How Do I Know If It's God Leading Me—or My Fear?

When you're walking through a hard season with your child, fear can sound surprisingly convincing.

I need to say something.

I need to fix this.

What if I wait too long?

What if I make the wrong decision?

What if something happens and I could have prevented it?

But how do you know when God is leading you to act—and when fear is creating a sense of urgency?

In this episode of The Bridge Between Us Podcast, Melinda helps Christian parents slow down and look beneath the pressure to do something. You'll learn how fear can influence your decisions, why your desire for a particular outcome can make discernment more difficult, and how your core values can help you remain grounded when you don't know what to do next.

The goal isn't to eliminate fear before making a decision. It's to learn how to recognize when fear is leading—and return to God for wisdom about your next faithful step.

In This Episode

• Why fear often creates a sense of urgency
• The difference between protecting your child and trying to control an outcome
• Why feeling afraid doesn't necessarily mean you're making the wrong decision
• Questions to help you discern what's actually driving you
• How to uncover the story your fear is telling you
• Why your core values matter when emotions are high
• The difference between influence and control
• How to remain faithful when you cannot control your child's response

A Question to Sit With

When you're facing a difficult decision concerning your child, complete this sentence:

I'm afraid that if I ________, then ________ will happen.

Or:

I'm afraid that if I don't ________, then ________ will happen.

Then bring the fear underneath that answer honestly before God.

Ask yourself:

What am I actually afraid of?

What outcome am I trying to control?

Does something truly require action right now—or does it only feel urgent because I'm anxious?

What values do I want to guide me?

And what would it look like to trust God with the part of this story I cannot control?

Scripture for Reflection

James 1:5

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault."

Key Takeaway

Fear may be present without being in charge.

You don't have to figure out your child's entire story today, and you don't have to make tomorrow's decisions with today's fear.

Slow down. Ask God for wisdom. Pay attention to what is happening inside you. Return to the values God is cultivating in your life.

Then ask:

Lord, what does faithfulness look like today?

Ready to Go Deeper? — Boots On the Ground

Knowing what you believe is important. But when parenting becomes painful or complicated, another question quickly follows:

How do I actually live out what I believe when I'm scared, hurt, confused, or unsure what to do?

That's part of the work we do inside Boots On the Ground, Melinda's seven-week coaching journey.

Together, you'll work through beliefs, core values, listening, loving, boundaries, living your own life, and bringing it all together so you can navigate hard parenting seasons with greater clarity and confidence.

Information about the next cohort is available HERE.

Share This Episode

If you know a Christian parent who is afraid of making the wrong decision with their child, send this episode to them.

Sometimes the next faithful step begins by realizing we don't have to make every decision from fear.

Connect with Melinda: www.melindapatrick.org

What do you do when you know an upcoming family moment is going to feel emotionally complicated?

In this episode of Let's Walk This Out Together, Melinda responds to a listener who is preparing to meet her son's same-sex partner at his birthday celebration and is already feeling anxious about how to act, what to say, and whether simply showing up will communicate something she does not intend.

Rather than focusing on having the perfect words, this conversation invites parents to prepare their hearts first.

Because sometimes the wisest thing we can do is separate the event from the bigger relationship, slow down the fear that wants to script every possible scenario, and ask a better question:

Who is God inviting me to be in this moment?

This episode is for any Christian parent preparing for a visit, celebration, or family gathering where love, grief, conviction, and uncertainty all seem to be present at the same time.

In This Episode

• Why it helps to separate the event from the larger relationship
• How fear can make us rehearse conversations that may never happen
• Why your presence can communicate love without resolving every question
• How to hold celebration and grief at the same time
• Why core values matter more than having the perfect script
• How prayer can help you prepare your posture before a difficult family moment
• What it looks like to focus on faithfulness for today instead of carrying the weight of the entire future

A Question to Sit With

Before your next difficult interaction, ask yourself:

Am I preparing my heart—or just preparing my words?

Then consider:

What values do I want to carry into this moment?

Do I want to be calm? Kind? Present? Respectful? Anchored? Loving?

What would faithfulness look like for the next two days—not the next two years?

Key Takeaway

You do not have to solve every relationship question during one visit.

Sometimes the purpose of the moment is simply to show up with love, remain anchored in God, and trust Him with what unfolds.

You can celebrate your child while still carrying grief.

You can remain faithful to your convictions without making every gathering about those convictions.

And you can walk into a difficult moment without having every answer.

Scripture for Reflection

James 1:5

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

Colossians 3:12

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

Let's Walk This Out Together

Once a month, Melinda takes a real question from a listener and walks through it much like she would in a coaching conversation.

Together, we slow down, look beneath the surface, consider what Scripture says, and discern what a faithful next step might look like.

If you have a question you would like Melinda to consider for a future episode, submit it through the link in the show notes or reply to one of her emails.

If you're wrestling with it, chances are another parent is too.

Boots On the Ground

If you find yourself asking, "What do I do in situations like this?", that is one of the reasons Melinda created Boots On the Ground.

Inside the course, parents learn how to become spiritually grounded before difficult moments arrive, respond from their values instead of their fears, and navigate hard conversations with greater clarity, confidence, and peace.

You'll find more information about Boots On the Ground HERE.

Share This Episode

If this conversation encouraged you, share it with another Christian parent who may be preparing for a difficult family gathering or carrying anxiety about an upcoming interaction with their adult child.

If I asked what you most want God to change about the situation with your child, you could probably answer quickly.

Maybe you want a decision reversed. A relationship restored. A conversation to finally happen. Or you desperately want your child to see something you wish they could see.

So you pray:

"God, please change this."

There is nothing wrong with bringing that desire to God. But what if there is another prayer to pray in this season?

"God, what do You want to do in me while I wait?"

In this episode, we're shifting some of the attention away from everything we hope God will do in our adult child's life and asking a harder—and potentially transformative—question:

What might God be doing in us?

I share the words of one parent who came into Boots On the Ground wanting God to change her daughter and walked away realizing that God had changed her.

Her circumstances weren't suddenly under her control. Her daughter's choices hadn't become hers to manage. But those choices no longer had the same control over her.

That's the kind of transformation we're talking about today.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

• How our child's journey can slowly become the center of our spiritual attention
• Why praying for God to work in our children and allowing Him to work in us can happen at the same time
• What difficult circumstances may reveal about fear, control, identity, grief, and trust
• The difference between trying to "figure out the lesson" and simply becoming available to God
• How God may be teaching us to listen, surrender, trust, and hold truth and compassion together
• Why experiencing joy again doesn't require waiting for every family circumstance to be resolved
• A simple practice to help you pay attention to what God may be doing in you during this season

Questions to Take to the Lord This Week

Start with the prayer you may already be praying:

"Lord, what do You want for my child?"

Then make room for another:

"Lord, what are You doing in me?"

As you sit with Him, consider:

• What is this situation revealing about me?
• What fears or beliefs have surfaced?
• Where am I still trying to maintain control?
• Has my identity as a "good parent" become connected to my child's choices?
• What have I learned about God in this season?
• What have I learned about myself?
• Where have I grown?
• Where might God be inviting me to trust Him differently?

You don't need to come away with ten answers.

Maybe there's just one thing the Lord is putting His finger on today.

One faithful next step is enough.

Boots On the Ground

This is the kind of work we do inside Boots On the Ground.

We don't spend seven weeks trying to figure out how to change our children. We look honestly at how we're showing up, what's driving us, what we're carrying, where God is leading us, and what faithfulness looks like in the relationships we're actually living.

Our fall groups begin in September, with both daytime and evening options.

If you're a Christian parent with an adult child who has embraced an LGBT identity and you're looking for support as you navigate faith, relationship, communication, boundaries, and your own walk with God, you can find the details and application in the links HERE.

Connect with Melinda:

www.melindapatrick.org

Your child has their journey. You have yours. Let's learn to walk yours faithfully.

When something is happening in your child's life that you desperately want to change, it can all start feeling like your responsibility.

Their choices.

Their relationship with God.

Whether they understand what you're trying to tell them.

Even what happens next.

In today's episode, Melinda shares a way that can help us determine where the lines of responsibility get blurred.

Listen in as she discuss how to determine what responsibility is ours, what is our childs, and what is Gods.

Releasing responsibility isn't the same thing as withdrawing love.

Loving someone does not give me ownership over their choices.

My child is a person God has created and there are parts of their journey that we cannot walk for them.

Journaling activity: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN I'VE PICKED UP SOMETHING THAT ISN'T MINE?

Am I constantly rehearsing conversations?

Does my peace rise and fall based on my child's latest decision?

Am I trying to prevent every consequence?

Am I praying or strategizing?

Am I more focused on what God needs to do in my child than what He might be doing in me?

Here is more information on the upcoming Boots On the Ground course.

Connect with Melinda: www.melindapatrick.org

Please share this episode.

If today's conversation encouraged you, would you share it with another parent who may be feeling stuck in fear, uncertainty, or doubt?

You never know how God may use one conversation to bring hope to someone else's journey.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation with your adult child and spent the rest of the day replaying every word?

Should I have said more? Did I say too much? Was I loving enough? Did I compromise my convictions?

If you've ever found yourself caught in that cycle of second-guessing, you're not alone.

In this episode, Melinda introduces one of the most important foundations for parenting with confidence and consistency: core values.

Many parents believe they lack the right words or the perfect parenting strategy. But often, the real problem isn't a lack of love—it's a lack of clarity.

When we haven't decided who we want to be before we enter a difficult conversation, we allow the moment—and our emotions—to decide for us.

This episode will help you move from reacting out of fear, guilt, or uncertainty to responding from values that are rooted in God's character and the person He is forming you to become.

In This Episode

• Why many parents replay conversations long after they've ended
• The real reason we second-guess ourselves
• The difference between reacting emotionally and responding intentionally
• What core values are—and what they are not
• How your values become internal boundaries that guide your decisions
• Why confidence comes from knowing who you are, not from controlling the outcome
• How aligning your values with God's character brings greater steadiness and peace

Take some time this week to prayerfully reflect:

• What is currently driving how I show up in difficult conversations with my child?
• Am I responding from fear, guilt, or the desire to control?
• What values do I want to define how I show up as a parent?
• How would my conversations change if I stayed anchored in those values instead of my emotions?
• What kind of parent is God forming me to become in this season?

Scripture for Reflection

Colossians 3:12–15

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another... And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts..."

This passage reminds us that our identity in Christ shapes how we respond to others. Our values are not something we simply choose—they grow out of the character God is developing within us.

Key Takeaway

Confidence doesn't come from knowing exactly what to do in every situation.

Confidence comes from knowing who you are when you step into it.

When your values are rooted in God's truth instead of your emotions, you can leave a difficult conversation with peace—not because the outcome was perfect, but because you showed up faithfully.

Boots On the Ground

This episode is inspired by one of the foundational teachings inside Boots On the Ground, where we go deeper into identifying the values that guide your parenting and learning how to live them out in everyday conversations and decisions.

If you'd like to be among the first to know when the next course opens, be sure you're subscribed to my email newsletter. Subscribers receive updates, encouragement, and early access to new course enrollment.

You can join the email newsletter through the link here or on my website.

Share This Episode

If today's conversation encouraged you, would you share it with another parent who may be feeling stuck in fear, uncertainty, or self-doubt?

You never know how God may use one conversation to bring hope to someone else's journey.

One of the most common—and most heartbreaking—questions I hear from Christian parents is this:

"Can I love my child without compromising my faith?"

When your adult child embraces an LGBT identity, it's natural to wrestle with difficult questions about truth, love, boundaries, and what faithfulness looks like.

How do you remain true to God's Word while continuing to love your child well?

How do you know when your presence communicates love instead of approval?

How do you honor both your convictions and your relationship?

In this month's Let's Walk This Out Together episode, we slow down and thoughtfully walk through a real question from a listener who is wrestling with these very concerns.

Rather than offering quick answers or one-size-fits-all advice, we explore the heart beneath the question, what Scripture reveals about God's character, and how to discern the next faithful step with wisdom, truth, and grace.

If you've ever wondered whether it's possible to hold firmly to your faith while maintaining a loving relationship with your child, this conversation is for you.

In This Episode

• Why the better question isn't "What should I do?" but "What does the heart of the Father look like in this situation?"
• The fear many Christian parents quietly carry about "getting it wrong"
• How Jesus modeled both truth and grace without compromising either
• The difference between conviction and rejection
• How to discern your next faithful step without allowing fear to lead
• Why every family needs wisdom, not a formula

Reflection Questions

Spend a few quiet moments with the Lord this week and reflect on these questions:

1. What fear is shaping my decisions right now?

   2. What belief is driving my urgency?

   3. What kind of parent is God inviting me to be?

   4. What belongs to me and what belongs to God?

Scripture for Reflection

John 1:14

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

Romans 5:8

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

James 1:5

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

Key Takeaway

You do not have to choose between loving your child and remaining faithful to God.

God has always been both holy and loving.

As parents, we are called to reflect His character by holding onto truth while extending grace, compassion, and love.

Remember:

Your responsibility is faithfulness. God's responsibility is conviction.

Let's Walk This Out Together

This episode begins a new monthly feature on the podcast.

On the first episode of each month, we'll take a real question from a listener and walk through it together—not with quick answers, but with thoughtful, biblical discernment.

We'll slow down, look beneath the surface, consider what Scripture says, and explore what a wise and faithful next step might look like.

If you have a question you'd like me to consider in a future episode, I'd love to hear from you. You can submit your question through my website (www.melindapatrick.org) or simply reply to one of my emails.

If you're wrestling with it, chances are another parent is too.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If today's conversation resonated with you and you're longing for more than information—if you're ready to put these principles into practice—I invite you to join me in Boots On the Ground.

This coaching experience is designed specifically for Christian parents who have an adult child who has embraced an LGBT identity. Together, we'll learn how to live out truth and love with greater confidence, wisdom, and peace.

Topics include:

• Identifying the beliefs shaping your parenting
• Defining the values that guide your decisions
• Learning to hear God's voice for your unique situation
• Building healthy boundaries that strengthen relationships
• Loving your child well without compromising your faith
• Understanding your role—and trusting God with His

Enrollment for the next cohort is opening soon, and email subscribers receive the first opportunity to register.

Join the waitlist here.

Share This Episode

If this conversation encouraged you, would you consider sharing it with another Christian parent who may be carrying these same questions in silence?

Together, we can remind one another that it is possible to walk in both truth and love—with wisdom, grace, and the steadfast hope found in Christ.

Fear is a natural response when someone we love is making choices we don't understand or when the future feels uncertain. For many Christian parents, fear can quietly become a constant companion—fueling worry, second-guessing, and an exhausting need to control outcomes.

In this episode, Melinda explores how fear influences our parenting decisions and why it can become a hidden strategy for navigating difficult relationships with our adult children.

You'll learn how to recognize fear-driven responses, distinguish fear from wisdom, and begin taking your next steps from a place of trust rather than anxiety.

If you've ever found yourself replaying conversations, worrying about the future, or feeling responsible for outcomes you cannot control, this episode will encourage you to pause, reflect, and invite God's wisdom into the places where fear has been leading.

In This Episode

• Why fear is a normal part of parenting adult children
• How fear can quietly become a parenting strategy
• Common ways fear shows up in relationships with adult children
• The difference between fear and wisdom
• Why fear often pushes us toward control
• How to recognize the beliefs underneath your fears
• Practical reflection questions to help you respond thoughtfully instead of react emotionally

Reflection Questions

Take some time this week to prayerfully consider:

• Where is fear showing up most often in my parenting?
• What am I most afraid will happen?
• What story am I telling myself about my child's future?
• Am I carrying responsibility for outcomes that belong to God?
• What would it look like to trust God with this situation today?
• What is the next faithful step God may be asking me to take?

Scripture for Reflection

Isaiah 41:10

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

2 Timothy 1:7

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Key Takeaway

Fear may be part of your parenting journey, but it does not have to lead it.

When fear drives our decisions, we often become focused on controlling outcomes. Wisdom invites us to trust God, remain present in the relationship, and take the next faithful step—even when we cannot see the entire path ahead.

Stay Connected

Make sure you're subscribed to Melinda's email newsletter for additional encouragement, resources, and updates designed specifically for Christian parents navigating complex relationships with their adult children.

You'll also be the first to hear about upcoming enrollment dates for the Boots On the Ground course. New course dates will be announced soon, and email subscribers receive information and access before the general public.

Sign up through this link or visit Melinda's website to join the community.

If this episode encouraged you, share it with another parent who may be struggling with fear and uncertainty in their relationship with an adult child.

Together, we can learn to walk with wisdom, trust God more deeply, and find peace even when the future feels unclear.

Guilt is one of the heaviest burdens many Christian parents carry, especially when an adult child makes choices that differ from their values, faith, or hopes for the future.

Questions like What did I do wrong?, Could I have prevented this?, or Did I fail as a parent? can quietly shape how we think, pray, and respond.

In this episode, Melinda explores the difference between guilt and conviction and how unresolved guilt can influence our parenting in ways we may not even recognize. She discusses why many parents take responsibility for outcomes that were never theirs to control and how guilt can keep us stuck in the past instead of moving forward with wisdom and grace.

If you've been carrying regret, second-guessing your parenting decisions, or feeling weighed down by what you wish you had done differently, this conversation will encourage you to experience the freedom God offers and begin parenting from a place of faith rather than guilt.

In This Episode

• Why guilt is so common among Christian parents
• The difference between guilt and conviction
• How guilt can keep us trapped in the past
• Why adult children's choices are not always a reflection of parental success or failure
• The hidden ways guilt influences communication, boundaries, and decision-making
• How God's grace applies to parents, too

Reflection Questions

Take some time to prayerfully reflect on these questions:

• What parenting regrets do you find yourself revisiting most often?
• Are those thoughts leading you toward growth or keeping you stuck in shame?
• Is there a difference between what God is showing you and what guilt keeps accusing you of?
• How might guilt be influencing your current relationship with your child?
• What would change if you fully embraced God's grace for yourself?

Scripture for Reflection

Psalm 139:23-24

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Romans 8:1

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Psalm 103:12

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

Key Takeaway

Healthy conviction leads us toward growth and restoration. Guilt keeps us trapped in self-blame and responsibility for things we cannot control. As parents, we can learn from the past without allowing it to define us. God's grace was never intended only for our children—it is available for us as well.

Connect with Melinda:

[email protected]

https://melindapatrick.org/

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with another parent who may be carrying guilt or regret on their parenting journey.

Together, we can learn to walk in truth, extend grace to ourselves, and trust God with the parts of the story that remain unfinished.

Remember:

God has entrusted this journey and your child to you. He will equip you for each next step.

As Christian parents, we often focus on our child's choices, behaviors, and circumstances. But what if some of our strongest emotional reactions are actually being shaped by our own beliefs that we haven't fully recognized?

In this episode, Melinda explores the hidden beliefs that quietly influence how we parent our children—especially when we're navigating difficult situations involving faith, identity, relationships, or life choices we didn't expect.

Many parents carry beliefs such as:

• "If my child is struggling, I must have failed."
• "It's my responsibility to fix this."
• "If I pray harder or say the right thing, I can change the outcome."
• "A good parent wouldn't be in this situation."

While these beliefs often come from a place of love, they can also create fear, guilt, anxiety, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility.

Join Melinda as she helps you identify what may be driving your parenting responses beneath the surface and discover how awareness can become the first step toward greater wisdom, peace, and freedom.

In This Episode

• Why our beliefs often influence our parenting more than we realize
• Common hidden beliefs Christian parents carry
• The difference between responsibility and control
• How fear can become an unintended parenting strategy
• Why identifying unhealthy beliefs is essential for walking wisely
• A simple reflection exercise to help uncover what's operating beneath the surface

Reflection Questions

Take a few moments to prayerfully consider:

• What is your greatest concern about your adult child right now?
• What belief might be underneath that concern?
• Are you carrying responsibility for something that belongs to your child?
• Are you carrying responsibility for something that belongs to God?
• What would change if you released that burden?

Scripture for Reflection

Proverbs 3:5–6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Key Takeaway

Many parents are carrying burdens they were never meant to carry. Wisdom begins when we honestly examine the beliefs shaping our thoughts, emotions, and decisions and allow God to replace fear-driven beliefs with truth.

Connect with Melinda

[email protected]

https://melindapatrick.org/

If this episode encouraged you, share it with another parent who may need hope and perspective on their journey.

You don't have to navigate this season alone.

Remember:

God has entrusted this journey and your child to you. As you engage with Him, He will equip you for each next step.

Many parents walking the difficult journey with an LGBT-identified child feel burdened by guilt, shame, regret, confusion, or fear. Some are estranged from their children. Others are trying to navigate relationships filled with tension and uncertainty.

Most people focus on symptoms while ignoring the deeper issues beneath them.

Whether it's same-sex attraction, family conflict, shame, anger, addiction, or relational brokenness, lasting change cannot happen if root causes remain untouched.

As Justin explains, cutting weeds isn't enough. If the root remains, the problem continues to grow back.

In this powerful TBBU episode, Justin Greenfield brings both personal experience and ministry insight to this conversation.

Having walked his own healing journey, Justin offers compassionate guidance to parents and individuals alike. He emphasizes the importance of identifying lies, wounds, unhealthy attachments, shame, and other root issues that often influence behavior.

Melinda joins the conversation as a parent who understands the pain and complexity of this journey and encourages parents to pursue their own healing alongside their children.

Justin offers three key encouragements for parents:

1. Accept God's Grace 2. Give Your Child to God 3. Pursue Your Own Healing Journey

The healing journey isn't only for your child. God is inviting parents into deeper intimacy, freedom, and restoration as well. As parents heal, they become a source of hope and strength for others walking similar paths.

The Call to Action

Ask God to reveal the root issues beneath the surface.

Rather than focusing solely on changing behavior, invite Him to uncover:

• Unhealed wounds
• False beliefs
• Shame
• Unforgiveness
• Fear
• Family patterns
• Areas needing deeper surrender

Then seek wise, trusted people who can help you walk through the healing process with biblical truth and practical wisdom.

When individuals and families embrace God's healing process:

• Shame loses its power.
• Relationships can be restored.
• Parents become healthier and stronger.
• Children encounter a different family dynamic.
• The church becomes equipped to minister with both truth and grace.
• Freedom and transformation become possible.

Resources Mentioned

• Justin Greenfield's Christian Post op-ed
• Connect with Justin Greenfield
• Restored Hope Network
• Gretchen Stockman's TBBU Episode
• Melinda Patrick's book: The Daring Rescue
• Melinda Patrick Ministries