'm just gonna post this bad boy and move on. Do me a favor and let me know if I should commit myself to a psyche ward after you listen to it.

UwU daddy yes! Cancel me harder OhhHHHHhhhh RIGHT THERE daddy yes please don't stop cancelling me. Oh I can't take it any more, I've been a bad little podcaster and I need to be punished. Oh nobody cancels me like you do - oh YES that's the spot!

Want now. Take big bath. Big bath for big man. ME WANT.